Date sent: Wed, 14 Jan 1998 16:46:04 +0000 From: Lyle Bontrager Subject: Leave The One Title:Leave The One (1/1) Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com< Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me. They own...oops...are owned by....CC, 1013, and Fox Productions. No infringement is intended. Rating: Nothing bad. MSR ALTERNATE REALITY Dedicated to: Verbal.....you know why....those GA talks of the other night inspired this..... Leave The One (1/1) "It should've been you And what's sad is that I love her but I'm falling for you What should I do? Should I... tell my baby bye-bye Should I... do exactly what I feel inside Cause I... don't want to go, don't need to stay but I really need to get it together. You make me wanna leave the one I'm with start a new relationship with you." --"You Make Me Wanna" Usher I can see him just outside the window, waiting in the dark for my signal, our old 'X' telling him it is safe. His eyes roam the street looking for something only he can see and I pause, unwilling to let it all start again. I promised to be good this time while he was away, yet here I am, weak and fragile, giving in to baser instincts. At least that's what he calls them-baser instincts. But can't I help it if I love this man with my whole being, love that overshadows anything I could feel for my husband, but yet, does not eclipse it. I can't explain how I could love two men unequally, yet not want to be without either. The one waiting outside in the dark is ominous and almost threatening and he excites me, watching his lips slide across my so white flesh compared to his. But my lover, my true lover, the man who sees in me everything, the one in whom I see everything, is the only man I feel completely at ease with, the only one who can touch the very core of me-my husband. So is this affair just a fleeting thing? No, no it's true love, both are true love, so why can't I just have both? The 'X' appears and his eyes, so black, rise and his trenchcoated body swiftly comes, as the silent thief comes, to steal, kill and destroy. He stealthily knocks on the door, his sound heavy and like the ring of death, and my heart trips inside and I run to the door. He comes and his dark eyes ravish me, his thick lips melt to mine and it is everything I have and more and so much more, so much different. He is nothing like my husband, nothing at all, but they are so different that I could never tell you why I loved one or the other, or if I loved them the same. While I'm with him, I hate my husband, and vice versa. I think John Donne said, quoting someone else, that comparisons are 'odious' and in this case, they are. I feel his lips on mine and his hands holding me and I want to run away with him and I almost do, every time. He is secretive and he lurks in dark places and does things I don't even want to know about, but it *thrills* me and I can't help longing for that, longing for the freedom. And then my husband will arrive and he is so relieving, so wonderfully fresh and honest and good to me, and I really do love him. Not because of any one thing, but because I just do. I think that my be the difference between them. My affair is because I love this man for something, and my husband, I can't help loving. But, again, comparisons are odious. I feel my breath escape and the air in the room lifts so that we are floating on a sea of our love, just him and me and the 'X' on the window. My eyes open in ecstasy and land on him. Not him, but HIM. "Mulder!" His eyes are to the floor and his body trembles with the sight of the man next to me, pleasuring me in the ways he does not. He steps away and his eyes close. I scramble away from my cohort in this sinful lust and feel hatred rise at myself for doing this to Mulder. Mulder needs so much...... (I need love too....) He needs so much love. "Mulder....." X looks to me and I shrug and shake my head and he understands that this will be the last of us. He kisses my hand and leaves, brushing by Mulder and his black, beautiful body disappears from my starving eyes. "X?" Mulder breathes softly, his eyes reaching mine finally. "That's who you were with? Mr. X? The informant who almost killed me and you numerous times!" Mulder's voice was dangerously loud, making me stand there frozen. "I'm sorry. I can't.....Oh, Mulder, please, I'm sorry. Never again. Never again." His eyes smolder into me, striking some deep nerve that makes me shiver and my clothes drop away as I feel bare before his anger, his hurt. He shakes his head. "Leave if you want. Leave. But don't drag my heart through this, all right?" His voice is low now, resigned almost and I fall before him, my eyes to the floor, my heart to the floor. "Please, no. Mulder. I don't want to leave. Not at all. You're the one I love, only you. I don't know why I didn't stop. I don't know....please." "I don't know why either." His voice slaps me into fear and chills rumble through me like ice breaking and I am standing right on the thinnest part of the lake. "Please. Mulder. Forgive me. It will not happen again." His hand stretches out to me, reaching softly, as if afraid to be scorned. I grab it and press it to my cheek and his fingers stroke the tears, as if wanting to know if they are real. "I...I can't keep dong this, Scully. I can't." "You won't have to. This is the first and last time I swear." It's the second time he caught me really, but it was only with the same man. Same sin. "I....I forgive you." he says. I stand and push my way into his arms. I really and truly do not want to leave him ever. I do love him, I do, but I guess I had been fooling myself into thinking I needed dangerous excitement. "Forgive me, too, Scully?" "What for?" I say, looking with shock into his eyes, his hurting brown eyes. "For not giving you everything you need. You deserve so much more...." "Stop it. Stop. It's not you. It's my own fault. I was....I don't know. You're all I need. I promise." My words are paradoxes with what he has just seen, but he does not question. He never questions. "I love you Scully. All right? I do." I smile into his chest. "I know. I love you too. I promise." His head rests against my head finally, his last act of acceptance. I sigh. I can't lose this man. I can't leave the one I love. end Adios RM