From v.gray@student.qut.edu.au Sun Sep 29 22:48:13 1996 Return-Path: v.gray@student.qut.edu.au Received: from melia.qut.edu.au (melia.qut.edu.au [131.181.127.2]) by sh1.ro.com (8.7.6/8.6.9) with ESMTP id WAA27887 for ; Sun, 29 Sep 1996 22:49:23 -0500 Received: from sparrow.qut.edu.au (n1546759@sparrow.qut.edu.au) by melia.qut.edu.au (PMDF V5.0-7 #13254) id <01IA3BPPO7SW010AJU@melia.qut.edu.au> for kelsy@ro.com; Mon, 30 Sep 1996 13:51:38 +1000 Received: from localhost (n1546759@localhost) by sparrow.qut.edu.au (8.7.5/8.7.3) with SMTP id NAA18855 for ; Mon, 30 Sep 1996 13:48:13 +1000 (EST) Date: Mon, 30 Sep 1996 13:48:13 +1000 (EST) From: VANESSA GRAY Subject: Misarable Choices by Vanessa Gray (A/PG) To: kelsy@ro.com Message-id: MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; charset=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT X-UIDL: 214fa5f56f823bf9d40f9b61f3babc9a SERIES TITLE: Reflections on the Past DISCLAIMER:- All the characters and situations of the X-files television program are the creation and property of Chris Carter, and Fox Broadcasting and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement intended. Please E-mail with thoughts, the good, the bad and the ugly. SPOILERS:- Set in the second season Episode Anasazi (2x25) SUMMARY:- Bill Mulder Anguish. Basically it's reflecting on the effects of his choices and where his life should go. NO MSR, NO VIOLENCE, SWEARING. Relationship that Bill Mulder is in, e.g. with his wife, Mulder, Sam and the syndicate. Misarable Choices By Vanessa Gray v.gray@student.qut.edu.au His son was coming over. How could he explain that he didn't have viable choices? How would he explain the project? How do you tell your son you are sorry for destroying his life? He had destroyed so many peoples lives, how do you put that into words? He stared down into the glass he griped tightly in his hand. The amber liquid was still there; it would be so easy just to drink until he could not remember. How much had he drunk since his old friend had visited? What, four hours ago he had four, five maybe six glasses. Who cared? He'd been told how his son had found the secret. It had been promised Fox would never find out about the choice. His son should never have found out. At what cost would his silence be? It was time to pay the piper. Time to tell his son. Fox would judge and he would have to live with the consequences. His farther had told him that when he had children, who *he* was would mold them. How he regretted the choices he had made. If only he hadn't tried to leave. If only he hadn't looked at the information he was gathering; he would never had found out how it was to be used. His own children had been given those shots. So many people affected by the information. He had done other missions for those bastards. He should have put two and two together. Why did he have to be so naive? Fox wasn't like, he had gotten that from his mother. She had suffered by his choices. And so had his daughter. Oh, where was his beloved daughter? Did they have her? He didn't know if the knowledge of what was happening to her was what he really wanted to know. Maybe it was better not knowing. He thought about it as he took another drink. But was it true now? Was Sam maybe with the Syndicate, were they doing test on her? Or had they threatened that, just to keep him and his wife quiet. Who knew for sure? Sure the Syndicate took her but that wouldn't stop them from giving her up. For Fox, was not knowing better than finding out the truth? For him the hell of knowing here, was worse than anything that the afterlife could throw at him. How could he now tell his son the truth as he knew it? That he was responsible for Samantha's disappearance. He was responsible for the break up of the family. Blaming the Syndicate for their part in what had happened had never helped. His wife had not helped with the choice, if she had it would have been easier to tell her what was really going on. If Fox wasn't the son, the boy to carry on the name, the choice would have been easy. He hadn't been able to leave after they had taken his daughter, it was the final blow. The job of spying at the State Department had been given to him. Why couldn't he have lived up to his own farther's expectations? In many ways he had, yet in others he had failed miserably. Life could be so cruel. He had a happy childhood only to have a dismal adult life. Hopefully Fox would have the opposite, once he was told the truth. Maybe it would give him enough information on them for him to find Sam, or to know where to look. At the very least it would force them to tell. Who knows maybe Sam had a happy childhood? Would it be better, just to leave her, where she was? But then he come back to the choice of the children. Would things have been different if he and his wife gotten along? Sure he would have somebody to talk to, but she would have been slowly dragged down too. There was a knock at the door. Must be Fox. Time to tell and let fate play its hand. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ^^ Vanessa Gray v.gray@student.qut.edu.au 00 MPPB, CMNB, NLEB, Ratnic, SPCDD #30, LGW #77 >< XPRA, RelationshipX, Myth Patrol, FanFic, Fictalk <:8)-- BM: - How do you know? (3X10) <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<