From: FowCowsDead Date: 02 Jan 2000 06:13:05 GMT Subject: NEW!: "Lovers Silence" by Lizzy From: Lizzy Date: January 2000 Title: Lover's Silence Rating: PG Feedback: dianafowleysucks@angelfire.com Spoilers: None Keywords: Vignette, UST Summary: Sometimes, silence can interpret all of our feelings, hopes, and dreams. Disclaim: Mulder and Scully are property of Chris Carter, 1013 productions, 20th Century Fox. The Stokes are property of Lisa Gardner and were taken from the book "The Other Daughter" (Author's Note: It's a really good book. Read it.). There is no infringement intended. Somewhere outside Virginia, 8:35 p.m. Knowing Mulder, he'd probably be late for the shift. ::Sigh:: He's a dead man if he comes past nine o'clock. He knows it's his turn to watch the Stokes. While watching the window to the townhouse, I saw his car pull up right behind mine. He stepped out, keys in hand and walked a few meters to the driver's seat of the blue Intrigue, rented by yours truly. "Move over, my turn." he said to me in the simplest form one could ever imagine. He motioned his chin over to the passenger's seat as he was leaning against the frame of the car window. I hopped easily to the empty seat next to me, unlike he sometimes did. Preferably because I'm slimmer. He opened the driver's seat door and fit right in. He put his rented car's keys on the dashboard. I saw him like I always do at a stake out. First button of his dress shirt unbuttoned, loosened tie, rolled up sleeves, and a pack of sunflower seeds. Most likely when he hasn't gotten any sleep either. He turned his head in my direction and I smiled wryly like I do every time. "What's up with these people? Baby killers or not?" he said to me, chewing on a sunflower seed. "I haven't seen anything. Melanie went out twice and I got Agent Amaya on her. Agent Cuevas is following Patricia Stokes whose been gone all of today. Neither of them have called me back." I explained. He turned his head to view the top window of the townhouse and I followed to do the same with my eyes. "Maybe..." he started. I became all ears to him, but he didn't finish the sentence. "Maybe what?" There was a long pause from his part. "Nothing." He replied. He picked another sunflower seed out from the bag and stuck it in his mouth. "So what have you been doing all day, Mulder?" I asked, trying to get a theme of conversation out of him. Although sometime silence was all we needed to express ourselves, it was awkward to just stay in while sitting in the misty night. He deposited the seed shell out the window and turned to me. "I've been stuck taking a lecture from Skinner. He says our last report is more b.s. than me." He joked. "Mulder, I told you that your theory was more plausible than nothing at all," I began. He gave me the "I-really-don't-feel-like- listening-to-your-scientific-explanation" look, but I continued. "I mean..." I noticed I really was annoying him because his unique facial expression told me so. Over the years, Mulder and I have developed some kind of silent language. All we need is a look; a smile, an eyebrow raise and we both know what we're trying to say. It's the kind of unique thing that only develops between...I decided to stop think these things and concentrate on the stake out. A dark-green car drove by us and that is when I realized I was paying more attention to nothingness than to what I was designated to. "These people," he started again, breaking the everlasting stillness. "They've been married...what, 25 years?" "Something like that." I replied. How did this conversation arise? I figured somewhere in the desperate want of running away from the utter hush. We're usually not this quiet, but tonight is different. The uncanny thing was neither of us knew why. He began again without warning. "You have to have a lot of nerve to be married that long." He muttered under the breath of a new sunflower seed entering his mouth. I looked at him as if I knew he were getting somewhere with this. Somewhere where fire roamed the outsides and was hard to get out of, at least in my situation. But I just had to reciprocate the comment. "Not really," I said, making a huge mistake. "My parents would be celebrating 39 years of marriage if my father were still alive." I looked out once more, glancing at the top window of the town house, where Melanie Stokes room was supposed to be. No motion. I felt him take a breath to speak another sentence. "Well, who says marriages can't survive as long as your parents, I mean...39 years. That's a lot." "But if your with the person you love..." I stopped again, questioning my instincts and trying to figure out why I was luring ourselves deeper into this meaningless conversation. I sighed and out of the corner of my eyes I realized that Mulder was smiling at me. He turned his head to view right out the windshield and I recomposed myself after a somewhat embarrassing moment. He finished the sentence for me. "If you're with the person that you love, of course you can be married that long." I smiled and instantly knew what I was thinking. Had he ever been with a person he really loved? And I mean...REALLY loved? Had there been someone he would die for? Diana. The first person that came to mind. What had happened between them? Dana, relax. You've never been this curious about Mulder's former life. You've never been curious about anyone's past life for that matter. I glanced at him trying to seek answers, trying to feed the hunger to know. But I couldn't. Even if we've crossed the...confines of friendship, not sexually but...emotionally. We've shared^intimate detail. Yet, it doesn't feel right to ask him about his prior relationships. "A penny for your thoughts." Was the sentence coming from his lips that broke my train of thought. Those lips with the unique shape, the...seductive movement that just sends chills up my spine. The way those lips always seemed to mouth the right words to console me, to find what's wrong, to disprove my scientific explanations, to... Clicking back to reality, I found Mulder looking up at Melanie Stokes window watchful for a move, a shadow or anything. Even though I tried to concentrate, penetrate my thoughts into the investigation, knowing about Mulder's prior love life kept twisting and turning in my head like a revolving door. It came out without notification from my senses. "Mulder, have you ever found someone who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?" He cast his eyes on mine and they read not only confusion towards my words but definitely something that told me that he wanted me to ask that question. Answer the question, Goddamn it. He was silent for a couple of seconds but my mind's clock counted it as hours. Why was I so eager to know all of this all of a sudden? What's wrong with me? He opened his mouth to speak and that was the signal for all my thoughts to flee and to pay full attention to what he was saying. "To be all sincere, Scully^" he started. Lord, he probably did have someone he wanted to spend his life with. I awaited the rest of his reply. "Yeah, I think I have. But that was a long time ago and the feelings went away." "Who was it?" I couldn't believe myself. Kathy, you're getting way too personal. But I just needed to know. My conscience needed to know. We've pushed this to this extent and we're going to end it. "Phoebe..." I froze. I never expected that answer. I never expected Mulder's response to be anything but "That's none of your business." But thinking again, we have recollected that confidentiality over the years. Phoebe. I never knew he'd loved her that much. "Yeah. She would, at that point, bundle up my whole world and I could spare anything else but her." I looked down, keeping silent. Actually, you keep silent because you don't know what to say. Phoebe. I tried to let it pass as part of another Mulder & Scully bored-as-hell-during-the-stakeout conversation but I couldn't. Phoebe. He ate yet another sunflower seed and all the emerged was the cracking of the seed. I felt his breathing... along with his chewing but that's another subject. "Have you?" he asked. Here we go again. Old curiosity rising out of him too. "Have I what?" "Have you ever found someone who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with?" He asked me. He dared to open Pandora's box which in a man completely excites me. That meant he was eager to know whether I had someone in my life I loved that much. I didn't know what to say, considering that I've had 1 date and a one-night stand in the past 7 years. I didn't want to tell him that I^that I THINK I feel something for him. He raised an eyebrow in signal that he's waiting for my answer. What do I tell him? He'll know if I lie, I know he will. But why am I like this? Mulder...he's just...my friend. "No. Not yet." I replied, barely audible. He smiled, I know he did. Silence fell over us yet again, but this time...it wasn't and empty silence. There was something...something was there. "That guy...what was his name..." I feared the worst being that I thought I knew who he was talking about. "...Ed Jerse." I knew it. Ed. He had to mention Ed. I didn't want to say anything to him about the day I re-gained my rebel spirit...but he wanted to know. "You guys never..." "Never what?" I responded quickly, impulsively. "You know. You never had sex with him?" The question attacked my system. At first, I thought 'Who's he to ask these things from me?' But then I reprimanded my self. 'He's your partner...your best friend.' I remember telling people I didn't even know about my relationships back in high school. I did that, why can't I just spill it to Mulder? We've both always wanted the truth, and he told me his. Now, it's my obligation to give him mine. "I...yes, I did." I couldn't tell if he was happy, sad, enraged, or just didn't hear me. He chewed on another sunflower seed, and there came the silence filled with relief from my part, indefinite from his. He turned to me, trying to act okay with the situation, but it wasn't working. "Wow. Scully, you never told me that fairy tale." I ingenuously chuckled. "It was a fairy tale while it lasted...it ended up being a nightmare." As if silence was our perfect date for the night, it came to greet us for the millionth time. "You never slept with Phoebe?" Did I ever learn that curiosity killed the cat? But, I had to ask. We just had to be even. "No. No, the semester ended before we could even do anything. She relocated somewhere else in England took the job for Scotland Yard. I...I got recruited to the FBI." I felt sorry for him. I felt I wanted to hold him forever, but I couldn't tell him anything that would help us both. "But that's over now," he said. "I'm over her. I'm actually in love with someone else." Oh God. He...no I'm probably too tired and I'm falling asleep. I saw headlights pull up into the garage of the Stokes home and through the window, I distinctly identified Melanie. I took a glance at Mulder and decided to end this conversation which was leading us to dangerous waters. I reached for the subsidiary cars' keys. "Mulder," I said aiming my eyes at Melanie Stokes. "I'll leave you to do your job." I hated to, but I had to, I had to think about a lot of things. A hot shower would definetly do me good right now. "I'll see you later." He looked in my eyes with an understanding look, a look that was fed by the need to be alone himself. We read each other I tell you. I opened the passenger door and stepped out. Melanie didn't see me, being that the garage door was just closing. Pushing the door to an adjoinance, I eyed Mulder from through the glass of the window. Walking over to the car, I stepped in and turned it on. I drove away stealing a last smile from Mulder in dismissal. Driving home, silence roamed around me again. Somehow, the silence persistently reminded me of Mulder and something made me smile. I don't know what it was...but it was there, wandering in the silence. END Copyright 1999 - This story belongs to Liz S.