From: Starbuck64 Date: 27 Mar 1999 06:24:56 GMT Subject: NEW: "Let's Get It On" (1/1) TITLE: "Let's Get It On" (1/1) AUTHOR: Nicole E-MAIL: Starbuck64@aol.com RATING: PG DISTRIBUTION: Gossamer yes, everyone else drop me a line CATEGORY: V,H SPOILERS: Anasazi, Teso Dos Bichos, Nisei/731, Detour, FTF, Triangle, Dreamland I/II, One Son KEYWORDS: MSR? DISCLAIMER: I don't own 'em. Although I do want to claim NakedBathtub!Mulder as my personal clone. No money is being made here. If someone paid me for this, they need as much help as I do. SUMMARY: This is the situation mostly every Shipper and Fanfic writer dreams of (notice I said mostly). But I chose not to take the 'sex in the elevator' route. Below is my parody of what would happen if Mulder and Scully were trapped in an elevator. AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first attempt at any sort of fic. I feel hopelessly inadequate in the presence of some great writers so I decided to take the humorous route (or at least an attempt at it) instead of an angst filled smut-o-rama. This is dedicated to a whole bunch of people: Heidi, Jenny, Steph, Debbie, Robin, Tony, The LuvIn group (esp. Diane for the help with the title), Erin, Daisy and my fellow Deskers and XFaholics. This is even dedicated to the friends who mock me in my obsession. Much schmoopiness to all. Friday, March 26, 1999 9:05 a.m. Mulder and Scully get on the elevator in the basement, headed for a meeting in Skinner's office. M: "What the hell?" ::elevator comes to an abrupt halt:: S: "That's the elevator getting stuck." M: "Thanks. Couldn't have figured that out on my own." :: picks up the emergency phone:: "Of course-of all the elevators to get stuck in, we're in the one with a broken phone." S: "Why don't you use your cell phone? M: "We're in an elevator. No way in hell we'll get any reception." S: "That's true. Right before I kissed Skinner in the elevator, he called me on the phone but I couldn't hear him." M: "What?!?" S: "Never mind. Long story. Anyway, you used your phone when you were trapped in that boxcar in New Mexico. And when you were trapped in that boxcar on the train. And again from the boxcar on the train. You spend a lot of time in boxcars, don't you?" M: "At least I wasn't stuck in the bathroom. Someone around here has a strange bathroom fetish." S: ::arches eyebrow and dials her cell phone:: "Sir? It's Scully. We're gong to be a bit late. I'm trapped in the elevator with Mulder." ::long pause:: "Yeah, yeah-.I know. A Shipper and Fanfic writers dream. Just hurry, please. Mulder had four cups of coffee this morning." M: "Thanks for reminding me. Did Skinner say how long?" S: "Maybe an hour. So don't think of waterfalls or oceans or swimming pools or-" M: "I get it." S: "So what do we do now?" M: "Well, we might as well make ourselves comfortable and have a seat." ::They sit on the floor, trying to get comfortable. A few minutes of silence passes:: M: "You want to talk about that bee thing?" S: " What bee thing? You mean the near-kiss? I forgot about that. Well, *I* didn't forget about it. It just seems things happen around here and we're just never supposed to talk about them again." M: "Like how we got out of Antarctica?" S: "Yep." M: "Like Spender being shot in our office?" S: "Yep." M: "Like how they ever thought an episode about killer cats would be scary?" S: "You got it." ::More silence:: S: "Sing to me." M: "What?" S: "Sing to me. Like I sang to you in Florida." M: "That was an extreme situation." S: "So is this. Did I ever tell you I become irrational when confined to small spaces?" M: "Note to self-'Don't piss off Scully.' So what do you want me to sing?" S: "What do you know?" M: "Well, I have all of Michael Bolton's albums. I'm the President of the International Air Supply Fan Club. I remember the words to "The Wheels on the Bus" from when I was a kid." S: "I think we'll skip the singing." ::looks around tugging on her collar:: "Is it getting hot in here?" M: "I don't know. I'm focusing all my energy on not reverting to infancy and wetting myself." Silence for 10 minutes or so. Mulder then starts to hum "The Wheels on the Bus". S: "Mulder, stop that." A minute of silence and he starts humming again. S: "I said stop it. Damn it's getting hot in here. Are the walls closing in?" Another minute of silence and Mulder breaks out in a full chorus. S: "AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!! I'm going to kill you!! Scully lunges at Mulder, tackling him, landing on top of him. She has her hands around his throat and is starting to strangle him. M: "Scully! You're choking me! Scullllly!" Unbeknownst to Mulder and Scully, the elevator begins to move. S: " No more "Wheels on the Bus! I don't care if they go round and round! I'm gonna shoot the friggin' wheels!" M: "I'm gonna pee myself. Please stop!" Scully finally gets a hold of herself. At that exact moment, the elevator comes to a stop. The elevator opens to find a crowd gathered in front of the doors. With Scully lying atop Mulder, they glance at each other then at the crowd. Skinner is the first to speak: SK: " OK-who wins the pool?" M&S: "What pool?" SK: "The 'I Knew They Would Get It On In The Elevator' Pool." A voice comes from the crowd: "I did!" SK: "Congratulations, Holly!" M: " But we-I-nothing happened!" S: "That's right. Nothing happened. He was humming-. I asked him to stop-. He wouldn't-I was choking him-." Skinner cuts her off SK: "Yadda, yadda, yadda. We believe you. Right everyone?" He turns and winks at everyone. "Show's over. Everybody back to work." S: "But nothing happened!" Sk: "Sure. Fine. Whatever." Crowd disperses and Mulder and Scully get up, glancing at each other with a slight amount of embarrassment. M: "Can you believe that? They think we-we-" S: "'Got it on' Mulder? You can say it. We're both adults." M: "You don't care what they think?" S: "No. Do you?" M: "Nope. So do you want to? S: "Do I want to what?" M: "Want to 'get it on' as you so delicately put it before." S: " OK. Your place or mine?" M: "Mine. I got this new water bed." S: "When did you get that?" M: " No idea. Although it was right around the time that penny-dime thing showed up in your desk." S: ::takes Mulder's hand:: "Let's go G-Man." M: ""Scully...wait!" S: ::looks quizzically at him:: "Having second thoughts, Mulder?" M: "Nope..... Gotta pee. Meet me at my car in five minutes." Feedback, please? It will be gobbled up like a Mulder/Krycek sundae with a cherry covered Scully on top.