From: Ladyhawk Date: Sat, 30 Jan 1999 00:57:52 GMT Subject: Lucky III: Don't Let...by Ladyhawk 1/1 MSR NC-17 TITLE: Lucky III: Don't Let Others Plsy Your Hand AUTHOR: Ladyhawk EMAIL ADDRESS: funger1@hofstra.edu DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me SPOILER WARNING: everything up to Tithonus RATING: NC-17 CLASSIFICATION: V, A, R CONTENT WARNING: MSR, sexual situation SUMMARY: Love isn't easy when someone's hiding something DISCLAIMER: CC owns them all. Author's note: I dedicate this part to all those who have helped set me on my career path. Marty and JJ, that includes you. Because of them, I have become a decent observer of human behavior. I hope it shows here. I had some trouble writing this section because I am worried that I embarrassed myself by issuing my challenge. And Brandon Ray may have done just that. I'll have to do some more research I guess. Oh well, what's done is done. If you're curious, check atxc or my website (at end of story). But do it quick, it won't be there long. Don't Let Others Play Your Hand by Ladyhawk (funger1@hofstra.edu) I don't dare open my eyes. The revulsion I know I'll see in her eyes will kill me. But Scully pulls my hands away and forces my head up. She kisses me lightly, her hands caress my shoulders. My eyes open before I can stop them. Scully has a worried look in her eyes, but none of the disgust I expected is there. "Mulder, what is going on? Did I do something wrong?" "No, I did. By believing I could actually please you. I've failed so many times before. . ." I can't say more, I'm too choked up, worried she will leave me now. "But you did please me! Couldn't you tell?" Scully, don't lie to me. ------------------------------------------------------------- I didn't know I was a failure until I met Phoebe. The few girls I dated in high school and my first year at Oxford didn't want anything more physical from me than a few kisses. But when I started dating Phoebe the next year, I found myself out of my element. She wanted things I didn't know how to give. Her sex games often included domination, humiliation, and the occasional public display. At first, she saw my hesitation as endearing. I was a new puppet to train and she was less concerned about her sexual satisfaction than about what hoop she could make me jump through next. I was too overwhelmed at the time to realize she didn't mean a word of the frequent emotional declarations of love she used to keep me in line. But as time went on, she found I couldn't please her sexually at all. She would end our games by seeking her release, but try as I might, I couldn't give it to her. Sometimes, it was because I couldn't perform. I was too worn out or too humiliated to get anything to work. Other times, my body worked but I just wasn't good enough for her. During these times, I'd often go back to my apartment with a severe case of blue balls because if I found release and she didn't, she would use some of her more public ways to humiliate me. This went on for two years before I finally got fed up with being kicked around by her. I already had had too much of it from my father. I finished my degree at Oxford without dating anyone else because of the reputation Phoebe stamped me with. It makes Scully's reputation as the 'Ice Queen' seem like a compliment. In early 1990, I met Diana. She was not only smart and beautiful, but she was willing to believe in and help with the X-files. We hit it off almost from the beginning and we got married that summer. We weren't abstinent before the wedding, but our passions were mostly focused on work. And when we did have sex, Diana appeared to be having the time of her life. She's a very good actress. Three weeks after the wedding she declared that I am not to touch her that way ever again. She went on to say that she didn't enjoy it and she faked every response. I was devastated. I buried myself in the X-files while she went on to climb the Bureau's ladder. Our divorce was finalized in December. ------------------------------------------------- I finally look up at Scully as I finish my explanation. "After Diana left me, I had the occasional one night stand. I know you know about some of them. But I never actually tried to please those women. I needed release, that's all they were, a way to get some relief. But you. . .I can't even imagine my life without you anymore! I don't know if I can handle this, not being able to give you what you want." ************************************************************************************************ I can't keep the tears out of my eyes as Mulder tells his tale in a monotone with his body in the same position as when I followed him here. I rub my hand down his back rhythmically, just to let him know I'm still listening. But when he begins to agonize over me, I push his body toward the back of the couch. "But you did! You gave me exactly what I wanted." Right now I wanted to go down in the Bureau's refurbished basement and jam my gun down Diana Fowley's throat. What possessed her and Phoebe Green to take an attractive, loving man and destroy every shred of confidence he had in his ability to love someone? And what could I do to heal those wounds? What could I do to make him see? An idea begins to form. I kiss him deeply, trying to convey my feelings. Then I pull him back toward his bedroom. Whoever redecorated Mulder's bedroom must have had sex in mind when he did it. A large mirror resides over the bed to look down upon its occupants. I intend to put it to good use. I strip off the t-shirt and direct Mulder to strip off his jeans and get on the bed. Then I lean over him and let my mouth plunder his. When I pull back, his face is flushed and his eyes are glazed. "Do you trust me? Do you trust that I won't lie to you?" "Yes, always." "Then watch." I point to the mirror above our heads. When I see him look up, I climb on the bed and settle on top of him, facing the mirror. He shifts to make room for me between his legs. I take his hand and move it toward the red curls below my abdomen. I guide his fingers toward my clit, and he gets the hint. His fingers glide over my nub rhythmically. His other hand starts caressing my breasts gently. I moan as his finger twirls my nipple. When I look up at his face, Mulder's eyes are glued to the mirror, watching my body twitch and arch as I respond to his loving hands. I move my own eyes toward the mirror and meet his gaze. Just then, his finger plunges into my center and I groan, struggling to keep my eyes open. Through the haze that has filled my mind, I see Mulder's eyes light up with wonder. He adds another finger inside me while his other arm reaches around me to keep me on top of him. My eyes finally close as I reach that peak and tumble over it, collapsing back against my lover. When I open them again and look up, I see Mulder smile. I smile back at him then turn so I am lying on him, chest to chest. I lovingly rub his erection then move to straddle him. That look of apprehension covers his face, but I wipe it away with kisses, on his forehead, over his chin, then finally sealing his mouth to mine. I pull away and trail my lips down his chest, over his nipples, as my hand positions his cock to enter me. I smile down at him. "Watch." I see his eyes widen as I pull back and settle onto his erection. Knowing that having him in control is necessary, I pull his hands to my hips and lean in to kiss him. His mouth bruises my with his fire, then breaks away. His eyes search my face as his body starts a slow rhythm inside me. I sigh as one hand reaches to curve over my breast. The sigh turns into a loud moan as his fingers pinch the nipple. I'm drowning in fire when his eyes meet mine, passion and love beaming out from him through every pore. Suddenly, Mulder flips us over. My body arches up toward him as he pounds into me, harder, faster. And still his eyes burn a trail over me. It's too much. I scream his name as his heat hurls me over the edge again. I clutch him as he shakes with his own release. When look up at him, Mulder gazes back at me in amazement. "Wow." I smile. "Was I as good as you were?" "No, Scully. *We* were great." I pull his head down for a loving kiss, then fit my body into his as he begins to drift to sleep. We are lucky. Luck gave us each other, but love gave us the winning hand. ---------------------------------------------------------- All done! I hope you had as much fun as I did! And just when you thought Mulder was safe...My next MSR will take a more personal turn. Expect it very soon. Feedback welcome at funger1@hofstra.edu And for those looking for parts I and II, or my other stuff, look here: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Chateau/9659