From: Amatia Date: Mon, 15 Feb 1999 21:05:10 -0600 (CST) Subject: "Lonliness of the Long Distance Runner" (1/1) by Amatia *** Title: Lonliness of the Long Distance Runner Author: Amatia Email: violinst@pitnet.net Feedback: Hell, yes! *grin* Category: Post-Ep Vignette, R (implied Mulder/Spender) Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were mine, Spender wouldn't be dead!! Spoilers: "One Son" Archiving: Gossamer. All else please ask. Note: I know this is a highly improbable ending to "One Son", but you can chalk it up to my extreme anger at Spender's death. The title is from a September 67 song. *** "Lonliness of the Long Distance Runner" by Amatia I knew that the weight of his hand on my shoulder would be the only public act of acceptance I would ever see from him. But when we were at home, the sweet weight of his body pressing against mine, I didn't need any kind of acceptance. The heat of his kisses was all that I wanted. Strange that I would fall in love with a man who's mission it had been to destroy me. Even stranger that he would fall in love with me. We didn't speak of work when we were at his apartment. We didn't talk about the X-Files, or the FBI, or even that we had jobs. We didn't speak of the fact that he was trying to get Scully and I kicked out of the Bureau, because when we were at home it didn't matter. All we spoke about was how we wanted to leave D.C. and move to California, together. He'd laughingly agreed with me while we'd washed dishes one night that sunshine would improve both of our dispositions. There is shouting in the hallway, a shot has been fired in the basement. Oh god no, not the basement, that's where Jeffrey is... Scully is already running down the stairs ahead of me, faster than I am, yelling that she's a medical doctor. She's opening the door to the X-Files office, I see her eyes widen in shock even though she tries to hide her feelings, and she motions for me to stay back. "Don't look, Mulder," she says softly. "You don't want to see..." It hits me then, that Jeff is dead...My love, my life...all our dreams, all the things we had planned for, were gone. God no, no, no, not Jeff, no... My vision blurs as I see the blood seeping out the doorway, and Scully has to catch me as I lose my balance. "Mulder..." "Let go of me, Scully, let go," I beg her, "please, let go." She does, and I step up to the doorway, forgetting to breathe as I see Jeff laying on the floor, blood still pooling around his head, a dark hole in his forhead. I can't keep myself from falling to the ground beside him, numb, and gently pulling him into my arms. "Jeff...no...." Through the sound of my own sobs I hear clatter on the stairwell, and Scully's voice pleading with the paramedics not to go into the office yet. Her hand falls on my shoulder, but all I can feel is Jeff's body in my arms, slowly losing its heat. "Mulder," Scully says, "Mulder, you have to let him go...they have to take him to the hospital." I notice through my numbness that the tears that fall off my face cut little rivers through the blood on my lover's face. "No..." "Fox." The voice is A.D. Skinner's. "They have to take him to the hospital, you need to let go of him..." Warm fingers pry mine loose from Jeff's body, and someone wearing white lifts him from my lap. Scully and Skinner are at my side immediately, but all I can see is that Jeff's blood is sticky on my shirt. "Fox, why don't you let Scully take you home?" "I don't have a home without Jeff..." the words slip out of me before I take notice of what I'm saying. "I want to go with him..." "Mulder, let me help you up," It is Scully's voice this time, hiding her shock, her hands wrapping around my arm. I struggle to stand, and feel Skinner's hands on my other arm. Supported between them, I am propelled out of the office and into the elevator. "Scully..." I whisper, my voice sounding slow to my own ears. "I want to go with Jeff." "Mulder, I don't think that would be a good idea," she replies, her fingers tightening on my arm. I haven't taken a full breath since I'd slid down beside Jeff, and the lack of oxygen is causing black spots in my vision, and the darkness is closing in... end violinst@pitnet.net Site X - http://personal.pitnet.net/london