From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001 14:01:58 -0600 Subject: MIDNIGHT BLUE VELVET by Ewa Source: revision Reply To: ewa@whatewa.com A LINK IN THE CHAIN 1 MIDNIGHT-BLUE VELVET AUTHOR: Ewa E-mail: ewa@whatewa.com RATING: PG 13 CATEGORY: V/R/A M/S. SPOILERS: Requiem /post Requiem KEYWORDS: M/S Rom S/A SUMMARY: Scully's POV - beginnings THANK YOU To Susan, who inspired, encouraged and helped me find direction; to Karen, who didn't laugh and to all the others who helped with research. DISCLAIMER: Any character you recognize belongs to Mr. Carter & Co. I can't resist; I need to play with them a while! ARCHIVES: Let me know where it's gone please! My first attempt at writing! Feedback appreciated, but please be gentle. ewa@whatewa.com 08.14.00 MIDNIGHT-BLUE VELVET The soft, velvety darkness claimed her again. ...She was floating, drifting. It was quiet, so calm, and she knew she was not alone; he was there, she knew he was there. He would always be with her. *They* tried so often to separate them, but they would never succeed, not in this life; not ever. She moved to snuggle in further into his warmth, and felt him enfold her; peace and security surrounded her. Nothing, no one could touch her or hurt her while she was here. He was her sanctuary, her touchstone. She was no longer anxious or afraid; afraid for him, for herself, for them both. This darkness was comforting, satiny and smooth, her only refuge; one she *wanted* to be in,* needed* to be in. Wrapped in warmth, she felt surrounded by his love, safe in the knowledge that he had not left her; could never leave her, no matter what. Cocooned in the softness, in the darkness, in the gentle, peaceful darkness, there was no fear, no pain, only the love that they had for each other. The softness and darkness was like midnight- blue velvet, rich, sensual and comfortingly warm. She felt at peace; secure, cherished, protected. He would always be there to watch her back, to look out for her; always! No matter what. Even now, *they* couldn't part them. His fingers gently tangled in her hair, stroked it, gently tucked the stray wisp behind her ear; he'd always loved her hair, the texture of it, the vibrancy of its colour. The two of them were so different yet so alike she and him, he Fox, she the foxy one; two separate pieces of one indivisible entity. His quiet breath ruffled her hair, his hand caressed her cheek as it moved to her soft mouth. She felt his thumb tenderly rub her bottom lip, a finger slowly traced the outline of her mouth. The hand slipped to her shoulder and then lazily down to her waist, pulling her even closer into himself, he embraced her in his love, holding her close, supporting her, cradling her. She could feel him wrapped around her back in a warm, spooning cuddle. A smile crept on her face, as she remembered how He'd teased her about 'old married couples' and spooning cuddles. Why had it always made her feel so vulnerable and shy when he'd spoken to her like that? It felt too intimate. Like a frightened deer, she always bolted. It scared her, made her try to shut herself off, too pull away, to ignore him. To pretend she didn't know what he was implying. She was scared of giving up control of her own life, afraid that if he *really* knew her, he would be disappointed. She couldn't have born to see that look in his beautiful hazel eyes, to know that he had found her wanting, that she was not worthy of him. When she had first become his partner she'd had very little faith in herself; he'd believed in her, had shown her what she was capable of; giving her a chance to fly, to soar. She was terrified he would turn away from her in disappointment; her soul would never survive! It would destroy her! Things happen, occasionally things were said; they'd never speak of them, never refer to them in any way. They accepted the subtle changes, never mentioned them; as if they'd never been. With a tremulous smile she remembered, he'd told her he loved her once and she'd just rolled her eyes. "Oh Brother!" She'd walked out on him. Scully sighed. They were as bad as each other. The paradox was that they trusted each other with their lives, but couldn't admit to doing the same with their hearts. Why? Were they afraid that it would make them less efficient as agents? That *they* could use it as an excuse to split them up, shut them down? She could understand him feeling unlovable with the sort of life that he'd endured, but herself? She'd always been the happy one, hadn't she? She realised now what a fool she had been, such a fool. She didn't know why she couldn't commit to him in words what had been the truth in her heart for so many long, lonely years. There had been occasions in their time together that she had been so lonely, had tried to find someone to fill that great need in her. It had always been Mulder, only Mulder, the only one she needed. She was his, utterly and completely, from the moment she had set eyes on him in the bowels of the Hoover building so long ago. Time hadn't, couldn't ever change that. They believed that they loved each other as friends, as partners, but it had been so much more. From the very beginning they had been soul mates, an integral part of each other. They'd not wanted to think about it, to admit it; even to themselves. They had been too blind, too stubborn to see, to believe the evidence. The scent of him drifted her, comforting her; that unique blend of aromas; hard to describe the fragrance, not his aftershave, not his soap, more than that, the very essence of Mulder. A smell that calmed and relaxed her instantly; she should bottle it, it worked better on her than any aromatherapy. His arm drifted down to her belly, his hand lovingly stroking the tiny child. Their yet-to-be born baby, their own one in five billion, their own miracle. She knew that he would protect them, would never let any harm come to them. He knew! She'd never had a chance to tell him, hadn't known herself when they had taken him away from her; yet he knew! She moved slightly and felt the Navajo blanket tucked in around her. Her mind drifted on...so many changes, so many Discoveries. Her life changed beyond recognition, beyond her wildest dreams, but the lose...it was almost too much for her to bear. He was there calming her, She felt herself sinking into him, into the depth of his warmth, the velvety midnight-blue darkness enveloping her, cherishing her, smoothing over her. Her mind slowly drifted onto... a time of wonder, of discovery, of joy.... Back to the time when Mulder decided to ditch her yet again and go on a wild goose chase, or was it a wild crop circle chase? To England of all places. She'd been royally pissed off with him. Okay, so they didn't have enough of that sort of thing here? She stifled a soft chuckle at the memory. She'd stayed behind. Had it been just coincidence? No, it was more that that, it was fate, karma, preordained. It became a time of revelations, fearsome soul searching, a time of cleansing, of renewal; her Faith had seen her through it. In the midst of her confusion she'd come across Mulder and the scales had dropped from the eyes of her heart... her heart at last free was to go where it would! And it chose. She finally understood that her feelings for Daniel, had not been love, nothing compared to what she felt for her partner. Everything paled before this. They'd gone home; she would always think of this place as home now. Late into the night they'd talked. She'd been so tired she'd fallen asleep. Much later, he'd moved her to his bedroom, laying her on his bed so that she'd be more comfortable. The feeling of softness and warmth grew stronger, the fragrance of him washed over her and she felt his presence here with her. She was safe, loved for always. Her hands went down her belly, to touch the bump, to caress it, just as she had felt him do earlier. He'd felt so guilty that she was barren, he blamed himself. And now... she was glad that he knew about their child. This tiny miracle that had been conceived that night. She remembered. That night; they'd crossed the boundary of being more than very best friends, more than life to each other and had become lovers and in that had given life to their child. They'd dozed, spooned up together. That night. Their only night. They'd made love, languidly, tenderly, beautifully. An expression of their love, an exposure of their hearts and souls; a total, complete sharing of themselves leaving nothing hidden, all gladly offered. They'd become a new being that night. They were spent, drained, yet at same time, filled with each other, complete; at last...whole. It had been beyond just sex, beyond loving. A time out of time. Wondrous enough to last a lifetime, *this* one time could be enough. Holding on to each other, their tears of joy mingling as they'd finally succumbed to sleep. It had been a holy, sacred thing, predestined. They'd tried so hard to fight it, to deny it; all in vain. In reality they'd never *had* a choice! From the very first moment every decision they'd ever made, every path they'd ever taken led to this; the fulfillment of their destiny. They hadn't know, couldn't imagine. Mulder was here with her now, he knew about the little one.... If they realised earlier, would he still have been taken from her? Maybe he *had* known then, maybe that was why he'd sent her home. He was here, her midnight-blue darkness; her comfort and strength. He never spoke, nor did she need to hear his voice. He conveyed so much to her, she felt the emotions, the thoughts run through her head. Her Mulder, his gift to her had been to open her mind up to extreme possibilities. Yes, he'd done that alright. She knew he was alive, the midnight-blue darkness linked them, someday he would come back to them, to her and the child they made of their love. Her hand reached up to her neck, to touch the tiny gold cross, the cross that was no longer there. Her mind ran on, to the night before he had been taken; he wanted it to end for her. The cost to her had been too great, he wanted for her the things she deserved. He wouldn't let her to go back with him, he feared that they would take her away from him again and he couldn't bear that. He could never live through that again! As she hugged him outside the office she vowed to him that she would not let him go alone, that she *would* be with him. That night in his apartment, as he packed, she quietly phoned AD Skinner, asking him to go too, to take care of Mulder for her. She came back into the room and with tears in her eyes she took off her tiny gold cross and hung it around his neck. She'd told him that the strength of her Faith would bring him back to her, just as his Faith had once brought her back to him. His eyes had glistened with unshed tears as he kissed her so tenderly and they'd lain on the couch, holding on to each other until it was time for him to leave. They didn't say goodbye, they *never* said that to each other. He held her in his arms, making her feel safe, warm and cherished. He'd gone while she slept. Later, she discovered that it was *he* who was to be abducted, it had been too late. She'd learnt of the great gift he had left with her that day too, their one in five billion miracle, their child. She never thought about the future now, for herself and their child living from day to day was hard enough. She *had* to believe that everything would be just fine. She shuddered at the memories and then relaxed. They'd seen her baby on the screen, seen the child's tiny hands and feet fluttering, seen it's little indistinct face, the legs flexing, stretching, kicking, the heart beating. Both mother and daughter had been overcome with emotion, tears streaming down their faces. She had not realised until this moment, just how much she loved her child; a real person, to be protected with her very life. The child was the best of both of them. She'd promised her child, that she loved it, would protect it; vowed she'd find Daddy no matter what it took. His arms were around her, he gently kissed the top of her head, she knew that she could survive this. He *would* turn up somewhere, somehow. She had to believe this. She would be strong, she would be ready, she would work with whoever it was necessary to, do what had to be done to achieve this. Then, as she snuggled further into him, felt him comfortingly stroke her hair, gradually easing her into deeper sleep, she heard the whispered, "Tell Mom, you *must* tell Maggie!" But Mom already knew, *he'd* already told her. Mom had seen him, Mom told her about the gold cross. Her mind went on; her breathing becoming more ragged as she remembered. It had been so bad. They had almost destroyed her. She'd wanted to curl up and die. Since her colleagues had realised she was pregnant, she'd had a rough time of it. They'd always jeered, calling him 'Spooky', now she was the one who bore the brunt of the verbal abuse. Mrs. Spooky and her Spooky brat; that was the kindest of comments. She put up with the taunts from male Agents. The speculation about her child's parentage; whether her baby's father was Mulder or little green men; either way whoever it had been, he'd dumped her as soon as he'd 'knocked her up'. Her only reply was to point out that they weren't green but gray. She'd faded away back to the Basement that had become her second home. More devastating were the female Agents, the minority here; 'sisters', they should have stuck together, instead their comments were even more crude and cruel. They were the ones that commented on her morals, on the disgrace of being a single mom, on how many tax- dollars it would be costing them, she heard the whispered comments. In the velvety midnight-blue she felt safe, like being back in the womb, there was nothing to worry her. She didn't have to think, she was at peace, soothed, here nothing mattered. *He* was here for her, she wasn't alone. She couldn't tell him what they had called their beloved child, what they had called her. Yet he'd known. She felt the hand stroking her hair, his mouth on her forehead, his fingers wiping away her tears, encouraging and consoling her, giving her courage and strength to face another day; yet another lonely day without him. It was calling her. The sound was becoming louder, more and more insistent, pulling her out of the sweet soft darkness, dragging her into the harsh, glaring light.... ...She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave this place or him again. The unrelenting sound urgently beckoned her. There was no choice, she had to go. Into the light...away from him.... She rolled over on the couch, picking up the warbling cell phone from Mulder's coffee table; a solitary tear coursed down her cheek. Feedback appreciated Please! ewa@whatewa.com 'Tread softly for you tread on my dreams.'