From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: 1 Sep 2003 06:10:31 -0000
Subject: Love In Retrospect by gos
Source: direct

Reply To: gossamertouch@bigvalley.net


Title: Love In Retrospect
Author: gos
Rating: G
Spoilers: Pilot/Beyond The sea/Memento Mori/Millennium/All 
Things/NIHT
Disclaimer: Not in my wildest. Belong to CC and the Fox boys.
Summary: A verbal journal
Feedback: gossamertouch@bigvalley.net
Authors notes:  big thanks to Syb for giving me the confidence to 
do it.


Scully reclined dejectedly in an overstuffed armchair blanketed by 
the darkness of her bedroom. Nature's tears slid rhythmically 
down the pane of the uncurtained window, matching the wetness 
that stained her cheeks. She tightened her grip on the warm body 
pressed against her and hesitantly began to speak.

"The first time I saw him I was both thrilled and disappointed. His 
intellect thrilled me. He challenged me from the very beginning. 
'Here we are at point A, Scully. Now lets leap to point D. B and C? 
Not necessary.' He was so handsome and effortlessly graceful, 
with a mouth I knew instinctively would be like Christmas 
morning every day in taste and texture, if only I could sample it. 
The disappointment was that he was off limits." 
The body against her shifted slightly. Scully smoothed gentle 
fingers through silky hair as she made soothing sounds.  "I guess 
that conjures up images that neither of us is prepared to explore"

"The first time I knew I cared deeply about him was when he was 
shot." She shivered. "I had just lost my father. I couldn't lose my 
best friend too." Her tears fell harder with the sting of old pain.

The steady drumming of the unceasing rain matched the cadence 
of the heartbeat pressed closed to her.  Mother Nature had a burden 
to unload, as did Scully.

"The first time I knew I was in love with him, was when I thought 
I would have to leave him." Scully smiled shyly. "He bought me 
flowers." She shook her head, "If you knew this man's gift 
history." Scully gave a soft laugh, "I loved those flowers. The pain 
in his eyes when I told him of the cancer was dark and bottomless; 
I knew he loved me then. He refused to believe me." She chuckled 
lightly, "For once he refused to believe. He pouted, he became 
angry. He actively pursed my illness as if it were a living demon. I 
became his quest and he became my knight" She sighed, "and I fell 
in love with him."

"The first time he kissed me was no less dramatic. In a hospital 
with a countdown." Scully laughed softly. "He told me that the 
world didn't end. I thought 'No it didn't Mulder, but the fireworks 
put on a hell of a show.'"

Scully's laughter died and her voice dropped to a whisper.

"The first time he made love to me, was the first time that I felt 
truly alive. I had come to him from the hospital room of an old 
friend. Mulder was gently possessive. His touch was tentative at 
first like a blind man who had regained his sight, loving and 
reverent. His body and spirit moved over me, in me and through 
me. " Scully's own body trembled at the physicality of the 
memory.

The person pressed to her chest snorted. She patted his back. "You 
have no cause to be jealous Mr."

Standing Scully walked to the window. "The last time I saw him," 
The wave of her voice broke sharply on the rock of emotion, "was 
this morning. He had to go, I just got him back, but he had to go." 
She tried to convince herself.

Hitching her breath she bent and placed a soft kiss on their son's 
forehead.

"The first time I see him again, William. I'll remember how to 
breathe."

Written for Haven's August Feels like the first time challenge
30K  
Any character telling another character about doing something for 
the first time. Can be past tense or present