From: "Cheryl Massie" Date: Fri, 09 Feb 2001 19:55:57 -0000 Subject: New: Letting the Flame Burn {1/1} Source: xff TITLE: Letting the Flame Burn (1/1) AUTHOR: CM EMAIL: nuttier_tart@hotmail.com FEEDBACK: Yes Please! :) ARCHIVE: Sure DISCLAIMER: These characters are property of fox, cc and 1013. KEYWORDS: Angst, MSR SPOILERS: None RATING: PG SUMMARY: It is alive! It spreads, captures and provokes fear. But Mulder is no longer afraid..... ======================================================================== It. Is. Alive. I watch, helplessly, as it spreads, taunting its prey; then moving in to engulf it entirely. It cunningly switches direction, with each gentle blow of the wind. I. Am. Captured. A trickle of sweat creeps down my forehead, and despite the fact that it tickles like hell, i make no attempt to wipe it away. I couldn't move if i tried. Even from this distance, i can feel the heat. I stare into its evil, and i feel like i am being judged. It knows. I know it knows. And it knows that i know it knows. I may as well be the victim. I *am* a victim. It's laughing at me. I can feel it. Sharp, sudden screams pain my ears, and send a sickening jolt throughout my entire body. I shiver at the coldness that i feel in my bones from the crisp, icy air; and i wince at the uncomfortable heat that dances over the surface of my skin. Two small bodies are carried out of the room. Even from this distance, i can see that they are dead. Damn, i hate fire! "Mulder! Are you okay?" "How could you sleep through all this Scully? Almost everyone has emerged from their rooms to check out what's going on." "I did not sleep through it, Mulder. I stayed inside to stay out of the way. Commotion only makes it difficult for professionals to do their jobs...yet still, at any scene of danger, crowds gather. I think it says a lot about our own morbid fascination with danger. Not to mention the fact that some people are so incredibly and overpoweringly nosey!" "So, what are you doing out here now then?" "I knew that you would be here." "What exactly are you saying?" "Mulder, you're shivering. Come on, let's get you inside." ======================================================================== I sit on the bed, as Scully fixes me some water. I am still a little shaky and a little...um, i can't quite describe it. Inside i'm feeling coldness, emptiness and darkness, all in one. I'm also suprised because i thought i was starting to get over it. I've seen a number of burn victims over the past few years, and although the underbelly of my childhood experience caused fear to rear it's ugly head now and again, i haven't felt like i did earlier for a long, long time. Maybe that is because i have never saw it like that before. It was so strong and so sure. I looked right into its eyes and it looked back. And the scary thing is, for the first time ever, i felt like i actually understood it. "Drink this Mulder." I numbly take the glass from Scully. Gripping it with one hand, i balance it on my lap without taking a sip. Scully is looking at me. Her clear blue eyes darken with sheer concern. I feel a strong heat flush to my cheeks. "I just have to wash my face." I run to the bathroom, ignoring Scully's confused expression and splash my face with cold water. I do it again, cherishing the relief it brings. My eye catches my reflection in the mirror, and i am drawn to stare at it. My heart stops. I can see it. I can see the flames consuming my eyes. It. Is. Inside. Me. My chest becomes painfully tight, it's difficult to breathe, my throat dries up, i can't see, i'm dizzy, i'm burning, i'm burning up, i'm on fire, i can't breathe, help me, someone please help me, i can't, i can't, i can't....darkness. Where am i? My vision is extremely blurred, but i think the person leaning over me is Scully. I focus my eyes. Yes. Yes it is. "Where am i?" "You're in your motel room. You've just fell to the floor. I have to get you to a hospital." "No! No hospitals! I'm okay now. Really, i'm fine." "Mulder, you are not fine at all. You..." "Please Scully, trust me. I just need some water." ======================================================================== After downing about five glasses of water, i know that Scully wants some answers. She's sitting on a stool directly in front of me. She is so close that i can feel her warm breath and i can smell her. And boy does she smell good! She always does. I will often lean forward and inhale deeply as we are talking. She knows what i'm doing, but i think she likes it. "I'm okay now Scully. I really am." And i mean it this time. "What happened?" "I'm...I'm not sure. I think i had a delayed panic attack or something. A delayed reaction to the fire. I looked right at it, Scully and i can't explain what happened. It was strange. And earlier i started burning up and i felt like it was inside me." "Inside you? Mulder! So many people underestimate how powerful the feeling of fear can be. It can make you feel all kinds of things. Sometimes these things can seem very real. There is nothing 'strange' about it. It was your reaction to fear." I nod. I'm not in the mood for an arguement or even a discussion. At least the darkness in her eyes has gone. Just looking at her eyes is so soothing. She has beautiful eyes. I have wanted to tell her this many times, but i never quite had the courage. "Are you going to be okay?" "Yeah. But i could do with a little company..." I take off her shoes and gently pull the blankets over her. I don't want to be alone tonight. I want someone to hold. Scully doesn't resist. She smiles because she understands what i need. I climb under the covers and pull her close to me. We cuddle for a while, until she eventually drifts off to sleep in my arms. I am captured. I can't take my eyes off her. Her eyelids flutter softly and she looks so damn beautiful. Something burns inside of me...but i am not afraid. Not any more. I am no longer afraid to love. I. Am. Not. Afraid. To. Love. Her. ======================================================================== END. Ah, the fire of love. Hey, if you are feeling kind and want to make someone smile....then i wont try and stop you! Go on, drop me a line nuttier_tart@hotmail.com Thank you and take care :)