From: Sydney Bloom <thekeyto42@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2005 14:29:32 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: "Miracle" by Sydney Bloom
Source: direct

Spoilers: Milagro
Summary: post Milagro, Mulder's POV
Disclaimer: I disclaim. In case anyone cares.
Rating: R
Feedback: 1st effort, make it sweet 
Archive: Yes, but ask first because I love 
knowing that someone cares.


*******************************************

      I've witnessed a miracle. I held her 
revived body in my arms as she shook and sank 
her nails into my shoulders, like she was 
clinging on for dear life. Now her blood is 
drying up on my floor, forming a dark stain to 
mark the place where I nearly lost her. Not to 
some earthly or extraterrestrial conspiracy. 
Not to the shadows that creep behind us, 
devising a way to tear us apart, but to a 
creation I refused to acknowledge out of 
jealousy. Out of fear that some stranger might 
have known her more completely than I do.
     I can't help but wonder if the pendant was 
meant for me all along. It has taught me a 
greater lesson than I'd like to admit. We are 
in an eternal struggle to maintain balance 
within, such fragile creatures. For every great 
passion we carry inside, there is an even 
grater wrath waiting to surface. And when we 
can not have the one, we indulge into the 
other. Like he did, and perhaps like I would 
have done once.
     As I hovered over her still body, I 
remember looking at the crucifix she wears on 
her chest. It was splattered with blood, like 
so many times before. After all the evils that 
befell her, this little piece of metal she wore 
as a token of her faith still rested on her 
chest, chain unbroken. Even with her heart 
ripped out of her. Deaf and blind, I prayed to 
whatever, whomever could undo this. I saw the 
gold cross shining brightly as if it was 
anticipating a divine intervention. As if it 
sucked all my hopes and prayers into it 
and lit a candle for Scully. And for once, I 
saw God's face as she gasped for breath and 
opened her eyes. It was the closest I ever came 
to a religious experience.
     Like a tornado, a stir of emotions and 
fast-forwarded events of the past few days, of 
the past years, came rushing through my head, 
pressing all the buttons I labeled "out of 
order" long ago. I jumped into the river and I 
saw the truth unfold before my bare eyes. Not 
The Truth I've been chasing my entire life, but 
the truth that was before me in this very 
moment. The truth that I let this happen, 
because I haven't been paying attention. And 
all I could do was swallow my own selfish tears 
and show her how sorry I was. 

the end.

****************************************

Right, well this is my idea of what Mulder's 
face "spoke in volumes" as someone put it, when 
he found Scully bleeding on his apartment 
floor. And it was also interesting to try 
and write some sort of an agnostic religious 
experience for him. Hope you enjoyed it.