Subject: "LUMP V: CHANGES FOR LUMP"
From: ChupaC77@hotmail.com
Date: Sun, 05 Oct 1997 17:57:34 -0400

Title: "Lump V: Changes For Lump"
Author: Just Chupacabra this time
Rating: NC-17
Classification: SRH
Spoilers: None
Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance, Scully/Skinner Romance, Mulder/Skinner
Romance, Scully/Krycek Romance, Mulder/Krycek Romance, Skinner/Krycek
Romance
Summary: When some intimacy problems arise, who is there to save the
day?  Parody.

Dedication: To the million and a half people who responded to the Lump
series- Moonbeam, dora grrrl, Cristan, Traverse, Joey, Rachel, Barb, and
someone else who I *KNOW* I am forgetting...

Author's Notes: MonkeyGirl doesn't know I'm writing this.  I'm in a good
mood, I just got imitation Doc combat boots, so I'm announcing it to
everyone and now you know.  Anyways this is more mindless crap, hope you
enjoy it.

Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, Skinner, and Krycek are not my own.  Lump is
mine, if you want to use her go ahead but tell me.  The X-Files is owned
by CC, 1013, and FOX, and I really do realize that it's just a TV
show... really... 

* * * * * * *

"Mulder," Scully sighed.  "We have to do something about Lump.  Ever
since she came back and saw me and Wally she's been acting strange."

"Well she did have a kid and it died," Mulder said.  "Perhaps our
lifestyle is... *hard*.  Have a heart-to-heart chat with her."

Scully reflected on the idea for a moment, decided it was good, and went
back to screwing Mulder.
*******
Scully and Lump had their talk the next day.  

"Lump, I'm worried."

"Well don't be.  I mean, there's some stuffs going on between you and
Skinner that you're ignoring because of my problems.  That's no way to
live.  Don't give a shit about my problems, concentrate on your own."

"OK."  Scully nodded, satisfied.  She pulled into Skinner's driveway, as
they had been driving to his house.

"OHMIGOD!!!" Scully cried, seeing Mulder and Skinner making out on his
front porch.  "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" she flung herself down into the street,
hoping to be run over by an oncoming vehicle.

However, the first oncoming vehicle stopped and pulled her inside.

"Sexy redheads with suicidal tendencies really turn me on," a voice
said.

"KRYCEK!!!!!" Scully screamed.

"Oh yes, Scully.  I know how much my plastic arm arouses you.  But
please, wait until I've pulled over before we start."

"How did you know where I was?"

"Well, Mulder and I have sort of... well... been having an affair for
several months now.  But we had a tiff.  You see, I'm only using you to
get back at him, and he's only using Skinner to get back at me."

"I never knew you all were gay!" Scully cried.

"Well, you would be too, except you're the only major female character,"
Krycek responded.

"There's Lump," Scully reminded him.

"Yeah, but that would be incestuous and the Wongs left us again.  Come
on," he said.  "Don't resist the allure of the plastic arm any longer. 
You know you like it."

"I do...." Scully breathed.  Soon the windows of Krycek's car were
fogged up.  A police officer tried to cite them, but he was promptly
shot by Krycek.

And far, far away, Lump was decidedly disturbed to see both of her
father figures get graphic in front of her.

* * * * * * *

More soon, if you guys want it (I mean more story, not sex!!  You people
are sick!!!)