From: katchat42@juno.com
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 2004 05:23:04 GMT
Subject: "Like An Open Book" By Katchat
Source: direct


Title:  Like An Open Book
Author: Katchat
Rating: G
Category: S/MSR
Keywords: Scully Angst
Spoilers:  En Ami

Disclaimer:  My characters are just amalgamations loosely based on
Chris Carter's.  Think Richard Gere and Jodie Foster.

Summary:  He knows me way too well.

Authors notes:  This story is based on a little deleted scene from "En
Ami".  Gotta love those DVDs.

*************  
Like An Open Book
By Katchat
************  

He knows me.

He knows me way too well.

I could feel his eyes drilling into me in Skinner's office, chipping
away at my resolve not to tell anyone about the invitation I had
received from the Cigarette Smoking Man.  How could I tell anyone,
especially Mulder?  Cancerman had told me point blank that he'd take
back his offer if Mulder heard about this.  And his offer was far too
valuable, too priceless.  Yes, I was taking the risk that this evil
man we hated was actually telling the truth.  But it was a risk I was
willing to take, for the possible good of all mankind.

Surely Mulder would understand, even do the same in my place.

But his intense gaze was locked on me as I reported to Skinner what I
had found in Goochland, Virginia.  Just a boy who'd been cured of
cancer.  That's all.  No government involvement from what I could
find.  End of story.  But the heat I felt on my cheeks reminded me
that Mulder was not buying it.  He didn't speak, just stared, as if
his eyes were a probe into my mind.  As if he was reading me, as if
the truth was brazenly printed across my face for all to see.

I didn't look back at him.  When Skinner dismissed us, I made my way
toward the door without a word, sensing that he was lagging behind,
still looking at me.  Near the hallway, I slowed down enough for him
to catch up, but he blew right past me for a moment, than spun around
to face me.

"What did you really find?"  He questioned.  His words weren't harsh,
or pointed.  It was more like he was saying, "Come on, Scully, it's me
you're talking to.  Lay it on me."

"Just what I told Skinner."  I tried to put on my most normal face,
use my most nonchalant voice.  For some reason it's always hard to
pretend I'm not lying.  I try not to be so transparent, but with
Mulder, it never seems to work.  I gave him a small shrug for added
effect.  "What was I supposed to find?"

He gave me another curious look, to let me know that he could see
right through me.  With a small nod, he answered.  "I'm sure you'd
tell me if you knew."

With that, he turned and made his way to the elevator, leaving me to
my frustrations.  Before the silver doors closed, he turned to face me
again, and look at me, again.  How infuriating.

This was a guilt trip I didn't want to deal with.  He was playing the
card of trust, saying that I should know to tell him everything, that
I was withholding information in a relationship of no secrets.  Yet,
how many times in the past had he blown me off to go traipsing into
some dangerous situation without so much as the common courtesy of a
phone call to let me know that he was still alive?  It wasn't fair for
him to make me feel like I owed him the truth.  It should be that he
trusts me enough to know that I would never do anything I didn't feel
was absolutely right.

Oh well.  In this situation, I'd rather ask forgiveness than
permission.  Surely, he'll understand.

******************

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