From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Thu, 22 Jun 2000 11:11:15 -0500
Subject: Letter to Mulder - sorry if it\'s illegible...formatting issues, I\'m tryin though! by KTlou
Source: direct

Reply To: KTlou1013@aol.com


Another post Requiem...sorry!!
KTlou
SPOILERS  REQUIEM
NO RATING
Letter to Mulder from Scully.
Sorry if you can't read it, I have a lot of formatting issues!!
They're not my characters CC - they are yours. But I hope you give Scully
a little happiness next season!! 



Mulder,

I don't know how to begin this. what to say, what I should be saying - all
I am certain of is the void in me, the space that was once filled by you. 

I've hoped desperately that you're OK - and in an attempt to keep your
spirit alive I am still hoping. 

My faith is now in the belief that someday you'll return to me, and that
for once our lives will be simplictic, with only concern for each other
and our family. 

This is our irony though, craving for simplicity yet thriving on
complication and turmoil. 

We were united to unravel mysteries and to search for truths - now I know
the only truth that has ever mattered to me. 

These words, thoughts, that I write help me come to terms with our
disappearance - I know if you were here now you'd grin and correct my
language...'abduction'. 

I feel comforted by the fact that although you've shown me so much and has
opened my eyes to such incredibilities, you have still allowed me to be
myself.  I've never felt like I've had to be somebody else in front of you
Mulder - I feel warm just knowing that you've respected me for who I am,
and loved me for it. 

Life without you seemed inconceivable to begin with.  I've read about
people saying that losing somebody close is like 'a piece of you missing'. 
Although I believed they were speaking the truth, I didn't understand
until now. 

When you were taken it felt as though my blood had stopped flowing around
my body, like the physical flesh had been taken and replaced with nothing. 
But worst of all my soul died the day you went.  No longer was I 'Dana
Katherine Scully' - I had been alt ered.  You had made me the person I was
- I didn't know how to live without you. 

I have learnt to survive, but I'm not sure if I'll ever live again. 

My guilt overwhelms me as I speak in this way...Mulder, you're supposed to
be here.  We are going to be parents. 

At first I felt numbed joy at the news - I couldn't believe what the
doctors were saying to me, I still don't. 

This tiny life inside of me was made by us - in all the cases we've ever
investigated, nothing compares to the amazing miracle of our baby inside
of me. 

I know that you'll make an incredible father.  The short time I had with
Emily, I saw how natural you are with babies.  I'm praying that maybe
we'll all be together oneday and will live a happy, suburban life, growing
old watching our children flourish an d making lives for themselves. 

Life has become a cruel irony for us.  We could be so happy now if you
were here - but I have to endure this experience alone, unable to share it
with you. 

Mulder I love you, more than I've ever realised.  I am so sorry for never
telling you.  But I am certain you've always known - just as I know you
love me. 

I admire your courage and strength so greatly - I pray I can be as brave
as you during this indefinite time. 

You are my inspiration and I love you. 

I'll show you this letter in years to come and we'll laugh together,
whilst our children argue over what's on TV. 

So I won't say goodbye, I'll say goodnight. 

Scully