From: LuvN Kses Date: 11 Nov 1999 07:14:17 GMT Subject: NEW: "Monday Night X-Files" PG, by LuvNKses. Parody/ FTF/Humor, (hopefully) [The following text is in the "ISO-8859-1" character set] [Your display is set for the "US-ASCII" character set] [Some characters may be displayed incorrectly] "Monday Night X-Files." A parody of a couple of scenes from FTF. Kim McCoy luvnkses@aol.com Rated: PG Disclaimer: All characters belong to the good people at ::::, cue announcer::::::1013, 20th Century Fox, and the everwubbulous Chris Carter. No infringement intended. Category: Story......of some sort....XF....definitely XFile....ish. Keywords: Humorous MSR/ FTF Spoilers: None... except of course FTF Finished: 10-02-99 Archive: XFC, EMXC, Anywhere BUT ATXF, (will post it there myself) evryhwere else with permission before posting. Summary: What if Fight the Future was covered by Broadcast Sports announcers, from the Bar Scene, to the Ambulance driver shooting Mulder?? Authors note...OK..so..I was trippin...but hey...had fun with it anyway...don't shoot me, was just having fun...It's a must that you have seen the movie (like you haven't?)to follow the play by play...hope you like it! ******************************************* *Monday Night XFiles* Welcome to another exciting game of Monday Night X-Files folks. I'm your host Steven William's, and this is My Co Host, Jerry "Deep Throat" Hardin. Nice to see you Jerry. Well its Nice to see you too Steven. Tonight's game of The XFiles should be pretty exciting, eh Jerry? Well don't ask me Steve, I haven't really been watching. What? I haven't been watching. Jerry, Such the kidder!....Anyway, in tonight's game we have Mulder, the Key Player in this game, versus, The Consortium, the root of all evil. Ought to be a pretty interesting game Steve. Id say so Jerry. :::::::Crowd cheers, X-File theme is heard over the P.A.:::::::::: Well! It looks like this game is going to pick up where we left off last time, and soon it sounds like..... Lets hope this game is better than the last one Steve. Mulder showed no interest in playing opposite Kurtzwiel and The Bee's. Well we wont have to wait long, cause Mulder is in the Bar, and ready for Kick off! Mulder's always in the bar.... What Jerry? I said Mulders always in the--- ALRIGHHTTTYYY THEN!...Lets go down to the field, and get ready for kickoff. And heres the Kickoff!...The Bartender hands Mulder a drink...He SLAMS IT! And he slams another One Steve! Wow Jerry, seems Mulders in a hurry to get drunk huh? Mulders always in a hurry to get drunk....... Jerry?! What? OH NO! Mulder's on his sixth shot already. Jerry what's he doing?...He's pointing....the bartender stares.... OH REFUSED!....She refused to serve him another.....OH NO! Bad news for Mulder! You can say that again Jerry... OK.... Mulders talking to her....he's still talking....he's babbling....he's done... OH and She still refuses to serve him Steve. That's gotta be frustrating Jer'. Alot of younger guys could have slammed more before they were unable to play... He's not done yet Steve! OH. This is a first folks! He's using his defensive puppydog eyes.....and She doesn't go for it ....she takes him down to the 5 the 4 the 3, OH AND SHE TAKES HIM OUT...and that's all she wrote. He's taken out by Bartender Number 86 folks...Ya know Steve, Mulders game seems a far cry from 1995's defensive drive.... I think you may be speaking to early there Jer'. Mulder's making a move. I hope it's the right one. He really needs to get it together as a team. Scully has been waiting on the sidelines patiently, and instead he subs Green or Fowley. Neither Green nor Fowley have ever been the player Scully is. You can say that again Steve.... He's never gonna gain if he doesn't get Scully in there and make a play for her quick! It's important that they score at least once in this game Jer'. WAIT!........He's on the Move! Steve, this could be the play that turns the game..... OH NO, Knocked in the shoulder by a bar patron..... What's a patron doing out on the field anyway Steve? Got me Jer'. What is that thing that got knocked off Mulder, by that patron that just ran cross the field?. I think that was the chip on his shoulder Steve. Probably Jer'. OH...Mulder takes the ball, he runs with it....he Sprints past the crowd and into the ladies room! OH Foul on the play Jer'...That ladies room was occupied.... He's recovering nicely though Steve, but now the ref has called a foul on the play.....5 yards closer to Kurtzwiel for pissing on and Independence Day poster. Ive never seen such a display of Sci-Fi pissyness Jer'. You can say that again Steve..... Seems Kurtwiel wont let Mulder pass into the end Zone...Mulder fakes left, stops, then enters a Cab. Jer..Jer..Jer!.....hes proclaiming Kurtzwiel full of shit... He's pulling his "Only in the Movie Profanity Distraction!" Kurtzweil is full of shit Steve.... What? I said he is full of shit. What a display of machismo from Mulder. But it doesn't look like he's through yet Jer'. I think your right...Mulder's running with the ball...yes...yes...HE'S HEADING FOR Georgetown!!....Yes...yes.. the cabby has turned towards Georgetown..... He's going for SCULLY!...HE'S GOING FOR IT JER'...HE'S GOING FOR THE TOUCHDOWN!!! He's bound and determined Now Steve...He's going for the Gusto.... I think she's anticipating his move though.... she's waiting....waiting....anddddd...YES!, He's gonna knock. "Knock Knock Knock" Good call Steve! Well thanks Jer'. "I woke you." "NO, you didn't." "Why Not?" OH NO!!!!!! THAT'S GONNA COST HIM SOME YARDAGE! " Mulder? Are you drunk?" OH NO! Tackled.......and he's down at the fifty...... "Yeah, I was........." OH that's it Jer'.....its all Over....Mulder has dropped the ball....Fumble on the play.... "Mulder, its 3 AM." "Get dressed Scully?" What's this?...He's distracting her somehow....he's talking...swaying, talking, swaying....and YES! She's going to do it Jer'! He's calling her onto the field, and she's agreed!! And she's about to find out just how great the Bee's determination is.... OH the Bee's swarm them from above! They are surrounded! NO! Mulder has her by the hand and is leading her away from the offensive drive of the Bee's. And they've made it to first down....Wow...for a minute I thought the Bee's had them.... Scully grabs the ball and runs it through the Bee's second string the OPR... The OPR have been tough opponents to Mulder and Scully this season Steve.... AND THE OPR TACKLES HER, AND THROWS SCULLY STRAIGHT TO UTAH! OH NO! She's called a foul! Seems the OPR has another Agenda..... OH NO! The OPR separates the Play!....Thier being sent in two different directions!...OH Jer! This is not what Mulder was expecting. Id say not....that's gotta hurt. Wait! Mulder's pulling a trick out of his own sleeve....He runs after Scully! YES HE CATCHES HER......He's telling her how much she's needed on the team....She staring at him.... Wait Steve.....what's this....He's cupping her neck into his hands....He's drawing her near....nearer, nearer...... ......I think hes going for it Steve! He is! HE IS! HE IS! HE'S GOING FOR THE TOUCHDOWN! This is the turn around the X-Philes have been waiting for Steve. After 5 years of platomacy and sexual overtones, these two are tackling each other with fever in the hallway....This has got to be one of the greatest days in the history of The XFiles. Id say so Jer'........ What's this? Jer! THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!, THIS CANT BE HAPPENING.....A MEMBER OF THE BEE'S IS CHARGING SCULLYS NECK....ITS LANDING....AND NO! NO!, SCULLYS DISTRACTED BY MULDER, SHE DOESN'T SEE IT COMING!!.... I don't like the looks of this Steve....he's gotta make that touchdown.... THE BEE IS CRAWLING...ITS ....ITS....ITS....OH NO!...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! THE BEE HAS STUNG HER! Did he kiss her? Did he Kiss her???? I don't know Jer', we'll have to wait for the instant replay on that....for our instant replay we go to XF Correspondent Alex Krycek....Alex.... Thanks Jerry and Steve...As you can see, Mulder was mere millimeters from crossing the goal line, when Scully was tackled by one of the Bees...If you draw a straight line from Mulder's bottom lip to Scullys top lip, you can see them actually graze.... OH MAN! MULDER'S PISSED! He's making a move against the members of the Bees team !! Excuse Us Alex, seems Mulder is going after his opponent with an unusual force.... MULDER IS CHASING IT DOWN SCULLYS SHIRT STEVE!....He's gaining.....gaining....gaining......HES GOT THE BEE! HES GOT THE BEE! HES GOT THE BEE! WAIT! Steve!.....Something's happening....Its....its Scully....shes listing....listing.....listing....OMG, her knees have buckled...shes fallen and Mulder is laying her down on the field...he's talking to her....hes panicking... Jer'! I cant watch...I cant watch...this is all to horrifying! Steve...Its OK...Mulder has signaled the paramedics for Help, and they are taking Scully off the field on a stretcher..... I hope shes OK Jer, that little lady is necessary for this team to carry on. I agree Steve. Without Scully, the team is lost..... Jerl! Did you see that? Did you see that? That ambulance driver just shot Mulder in the head...HES DOWN! HES DOWN!!!. Ladies and gentlemen...this is indeed a sad day for the Shippers....Indeed...a day that will live in XPhile infamy...... And the ref calls game!! Jer', This was a sad turnaround in the game, something I never would have expected. Same here Steve....Those Bees pack quite a punch. Not to mention those ambulance drivers. Who'd have thought they would have jumped into this! Jer? Jer? I'm getting a breaking report from our Producer.....Uhuh....Seems Mulder's team has forfeited this round due to injury. Oh its a sad day Indeed Steve. ..Mulder's down and unconscious, and Scully's missing. Seems this team may be out of the race for the World Salvation Cup. I'm afraid you might be right there Jer'.And that's a pity too because they have trained for this day for 5 years. So much time and effort put into it. Yes indeed Steve, its a sad day. You said that. So? (silent pause) Anyway, Join us next time when we see if Mulder wakes up, and can actually take on the Antartic Green Aliens in next weeks game. That's should be quite the match up Steve, if Mulder comes to. I hear those Aliens are Killers, so he may have his hands full ! We'll if I know Mulder, he'll come back with a vengeance, and hit those aliens where it hurts. I'd love to see that Steve. Me too Jer'. Well that's all for tonight folks, Thank you for watching. I'm Steven William's...... ......and I'm Jerry Hardin..... .......and remember....The Truth is out There. ********************************* (end)...OK so its corny...but fun...right?...peace feedback to luvnkses@aol.com