From: Zephathah Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2000 09:43:34 -0500 Subject: Love Letter (1/1) by Zephathah Source: direct TITLE: Love Letter (1/1) AUTHOR: Zephathah E-MAIL ADDRESS: zephathah@yahoo.com RATING: PG CATEGORY: VR KEYWORDS: MSR SPOILERS: nada SUMMARY: Mulder writes a love letter to Scully. DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, but let me know first. DISCLAIMER: Nope, they don't belong to me. FEEDBACK: It makes the world go 'round. Send to zephathah@yahoo.com NOTES: This started out as a Scullyfic challenge (which may explain the preponderance of love letter fics lately...); thanks go out to my great beta readers, Shoshana and Teresa. Love Letter by Zephathah ____________________________ 01 February 2000 Dear Scully, Already my wrist is aching, and I know if you were here you would turn off the computer without saying a word. But it's healing well, Scully, and I promise I won't be up long. I couldn't sleep. Those pills you gave me dulled the pain, but my mind keeps racing. I've fallen back on my old stand-by, writing it all down to clear the words from my brain. I've got a folder full of these - letters to you that you'll never read. I haven't written one in a while, but tonight I can think of nothing else that will help. I was watching you today, in the office. You were working at your laptop, and you'd pause every once in a while to tuck your hair behind an ear or take a sip of the coffee I'd remembered to bring you for once. You kept giving me those sidelong glares you've perfected. Checking up on me, making sure I wasn't using my arm. Typing with one hand is slow and frustrating, so I had plenty of time to look at you. Maybe it was the ache in my wrist because of another one of my damn stunts; maybe it was that weird coffee I'd decided to try this morning. All I know, Scully, is that when I looked at you - my heart filled. All those things I have trouble saying, even now, were pressing against my lips, trying to get out. You lifted your head to give me another one of your looks, and you must have seen something because instead of glaring at me, your face turned serious, solemn. You stared at me silently - were you drinking in the sight of me at a loss for words, Scully? Even if I had opened my mouth, nothing would have come out but a string of nonsense. Sometimes I can find the words, but today I felt too self-conscious. No crisis, no catalyst - just a normal day in the office after a run- of-the-mill case, but suddenly I felt a tightness in my chest and I wanted to tell you, Scully. I wanted to tell you right then that you are an integral part of my life, that I barely recognize myself from the man I was before I knew you, that I never want to have to live even a moment without you. I wanted to tell you how right it feels to be with you, working together to find whatever Truth there may be. I think we've both found our own personal truths along the way. I know we have. I know it by the way your eyes softened, by the way you blinked rapidly and smiled oh-so-gently at me. And I knew you understood what I was trying to say. That's why I love you so much, Scully. Well, one of the reasons. Not because we speak without words - I know I should speak them more often. You can look at me, your fool of a partner, a man so in love with you he gets choked up in the middle of the work day just by looking at you, and you accept it. You accept me. You take the gale-force intensity, the jealous possession, and the cracked and flawed emotions that are my soul and my love for you, and you wrap them about you like an old, comfortable blanket. I've seen you do it; I saw you do it today. I send the tidal wave crashing over you, and you transform it. My love becomes a bright and shining thing. Something I thought must crush you becomes lighter than air. You smiled at me, and my love was returned a thousandfold. All I could do was smile back at you, smile at the wonder of it all, until our smiles became grins and we both started laughing like kids. I've been writing longer than I thought I would. I can hear you starting to rustle in your sleep. I'll be there soon. I'll slip back into bed, and you'll flinch when my cold feet touch your warm legs. I'll wrap myself around you and wait for you to wriggle into a comfortable position, then I'll lay my head beside yours on the pillow. I'll fall asleep without trouble, now. I'll hold you in my arms, and you'll hold me in our love. Mulder _______________________________ fin Please send feedback to zephathah@yahoo.com http://zephathah.tripod.com/ ________________________________________ Zephathah zephathah@yahoo.com http://zephathah.tripod.com/ "We know the truth, not only by the reason, but by the heart." -Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)