From: Lindsey Reed Date: Mon, 21 Jun 1999 22:20:58 -0700 Subject: Loss of Beauty (1/1) by Heather "Loss of Beauty" by Heather hgct73@aol.com This is a character death story. I thought I would never write one of these but the idea took hold and I needed to write it. Summary: Finding the strength to continue in the midst of loss. Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me, they belong to Carter and 1013. I am just borrowing them. Feedback: Please! It would be very appreciated. hgct73@aol.com Archive: anywhere, just please let me know. Dedication: Thankyou to Michelle for her wonderful beta reading and honesty in letting me know when the story needed help. Thankyou Linz for encouraging me to write this story and continue writing in general. MNL, you are all wonderful! Loss of Beauty The flowers bordering the walkway to the house were paid no attention. The man's thoughts were too consumed by the events of the last hours and his next duty to be able to appreciate his surroundings. Were the man to be asked he would say that he would never see beauty in anything again. Upon reaching the front door he paused; to gain strength; to bring his own emotions under control. The house was completely dark and he knew he would be waking the house's one resident from sleep. He rapped quickly on the door and waited. A light came on in a second floor window. He rapped once again. Moments later a light lit up the window to his left and the outside light came on as well. He heard footsteps come up to the door and pause. Then the door opened and the man saw that the face of the woman who opened the door already wore a worried expression. "Fox?" "May I come in?" he responded. Mrs. Scully took in the face of the man before her. Although his face masked his emotions, Fox Mulder's eyes betrayed him. She began to tremble a bit but tried not to think the worst. She stepped aside allowing him entrance to her house and followed him wordlessly to the couch. "Fox, what is it? What's happened? Where's Dana?" she asked, her voice losing it's calmness as she worried over the absence of her daughter from this visit and the anguished looks in Fox's eyes. This would become the moment when it would all become real to Mulder. When he had to break the heart of the mother of the woman he loved, the woman he would always love. This one moment where he had to actually say the words and make what had happened real. Mulder turned to look into her eyes and said, "she's gone." He watched as she took the news like a blow but then began to grasp for hope. "Gone? Abducted? She was taken again. But you will find her. You will bring her back again." Mulder closed his eyes against the weight of his sorrow. Not this time. This time he wouldn't be able to find her and bring her back safely. He shook his head and again looked into the eyes that were now filling with tears. "I'm sorry Mrs. Scully. I'm sorry." Her face crumpled, her lips trembled and tears fell from her eyes. She wanted to break down and cry but she was afraid to let go completely. Mulder embraced her, hoping to give some comfort. He wanted to weep with her but wouldn't let himself. Not yet. He would be strong for her first. And in his arms she allowed herself to cry. Some time later Mrs. Scully removed herself from his grasp but kept his hands in hers. She went through the same transformation that he had watched her daughter go through many times before. Getting emotion under control, steeling against the world while being torn apart inside. "How did it happen?" she asked. Her voice was even but her lips were trembling. "She...we.....we were looking for something. Tracking down information, proof." Mulder paused trying to shut out the images that assaulted him. "She was shot. A fatal wound to her chest. There was nothing I could do." "Oh God," she whispered, as she moved one trembling hand to her mouth. Her other hand grasped onto Mulder's more tightly. Trying to gain some strength, some composure from the man next to her. She didn't want to have images of her daughter dying assaulting her but she needed to know if her daughter died alone. "Was she...did she...alone.....in pain." she asked between sobs. "No, she died just moments after it happened. I was with her. She was in my arms." He got out the last sentence before he himself broke down. The two wept together. ******************** Mrs. Scully sat on the chair next to the couch, an afghan wrapped around her lap. She was staring at the pictures on her mantelpiece. Both Bill and Charlie has been called and would be arriving soon. A male voice was talking in the background. Mulder was in the kitchen using her phone. She didn't have the heart to listen. She thought about the man in her kitchen. After leaving the comfort of his arms she had called her sons to tell them what had happened. Exhausted she had sunk into this chair. Mulder had come and knelt next to her and asked if he could stay until her sons arrived. She hadn't said a word only took his hand and gently squeezed it. Sitting there beside him she looked at him, seeing the man her daughter had fallen in love with. His good looks were hard to miss, even now through teary eyes. But she knew it was his character that had captured Dana's heart. The same gentleness and tenderness he was now showing to her. But also the conviction, intelligence and strength in him that matched her daughter's. Something around his neck caught her eyes. Mulder noticed her gaze at his neck and he fingered the gold cross carefully, reverently. "Before she ... before....she asked me to take it." Mulder said softly. He moved his hands to the back of his neck to remove the chain. "I shouldn't have it..." She placed a hand on his arm and said, "No, it's yours. Dana wanted you to have it. It belongs to you now. To the one man she loved as much, if not more than her father." He couldn't stop the tears from falling and his head fell against the arm of the chair. He sobbed as Mrs. Scully ran her hands in comforting strokes through his hair. ******************* Bill arrived first and soon after Mulder quietly left the house and drove away. He didn't want to be with anyone. He didn't want to be alone. There was only one person he wanted to be with right now. One person that he knew would know how to comfort him, that would understand him and what he needed. But he could never go to her again. How could he go on without her? He didn't know the answer to that question. ****************** He ended up at his apartment, sitting on the couch in a dark room. An almost empty bottle of whiskey was on the floor next to his feet. His mind lost the fight with the images of the past day and he was forced to relive it. They had gone to the warehouse in pursuit of hard evidence. They had tracked the vaccine, the tests for the vaccine to a warehouse in Virginia. They had to get there quickly, before everything was cleaned up. But getting there before everything was gone meant there were people there as well. Men with guns and no hesitation to shoot at intruders. She had held the vaccine in her hands one more time before falling to the ground, blood flowing from a wound in her chest. The moment she fell his world shattered. The gunfire stopped as the rest of the gunmen fled and Skinner and the other agents flooded the building. But it didn't matter. Scully lay in Mulder's arms, dying. "Get paramedics in here now!" he screamed. Scully simply shook her head and put her hand to his face. Her other hand took his that was pressing against her wound and put it to the back of her neck, to rest on the clasp on her chain. "Take it." "Scully, you can't, you can't leave me." "Take it." He did as she asked and when he held it in his hand she began to speak softly. He lowered his head to be next to her own. He stroked her hair and face as she continued to stroke his. "Promise me Mulder. Promise me you'll find her. Find Samantha. Find your truth. Promise me you won't give up hope that she and your truth are out there." "Scully," He said, almost whimpering. "I have found my truth. You're my truth Scully. You're my truth." A small smile graced her face. "I love you Mulder. I always have. Find the truth for me Mulder." He nodded and Scully smiled again. "I love you." he said "I know" and her eyes shut for the last time. Gripping her cross in his hand he laid his head upon hers and wept. He had once said that he didn't know if he could do it alone. He had known even then that he wouldn't want to do it alone. Now the question was could he. He didn't even want to wake up if it meant not seeing Scully. But it was his duty now. His duty to love her with the life he still had. He would never be the same. Life would never hold as much meaning and as much light but he would live for her. Live to find her truth.