From: Dawn Moore Date: 7 May 2002 05:38:45 -0700 Subject: [all-xf] New: "Letting Go" by agent myers (DRR) Source: atxc Title: Letting Go by agent myers Rating: A strong R, for sexual situations Keywords: DRR Summary: He wanted to show her the love he felt inside. So much love that he had never truly shown her. Spoilers: "Release" Disclaimer: They're not mine. Duh. Feedback: I live for it. tred2@yahoo.com Archive: Just ask me. All individuals and archives that I have previously given permission to are welcome to it. Author's Notes: At the end. Recommended listening: "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain, "Tears In Heaven" by Eric Clapton ~~ Rain falls angry on the tin roof As we lie awake in my bed You're my survival; you're my living proof My love is alive and not dead I'll be your cryin' shoulder I'll be love suicide And I'll be better when I'm older I'll be the greatest fan of your life ~~ It was more beautiful than any day he could ever remember. The waves crashed along the shoreline rhythmically, the gulls sang their happy songs high in the air. There were darker clouds rolling in; rain was coming, but not just yet. He stared at the waves from the front seat of Monica's 4x4, and clutched the box in his hands. He was heartbroken, but it was different now. Finally, it was over. Really over. The man that killed his son was dead, the pieces of the puzzle all fit perfectly into place. It wasn't a mystery that would keep him awake at night, to torment him day after day. Although he missed his child more than he ever had in his life, he felt free. He looked over at Monica. There was sympathy in her eyes...understanding. It occurred to him how she had been there through this whole ordeal, and he wanted to tell her just how much he loved her for it. But now wasn't the time. Now was the time for reflection. For remembrance. He reached out and took her hand, and returned his gaze to the crashing sea. He didn't stop the tears as they came. He didn't hide them from her. Monica stared out of her windshield at the waves, and took a deep breath of the salty air. She didn't quite know what to say at that moment, if there were anything to say. She wanted to hold John, to share in his pain, but she couldn't. It wasn't possible for her to know just how the moment felt to him, how it felt to say goodbye to his son. It was something he had to do alone. Finally, John quietly spoke: "I'm ready to go." She looked over at him. Tears lingered in her eyes, too. She started the engine, and began to drive away. John watched the shore until it went out of sight. He looked up to meet Monica's gaze. "Are you alright?" He took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly before answering her. "I'm...yeah. I'm okay." Monica turned her attention back to the road, but felt John's grip on her hand tighten. "Thanks...for being there with me today." She turned her head and gave him a bittersweet smile. "I wouldn't have had it any other way." And John smiled softly at her. She turned her eyes back to the road ahead of them. "Stay over tonight?" John asked her. Monica nodded. "Yeah." Silence once again filled the air. John thought about Barbara. He hoped that she was all right, that she was feeling the same sense of closure that he was feeling. It bothered him that she was alone, that she didn't have anyone to bring her comfort, as he did. ~~~ When they arrived at John's home in Falls Church, John felt more tired than he'd ever felt. John and Monica didn't speak as they went into the house together. Monica closed the door behind them and locked it. She took her jacket and threw it over the arm of a chair. John stood in the foyer, like he wasn't quite sure what to do next. He felt hungry, but knew he couldn't eat. He felt tired, but knew he didn't want to sleep. Monica approached him. John's eyes were sad and thoughtful as he looked her over. She was his angel, his saving grace. He went to her, and embraced her. "I'm here." she said softly. She felt him nod, and heard his breath change to that of weeping. He held onto her tighter. "I don't know how I could do this without you, Monica." he said, his voice thick with tears. Monica stroked the back of his head. "I love you so much." he gasped into her ear. Monica closed her eyes as they filled up with tears. It was the first time he'd ever said those words to her. They hadn't been in an intimate relationship very long, just a month or so, and it had been slow and careful. Both were afraid of losing what they had shared for such a short time, though it was John who was the most afraid. But from now on, he would hold nothing back. Nothing. "I love *you*," Monica said. She kissed his cheek tenderly, and felt John tremble slightly. After a moment, John pulled away from her. His eyes were full of emotion, the same as when he taken her into his arms on the beach. He took her hand, and began to lead her up the stairs. She followed without reluctance, without question. He led her to his bedroom. In the darkness of the room, he kissed her, softly and slowly. She let him pull her shirt over her head. He ran his hands over her shoulders, across her chest, and over the fabric of her bra. Monica shivered at his touch. As her eyes adjusted to the lightless room, she could see the blue of John's eyes, and the need. He bent his head and kissed her shoulder. Monica leaned into him and felt her pulse quicken with anticipation. John slowly slid the strap of her bra off of one shoulder, and then the other, and then reached around her to take it off completely. She heard it drop to the floor. He kissed her neck as one hand gently explored the soft skin of her back, her waist, her breast. A sigh escaped Monica. Her hands traveled around his body, and up the back of his shirt, where she kneaded the strong muscles of his back, and pulled him closer to her. His hips pressed against her, and she felt the hardness of his groin. He pulled back and looked at her. "I need you." She responded by kissing his lips. She lifted his shirt over his head and dropped it. With her fingertips, she gently traced a line up his shaped chest, and back down to his belt line. Her fingers loosened the belt, and then the button of his jeans. He kissed her with a long pent-up passion. He wanted to show her the love he felt inside. So much love that he had never truly shown her. Once he had removed her jeans, Monica helped John out of his. He drew her over to his bed, and laid her down. He sighed as he laid on top of her, feeling the gentleness of her soft skin comfort him like a blanket. He ran his hand down her neck, her breasts, and her belly. Monica inhaled as his fingers produced goosebumps on her body. He kissed her everywhere; from her sensitive spot behind her ears to her navel, and back up again. Inside, she melted. Her center was on fire. She opened her legs and he moved between them, and he lingered there at her warm entrance. He took a breath, and gently eased into her. The only sound he made was his breath as he released it. Monica watched his face as he moved slowly in and out of her. She sighed at the sensation; the pleasure was amazing. She held onto him tightly. She felt that she dissolve into his skin and she still wouldn't be close enough to him. He continued his slow, gentle movements. The sensations were building fast. He buried his head between her neck and her shoulder, and breathed into her ear. Monica closed her eyes and held him tightly against her body. Slowly they rocked, until release came for John, deep and long. With the quick tensing of his muscles, Monica felt the quiet explosion inside her. He released a breath that he was holding, and collapsed against her. Together they lay, trembling, and the only sound was that of their breathing. And then something happened that John didn't expect. A sense of relief swept over him, like a thousand weights lifted from his shoulders. A calmness overtook him. Tears, hot and powerful, flooded from his eyes, and he began to sob uncontrollably. Monica held him, and would hold him like this as long as he needed. She didn't understand it, and yet she did. Although he cried, she somehow sensed tranquility in his quiet sobs. He became silent after a moment, and raised his head to look at her. There was so much in those eyes; Monica thought...so much feeling. She was fortunate to have a man like him, someone who wasn't afraid to feel his emotions. And he looked at her with such gratitude. His eyes were full of tears, but there was love behind the pain. He kissed her mouth tenderly, smoothing back her hair as he did so. "Thank you." He whispered. "Thank you..." ~end Author's Notes: Just a short and fluffy piece. If I were Monica, I wouldn't have said no either. Be sure to visit my other fanfic at www.agentmyersexperience.com