From: PulledAScully@aol.com
Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 19:48:34 EST
Subject: "Moments Like These" by Angel-Wings Gaskins
Source: direct

Title: "Moments Like These"
Author: Angel-Wings Gaskins
Rating: PG
Cater.: VR
Keywords: MSR, Scully POV, Mulder POV
Spoilers: Major "Biogenisis", "The Sixth Extinction", "Amor
    Fati", "Dreamland" --Before "Millenium" or any 
    other following epi.
Summary: Moments vary, but which are the most precious?
Archive: I'd wuv you too!  Just email me first!
Feedback: ;o)  PulledAScully@aol.com
Discalimer: Not mine, thoughts and storyline are.  No
infringement intended.

Notes: Sorry I'm late on my stories, I know ya'll expect so
many from me... Geez, especially when my new rep is all 
about fast writing.  But, guess what, I've got a life now!
LOL, and a busy one at that, so sorry ;o)  Although I'm 
not.

This story was sitting unfinished on my harddrive forever.
I *so* turned it around from the point of view it was 
heading towards.  Enjoy!!


"Moments Like These"
by Angel-Wings Gaskins

I lean my head back against the couch, my arms resting 
lamely at my sides.  I close my eyes breifly, enjoying the 
soft, soothing tones of the music playing over the stereo.  
The Beatles, I think.  I didn't bother to glance at the CD,
I was too preoccupied in my thinking.  I let a puff of air 
out, showing my exhaustion.

For once, I'm glad with being alone.  I'm never able to 
have any time to just sit and think.  Whenever I do get 
these rare moments I treasure them and use them to their 
fullest extent.  Because I'm sure they don't last long; 
it's just not their nature.

I remember asking Mulder if he ever wanted to just get out
of the car, to slow down, lead a normal life.  He thought 
it was normal.  Or maybe he was just saying that to keep me
from straying from him.  I think, at that time, I was.  I'm
glad I changed my mind--and my heart.

But these moments are like that.  Just a moment to stop the
world, bring it to a halt while you catch up.  Ever since 
my cancer I didn't want the world to stop and wait for me 
to fall into step, I just wanted to run after it, lingering
behind but saying it was 'fine'.  But that was a long time 
ago.  So much has happened since then.  Mulder and I had 
even started to drift apart, the one thing I never imagined
a possibility, but it happened.  Just recently we've 
restarted to repair the damage, trying desperately not to 
pour salt on the already burning wounds.

It took me a while to realize that it wasn't Diana 
Fowley's, the X-files, or anything else that was driving us
apart from one another.  It was ourselves.  We denied 
ourselves so much of each other that we resented the other 
for not making a move, for not ending the loneliness.  The 
moment I realized that I had hated him for that was that 
moment by the elevator right before Mulder got 'sick'.

I had told him, "...this endless pursuit of the Truth, it 
just doesn't make sense anymore... What more could you 
possibly hope to do, to find?"

And, God help him, he said, "My sister."  It was then that 
I knew how much pain we were causing each other.  I didn't 
want to hurt anymore, so instead I caused him pain and 
resented him for recipricating.  It became so awful that I 
think I was even trying to use the Truth against us, his 
sister.

I crack my neck, worried about where this train of thought 
will lead me.  But, as usual, my moment ends.  I listen to 
the soft turning of Mulder's key in my lock and lift my 
head as the door opens with a soft squeek.  Mulder follows 
it and smiles sheepishly at me, closing the door behind 
him.

"Mulder?" I ask curiously, wondering why he would show up 
so late at night, on a Saturday at that.  I assume he would
be taking the weekend off, just as I am, or working as he 
normally does, despite my protests.

Mulder is quiet and serious as he walks slowly to me, his
eyes boring holes into my own.  He kneels down in front of
my couch, level with my gaze.  He clasp my hands in my lap 
and that's when I realize it.

We're here.

Over six years of traveling, and we've finally reached the
end-point.  No, not the end-point, the fork.  Our
relationship has been this seemingly endless straight path
with only the minimal required amount of curves here and
there.  Every now and then a chance to take a turn would
come, but we continually denied it, falling back in fear.

But now it's come.  We can either turn left to a life of
nothing but a mere friendship, or turn right and lead 
ourselves down a path of possibilities and dreams, down a
path with each other in every sense.

My mind urges me to swoop left, but it's lame in persuasion
compared to my screaming soul begging to bear right as my
partner leans in to gain his claim over my mouth.  I close
my eyes and my mind numbs, leaving my senses to survive on
their own.  My body aches for his, and the steering wheel
unconciously turns right.

God help me, I find myself leaning right.  This is my 
moment, no, *our* moment.  It's new and unexpected and hits
me with the strength of an enormous whirlwind.  It shocks
me to the point of fear and I back up, trying to find the
left route, running away, my tail between my legs.

But I stop.  Mulder's eyes possess the pain that only I can
cause this man and I feel the same pain deep in my gut.  I
can't run away from this any longer.  This is what I want,
and by God, I won't be scared anymore.

"Mulder," I say, holding his teary cheeks in my hands, "I'm
still here.  I'm not leaving you."  No turning back.

***

The rays of light searing my eyes wake me from this 
glorified state I'm in and I curse the morning sunrise.  My
arms stretch across the bed, searching for my soul mate as
I do every morning.

But this morning is different.  Last night I wasn't 
dreaming.  Scully and I made love, and it's heartbreaking 
to wake and find you're alone still, that nothing has 
changed, no matter how much you will it to.

Then I see it.  Her angelic-like silhouette from across the
room, the golden rays making her whole body glow warmly.
She's smiling at me, and I smile back, that unusual feeling
of content washing over me yet again.

And things have changed.  Things are still the same, yet
they seem so.. different.  It's so hard to explain, because
I've always loved Scully, and I know she's always loved me
too.  So why is now such a mysterious occurence?

Because I never dreamed of such heaven.  Denial has become
a part of both of us, and it's so hard to let go.  But now
it seems so easy that we've let go.  I feel so free at this
moment, and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

I can only pray for more.

***THE END***

OK, I know I promised, and I tried, I really did.  But I 
just can't do it.  I can*not* write smut.  I just can't.
Maybe in the future, when I'm a more experienced writer, 
but I just can't.  I'm sorry, really, I wanted to write a
smut-fest too.  Guess I'll just have to stay clean.

Feedback is appreciated and loved heartily!  Sorry if you
sent feedback and didn't get replies yet, as I stated, I
have a life. ;o)

PulledAScully@aol.com
http://members.aol.com/pulledascully/fanfiction.htm