From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Sun, 21 Jan 2001 14:24:15 -0600
Subject: IN THE LIGHT by Ewa
Source: revision

Reply To: ewa@whatewa.com

A LINK IN THE CHAIN 8
IN THE LIGHT

AUTHOR: Ewa
e-mail:    ewa@whatewa.com
RATING:  PG 17
CATEGORY:  V   return / baby fic
SPOILER:  post Requiem 
KEYWORDS: Angst for all POVs
THANK YOU To Kelleigh who encouraged me to keep going.

SUMMARY: Understanding and compassion.

DISCLAIMER: any characters you recognize belong to 
Mr. Carter & Co; others belong to me but I share.  
I can't resist; I need to play with them a while!

ARCHIVES: Let me know where it's gone please!

Feedback please, I NEED to know what you think!

ewa@whatewa.com

See my other stories at www.whatewa.com
09.05.00

IN THE LIGHT


DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT
8:35 AM

They clung together on the bed. Together they could 
work this out. They'd finally come back to each other 
after all this time. 

The key tuning in the lock and from outside the door, 
came the disgruntled yelling of their infant daughter.

They turned towards the sound. Mulder slid across, 
and sat up on the bed, legs dangling down. He didn't 
relinquish his hold of Scully. The next few minutes 
would be very difficult for her. 

He understood more now. What Scully had been through, 
what she needed now, her. But would the AD and Mrs. 
Scully, when they came in?

With a sudden clarity of vision, he realised that 
the next few moments would either make his Scully; 
or totally destroy her. 


He was afraid it would be the latter. 
Mulder held her tighter in his arms, trying to show her 
his support. 

As the door to the apartment opened and Walter, 
Maggie and Abbie came in, he felt her grow rigid in 
his arms.

"Breathe Scully, breathe," he whispered in her 
ear. "We'll get through this, it'll be okay."

He got up off the bed and walked towards the 
threesome, to greet them. 
Scully swung around on the bed in an effort to sit 
up, feeling too vulnerable in a reclining position.

Mulder walked up to Mom and took his  squalling 
daughter into his arms. He placed a gentle kiss on 
Abbie's auburn hair.

"Everything'll  be fine Sweetie, Daddy's here."

He cradled his daughter in his arms for a moment 
before turning towards Scully. 

They all heard the sharp, drawn in breath as Mom 
gasped, "No!" 

Abbie hadn't stopped yelling all the while.

He placed the child in Scully's nerveless arms and 
saw how pale she was, he slipped his arms around her 
to embrace both mother and child, around his universe.

Dana put the baby to the breast. Abbie nuzzled, then 
turned away from the offered nipple and with clear 
hazel eyes looked up at her mother.

There was silence in the room, only to be broken by 
the sound of a gurgle. Dana looked down at the child 
in her arms. 

Abbie was not only smiling at her, as she patted her 
Mommy's breast; she was gurgling too. 

Dana couldn't believe her eyes. 

"She's never done that before." She and Mulder looked 
at each other in awe and wonder.

Tears of joy and remorse trickled down her face, as 
she hugged the infant. 

It was as if her Abbie understood, as though 
she was trying to make up for all the grief.

Scully turned her smiling face to look at her own 
mother, wanting to share this precious moment with her. 

She was horror-struck at her Mom's reaction. 
Mom was looking at her as though she couldn't stand the
sight of her

Something inside Dana shattered and died. She knew
She was an outcast in even her mother's eyes. How could 
anyone else understand if Mom didn't?

Walter stood quietly on the sideline watching 
the proceedings.  Mom moved forward to take Abbie 
away from Dana. 

He watched the awful look of defeat appear on 
Dana's face as she relinquished her child. 
The darkness and despair in her eyes, cut him to his 
heart.

All the things Dana had faced in the time he'd 
known her; nothing had produced such a result. 
She'd faced her own cancer and mortality, Mulder's 
disappearance, countless horrors and fears; none of 
these had had the power to extinguish the light of 
life and hope in her eyes. 
Now it was gone.
 
Mulder move closer to her to try to comfort her, but 
Scully shrank away, she seemed to be trying to blend 
in with the wall; to cease existing.

Scully had known all along, she was a disappointment 
to everyone she had contact with. 

To her partner she was a trial, she couldn't believe 
all his theories, no matter how hard she tried. She had 
let him down so often, she was supposed to watch his back; 
how many times had he been lost, hurt; near to death?
She had never been able to prevent it. She had even shot 
him once, for God's sake.
 
All these years she'd been afraid to let him too close to 
herself, in retrospect, it had been a wise move, the love 
she had for him, for their miracle child was not enough, 
nothing she had to offer was enough.
 
Look at her, abysmal companion, inept lover; housewife- 
well that was a laugh in itself-Mulder had better 
housekeeping skills. 
Mother? Huh, hadn't she already let one little girl die? 
Now she'd had this one miraculous chance, and she'd 
almost killed her other little girl.

She was useless!
 
Useless to Mulder, useless to Abbie, useless to 
Walter, and a thing of disgust to her own Mom and 
brother, useless!  Worthless! A pariah! A waste of 
space! She didn't deserve to live, she should have 
gone when she had the cancer, she would have spared 
them all so much unhappiness, so much shame. 
She just wanted to end.

The ensuing silence was deafening. 

It was Walter who broke it, he'd watched the emotions 
play out on Scully's face. 
He couldn't just stand there and let this scenario 
continue. He cared too much for Dana; too much for 
all of them, to let this tragedy go on. 

From the conversation with Maggie the previous night 
at the motel, he knew how hard this was for her to 
understand. 

Maggie could see no way to forgiving her daughter. 
In her eyes the thought of the deed equated with 
its fulfillment. 
There was no way she was going to let Dana have the 
child back; she'd rather Abbie went into care!

"Maggie..." Walter started to say, but Abbie interrupted.
She was hungry and just a little frightened. They fed her, 
looked after her; but they didn't sound like momma, didn't 
smell like momma. She did not know them.
 
She knew the sound of her momma and daddy, she 
remembered the feel and sound of them even when she 
was in the dark place. 

Since the light, their anxiety had made her 
fractious, miserable; but she'd rather have that, 
than not be with them, not be with momma. 
She could smell her momma; the smell of daddy was 
not as strong but he was here too. This was scary!
 
She had just seen momma, told her how much she was 
in love with her, now momma was gone. 

She was not going to take any substitutes. 
No, she didn't want that squiggy thingy that was 
being pushed in her mouth, nor that hard cold 
nipple with the weird tasting stuff.
 
She wanted the comforting warm, soft, sweet taste 
of momma in her mouth. The taste that made her feel 
s-o-o-o good, that filled her tummy; made her feel 
sleepy and contented; made her world right. 
She had to have momma to survive. 
She had to. 
She had to!!

Desperation took hold.
She wanted her momma and she wanted her right NOW!  
With the determination and tenacity she'd inherited 
from both parents she let her feelings be known.


Walter stepped forward to Maggie, took the red 
faced, red haired, angry little being and placed 
Abbie in her momma's waiting arms.

Peace!

At last Walter spoke. 

"Look at them Maggie, you can't want to tear them 
apart. What good will it do the child, your Dana, 
Fox; any of us. 
Do you really think Abbie could be more loved and 
adored by any one else? Just look at them. They 
need each other. Okay , Dana came close to breaking 
point; but she fought it and won." 

Walter didn't pull his punches. "Think on this, if 
she's guilty of a crime, then so are we. Where were 
we when she needed help, needed support? She's been 
asking us all for so long. We've all just been too 
blind to notice."
 
There was sadness in his voice as he continued.
"I've never been a father. Come to think of it I was 
a lousy husband while it lasted; but even *I* knew 
that Dana was struggling; you Maggie, as a mother,
should remember how hard it is with a new baby, 
especially after all she's been through this year." 

Maggie was biting her lip in an effort to stop it 
Trembling, but Walter wasn't done yet.
 
"What she did wasn't right, but we have equal shares 
in her guilt. *None* of us supported her as we should 
have. I know she kept saying she was fine; we've all 
heard that one before. 
We know how independent she tries to be. We should 
have insisted."


Mulder moved to Scully and drew her into his arms. 

"I'm sorry Sweetheart,"  he whispered to her. "I've been
such a selfish ass-hole. I've really excelled myself 
this time," he added with wry humor. 

She didn't say anything, just leant into his shoulder 
and shut her eyes. He felt her melt against him.

"We've got a chance, give me another shot at this 
Scully, please. We *will* be okay, we'll learn together, 
all three of us. Please Scully, we need you." 

She stirred against his shoulder, knuckling the tears 
from her eyes. 

Her voice was unsteady. "I'm sorry too. We both need 
our butts kicking, but good; I suspect Walter would be 
more than happy to oblige us on that", she told him 
softly.


Maggie watched her daughter, and the man she looked 
on almost as a son.
Things were going through her mind; things she'd 
rather not remember. Things she'd promised herself 
she'd never revisit. 
The reason for Dana's unease with the dark, it went 
back a lot further than most people believed. She 
remembered....

Dana must have been about three. Ahab had been on 
one of his extended trips at sea. She remembered 
the day vividly. 
She'd been called in to the elementary school to 
see the principal. Billy had been at it again, 
fighting. This time he had hurt the other boy quite 
badly.
 
He was only in 4th grade, but already he had spent a 
lot of his time outside the principal's office. He 
always seemed to get worse when his father was at 
sea.
Missy was running a slight temperature, so she'd 
had to leave her and Dana with the neighbor while 
she went up to the school to eat crow again. She'd 
promised Dana some candy on her return if the child 
was good.
Add to that, she had recently discovered that she 
was pregnant again, and felt sick almost all the 
time. 
So! She'd forgotten the candy; no big deal! Dana 
had not thought so.

Abbie's  little session just now was nothing in 
comparison to what Dana had staged. She guiltily 
remembered that feeling. 
The driving, albeit childish feeling of wanting 
to get your own back, to make the other person 
hurt as much as she was hurting.
 
That other person had only been three years old for 
Christ sake! 

She'd grabbed Dana by the arm and locked her in the 
cellar. 
She thought in her befuddled mind that at least the 
child was safe down there, she couldn't get at her 
to harm her. 

She remembered the awful silence when Dana had 
finally stopped crying. 

When she'd finally calmed down enough and let the 
child out, Dana had come to her promising she would 
never do anything to make Mommy sad, that she would 
be good, that she would make Mommy proud of her. 
She hadn't meant to damage her child; but she'd 
done so nevertheless. 

And now she was setting herself up as judge and jury 
of that same daughter? She was the one that should be 
begging Dana's forgiveness.

Walter was watching her, could see the expressions 
as they flitted over her face, saw  how distressed 
Maggie was becoming.

Well Walter, you've really opened up a can of worms 
Now, he thought.

He couldn't help himself . He went over to Maggie 
and  embraced her in a great bear hug.

Since when have I ever been so tactile?  He vaguely 
wondered. Ever since I got involved with this family, 
he answered himself, and it felt rather good. 

LATER IN THE DAY

Maggie found talking to her daughter painfully 
difficult, but Walter had helped her through it. 
There was a lot of soul searching for both women.
 
The men had taken themselves and Abbie off to the 
seven/eleven to get some supplies for breakfast and 
Abbie seemed to have turned over a new leaf.

This gave Mother and daughter a chance to speak 
openly and honestly with each other; to apologize 
to each other for all the hurt that they'd involuntarily 
caused each other. They came out of it stronger, wiser; 
better friends then ever.

The men turned out to be quite good in the 
kitchen, much to the surprise of the women. They 
ate, then talked; really talked.
Maggie volunteered to come up each Friday night 
to take Abbie for the night.

"You need some time together on your own, time to get 
to know each other. If I bring Abbie back for nursing
in the morning, and look after her during the day; you 
could have all of Saturday to yourselves."
 
It seemed like a plan. 

Before he knew what was what, Walter was roped into the 
scheme; he didn't mind overmuch. He quite liked the 
changes this family had made to his life
 
No one in the Bureau would ever believe this side of AD 
Skinner; but then, no one here was ever likely betray 
him!

End.

 
I need the feedback.

ewa@whatewa.com

'I have laid my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly for you tread on my dreams.'