From: "Jenny Schinke" <jschinke@purdue.edu>
Date: Thu, 25 Mar 1999 18:16:28 -0500
Subject: Knowing II

Title: "Knowing II"

Authors: J. Astoria and The Lone Gunpersons

Summary: Scully beings to re-evaluate her life after a horrific incident.

See "Knowing" for all disclaimers and info.

As Mulder's life ebbed out onto the floor beneath him, the attacker wielded
the knife again. Into Mulder's chest he carved a large, blocky "X." Finally,
he moved down to Mulder's legs. Onto his right leg, the attacker carved,
"You're next, Dana."

X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X

Her screams woke her up. Scully fell onto the floor from her bed. She was
drenched in sweat, her red hair plastered to her forehead. Crawling back up
into bed, she fought wave after wave of nausea. *How could they do this to
him?* she thought. Tears still rolled down her face from the dream she did
not understand. Was it real? Had he really done those horrible things to
him? Without thinking, she grabbed her car keys and stumbled out the door.

In the car on the way to his apartment, she repeated, "It can't be real...
This cannot be real." It became her mantra. By the time she reached the
apartment, she had convinced herself that he could not be dead. He could not
die. He couldn't die, not knowing what she had to tell him. She knew exactly
when it was that she realized she loved Mulder. It was in Philadelphia. It
was then, when she didn't sleep with Ed Jerse, that she knew, without a
doubt, that she loved Fox Mulder. God, how she loved him. And he would never
know. Because if he did, one of two things would happen: He would say that
he loved her too, and they would laugh, and probably make love. But then
Skinner would find out, and she would have to leave the X-Files.

Or, he could say, "Thanks, but I don't feel that way about you." Then she
would have to leave the X-Files. Either way, she was screwed. Another tear
slipped down her cheek and she slid her key into his lock.

Lost in thought, Mulder didn't hear her enter the apartment. She wore dark
blue pyjamas--the same colour of her eyes. It was obvious that she had
gotten out of bed and come directly to him without even changing.

Her eyes adjusted to the dim light in Mulder's apartment, provided by what
looked like an American soap opera dubbed into Spanish. Mulder lay stretched
out of the couch, as usual. *She knew he couldn't be dead.* Only now, she
would *have* to tell him. She watched his even breathing. No nightmares, she
noted. He looked so peaceful. She smiled as she thought that this was a
memorable moment: Her partner was sleeping peacefully, without the aid of
painkillers or sleeping pills. Will wonders never cease... This was a real
X-File. The smile died on her lips as she realised the real irony of the
situation...the torture that Mulder went through every night. Her partner.
Her friend. The man she loved.

Scully went to the coffee table, perching herself on the edge. Her knees
almost touched the couch where Mulder lay. She could go home, she thought.
Or, she could curl up in Mulder's arms and lie there while he peacefully
slept. She knew she wouldn't wake him, and she could be gone before he woke
up.

For once, Dana Scully did not analyze her decision to death. She slid onto
the couch where Mulder's body spooned her comfortably. She had not been
there two minutes before Mulder's arms settled around her and held her body
close to his.

Her unmistakable scent drifted into his subconscious and Mulder buried his
face into the back of her neck. "Scully..." he mumbled. She smiled and shut
her eyes. This was the way things were supposed to be.

The next time she opened her eyes, she was sprawled atop Mulder, her head on
his firm chest and his chin on top of her head. She listened to the steady
beat of Mulder's heart and was comforted. His right hand was splayed
protectively across her back, holding her close to him. His left hand held
her right hand tightly. She almost felt as if they were dancing.

She felt him shift under her as she drifted off to sleep again. Suddenly,
her eyes flew open. He couldn't wake up now! What would he think? Both
horrible scenarios flew across her mind's eye.

"Couldn't sleep?" Mulder's gravely morning voice asked.

"Nightmares," she mumbled to him. "I just got here."

Mulder's hand, still firmly planted around Scully's waist, pulled her up to
him as they touched foreheads. He forced her to look in his eyes.

"Don't lie to me, Scully. You've been here much longer than that." The full
impact of his words hit him immediately. She *had* been here longer than
that. She had been in every dream he'd had that night. And every night
before that. And now he *had* to tell her. Consequences be damned. "Scully."
He silenced her protest with a finger to her lips. "I have to tell you..."

Her mind reeled off into the stratosphere. "Scully, you have to leave.
There's a woman in my kitchen."

"Scully, they're shutting us down. We've been reassigned to separate
divisions. This is goodbye."

"Scully, I can't stand you. Get out of my apartment."

"Scully, I'm dying."

"Scully, I'm gay."

"Scully, I really have to pee."

Everything flew through her mind at once. Her eyes were clouded and
unfocused, and she had no idea how long she had been in this centrifuge of
negative thought.

"Scully?" he asked. Her eyes focused.

He took a deep breath.

"You may hate me, you may love me, but you have to know. I love you, Dana
Katherine Scully. God help me, but I do. I've loved you for longer than I
can remember. I love you with every cell in my body and every action I make.
And we may be split up...again...and you may be taken from
me...*again*...but that might've happened anyway. Who's to say?" he added to
himself. "But you have to know. And this is The Truth we've been looking for
all this time. I love you."

Scully's brow furrowed. She certainly hadn't expected this. Did this make
any difference, that he had said it first? She loved him too...what happens
now? She never did consider what would happen if they had a happy ending...
because she and Mulder *never* had happy endings. Weird ones, yes. Happy,
no.

"Scully?" Mulder asked, sounding worried. "Are you okay? Maybe you didn't
hear what I said. Maybe you were asleep. Maybe you did, and--"

"I heard you," she whispered, nearly inaudibly.

"And?"

She kissed him. Lightly, tentatively. Exploring kisses. Mulder's hand
slipped from her back to the back of her head, cradling it, thumbs caressing
her jaw. He pulled her back and looked into her eyes.

"And?" he asked again, almost desperately.

"I love you too. What took us this long?"

They both laughed. Finally, they had acknowledged the truth that had lied
between them for so long. They had opened their secret sanctuaries to each
other.

"So what happens now?" Scully asked him.

"Scully, you know me too well." And it was true. She really was the only one
who knew him, inside and out. And that was how it should be, always.

"Now, Scully, we kiss."

And they did.

FIN

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