From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Sat, 4 Nov 2000 17:35:18 -0600
Subject: More Than This by Ana Hawkman
Source: direct

Reply To: dana_scully146@xfilesfan.com


	
Title: More Than This
Author: Ana Hawkman
Category: MSR
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Mid-Requiem
Archiving: Anywhere, just let me know 
so I can come and visit.
Feedback: dana_scully146@xfilesfan.com
Notes: Continuation of the spooning scene. 
I just wrote it, and I'm too eager to get it out 
there to stop for spell and grammar check. Thanks 
to Meaghan McScully for being the best 
phile-friend ever. Honest opinions gratefully 
accepted.
Thoughts: I don't think they had sex that night. 
Sorry, folks, but my thoughts of the first time 
are more candles-and-scully's-appartment,-gentle,
slow,loving sorta deal... not something that happened 
in a hotel room. This is what I think really happened.




Laying there, with Mulder wrapped protectively 
around me, I wanted to believe.
I wanted to believe that he could protect me from 
everything, as I knew he so despirately wanted to. 
I relished the feeling of him, of the comfort 
he offered me, but somehow knew that I 
could not let myself fall 
asleep like this. Not tonight.

"Mulder," I murmured his name gently, feeling 
guilty at the thought that he was nearly asleep. 
The sleep that he got was scattered and rare, 
and I didn't want to deprive him of it. 

"Mmm?" 

"I should... go back," I said quietly, 
letting my reluctance bleed through in my voice. 

"If that's what you want," he replied, sounding 
silghtly more alert. I tried to convince myself 
that it was the right thing, the professional thing to do. 
Then again, Mulder and I had been friends for 
a long time. I nestled back into his chest, and suddenly 
realized, with a tiny pang of fear, 
that I didn't *want* to leave. 

"Can I just um... get some pajamas?" 
I asked, my voice sounding almost frightened. 

"Of course, Scully." He gently unwrapped himself 
from around me and crawled to the side of the bed. 
I rolled over pushing the covers aside, sliding to 
the edge of the bed to sit next to him. I looked 
down at my hands, almost afraid to look at him. 
Sensing it, he whispered my name. I met his eyes. 

"It's just me," he said, reaching for my hand. 
I was a little confused. "It's just me," he repeated. 
I looked into his deep hazel eyes, and nodded. 
I had to remember that this was Mulder, my partner. 
He was my best friend, my touchstone, my life. 
He would never hurt me. 

"I'll be right back," I said, rising from the bed. 
I retreated back to my own room, and opened my small, 
black suitcase. I reached in, retrieving my cream silk 
pajamas. I slid into them, and walked over to the mirror.

I pulled my hair back, leaving soft tendrils down 
around my face. Looking into the mirror, I reminded myself 
again. *This is *Mulder*, Dana. Calm down.* I took a 
deep breath, and opened the door. 

A soft knock on Mulder's door, and he let me in. 
He was standing there in boxers and a clean white t-shirt, 
his hair fuzzy. I softened, supressing a fond smile. 
The covers on the bed had been neatly folded back, 
and I crawled beneath them. He slid in next to me, 
once around spooning around me. 

"You're shivering again," his voice was filled with 
concern. I couldn't respond. He wrapped his arms around me, 
nuzzling his nose into my neck. His large, gentle hands 
burrowed up my pajama top, but did not wander. I silently 
thanked him for that, for knowing that I couldn't handle more 
at that moment. His hands rested on my stomach in a warming 
caress, and I relaxed against him. I should have known that 
this was all he wanted to do. He just wanted to hold me. It 
felt wonderful. It felt warm and safe and gentle and loving, 
and respectful, and tender, and all of the other componets 
of our relationship put together. 

"Thank you," I reiterated. 

"You're welcome, Scully," he whispered into 
my neck. "I love you." 

My heart skipped a beat. That meant so much coming 
from him, and I suddenly wondered if I had dreamed it. 
I had wanted it for so long, but denied myself belief 
that it would ever happen. I held back tears, and placed 
my hand over his. Our fingers laced together, and I 
closed my eyes.

"I love you so much, Mulder," I whispered, and my 
words caught in my throat. I hiccuped a little, and 
allowed a few tears to fall. Mulder's hands smoothed 
gentle circles on my stomach, and he drew me farther 
into his embrace.

"Shhhh... don't cry. Don't cry. Just relax, Scully. 
I'll see you in the morning." With that, he rested 
his lips back against my neck, and we both drifted 
off into the most refreshing and comfortable sleep. 




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