From: BrassJak <brassjak@aol.com>
Date: 3 Apr 1999 03:40:10 GMT
Subject: Masters of the Basement Office by Max


Title: Masters of the Basement Office
Author: Max
Category: VH
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Keywords: None
Summary: Mulder and the LGM hold a Seinfeld-style "Master of His Domain"
contest. Scully's happy to observe this, and Diana Fowley's head explodes. It's
all rather pointless, but oh well....for the sake of argument, Spender's not
dead in this story, okay?
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Never will. So CC won't sue me. Besides, all you'll
get, Carter, is a couple of binders full of incomplete homework and some
Barenaked Ladies CDs.

Author's Note: This is an incredibly short humor piece that is dedicated to
SpookyFox, Krycek, and Pot-Smoking Man. Thanks for the inspiration, guys!

I wish I could fly
From this building
From this wall
And if I should try
Would you catch me
If I fall?
~ Barenaked Ladies

**************************

MASTERS OF THE BASEMENT OFFICE

"Here's a tip," said Frohike as he leaned over his greasy cheese steak. "If you
wanna win, don't watch your pornos."

Mulder groaned.

"God no...."

*****

Scully went to work that morning with the sole intention of driving her partner
up the wall. So she wore an incredibly short skirt and a REEEALLLY tight shirt.
It was so damned tight it about cut off her circulation, but she got the
desired effect.

Mulder's eyes bugged out of his head when she strolled into the office.

"Hey. How's the contest coming?" she asked mockingly.

"Fine....uh, yeah. Fine...." he muttered, looking her up and down and trying to
stop the bizarre twitch that had taken over his...uh...never mind.

"I must warn you, Mulder, that pocket pool is a violation of the rules of the
contest."

He groaned again. "If Frohike and the boys win I'll never live it down...."

She looked at him empathetically. "You'll get over it."

He jumped out of his seat.

"Can I please do something? Just to alleiviate the tension?"

She sighed. "Whatever."

"I love you. And I really mean it too. I'm not just saying it to keep me from
jacking off."

Down the hallway, a loud BANG was heard as Diana Fowley's head exploded and
threw little bits of her brain all over Spender and their files. Spender was
pissed.

"Ew, that's disgusting! Can't you blow up someplace else? Jeez, Diana. You are
absolutely hopeless! I'm calling my daddy!"

THE END