From: Megan Andres <mfiles1013@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, 29 Feb 2000 11:42:26 -0800 (PST)
Subject: submission
Source: direct


TITLE: A LETTER TO MOM
AUTHOR: SPENDERGIRL
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: 
SUMMARY: WHEN A WOMAN GOES THROUGH DEATH ALONE, WHAT WOULD SHE WRITE TO THOSE LEFT BEHIND?
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN SCULLY, MAGGIE, MELISSA, MULDER, EMILY, AHAB, BILL JR, OR CHARLES. ENJOY!


A Letter to Mom

Mom,

    I can almost see you now sitting at home saying, "No parent should
outlive their child." You've done that before. I've already written to
Mulder and I knew what to tell him. I'm not sure what to tell you. How can
I keep you from feeling sad and angry? 


    All of my life I've been a daddy's girl. It was only after Ahab died
that I grew close to you. For such a long time, I was your only daughter.
I need to confess about Melissa's whereabouts for those years. I knew
where she was the whole time. I know h ow much she hurt you and Ahab. I'm
sorry I didn't tell you but I'm not sorry I helped her. 

    If I could go back, I would. I would have been at my apartment that
night. I should have been her. Then you would have only lost one daughter.
For a long time, I wanted to die. I couldn't look at you or Bill or
Charlie without being afraid. 

    I was afraid of what I would see in your eyes. I always thought that
your eyes would hold anger, hate, and blame. I think that's why I was so
eager to prove that Emily was Melissa's daughter. Sure, I caused Melissa
to die but now i could make up for t hat. 

    I know how much you missed her and I saw Emily as my redemption. I
never expected what I found out about her. I never knew. Even though I was
so happy, it hurt so much. The only thing that was really important to
Emily was that I loved her. 

    I must say something to you. You are the strongest woman I've ever
known. You have managed to go on no matter what God has thrown your way. I
envy you your strength and love. 

    I have a secret that I have kept for a long time. The night that Ahab
died I saw him. He sat in front of me and looked at me. Being an avid
sceptic, I've tried to forget that. But when I got a phone call from
Melissa about Emily, I realised it would n ever go away. 

    That's how I would like to be. I want to be eternal. But that's not
what I'm going to get. Mulder has tried to tell me before that when we die
we come back as someone else. I hope so. 

    He's always wished that in his next life he could have his sister
back. I just want to live without all of this. When I'm gone please keep
Mulder in you heart. I fear for him when I'm gone. He'll be heartbroken. 

    I never wished I would be like you but I am. We are both daughterless
mothers. We both had reasons to go on. I promise to love you until the end
of time. Don't ever forget me please. I love you. 

Your little girl, Dana