From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: Thu, 17 Aug 2000 19:54:21 -0500 Subject: A MATTER OF TRUST ..... is what is all comes down to !! by Ann Magentis Source: direct Reply To: X_Anjin@hotmail.com Title: A MATTER OF TRUST ...... Author: Ann Magentis E-mail: X_Anjin@hotmail.com Classification: romance, friendship, belonging Keyword: MSR Rating: PG Archive: Gossamer, Xemplary, ... If wanting to post it anywhere else, please ask me first. Thank you. Disclaimer: These characters unfortunately do not belong to me. They belong to each other first of all; and second of all to some other people too ..... *sniff* Summary: Set during the episode of Requiem, but is not really enwoven into the seasons storyline. I needed a scene to start this fic and Requiem seemed perfect. So it is just the scene and has nothing more to do with the ep. Therefore !!! You have to forget the ending of the episode Requiem !!!! Feedback: YES PLEASE !!!! This is the first fanfic I ever wrote. Tell me if you enjoyed it! **************************************************** A MATTER OF TRUST ..... ..... IS WHAT IT ALL COMES DOWN TO !!!!! by Ann Magentis I felt weak. But it should not be a weakness admitting to have feelings , or should it? I always felt I have to hide my true feelings in order to remain the strong woman I wanted to be. Can you ever get hurt if you don't reveal yourself? (As a conclusion of the experience I gain in these moments of my life I can say: you can get hurt either way if you allow it. But with showing who you really are you get much more than you ever imagined. You should fear what you would miss.) TRUTH and TRUST are the two things I cherish most in life. He is the one searching for the truth harder than anyone else. He is also the one the I am most certain of would never betray me, nor lie to me. I myself trust him with my life. How many people would put their life in the hand of one single person? I asked myself a thousand times if I would sacrifice my life in order to save his. And every time I do I am convinced I would. A friend told me one day that once you really face death as a choice you think differently. Own experiences from being to Vietnam War made it clear to him that he would never be able to answer that question - considering the life of his wife over his own - that I has answered for myself so clearly. Quite some things in my life I do regret. Opportunities, that I didn't take .... And even though I am aware of that fact I am not able to learn from it and act differently when it comes to situations similar. He once told me that he loved me. My heart stopped beating. Hearing this sentence from the only person I so much wished would say it some day was just so overwhelming to me. I was unable to handle it. So I responded the way I did; pretending to take it as a joke triggered by confusion. Turning to leave his hospital room I felt the deep truth of his works. At this moment my love for this man felt stronger than it ever had before. Why was I unable to show him the response my heart and soul gave subconsciously? I had not the ability to transfer my inner emotion to the surface, physically or verbally. A knowing smile would have been an incredible tiny but good start. Even that I was not able to do. Today I regret my reaction, but maybe it just was not the time for it. Nothing happens without a reason; everything its a purpose. Now I am lying here. Embraced by the soft skin of Mulder's arms. Physically I don't feel well. On the other level I have this sense of belonging; belonging to a being that I am made for. He is wrapped around me; consumed by his concern for me and my life ..., and himself, considering his life not being his anymore if he lost me. I am so calm, so at inner rest. As I fall asleep I feel his breath caressing the skin of my neck and cheek. He is holding me so tight. The feeling of being lost in life totally vanished from me and with this overwhelming sense of completeness I come to a rest. Warm air in the room, heated by the first rays or the rising sun is what wakes me of the perfect sleep. I lay there watching the shadows caused by the sunlight. Everything around me seems so vivid, so alive ... I need to flee this intensity. It takes me a long time to escape his still embrace without waking him. I sit on the edge of the bed looking down on him. This content beauty. I feel the warmth inside me - my immense love for him spreading over my whole body. As I stand up I feel the blood pounding in my head. My sight goes black and I have to hold on to the wall to regain my position. Dizziness consumes me whole. Slowly my sight comes back and the faintness weakens. I slowly start to walk. Maybe a shower is the right thing. Helps to strengthen my CIRCULATION. Unconsciously I walk into the bathroom not realizing that this wasn't my room. Doing everything very slowly and cautiously I get undressed and step into the shower. Medium warm water should be the best. I shiver as the first drops hit my skin. As my hair starts to get wet and water flows down my back I feel the weakness arising in me again. I take the hotel Showercream & shampoo in one; foam it up in my hands and try to wash my hair. My arms feel like stone. My surroundings are out of my conscience. As I wash my upper body all I sense are the drops of water as they tap their rhythm on my head. The sound of the drops splashing onto my shoulders get louder and louder .... This is the last I hear. My body goes numb. I feel my feet losing the ground. My body crashes through the glass shower door ... hitting the cold white tiles very hard. I lay unconscious on the icy cold floor between broken pieces of glass, water running from my hair and body, slightly foaming. * A loud crashing sound awakens Mulder - busting glass? Opening his eyes - Where is Scully? He hears the running water in the bathroom. Shock is closing up his throat. Panic is gripping him by the hand and pulls him rushing to the bathroom. "Scully?!? Scully, are you all right?" Hearing no response coming from inside, without waiting he swings open the door. His eyes widen. That is not what he had expected to see. His naked partner lays between scattered shower glass. He kneels down not paying attention to the glassfragments and the wetness. Holding his ear close to her nose and mouth he tries to listen for breathing sounds. Shallow breathing is audible. Thank god. He slaps her cheeks with his hand. "Scully, come on. Scully it's me. Scully? Scully!" Some time goes by while he tries to bring her back to consciousness. Then suddenly one of her eyelids is fluttering and seconds later she opens her eyes just so that he is able to see some few millimeters of her blue Iris. He feels so relieved. His now softer looking eyes fill up with tears as some of the tension fades. "Scully - stay with me. How do you feel?" She closes her eyes again while giving a soft moan. She opens them up for another short time before closing them again. He pulls her upper body softly, slowly from the glass .... bringing her to an upright sitting position. Holding her steady with one arm wrapped around her below her shoulder he reaches for the towel hanging next to the shower. Reaching both arms behind her body holding the towel ready to wrap her in, he leans forward. His cheek brushes her wet hair. He looks over her shoulder to inspect her back. Small streams of blood running down turning the water a pinkish color, but no serious injury. Just little surface cuts. My god - thank you. A great part or the panic that dominated him drops. In relieve the tears that filled water up in his eyes release themselves, running down his cheeks. Soothing her with calm words he put the towel around her body and slowly rubs her skin dry; than continuing with her face in the most gentle manner imaginable. After that he wraps the towel around her hair forming a turban on her head; this he does with such an incredible caring expression in his face as if he was handling the most fragile good he knew. One drop of water is running from a streak of hair that escaped the towel, rolling slowly down the right side of her forehead. He catches it by kissing her temple. Still holding her in his arms to sit he presses her against his chest to warm her body since Goosebumps start to form on her wet skin. He has to get her off this floor and out of this bathroom. He reaches for the second towel. Places it over his free arm and reaches under her knees pulling them up to her body. The other arm under her shoulder he gets up taking her with him. Now carrying her over into the room like a father carrying his daughter to bed after she fell asleep on the couch watching TV. He places her gently on the bed , laying on her side. He takes a look at the rest of her body checking for cuts and wounds on her lower back and all the way down to her feet. No bad cuts visible. God she is lucky. He rolls her to lay on her back. * It's cold. What happened? I can hardly open my eyes. I fell so exhausted, so weak. A blurry picture forms before my eyes. I see Mulder sitting next to me on his hotel bed; holding a towel. At this moment I realize - I am completely naked. But instead of feeling ashamed I feel ultimate trust. Remembering - it slowly comes to me what he just had done for me. This just goes beyond. I fell so moved ... Suddenly he looks at my face, meeting my gaze. His expression lightens as he sees me fully conscious now. "Scully - there you are. Everything is alright." I feel my face in a slight smile, unable to speak yet. A shiver. I am freezing; most of my body is still wet. As if asked Mulder starts drying me with the towel. The toes (this tickles), feet, ... working his way up my legs in soft strokes .... Then he pauses abruptly 3/4th up. He looks deep into my eyes, questioning. I this most gentle and affectionate expression; consumed by love, concern, caring .... It's overwhelming. I almost start crying. At this moment he is the only person in the whole word that I entrust my entire body to. I know that he would never do the wrong thing or take advantage me in this situation. I close my eyes - nodding in confirmation. A soft hhmmmm sound escapes my mouth. He still hesitates a while. Then takes up the sensitive task again - to dry the skin of the rest of my lower body so gentle that I almost can't feel it. I only fell a soft sensation at my skin like soft clouds caressing me. From the legs he then moves further up my body. Excitement is rising in me. Soft towelly pats over my breasts ... Ohh - this feels sooo ...... There are no words to describe something that soft yet so powerful and compassionate. I just feel that I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone in my whole life. This soft touch .... Totally carried away by my thoughts and emotions the caressing warmth is suddenly gone. I reopen my eyes. Mulder is finished and I can't help but feel sad about it. I smile in gratitude. "How do u feel now?" He says while moving up on the bed to sit next to my elbow. He runs the back of his fingers over my cheek. I still feel fatigued to death, unable to move. But I manage to reach out to touch his other hand that is resting on his right leg. I trail my fingers from his hand up on the inside of his arm. Slowly, till I reach the soft sensitive skin opposite the elbow. It tickles him making him laugh quietly. "I see you feel better already ..." he muses, whispering softly into my ear. My hearts is beating faster as his breath brushes my face. He looks at me. His sight moves down my neck, and a step further. He clearly sees that I most still be cold. But I am not exactly sure if it's the cold my breasts reflect. Taking one final glimpse at my body he swings the sheet over it. I bring my hand up to rest on his chest feeling his muscles tighten in sensation. "I love you for everything you are to me." escapes my mouth unwillingly. His face in astonishment, his eyes sparkle. He absolutely did not expect this. But unlike me he reacts in a much more sincere way. He lifts his hand to his mouth slowly, placing a perfect kiss on the tip of his index-finger. All this without ever looking away from my eyes. He puts his finger mildly down in the middle of my forehead; slowly tracing it down over my nose to let it come to a sweet rest on my lips. I part them slightly to return his "kiss" as he puts more pressure on his finger. Mulder you are stealing the last little part of my heart that I was still able to keep. I feel totally awakened from a sleep that had lasted way to long in my life. Motionless he keeps looking at me and my eyes are thanking him. He softly lifts me to sit. Almost instantly I sling my arms around him, pressing him tightly to me; as close as possible. Hugging me he runs his hands carefully over my wounded back acknowledging every little cut tenderly and most sensitive with his fingers. I groan. Taking my head in both his hands he leans back to face me. "And I love you, because you gave and still give me what no one else ever could. Without you the better part of me would be lost forever." This is just too much to bear. My heart is pounding, I can hardly breath, let alone move. I feel final contentment, peacefulness for my soul and yet so excited at the same time. To respond at last and give way to the longing I can't hold back anymore I move forward to have my lips touch the most fleshy and soft lips in the world. Is this ok with him? I ask myself. Even though I don't want to I break away from his lips to look into his eyes, searching for his feelings. But this look doesn't last long. He reaches behind my neck pulling me towards him kissing me fully; As I part my lips the softest touch of his tongue caresses mine. Something explodes in my head. I am completely taken by this rhythm in which he keeps my lips to his and explores every part of my tongue and mouth so passion-charged that everything around me faints away.. In my mind this amazing kiss lasts an eternity; during with Mulder pulls the towel from my head to run his hands through my wet hair down to pet my back. I feel my bare breasts (the sheets have already slipped from my body by now) against the fabric of his shirt. If he feels my hard nipples on his chest I wonder. Please, don't ever let this end!!! I now manage to get my hand under his shirt to feel the soft delicate skin underlayered by the tight muscles at his stomach. Resting my hand to feel his heart beat, I feel aroused. It comes to me that if we keep this up much longer neither of us would be able to hold back any longer and rush all the way to the final step. But as much as I wanted to right now I knew that I wasn't ready for it yet. Only seconds later Mulder most have gone through the same emotional turmoil because with a series of smaller but no less passionate kisses he withdraws from me a little. In yearning for more I steal on last consuming kiss from him, before he puts his forehead to a rest on mine. I can feel his panting breath on my still moistened mouth. "We have all lifetime. Why take all the delicate steps at once? Let's leave some excitement to take them one at a time making them more enjoyable and lasting. Everything good - incredible in this case- needs its time. I love you much deeper than I could ever express right now." I am relieved. And again it was him who admitted his feelings and was able to put them into words for me to understand him perfectly. My eyes filled with tears of love and joy. He sees that my feelings correlate with his. I kiss the tip of his nose. Then whisper "Why is it that you find the right words for your emotions - the feelings that we both have. Where do you get the courage to open and express yourself so fully?" He lifts up the sheets getting under them laying next to me, pulling me down to place my naked body next to his. He takes me into his arms, my head resting in the curve of his neck. I kiss his shoulderbone, taking in the scent that he always carries with him. The scent I came to love so much. "From you. You care for me as I am, taking me to become a better person. You are the only one I entrust with my deepest inner self." ---------- * END * ------------ I would LOVE to get feedback if you liked my story. PLEASE This is my first fanfic ever; and English is not even my first language. Thanks x_anjin@hotmail.com