From: Patrice Farmer Date: Fri, 6 Aug 2010 22:09:40 -0700 (PDT) Subject: Look At Me by Trycee Source: direct Look At Me by Trycee The X files is owned by Chris Carter and Fox. I wrote this for fun not profit. This is from Season 7, episode" En Ami", when Scully goes with CGB Spender looking for the cure for cancer. This is Scully's inner monologue as she waits for the Lone Gunman to upload the disk given to her by CGB. This is an Angst story...a short story, from Scully's point of view. Mulder why won't you look at me? Why are you angry with me? You wouldn't hold me, you didn't even speak to me when I came racing to your door. The Gunmen did, they were happy to see me alive but you...you just turned away from me leaving me feeling rejected... Do you know what I went through? The fear that I had going with that cigarette smoking son-of-a-bitch afraid I'd never see you again? Afraid he'd kill me and you'd never know...never know where I was or what happened to me. All I could think is getting back to you, to getting back to what I thought would be your loving arms but instead you stand there in the doorway, refusing to look at me and the tears are threatening to trace lines down my face but I can't cry in front of them...I can't show them how vulnerable I am...I've only shown that side to you. Look at me Mulder! I sent you tapes, I mailed them to you...the fear, Mulder, that I had...I was so afraid...and they shot at me too, almost killing me. I needed for you to know what happened, I needed for you to know what happened to the man they shot next to me in the boat, who knew my name and why CGB took me on this trip, showing me the things he showed me, not allowing me to call you. I hoped you'd understand the risks I took and why...all the thoughts I had of never having you look into my eyes again. You were what I thought of the entire long drive to god knows where. How I wanted to just get back to you, be with you...How I wanted to show you that his words about me not allowing you to love me had hit a chord with me...I wanted to prove him wrong but mostly I wanted to show you what you mean to me now instead of waiting for some unforeseen time. I wanted to let you know I was finally ready to show you I loved you and tell you I loved you...I raced straight here after calling you letting you know I was alive, I raced right here but you are being so cold to me. The tears better not fall... "There's nothing on this," Frohicke said turning to me as he, Byers and Langley sat at your desk, uploading the disk. "It's empty," Langley says. "Completely," Byers agrees. "No," I said rising from your couch and walking up to the computer screen. "It can't be...it can't be...it's got to be on there." They said nothing and then the first thing I did was turn to you... I turned to face you Mulder because I needed you...you still avoided my eyes for several seconds but then you finally looked at me. The look of anger in your face...it made me feel worst than when you wouldn't look at me...