From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001 14:25:40 -0600 Subject: A DAY IN THE LIFE by Ewa Source: revision Reply To: ewa@whatewa.com A LINK IN THE CHAIN 9 A DAY IN THE LIFE AUTHOR: Ewa e-mail: ewa@whatewa.com RATING: PG CATEGORY: V return/baby fic SPOILER: post Requiem KEYWORDS: Sk SUMMARY: POV DISCLAIMER: any characters you recognize belong to Mr. Carter & Co; others belong to me but I share. I can't resist; I need to play with them a while! ARCHIVES: Let me know where it's gone please! AUTHOR'S NOTES at end Feedback please, I NEED to know what you think! ewa@whatewa.com See my stories at www.whatewa.com A DAY IN THE LIFE It started very much like any other day. Days have become more definable for me recently, instead of just one continuous passage of time. The feeling of complete emptiness roused me, feeling the dampness, the discomfort. Lying here I can just make out my surroundings in the gloom. I lay quietly, trying to get my bearings; things tend to change around me. I just get used to everything and they go and do it again. I can still see the white walls on either side of my sleeping area. I suppose they're there to keep me safe; not that I'm in the position of being able to move about a great deal. If the truth be told, I can't even turn over, I'm no longer restrained in any way, I'm simply too weak. I am totally reliant on my caregivers. They have to feed me, see to all my needs. I find it very frustrating at times. I can move my arms and legs, but my coordination is very poor. I see something I need, but can't judge how to get to it. I have problems with even moving my head about. Of late I'm gaining strength, things are improving, but oh so slowly. The vision isn't too good either. At certain distances I can see reasonably well, at others things are just a blur. Of what I can see, much is new, much unrecognizable. I find this state of affairs very frightening at times. The biggest problem I have is with communication. We just don't speak the same language. I'm learning the meaning of some of their words, but they don't seem to be prepared to offer me the same courtesy. They repeat certain sounds over and over to me, I'm sure that if I can master the meaning of these, my life will become easier; but at the moment I feel I'm completely lost. I have found that the only way of communicating with them is to say what I need in my language; as loudly as I can. They seem to react more to volume rather than content. Having said that, I've noticed recently that if I can get the attention of one of them, I am able to express myself very softly, they seem to like this and encourage me to continue; but you can see from the looks on their faces that they do not understand what I'm saying to them. Occasionally they seem to get the gist; more often than not it's a case of trial and error. Some of them seem more finely attuned to my needs; others are obviously still completely in the dark. I live in the hope that this situation will improve with time. Anyway where was I, before I got off the point? Oh yes. This particular time I awoke and needed some attention. I wait patiently for a while, I have managed to improve a bit on this recently. Patience never was my strongest suit. I look around. I am on my own, save for my companion, who seems to have fallen over again. He does not look at all like them. He is a lot smaller, smaller then even me, with a different complexion. He's a sort of golden brown. The best things about him are his eyes; they're quite beautiful with a twinkle in them. Hey! This is no good at all. I'm getting to feel worse and worse. My companion is no good at summoning aid. I guess it's down to me again. I bet whoever answers my calls will not be best pleased; they never are when it's still dark. Thankfully that's been sorted! I feel a bit better now, they've freshened me up and I'm no longer so uncomfortable. The care givers seem to have changed. This one is not my usual one, not the one that I have quite lost my heart to. Although this one is different, she sounds very much like my favorite. I see she has made some concessions in the sustenance department since the last time we met. The stuff is warm and sweet nearly like my favorite; shame about the container; that was quite unpleasant, hard and cold. Still I'm pretty full now. I wonder where my best care giver is? Don't tell me they've allowed her to go of duty! The weariness is overwhelming, I can feel myself zoning out. I go traveling in my head. Flashes of my life, before this, come to me. The life I had before felt safe, warm comfortable. No pain or anxiety. It was good. That was before the journey. I don't like to think about that journey. I realise now that I will never be able to go back to that place; that time. The journey was so painful, so frightening; I was taken and pushed into the Light. So many things happened to me then; my senses were assaulted from all sides. I felt pain and fear for the first time. I don't like to think about that time. Even now I can't make any sense of it. Everything I had ever known was taken from me during that journey. No, not quite everything, the voices, especially that one voice, it's different now but I feel somehow it's the same. My needs awaken me again. It's not as bad as it was the last time. As I open my eyes I see soft light all around me. This is better; I know they will see to my needs more willingly now. The feeding mechanism isn't as good as normal, but at least the content isn't too bad, as I've said, this care giver seems to have taken my feelings into consideration. I hate this next bit! I feel myself being taken, bundled up, strange sensations on my skin. I'm being restricted, restrained. I have learned that my objections make no difference. They carry on with this exercise with scant regard for my wishes. They change my position in the universe. I don't like this very much. I am being held against one of them, this one is different; I sense it is a male. He does not smell like the other male, the one that I know better; but it's not bad. They are all so huge in comparison to me, so overpowering. I feel the restraints being placed around my body, I protest; try to struggle, to no avail. I am suspended, hanging there. Then I feel movement around me. Colours flash by. Suddenly the temperature changes, air is blowing around my face. A cacophony of sound assaults my ears. Light is so bright it hurts my eyes. I jerk. Not again, not the Light, please not again! I realize the whimpering I hear is mine. The voice above me is saying something, I do not understand; but I find the sound reassuring. I realise now this is not like my Journey at all. I stop panicking. I cease struggling. I feel the warmth softness against my cheek; the rhythmic thumping in my ear. The place I'm held against gently undulates. I feel something big, very powerful, very strong, on my back. It doesn't scare me. In a strange way it is comforting. In fact it feels very good, I feel protected, safe. I am aware he is saying something to me, I do not understand the sounds he utters. I look up at him. They all look different, but he is more different still. He is all pink and shiny; around his eyes something glints and catches the light. He does not frighten me. Somehow I feel he understands me better then the others, he never demands anything of me; just accepts me as I am. I look up at him and smile. He seems to hold me closer still. Whispering something to me. Sounds like "MI DALIG EL." The movement and noise continue, as does the steady rhythm next to me and the up and down motion around me. Sometimes this stops for a while only to resume again. I feel something large but very gentle on my head; stroking. Mmm, I drift off...I can get to like this. When I come too again, I realise that I'm hungry. I wriggle around, try and tell him my problem. In the past I've had a cold squiggy thing pushed into my mouth at this point. He is different. He is not afraid to improvise, to take my feelings into account. I feel something warm and soft near my mouth, it smells and tastes better than that other thing. It is nearly as good as my favorite. It will do for now. He says it again, " SOO MY DALIG GEL." I find it very comforting though I don't know what he is trying to communicate to me. The atmosphere changes, grows calmer, more subdued. The light is softer; the blowing has ceased. The temperature has stabilized. There are some swishing and humming and clanking sounds; no, this is different from their language. The motion changes too, as do the scents. Are some of them familiar? I'm not sure. But then I am, my happy smells grow stronger. We move again. And stop. I hear a knocking sound. We seem to be waiting. He says it again. "MY DARLING GIRL HERE'S MOMMA." I recognize "momma." I know what that means. Then I can smell her. She's back, she's come back to me . She didn't abandon me after all. Momma! Momma! I need some of the good stuff!! PLEASE. I feel myself being lifted, held I finally get momma in my mouth, soft, warm and sweet, so very comforting. S-o-o-o very good. I'm content. I'm done here now. Around me there are soft voices. Higher, lower tones mingling. I don't pay attention to them now. End ewa@whatewa.com 'Tread softly for you tread on my dreams.' AUTHOR'S NOTES : Come on now 'fess up. How many of you thought it was all about Mulder for a while? You did? Great! That's what you were meant to think