From: "Chris H" Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1998 19:25:09 PST Subject: Lifelines Lifelines Christine Hughes Rating PG Spoilers: Duane Barry, Ascension, One Breath, Irresistible. Disclaimer: The characters used in this story do not belong to me. They were created by Chris Carter, 1013, and FOX, and are accurately portrayed by DD and GA. No infringement is intended. Archive: Please archive at Gossamer and Boundless, anywhere else, ask me first, and keep my name with it. Feedback: PLEASE!!! feedback always welcome at angelgirl_24@hotmail.com Authors Note: This is only my second story. My first, No Greater Love, took me nearly a year to complete. Now, I can't get the muse turned off, but remember that I'm still new at this. Enjoy! Summary: What Mulder was thinking as he sat by Scully's bedside that night during One Breath. Lifelines 1/3 I step carefully to the bed, looking at her. Tears fill my eyes as I see her. I've cried so much these past three months that I always am amazed that I have tears left to shed. She looks so helpless lying there. I haven't seen Dana Scully look so helpless since the time we were chasing Donnie Phaster. Even then, she tried her best to stay in control. That's my Scully, I thought, smiling wistfully. Always the strong one. Be strong for me now Scully, I need you. My silent plea falls on deaf ears. Pulling a chair to the bed, I sat, and reaching out for her, took her hand in my own. Leaning in close so I could whisper in her ear, so that she would know that I was there with her. "Scully, I don't know if my being here is going to help you or not. But I'm here." My breath caught in my throat momentarily, half hoping that she would turn to me, and open her beautiful blue eyes and come back to me. I sat with her holding her hand. They had removed the respirator earlier this afternoon. I still think that her mother blames me for this. She has tried to convince me otherwise, but my paranoia has led me to believe that she was merely trying to protect me, and probably even herself. What she doesn't know is that I already blamed myself. It should be me lying in that hospital bed, hovering so close to death. Yet in a way, I am dying too. They knew that when they took her, that hurting her, killing her, would hurt me more than if I'd been shot down in a hail of gunfire. This woman, my partner, my friend, was the only person I trusted. She was my lifeline, but now, she had no lifeline left. They had taken it away the day they took her from me, and now, the doctors had taken it away again. All my fault. I was the witness to her living will, but I never imagined that it would be put into use so soon. I envisioned a different scenario, of us both together, decades from now, married, happy. Not like this, never like this. I brought her hand to my lips, kissing it softly, trying to impart my life into her. Why should I be made to live, only to watch her die. I could have died by now, but she didn't let me. I remember last night, so overcome by grief that I contemplated ending my own life, but I knew that I could never leave her. I hoped that she would never leave me. Closing my eyes, I imagined that as long as I held her hand, I was her lifeline; and at the same time, she was mine. We kept each other alive, in mind, body and soul. I could never live without her. Leaning towards her, I softly stroke her hair with my other hand. The sound of her breathing is the sweetest sound I can hear right now. It is almost hypnotic, but then again, Scully has always been able to hypnotize me. ******************************************************************************** I awake with a start, not realizing that I had dozed off. At first I feel panicky, then realize that her hand is still warm in my own. I open her hand, and place a tender kiss in her palm. I hope that she knows I am with her. All I can think about is how much she has changed my life, and how empty my life will be without her in it. I could have killed those bastards tonight, but what would it have accomplished? I was furious with Melissa for accusing me of not caring. She couldn't have been more wrong. And the nerve of that woman telling me that I am in a 'dark place'! Doesn't she think I don't know that already? Scully was *IS* my light. That is why I cannot even begin to think of life without her. Not yet, not in this lifetime. I want to be selfish and keep her with me always. Something brings me back to the present moment. She has stopped breathing. My own heart stops, and then the rythym of her breathing can be heard again, and even though it is shallow, I let out a sigh of relief as my own heart resumes beating as well. I now know that if she dies, I will die with her. Lifelines reach across to bridge the gap between life and death, and strengthen the bonds of love. I pull my chair closer to the bed, and rest my head near her shoulder, not letting go of her hand for even a moment. I am feeling tired and weak, and again her breathing, her presence is a lullaby, and I drift into a dreamless sleep. End part 1/3 Lifelines Christine Hughes Rating PG See disclaimer and notes in part 1 I awake again, and look into her serene face. Touching her cheek with the back of my hand, I reluctantly pull my hand away from hers, afraid that she will disappear if I let go. Leaning forward, my elbows resting on my knees, I put my head in my hands as I remember what had happened only days before. Maggie Scully had decided to have a memorial service, despite my pleading, begging to give it more time. But she couldn't be persuaded, and I had gone with her to view the headstone. But when the moment came, I couldn't deal with it. I took one glance at it, and had to leave. It wasn't right, the dates were too close together. She is too young to die, I had thought. It should be my name on that piece of marble, not hers. I raise my head and look into her quiet face again. Dropping to the floor, the chair squeaked noisily, disrupting the quiet of the room. I fall to my knees, and with one hand clutching hers, and the other clutching her cross that I now wore, I did something that I haven't done since before Samantha had been taken. I prayed. I prayed for Scully, asking that if it was possible, to take me in her place, I prayed for Samantha, that wherever she was, that she was safe and happy. I knelt and held her and I prayed. Then I cried again. Over and over, I begged her to open her eyes to look at me and say, "I'm fine, Mulder" I smiled in spite of it all, knowing full well that she could be gunned down by a bullet, and she would still be 'fine'. My Scully is so strong. I know she will come back to me. I need her to come back to me. My life depends upon it. The clock on the wall indicates that it is time for a shift change, and I cling to her hand all the more, knowing that I am going to be forced to leave her. I don't want to let her go, I can't do it. Kissing her hand again, and then her forehead, I look into that beautiful face for what may very well be the last time. Resisting the impulse to kiss her again, I lean down and whisper softly into her ear the first thing that comes to mind. "I want to believe" I wanted to tell her a million other things. To tell her I loved her more than life, to tell her to come back, so that we could spend the rest of her lives together. Pleading with her once more to fight, I gently laid her hand back on the bed, I left the room as quietly as I had come. ******************************************************************************** By the time I get back to my apartment, it is well into the early hours of the morning. I am not surprised to find my door open, yet am dismayed by the damage that has been done. Tables have been turned over, papers strewn everywhere. A beloved photo of Sam cracked, and my desk completely destroyed. I am overcome by exhaustion and sorrow, and my legs will no longer carry my weight. I slump to the floor, sobbing, and reach my hands out beseechingly, but there is no one there to comfort me. I am all alone. After I have cried all the tears I have left to cry, I go to sit on the couch, and stare at the phone, willing it to stay silent, yet anticipating it to ring. It is only a matter of time now, and I feel hollow and empty. I remove the gold cross I had been wearing, and held it tightly in my palm, kissing the cross softly. It was the last connection that we had. I sat there, and watched the sun come up. Would Scully ever get to see the sun again? Or had she already faded away with the sunset the night before. Yet part of me knew that she was still here, because I know that I would die inside if she were to slip away. I smiled to myself at the thought of that, picturing her giving me one of those signature Scully looks. Always the skeptic, and I the believer. Now, I must believe more than ever, that she will be my Scully again, even if it means having her shoot down every theory I make up, it will be worth it all. I just want her back. Still clutching the cross, I stare at a distant point across the room, and begin to pray again. End part 2/3 Lifelines 3/3 Christine Hughes Rating PG Disclaimer and other information in part 1 I blink, and my eyes focus. Several hours have passed since I came home, and I have never felt more alone in my entire life. The shrill ringing of the phone brings me back to reality, but once the reality sinks in, my heart sinks. I want to ignore the phone, as though ignoring the phone, ignoring the voice on the other end telling me that she has died, will keep her living. I hear the machine begin to pick up, and come to. Snatching up the phone, I hear myself say "I'm here" As I listen to the caller, I let out a huge sigh, releasing a breath that I didn't know I was holding. I feel a smile begin to spread, and hang up the phone. If I had flown to the hospital, I couldn't have gotten there fast enough. It took all my willpower to not break down the door and sweep her up into my arms. I step through the door, and nod politely at Melissa, who is standing by the wall nearest me. Mrs. Scully looks up, and smiles warmly. "Hello, Fox" she said. "Not Fox, Mulder." Hearing that voice, that beautiful voice, and then seeing that beautiful face as she turned toward me. Her face was pale, but she was beautiful. Opening the bag I had brought in with me, I gave her the package. " Here Scully, I brought you something. Superstars of the Superbowls." I loved her answer. "I knew there was a reason to live" Then that beautiful face became troubled, and I had to lean in close to hear what she said next. "Mulder, I don't remember what happened, after Duane Barry..." her voice trailed off. "Its not important now, just rest" I told her. I went to leave, but I heard her call me as I reached for the door. "Mulder, I had the strength of your beliefs." I walked up to her, and reached into my pocket. Pulling out the delicate gold cross on the chain, I placed it in her palm, and closed her fist around it. " I was holding on to this for you.", I said. Our eyes met, held. A million words passed between us at that moment, but nothing needed to be spoken. Bending down, I kissed her on the forehead, and told her that I would be back to visit her tomorrow. As I walked down the hospital corridor, I felt as though the weight of ten tons had been lifted off my shoulders. Scully was back, and she was here to stay. She had the strength of my beliefs, she had said. But I think that it was more the opposite scenario. I had the strength of her beliefs, and it was that which kept me going. We believed in each other. One day, we will find the truth together, as we have already found it in each other. Lifelines are more powerful than good and evil, they can never be broken. The lifeline that connected us had now become even stronger, nothing could ever pull us apart now. END **please send feedback**