From: Legal Alien Date: Fri, 17 Dec 1999 23:41:02 -0500 (EST) Subject: NEW: Let It Go (1/1) Title: Let It Go Author: loveJanick Rating: G Category: MSR, DAL, UST/RST, A, ... Distribution: Spookys and anywhere Feedback: loveJanick@webtv.net http://www.geocities.com/lovejanick/xpage.html Spoilers: Triangle, but blink and you miss Summary: Mulder pays a visit to Scully, in her hotel room, and the partners have a discussion they should have had a long time ago... Author's note: even though the title sounds sad, the story isn't. it was inspired by another fanfic and something I've been craving for a long time Disclaimer: the aliens own chris carter Scully was comfortably sitting on her hotel room bed, looking at her notes while typing some other ones on her laptop lying in her lap. She was writing a rsum to help her work on her report when this case would be closed. She hadn't heard from Mulder in a while, but knew it wouldn't be long before he paid her a visit. As a matter of fact, he walked up to her door and knocked twice. He didn't wait for her to let him in, he just openned the door and smiled at her. He knew she would have locked the door if she didn't want him to come uninvited. And, he knew she always left the door unlocked when he was welcomed. She smiled back. "Hey?! he said" "Hey!? she replied." He walked to the bed and sat at the edge of it, turning his back on her. She wondered why he wasn't talking much, as he usually did. He slightly turned around and picked up one of her feet, by the ankle. He took off the shoe she had kept on and, then, her sock. To her amazement, he started massaging her foot. "Mulder? she mumbled. What are you doing?" "We have spent the entire day standing up, he began. And, the day was incredibly long. Unlike me, you were wearing high heels. So, I figured your feet must be killing you right now. That's why, I'm rubbing this one." "Thank you, she murmured. But, that's not necessary. It does feel good, but I'm kind of used to the pain, she finished without taking her foot away from his hands." "Oh! Come on, Scully, he whined. Why can't you be like any other human being? Why can't you let yourself live a little? You're always fine, but you have to know something: nobody's perfect! You'll have to let it go, someday." "I'll have to let what go, Mulder? she tried to mess him up a bit." "I don't know, he answered. You'll have to let whatever is keeping you from feeling alive go." "Mulder? she took her defense. I feel enough alive for my taste. I don't have anything to let go of, she added. I am the way I am and I'm..." "Fine, he ended the sentence for her. You can bring your guards down when you're with me, he told her. You know you can trust me because I respect you. If you don't want to let your walls fall down, try to at least open a window, he went on. Give me your other foot." Mulder put down Scully's foot and took the other one, she had lifted up for him, in his hands. He rubbed it delicately, as if it were made of porcelain. It felt good, but she didn't want to let him know about it. She didn't want to let him in on her feelings. She had always been afraid of men, even the one she trusts. "I can't, she finally whispered." "Did you say something? he turned around to look at her." "I said I can't, she repeated." "You can't what? he asked." "Even though I trust you with my life, she started... Even though I respect and admire you with my life, she paused. I can't let go, she finished as she felt a ball caught in her throat." "Why? he felt somehow betrayed by his best friend. Why can't you let go?" "Because, she interrupted herself to try and stop the tears from building up in her eyes. I'd like you to leave, she coldly told him. Mulder?" He gently placed her foot down beside the other one and stood up. He walked around the bed and sat down beside her. She looked away to let him know his move was unwanted, even inappropriate. But, he stayed. He was often persistent like that. He insisted on knowing the truth when he felt close to it, like right now. "I can't, he replied." "What? she reacted as if she had been insulted." "I can't leave." "And, why the hell not? she demanded." "You know why, he sighed as he caressed one of her cheeks with his hand." "Mulder... she tried to push him away." But, Scully bursted out in tears and all he could do was welcome her into his arms. He held her tightly against himself and passed one of his hands through her hair while she sobbed on his shoulder. He softly rocked her like he would do to a child, humming a sweet lullaby in her ears. She calmed down quickly and backed away. "Mulder, I... she began." "I know, he smiled. I'm scared too." "For all the times you have done something wrong, she grinned, you did make up. You have been so infinitely good to me and I can't even... she paused. I can't thank you enough." "You don't need too, Scully, he reassured her. Our friendship is stronger than anything else in the universe. We are beyond the point where we have to make up excuses, reasons or, even, thank one another. We feel each other's emotions as if they were our own. I owe you so much more than what you owe me that if I were to have to begin somewhere, he giggled..." "You don't owe me anything, she smiled back at him. I am better at giving than receiving." "So am I, he added." There was a silence that filled up the room, but it was a comfortable silence. Mulder and Scully just observed each other from a close distance. She felt her cheeks flushed as she kept smiling at him. And, he was amazed at how beautiful she was, even when she was emotionnally drained, or naked, in front of him. Then... "Do you want to know why I can't let go? her voice sounded like a summer breeze." "Do you want to tell me about it?" "I'm afraid that if I let you know how much you mean to me, I will lose you, she admitted." "You can't lose me, he firmly told her. Even if you would try to get rid of me, intentionnally, you couldn't lose me." "Oh! Brother! she laughed. We're off to an awefully good start!" "I'm afraid to lose you too, he affirmed. Every minute of every hour and every hour of every day, I fear the moment when I'll lose you. And, I fear that if I lose you again, it'll be forever." "Mulder? she interrupted him." "Yes? he pointed her to go on." "There's something weird going on in here." "Going "Spooky" on me? he smiled." "Seriously, Mulder, she paused again. Are we falling in love? she asked him." "No, Scully, he surprised her. I think we're already in love."