Date sent:        Thu, 28 Aug 1997 00:44:35 -0400 (EDT)
From:             AgentRLM@aol.com
Subject:          EP> Miracles (1/1)

From:  Jen Hazle currently at jhazlenut@goplay.com
Catagory:  MSR/MSA
Rating:  PG-13 for mature themes
Summary:  Mulder realizes it's never too late
Disclaimer:  For goodness sakes, do I really look like a person who would
steal these      
	characters?  OK, OK, maybe I do look like an obsessive fan who would steal
the 
	characters but I promise I won't.
Authors Note:  Sarah McLachlan's song, "I Love You"  is used w/o permission,
 no 
	infringement was intended.  Besides, I think the song is really beautiful.
 I also am 
	not entirely sure if the lyrics are right.  They aren't listed in the CD and
I did the 
	best I could.  

Miracles

	Agent Dana Scully stood up behind her desk and stretched her arms before
her.  
Fox Mulder looked up at her from the pile of work on his desk.  She sat back
down and 
rubbed the bridge of her nose.  Mulder continued to look at her debating
whether or not to 
suggest a break.  He knew that she could chew him out for trying to coddle
her or she 
could readily agree.  He decided to risk it.  "Umm, Scully?"  She glanced up
at him, the 
weariness showing in her face.  "Yeah?  What's up?"  He stood up and asked,
"Want to 
join me for some coffee?"  She hesitated marginally and then shrugged.
 "Sure."   Mulder 
breathed an indecipherable sigh of relief and together they headed out the
door.
	  As they walked out of the building, Mulder kept a protective hand on her
back 
and guided her throughout the busy streets of DC.  When they reached the
coffee shop 
they usually frequented, they sat down at a table near the corner of the
shop.  Mulder got 
up and started towards the counter.  Scully started to get up and follow but
Mulder waved 
her back to her seat.  "I'll get it, Scully.  You stay there and keep our
table."  He reached 
the counter and ordered small coffees  for each of them.  He fixed his and
added cream 
and no sugar to hers.  He paid and came back to the table.  As he sat down he
looked at 
her face.  She was pale and drawn.  She looked as if she hadn't slept for
days.  Circles lay 
heavily under her eyes.  He looked away and sighed to himself.  "Scully, how
have you 
been feeling lately?"  She started to give her routine response to that
question but Mulder 
interrupted.  "The truth.  Don't lie to me."  He stared her straight in the
eyes.  Scully 
sighed and looked away.  "Honestly?  I feel awful.  I can't sleep and I've
been having 
headaches that have gotten worse and worse.  I've been to the doctors for
more MRI's and 
such and they've given me back the inevitable that I just don't want to
accept.  The cancer 
is growing bigger and it's not getting any better.  It's getting difficult to
fight anymore."  
Mulder started at that last phrase and tipped her chin up so she could stare
nowhere but at 
him.  "You are NEVER going to stop fighting Dana, never.  All you can do is
give it your 
all, OK?"  She pulled away from him and leaned back in her chair.  She nodded
and 
whispered, "Can we go somewhere else?  I'm getting a headache."  He nodded
silently and 
led her out of the coffee shop.  
	By the time they got back to the office, Scully's headache had grown much
worse.  
Mulder told her that he was taking her home.  She was too weak to argue.  He
guided her 
around the passenger side of his car and shut the door gently after she got
in.  He got in 
the driver's side and turned on the ignition.  He started to drive out of the
parking lot and 
glanced over at Scully.  She was almost doubled over in pain.  "Jesus, Dana!
 Do you have 
anything to take for this?"  He was forced to redirect his attention to the
road to avoid 
hitting anything.  "Yeah, it's at home.  I'll take it at home."  She
muttered.  He went as fast 
as he could throughout the traffic of downtown DC.  When he reached her
apartment he 
hastily parked and got out and jogged to the passenger side.  He opened the
door and 
helped her out.  She leaned on him for support, both physical and mental.
 She fumbled in 
her purse for the keys.  Mulder took them from her and opened the door.  He
took her to 
her bedroom and asked her where the medicine was.  She pointed to the
bathroom.  He 
ran in and searched the medicine cabinet.  He found it and shook two capsules
into his 
hand and ran some water into a cup by the sink.  He returned to her room to
see that she 
was sitting up on her bed in a T-shirt and sweat pants.  He walked over to
her and gave 
her the medicine.  "Here, take this.  It'll make you feel better."  She
managed to grin at him 
despite the haze of pain that still enveloped her.  "You sound like my mom
when I was a 
little girl and didn't want to take my medicine."  This time however she
dutifully downed 
the pills.  He helped her under the covers and sat on a chair by the edge of
her bed.  "Go 
to sleep, I'll be here.  Just rest."  He took her hand and she slowly dropped
off into a deep 
sleep.  After she had dropped off Mulder sat and looked at her for a long
time.  "Why 
her?"  He asked of no one in particular.  "Why not me?"  He knew these
answers were 
never going to come.  At least not for a long, long while.  He felt himself
falling asleep and 
fought to stay awake.  It was too much.  The stress of the normal day and the
stress of this 
situation forced him slowly into a state of fitful sleep.  
	When Scully awoke she looked around at the hint of sunlight peeking through
her 
windows.  She remembered the incident of earlier in the day.  She felt a
light pressure on 
her hand and looked down to see that Mulder's still covered her own.  She
drew her gaze 
up his arm to his face.  He was sleeping lightly.  A pained expression
alternated with one 
of peace on his face.  She wondered why.  She sighed thoughtfully and gently
moved his 
hand into his lap.  She swung her feet over the edge of the bed and moved
towards the 
kitchen, leaving Mulder in her room to get some rest.  Surprisingly she felt
a lot better.  In 
fact that was probably the best she had slept in weeks.  For the first time
she glanced at a 
clock.  It was 6:32.  Scully was confused for a moment before realizing that
they had slept 
through the entire night.  Or at least she had.  She didn't know how much
before dawn 
Mulder had fallen asleep.  She worried about how this was affecting him.  She
set a cup of 
coffee to brew and sat down on the couch, her knees curled up to her chest.  
	She sat looking out of her window and thought about him.  Or more about what

she felt for him.  She knew she loved him.  She just wasn't about to tell
him.  She didn't 
want to ruin the friendship and closeness they already shared.  Although the
realization 
that she didn't have much time had already taken its full effect on her she
still didn't want 
to tell him.  She wanted to spend her last weeks with him in the same way
they always had 
spent their time together.  As friends.  Two weeks wasn't a lot of time.
 That's the 
minimum the doctors said she would probably live.  They gave her a month at
max.  She 
hadn't told anyone about the doctor's deadlines yet.  She wasn't ready to
have people start 
mourning while she was still alive.  She figured that she would finish all of
the stuff at 
work she needed to and then she would take off work to---She swallowed hard.
 --to 
*die* at home.  She wasn't ready to die.  Not yet.  There was too much that
she hadn't 
done in life.  She'd never gotten married.  Never had children.  Never had
grandchildren.  
Never did anything that she always had wanted to.  Now it wouldn't happen.
 She wiped a 
single tear away that escaped and ran down her cheek.  She felt a hand touch
her shoulder 
gently.  She turned around to catch Mulder's concerned expression.  "How are
you 
feeling?"  She forced a smile.  "Much better.  I slept well.  Thank you
for...for staying with 
me."  Now it was his turn to smile.  "Anytime.  I'm always here."  And he
was.  He 
couldn't think of anywhere he'd rather be then with the women that he loved.
 He wasn't 
about to  tell her because he wanted to be sure that he could be with her up
until the last.  
If he told her and she rejected him then it would crush him and drastically
change the 
relationship of trust and understanding they had now.  He sat down next to
her on the 
couch.  "What's the matter?  Are you OK?"  He still had the concerned look on
his face.  
"I'm just facing the reality of my situation.  I wish I wasn't going to--."
 She stopped.  
Mulder grabbed her shoulders.  "What do you mean?  What were you going to
say?  What 
are they saying about you?"  He pleaded with her using only his eyes, begging
her to tell 
him.  She took a deep breath.  "Mulder, I have a feeling you won't want to
accept this let 
alone hear it.  I have less then a month to live.  I'm not going to make it.
 I'm so sorry."  
The tears were falling down both of their faces now.  He reached for her and
she fell into 
his arms.  He held her while she cried, unable to keep the tears from running
down his 
own face.  "You're the only one I've told.  Please, please do me a favor.
 Please don't make 
my last few weeks like I'm an invalid.  I want to live them out like a normal
person.  
Please, that's all I ask."  He nodded and held her tighter treasuring the
closeness the 
shared.  "I promise Dana, I promise."  
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
	One night later that week Mulder sat in his apartment staring out of the
window.  
More then anything in the world he wanted Scully to be his own, safe and free
from the 
murderous cancer which rotted in her head.  He wasn't really sure what the
mental block 
was that prevented him from telling her his true feelings.  In sense, now he
didn't have 
much to lose.  Except her.  But that was going to happen anyway as much as he
didn't 
want to believe it.  He mulled it over for a little while and finally made
the decision that he 
would tell her tomorrow.  He needed to tell her.  Moments later he fell into
a deep sleep.  
	The harsh jangle of the telephone awoke him suddenly.  He glanced at the
alarm 
clock at his side.  7:15 a.m.  He picked up the phone with a groggy, "Hello?"
 He came 
instantly awake when he heard Margaret Scully's tearful voice on the other
end.  "Mrs. 
Scully?  What the matter?"  He listened to her take a few deep breaths.
 "Fox, I went to 
see Dana this morning.  I had a terrible feeling that something was horribly
wrong.  She 
was unconscious when I walked in and I called an ambulance.  She was taken to
The 
hospital where she--"  Her voice choked up.  "Fox, Dana passed away this
morning.  She 
just never awoke and her heart simply stopped.  She wasn't in any pain."  She
began to 
cry.  Mulder was silent in a complete state of shock.   He gathered himself
together and 
spoke softly.  "Mrs. Scully?  Are you at Dana's?  I'll be over in ten
minutes.  Just wait 
there."  He waited until she replied in the affirmative and then said
good-bye.  He hung up 
the phone, numb to the soul.  As he dressed and got ready he ran over the
words in his 
mind over and over and over again.  He couldn't take it.  Couldn't accept it.
 He drove 
over and walked in.  Mrs. Scully greeted him and ushered him inside.
 Together they sat 
down on the couch and for a long time did nothing.  Finally Mrs. Scully
spoke.  "Fox, she 
left you something in her room.  Why don't you go and see what it is."  He
walked into her 
bedroom and scanned the room.  His eyes came to rest on a white envelope on
her bedside 
table.  It was addressed to him.  He walked over and picked it up slowly.  He
turned it 
over in his hands and slip his finger under the flap.  As he tore open the
envelope 
something crossed his mind.  "She never knew.  I never got to tell her."  He
cursed himself 
for that.  He pulled a plain sheet of white paper from the envelope and
unfolded it with 
shaking hands.  What he read made him sick with grief.  The writing was brief
but 
painfully to the point.  
	
	Mulder,
	    As I write this, my time is trickling out to the last few grains in the
hourglass.
	I know I'll probably never have the chance to tell you this to you in
person, but it's 
	something I always wanted you to know.  I don't know if it would have
changed 
	anything but, I'll tell you it now.  Fox Mulder, I love you.  I want you to
know that 
	when I pass on because that way I'll know I've done all I wanted to do in my
last 
	days.  Please, when you think of me in times to come, think of what we
could've 
	been.  Not what became of us.  I love you.
			-Dana

Mulder put down the paper and raised his face upwards.  "Oh, Dana, I love you
with all 
my heart and always will.  I just wish you knew.  I can't stand the fact that
I denied you 
the happiness of knowing that I loved you back.  I wish you knew."   He
picked up the 
paper and envelope and walked back into the living room.  Mrs. Scully looked
up at him 
questioningly.  "Are you all right?"  She asked.  He managed to nod and
painfully spoke.  
"If you need any help with anything please don't hesitate to call me.  I need
some time 
Mrs. Scully, I need some time."  She nodded and he walked out the door.  He
was about 
to turn the radio off in his car when a song caught his ear.  The woman who
sang it gave 
the lyrics a strong emotional projection of pain.  Exactly what he was
feeling.  As he 
listened to the lyrics he found tears rolling down his cheeks at the utter
truth in them.
		"...but evertime I'm close to you,
		there's too much I can't say.
		And you just walk away.
		And I forgot to say 'I love you'.
		And life's too long and cold here without you
		How grave is my condition,
		for I cannot find the words to say 'I need you so'..."
He drove and drove with no direction at all.  After a while he reached a
small park.  
Because of the chill in the air the park was relatively empty.  He walked
over to a bench 
near the trees and sat down.  He cried into cupped hands and tried to find
someplace to 
store the grief which kept flooding into him.  He pulled the note out of the
envelope and 
saw a smaller piece of paper flutter to the ground.  he picked it up and
slowly read what 
was written in Dana Scully's handwriting.  It said:   "I knew Mulder, and I'm
glad."  He 
stared up at the sky and smiled his first smile of the day.  He believed in
miracles.  He 
knew that it was going to be OK.  


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