From: Unnatural One <merst@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, 5 Sep 2000 14:21:05 -0700 (PDT)
Subject: Fan Fiction: More Than This
Source: direct

Title: More Than This

Author: Mer

Archive: Anywhere

Rating: PG

Classification: MSR, post-All Things, post-Requiem

Disclaimers: Mulder and Scully belong to CC and his evle conspirators. Too
bad they don't belong to me.

Author's Note: This is gonna be long, I think. I've got all these ideas
flying around in my head about Scully's life while Mulder is gone and
these are just some of them. Hope you all like it! 


Prologue

Fox Mulder's Apartment Mulder reached over and pulled a blanket over his
partner, tucking it under her chin. He turned the air down and went into
the bedroom. Stripping down to his boxers, he climbed into bed. Sleep
failed to come, however. He finally tos sed the covers aside, threw on a
pair of sweats, and wandered out to the kitchen. He paused in the doorway
to check on Scully. 

Her head had fallen to the side, an uncomfortable expression on her face.
Mulder walked over and knelt beside the couch. He carefully reached down
with one arm and swung her legs up onto the cushions. His other arm slid
around her back and he lay her down
 against the pillows. He re-tucked the blanket around her and brushed a
strand of hair from her face. She now looked peaceful and he could not
help but stare for a moment. Then he kissed her softly on the forehead. He
made a decision and stood, walking ba ck to the refrigerator. He poured
himself a glass of orange juice and pulled up a chair in front of the
coffee table. He propped up his feet and relaxed, watching Scully sleep.
As he listened to her even breathing, he thought back to their earlier
conversation.

How strange that Daniel Waterson would suddenly reappear in her life after
all these years. Mulder wondered if she still loved him. He had not even
suspected something like this from Scully's past. He had always known that
she had not had much luck with m en, but he would have never guessed at an
affair with a married man. It was so unlike her. Mulder realized that
night that he didn't know his partner as well as he thought.

She began to stir. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked right at him. He
smiled lightly, expecting her to be upset that he was watching her.

"Hey there, sleepyhead," he joked quietly. 

Scully smiled back and sighed. "What time is it?" she asked sleepily. 

"Three o'clock," he replied. "You gonna stay?" 

She nodded. "I don't thing I'd make it home." 

"Why don't you take the bed," he offered, standing. "I'm more used to the
couch anyway." 

Scully was too tired to argue. She pulled back the blanket and stood,
following Mulder into the bedroom. He opened the dresser and pulled out a
large T-shirt. He lay it on the bed and turned to Scully.

"I'll get you some towels," he said. Mulder left, closing the door behind
him.

Scully quickly stripped off her clothes and put on Mulder's shirt. As she
pulled it over her head, she could smell the slight scent of his cologne.
She inhaled it deeply and sighed. Scully was happy with their friendship,
but every once in a while she cou ld not help but wonder, what if? Scully
sighed again and folded her clothes. She laid them on the end of the bed
just as there was a knock on the door. Mulder poked his head in, then
opened the door all the way. He paused, taking her in.

The shirt he had given her fell a few inches above her knees and her hair
was tousled from changing. Mulder had never seen his partner look more
beautiful. He stared at her for a moment, then remembered why he had come
into the room.

"Here you go," Mulder said, holding up the towels in his hand. He set them
on the dresser and turned to leave. 

"Goodnight, Scully." 

"Mulder?" she asked tentatively. 

"Yeah?" he replied, facing her. 

Scully rubbed her arms nervously as if she was cold. She was about to make
a small leap in their relationship and was anxious to see how it would
turn out. She took a deep breath.

"Stay?" It was more of a question than a statement. She averted her eyes.
"I, uh--"

"I know," Mulder interrupted, nodding. He didn't really want to be alone
either. 

Mulder pulled off his sweats while Scully climbed into bed, facing
outward. Mulder turned off the light and slid under the sheets, spooning
up behind her. Scully glanced over her shoulder as his hand brushed over
her hip. He slipped his hand in hers and s he relaxed against him.

"Thank you," she said quietly. 

"For what?" 

"For taking care of me. For listening." 

Mulder waited a moment before replying. "I'll always be here for you,
Scully," he said softly in her ear.

"I know." 

Minutes passed in silence. As tired as she was, Scully could not fall
asleep. Her mind kept wandering to other things. She sighed. 

"What are you thinking about?" Mulder asked quietly. 

Scully remained silent. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she
stared at their hands. She pressed her palm against his, amazed by how his
hand dwarfed hers.

"I was just wondering...will there ever be an end? Will we ever lead
somewhat...normal lives?" Scully shifted her head a little so she could
see Mulder's face over her shoulder.

"And if there is, if it all ended right now, what would we do?" She
paused, then laid her head back on the pillow. "Where would we go from
here?"

"You mean us," Mulder observed. He entwined his fingers with hers. "Would
we go our separate ways?"

"I'd like to think we'd still be friends," Scully said before he could
finish the thought.

Now it was Mulder's turn to make a leap. He paused. "I think we're more
than that, Scully," he responded softly. 

Scully shifted again to look at him. Even in the dark, she could see the
intent in his eyes. Mulder's hand broke away from hers and he stroked her
cheek with his finger. He leaned over and gently pressed his lips against
hers. Time seemed to stop.

Mulder pulled away for a fraction of a second. Then Scully's lips met his
again, and suddenly she was rolling over into his embrace. The kiss
deepened. Mulder pulled her close, running his hands over her back.
Moments later, their mouths slowly parted. Th ey rested their foreheads
against one another and took several breaths. 

"Do you think this is a good idea?" Mulder wondered aloud. 

Scully looked up and lay her hand on his cheek. "Probably not," she
whispered, echoing his thoughts. 

Then her lips were on his and they abandoned all rational thought, finally
giving in to their overwhelming love for each other...


Scully awoke with a start. She sat up and glanced at the clock: 3:13. She
took a deep breath and lay back down, covering her stomach with her hands.
She had been having the same dream every night since Mulder disappeared a
week before. It was the night th ey had made love for the first and last
time, the night the child now growing inside her had been conceived. The
dream was so vivid, the emotions she had felt so strong as she relived
that night over and over.

She had left early the following morning, before Mulder could awaken. She
had regretted that decision every day since. But she had been scared,
scared to face him and the feelings that she felt so deeply. That day at
work, he acted as if nothing had chang ed, when in fact they had. There
was an unspoken understanding between them. Scully knew that he respected
her choice to go no further in their relationship, but there was an even
stronger connection between them than ever before. They had never spoken
ab out that night, and now it looked like they never would. 

Scully closed her eyes and a small tear trickled down her cheek for all
she had lost, and all she had gained. Her last thoughts before falling
into a dreamless sleep were a prayer for Mulder. She prayed that he was
safe, and that he would someday return t o see her and the child he had
left behind.


Part 1

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FBI Headquarters 
Washington, DC 
8:03 A.M. 

Scully walked slowly into the basement office that had become her second
home over the past seven years. She paused just inside the doorway,
expecting to see Mulder's grinning face behind the desk. She had hoped all
the way to work that he would have the projector running, ready to send
them off on another escapade. But the room was dark and silent today.
There would be no lame jokes, no friendly banter, no crazy hypotheses
about monsters or aliens. Mulder was gone, and Scully's world was left
empty. 

She strolled over to the desk where his nameplate still lay and lightly
traced the letters with her finger. It was the only real evidence of his
presence that remained in the room. The FBI had wasted no time closing the
X-Files, in spite of Scully and Ski nner's testimonies. The filing
cabinets had been locked up and covered with plastic. His desk had been
cleaned out and his things packed in a box. The box sat on the desk with a
note to Scully attached.

'Thought you might want his personal belongings. Please see me when you
get in.'

The note was signed by Skinner. Scully ripped up the note and tossed it
into the trash. She sat down in his chair, staring at the empty room.
That's when she noticed the rolled up paper lying next to the box. One
look and she knew: it was Mulder's "I Want
 To Believe" poster. It was the only thing from the walls that had not
been torn down and discarded. It was almost too much for Scully to bear. 

A slight breeze from the small open window carried the scent of Mulder's
cologne that still lingered on the fabric of his chair. Scully breathed it
in, her eyes filling with tears. She could hardly stand to be in this
room; the memory of him was everywher e. Yet, at the same time, she wanted
nothing more than to lock herself in the tiny office and surround herself
in his scent and belongings, shutting herself off from the world and the
pitying stares of her co-workers. 

The telephone ringing jolted her out of her daze. She answered it
solemnly. 

"Scully." 

"It's Skinner. Can I see you in my office in five minutes?" 

"I'll be right there," she replied mechanically. 

Scully stood and walked out of the office. She was anxious to leave the
room before her grief completely overwhelmed her. She was not ready to
fully accept her loss and did not want to break down in front of her boss. 

Skinner's secretary waved her right inside. Another man was waiting with
Skinner. A wary look momentarily crossed her face, but she quickly
replaced it with a blank expression. She was not interested in whom this
man was or what was about to happen. She only wanted to concentrate on
finding her partner, everyone else be damned. 

Skinner introduced the young man as Agent John Warner. He offered his
hand, but Scully only acknowledged him with a nod. Skinner had anticipated
the awkwardness and wanted to get business over with as quickly as
possible. 

"You'll be...assisting Agent Warner with his casework." Skinner could
barely get the words out. He didn't like Scully's new assignment any more
than she did, but he was under strict orders from a higher power. 

"I'm looking forward to working with you, Agent Scully," Warner said,
trying to make her more receptive. Unfortunately, he was only making the
situation more awkward. The three stood in silence for a minute, none with
anything to say. 

"That will be all, Agent Warner," Skinner finally said. Warner nodded at
both of them and left, closing the door behind him. 

"How are you doing?" Skinner asked once they were alone. 

Scully exhaled the sigh she had been holding in all morning. "I'm hanging
in there," she answered with a weak smile. 

Skinner gestured for her to sit down, an offer she gladly accepted. He
perched himself on the edge of his desk in front of her. 

"I'm sorry about this whole thing." He was referring to her new
assignment. "If it was up to me, the X-Files would be open and the search
for Mulder would be in full effect. I was ordered to place you elsewhere
where you could not 'get into trouble,' so t o speak." 

Scully closed her eyes and sighed again. Skinner hesitated only a second
before continuing. 

"I've already instructed Agent Warner that your main duty will be research
on whatever he needs. Only limited field work when absolutely necessary.
It's light work, so you should be able to focus most of your attention on
finding Mulder. That's the best I
 could do." 

Scully looked up, surprised. Skinner could see the dark circles already
forming under her eyes. She had only been released from the hospital for
two days but had been insistent on coming back to work. Skinner thought it
was a big mistake. 

"You know, Dana, you can still take some time off," he said quietly. "It's
not too late. The FBI will still be here when you get back." Skinner knew
there was no point in arguing with her, but he had to try. 

Scully shook her head vehemently. "You know I can't do that, sir." 

"You need to rest, Scully," he insisted. "Why not take a couple of days,
visit your mother. Have you told her yet?" he asked more gently. 

Scully looked down at her hands. "No, she doesn't know anything. I haven't
spoken to her in a while," she admitted. 

"Then I suggest that you take my advice. You need time to collect
yourself, relax. " He could tell she was not listening. "If not for
yourself, do it for your baby." 

His words finally penetrated her resistance. She looked defeated. She knew
he was right. The news of her pregnancy still had not sunk in yet and she
needed to come to terms with it. Her mother could help her do that, since
the only other person she could talk to was gone. 

"All right. You win," she gave in. 

"I think it's for the best. Agent Warner can do without you for a few
days. Take as much time as you need." 

"Thank you, sir," Scully said sincerely. "If it wasn't for you..." 

"Agent Mulder would still be here," he finished. It was obvious he still
felt responsible for Mulder's disappearance. Scully moved to protest but
he stopped her. "It's the least I can do." Scully nodded and stood to
leave. 

"Is it his?" he blurted out. He had wanted to ask her since she told him
the news, but was afraid of what her answer would be. 

Scully stared at the stripes on his tie. She was trying to form an answer
that was both true and not misleading. She had no real answer herself. 

"We were only together one time..." she began. "Probably. I don't know.
I'm not sure of anything right now." 

Skinner nodded his understanding. "Good luck." 

Scully smiled grimly and walked out of the office. She went downstairs and
retrieved Mulder's possessions and his poster. She turned in the doorway
to survey the office one last time. She closed the door and went out to
her car, never looking back. 

End part 1/9


Part 2/9

Rating: PG-13 for strong language

Disclaimers: See part 1. 

...I'm empty since you left me Trying to find a way to carry on...  -Sarah
McLachlan

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9:15AM

Scully stopped briefly at her apartment to pack a light bag. She put
Mulder's box in her closet to go through when she returned, if she was
ever up to the task. The drive to her mother's was not as relaxing as she
had hoped, but it gave her a chance to th ink about what she was going to
say. Her calm composure was short-lived, however, once she began to think. 

'How am I ever going to explain this to her?' she wondered. 'Mulder was
abducted by aliens last week. We slept together one time and now I'm
pregnant with his baby, but it may not even be his.'

"But it HAS to be his," she whispered aloud. She did not even want to
contemplate the other possible cause of her condition. 

She pulled up in front of her mother's house before she knew it. The
thought hit her that she had not even bothered to see if Maggie was home.
A simple phone call could have saved her the drive, but it had completely
slipped her mind in her haste to leave
 Washington. To her relief, her mother's car was indeed parked in the
driveway. Scully grabbed her bag from the trunk and rang the bell.
Margaret Scully answered the door a minute later, a look of surprise on
her face. 

"Dana! What brings you here so early?" she exclaimed. 

One look at her mother and Scully forgot everything she had planned to
say. Her eyes started to fill with tears. "I, uh, needed to talk," she
managed feebly. "You got room for a daughter whose world has just been
turned upside-down?" 

Mrs. Scully's expression quickly changed to one of concern. "I always have
room for you, Dana!" she consoled. She threw an arm around her daughter's
shoulder, ushering her inside. She led Scully over to the couch. She took
her bag and set it out of the wa y. 

"What's wrong, dear?" she asked gently. "Did something happen at work?
With Fox?" 

The sound of his name caused the tears to flood down Scully's cheeks. Now
that she was away from the office and all tangible memories of him, the
enormity of her loss struck her full force. She cried freely for the first
time since his disappearance. 

"Oh, Mom...he's gone!" 

Margaret pulled her into a tight embrace as sobs wracked Scully's body.
She had never seen her daughter this upset; not when Mulder was missing in
New Mexico, and not when she had discovered that her cancer treatment
failed to work. She knew how much Muld er meant to Dana. She believed that
Scully was just now beginning to realize the extent and the depth of her
feelings for the man who had consumed her life for seven years. 

Mrs. Scully held her daughter for several minutes until she calmed down.
Scully finally pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said meekly. 

Maggie touched her hand. "Don't be. Why don't I make some tea and you can
tell me what happened."

Dana nodded and followed her into the kitchen. Her mother put water on the
stove, then joined Scully at the table. She took her hand and waited
patiently for the story. Scully took a deep breath and started at the
beginning, focusing on the main details. 

"We were investigating a sheriff's disappearance in Oregon, in the same
town as our very first case. People were being..." She chose her words
carefully, "...abducted, and Mulder was afraid that I would be next,
so..." she paused, her voice cracking as sh e fought back more tears.
"Mulder and Skinner went back to Oregon...Skinner swears he only let
Mulder out of his sight for a few seconds..." 

The teakettle's whistle interrupted her reverie. She wiped her eyes while
her mother poured the tea. 

"Thanks," Scully said, blowing on the hot liquid. 

"I'm so sorry, Dana. I know how close you and Fox are." 

'If only you knew just how close,' Scully thought. She looked down into
her cup and sipped the tea, avoiding her mother's eyes. 

"Dana, is there something else, something you're not telling me?" Nothing
slipped past Mrs. Scully. Scully's silence only made her angry. "Dana,"
she warned, "I told you I did not want to be kept in the dark!" 

A guilty look crossed Scully's face and she sighed. "Skinner is the only
other one who knows, and I'd like to keep it that way for now. You've got
to promise me you won't tell anyone." Maggie nodded. "Especially Bill." 

"What is it, dear?" Mrs. Scully was now scared. It must be serious if Dana
didn't want her brother to know. It definitely had something to do with
Mulder. 

"I still don't believe it myself," she began, then paused. "The day Mulder
left for Oregon, I was in the hospital after fainting in Skinner's
office." Margaret's face instantly paled as she thought about the cancer.

"They did some tests..." Her voice broke again as she re-lived the moment
the doctors brought her the results. She felt her eyes begin to moisten,
from both happiness and grief. "God, I've wondered how I was going to tell
you this..." She finally looked i nto her mother's eyes. 

"I'm pregnant," she said softly. 

Mrs. Scully was stunned. Several moments passed before she found her
voice. "I thought...the doctors said--" 

"I know," Dana agreed, shaking her head at the same time. "That's why I
don't believe it's true," she whispered.

"Are they sure?" 

"They ran the test three times. That pretty much confirms it." 

Maggie embraced her daughter again. "This is so--it's a miracle," she
said, her own eyes moistening with tears. 

Scully did not respond. She squeezed her eyes shut, but found that she had
no more tears to cry. She had expected as much from her mother, and now
she had to explain why she was not completely happy with the news. 

Margaret pulled away and brushed the hair from Dana's face. "What's the
matter, honey?" Realization hit her and she suddenly felt stupid. "Oh,
honey. How could I be so blind? It's his, isn't it?" 

Scully nodded. "We were only together once...but he's the only man I've
been with. There's no other possibility." 

Mrs. Scully touched her daughter's cheek sympathetically. "You've got to
believe that he'll come back," she insisted. "You need to stay positive,
for both your sakes." 

"I know," Scully nodded. "That's why you cannot tell Bill. You know how
feels about Mulder. I couldn't face him, not now; he'll never accept it.
Please, promise me you won't tell him!" 

"Tell me what?" a familiar voice boomed through the house. The two women
had been so wrapped up in their discussion they had not heard the taxi
pull up or the front door open. Bill Scully strolled into the kitchen and
put his hands on his hips.

"What has that son-of-a-bitch done to you now?" he demanded. 


End part 2/9


Part 3/9 Disclaimers: See part 1 and Author's Note. 

Author's note: I just wanted to say that much of my inspiration while
writing is due to the wonderful lyrics and music of Sarah McLachlan. Some
of these beautiful lyrics, since they speak of Mulder and Scully so
perfectly, appear in this and subsequent pa rts as someone's thoughts or
ideas and may be slightly modified for my purposes.

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"Bill,"Tara warned, following her husband into the kitchen. She held
Matthew, who was now almost three and very good at picking up new words. 

Scully sat at the table, stunned. Had she known her brother was in town
for a visit, she never would have come. She vaguely recalled the message
on her machine a few weeks earlier. Her mother had called to invite her to
dinner that weekend and spend some time with the family. At the time she
had declined, but it looked like she would be staying after all. 

Maggie looked at Dana. "He hasn't done anything," she said assuringly. She
patted her daughter's arm. "Why don't you take a nap, dear. You look
exhausted." Scully nodded and stood.

"I'll handle your brother," her mother said, glaring at Bill as she
followed Scully to the guestroom. 

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Scully awoke later that afternoon poorly rested. She kept having the
strangest dream and she had ended up tossing more than sleeping. She
glanced at the clock; it was nearly 4:30. She threw the blanket aside and
trudged downstairs to find out what was for
 dinner. The house was quiet, but she found Bill watching television in
the den. She turned to go back upstairs, but he glanced up. 

"Dana, wait," he said, muting the television. 

Scully paused in the doorway and sighed. "I'm not in the mood for this
right now, Bill. Where's Mom?" 

"She, Tara, and Matthew went to the store." He paused. "Mom told me
everything, Dana. I'll be honest, I'm not sorry that he's gone, but I am
sorry that he left you in this condition." 

Scully whirled and glared at her brother. "And what condition would that
be?" she demanded. 

Bill stood. "Look at yourself, Dana!" he exclaimed. "You're a mess! And
for what? This guy has caused you nothing but heartache and loss, yet
you're mourning him like your world has just died!" 

"You don't understand," she argued. 

"You're damn right, I don't understand!" he retorted. "You've made this
man your life, but from what I've seen and heard, he's never there for
you, and it's his stupid quest that has cost you so much! From what I can
tell, you deserve so much better than him, Dana. But, hell, maybe I'm
wrong. So explain it to me, dammit!" 

Scully sighed and sat down. "You're right, I have suffered a lot of pain
since I met Mulder. I lost a sister, a daughter, and I almost lost my own
life to a horrible disease. Hell, I've nearly lost my life so many times
I've lost count! But not one of tho se things were his fault, no matter
how much you blame him or he blames himself. I can leave any time I want.
But I have chosen to stay and I've had to face the consequences of that
choice." 

"But why stay? Why, after all the pain, how could you choose to stay with
him? You have so much to offer, Dana, I hate to see you waste your life." 

Scully remembered words Mulder has spoken to her years ago. "Because he
saved me," she stated simply. "He's saved me a thousand times, and not
just in the field. When I had cancer, he did everything in his power to
find a cure, himself and everyone else b e damned. And when I've given up,
he's given me the strength and courage to go on. He's made me a whole
person; a person I never thought I could be." 

Bill just sat there and watched his sister talk about her missing partner.
He had never seen her speak with so much emotion. Her face came alive with
each word. It was so obvious that she loved him, possibly more than even
she herself realized. He could s ee her side now. But that didn't mean he
had to like it. 

"You really love this guy, don't you?" he said, disapproval in his voice. 

"I'm not the only one who's lost someone dear to me," she commented,
avoiding her brother's question. "He's lost his only sister to an unsolved
childhood abduction, his father to a murderer's bullet, and his mother to
suicide. He's almost lost me, his bes t friend, countless times. But after
all that he has lost, he has more strength than anyone I've ever known." 

"Sounds more like pity than love to me." 

Scully nodded. "That's what I used to tell myself every time we got close.
But now..." her voice grew softer, "...he's given me the most precious
gift I could ever receive, and I will love him forever for that." 

"Yeah, what's that? An alien clone of himself?" 

"A baby. I'm pregnant," she replied quietly, avoiding his eyes. 

Bill was in shock. He sat next to her in silence, a look of disbelief on
his face. Mrs. Scully and Tara chose that moment to return from the store. 

"Dana, you're awake! Did you sleep well?" Margaret asked, setting bags on
the counter. She paused when she noticed their faces. "What's going on,
did we interrupt something?" she asked, concerned. 

Scully glanced at her brother. "I was just telling Bill the news." She
looked up at Tara, the only one still in the dark. "I'm pregnant," she
announced for the third time that day. 

Tara's face broke into a smile and she rushed over to hug her
sister-in-law. "That's wonderful, Dana, isn't it, Bill?" 

He snapped out of his daze long enough to manage a meek smile. "Yeah,
wonderful," he echoed. 

Scully smiled grimly at Tara. "Thanks." 

Tara rubbed her arm consolingly. "Maggie told me about Mulder. I'm so
sorry." She smiled, a twinkle in her eye. "But the best way to not think
about it is to start making plans for a nursery!" 

Scully could not help but smile at her sister-in-law's enthusiasm. She
followed her into the kitchen to help Mrs. Scully with dinner. Bill stayed
behind, contemplating everything Dana had told him. He didn't know whether
to be happy for her, or angry that
 she had ever been placed in this situation. He vowed to try and make her
life a little easier. But if Mulder ever returned...God help them all. 


2:13 A.M. 

Late that night, Scully awoke from a dream in a cold sweat. She flicked on
the lamp, then reached for her bag lying at the foot of the bed. She
pulled out her journal and began to write. 

   It's been a week since you disappeared. I keep having the same dream
every night. 
   I'm smiling from ear to ear seeing you walking down the road. We meet
at the light and I stare into the darkness for a while. The world around
us disappears and it's just you and me. But breath between us could be
miles. Every time I'm close to you, th ere's so much I can't say, and you
just walk away. 
   I realize, Mulder, that I forgot to tell you I love you. The nights are
too long and cold without you near. I grieve in my condition, for I could
not find the strength to say I need you so badly.
   I cannot decide, am I in heaven or am I in Hell? I'm standing at the
crossroads, but I feel something pulling me towards Hell. I don't think it
could get any worse. I fear I am already there. 


The following morning, Scully left her mother's house. Maggie begged her
to stay, but she declined. She was needed back at work, she said, although
they both knew it was a lie. The truth was she could not be in the same
house with Bill any longer. She cou ld not bear to feel his pitying
stares. As she hugged her mother good-bye, she promised to call every
week. She then repeated the same words she had spoken to Skinner only days
earlier. 

"I will find him, Mom," she whispered. "I have to." 


End part 3/9

Part 4/9 Disclaimers: See parts 1 and 3. 

Author's Note: None really for this one. Just a thought: re-watch Duane
Barry/Ascension/One Breath if you get the chance. *sigh* Talk about some
good old shippiness, plus Ratboy in a suit! (he's much yummier in jeans)
Thanks for the feedback and enjoy! 


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One Month Later

Scully walked into the office late. Agent Warner was waiting in her
cubicle with a frown.

"Good morning. Glad you decided to show up." 

"'Morning," she replied shortly. 

"Did you finish that research on the Bakers file?" he asked. She tossed a
folder on the desk and sat down. He took the folder and left without a
word. 

They had been following the same routine for the past month, ever since
she had been assigned to help him. She did what he asked and did such a
good job that he could not complain. But he could tell she was in trouble.
He knew that she spent every spare m inute in the FBI library and digging
through old files, searching for clues to her partner's whereabouts.
Sometimes she would disappear for days at a time, following up on a lead
that would turn out to be a dead end. She had become just as obsessed as
Mul der had ever been. 

Although they were barely even acquaintances, Warner was worried about her
and had gone to the Assistant Director for help. Scully had only sat down
for a minute when Skinner called her to his office. 

"Sit down please, Agent Scully," he said roughly from behind the desk. She
obeyed, not really affected by his tone. She had heard it so many times
that she had simply learned to ignore it. 

"How's the search going?" he asked. He did not look up from what he was
writing. 

"Not very well, sir. I've checked out a handful of leads, but none have
panned out." 

"Good. Because I think you should quit." 

"Excuse me?" Scully stared at the Assistant Director as if he was crazy.
She thought he was on her side. 

Skinner finally set down his pen and looked at her. He was momentarily
taken aback by her haggard appearance, but chose to ignore it for the
moment. 

"It's been a month, Scully." 

"I was missing for four weeks before I was found," she countered. 

"Exactly my point. You suddenly appeared and no one knew why or from
where. I told Mulder the same thing five years ago: You're too close to
this. Let it go, there's nothing you can do." 

His voice grew quieter. "Do you really think you'll find him in some
remote forest or something? I saw the ship, I saw Mulder disappear with my
own eyes." 

"Do you believe he's not coming back, sir?" she demanded. 

"I believe, Dana, that you're not doing yourself or anyone else any good
by becoming consumed by this search. Mulder did and it almost ruined him." 

"I have to try, sir," she said adamantly. 

Skinner stood up and walked around to the corner of his desk. He sat in
the same spot he had a month earlier and took a good look at the woman
sitting before him. 

Her face was creased with lines, and dark circles had become a permanent
feature around her eyes. She looked thinner, it was obvious she had lost
some weight. He could tell she had not eaten or slept in weeks. Her eyes
were dull and lifeless, a mere shado w of her former self. Something had
to change before she destroyed herself. 

"Have you looked in the mirror lately, Agent Scully?" 

She looked down at her hands and remained silent. She knew she looked
terrible. She stared at herself in the mirror every night, wondering how
she had ever come to this. Skinner was right: the search had consumed her
life and it was destroying her. But sh e couldn't give up. She wouldn't. 

"I want you to think very carefully about what you're doing. Have you
forgotten that you are carrying his child? You're living for two now,
Dana. What you're doing or not doing is not only endangering you, but your
unborn son or daughter as well. Is that what you want? To deny him life
before he even has a chance?" He paused. 

"Is that what Mulder would want?" 

Scully looked up sharply. She knew he was right again. But it would take a
lot more than just a lecture to convince her to stop searching. 

"Is that all, Sir?" she asked bluntly. 

Skinner sat back. He could see that he was not getting through to her.
There was just no changing her mind. "Yes, that's all." 

Scully stood and headed for the door. She could feel his disapproving eyes
follow her out, but she did not look back. She breezed into her cubicle
and grabbed her keys. She had to get away. 

Agent Warner glanced up as she walked by. She paused for a moment in front
of his desk. She figured that he had gone to see Skinner. 

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I can take care of myself!" she
spat. 

A few agents witnessed the scene as Scully turned to storm out of the
office. She was almost to the door when she collapsed on the floor.


End part 4/9

Part 5/9 Disclaimers: See parts 1 and 3. 

Author's Note: Had to switch e-mails cuz my other one is getting too full,
but it's still me. Sorry the last one was short, but they really belonged
as separate parts. Besides, then there would have been no cliffhanger!
<BG> Also, I chose to use the Washi ngton Monument reflecting pool as
their meeting place cuz it's closer to the Bureau, and in the movie, it
seemed like they had met there before, or at least been there before
together. 


spend all your time waiting for that second chance, for a break that would
make it okay...  ...I need some distraction, oh beautiful release, memory
seeps from my veins, let me be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find
some peace tonight...  --Sarah McLachlan


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John Warner was the first to react. He picked up the phone and dialed 911,
then rushed to Scully's side. He felt for a pulse and found a faint, but
rapid one. 

"Agent Scully. Dana, can you hear me? It's John." 

She regained consciousness for a moment. "Mulder..." she mumbled. 

"No, it's John," he replied. He could hear sirens a few blocks away. "Hang
on, help is on the way." 

Skinner rushed into the room as Scully slipped back into unconsciousness.
He knelt beside Agent Warner and touched Scully's cheek. "What's going on
here, what happened?" 

Warner shrugged. "She was just leaving when she collapsed. I have no idea
what's wrong." 

"She hasn't eaten or slept in weeks," Skinner explained. "Also, she's
pregnant," he added in a hushed tone. This suggested to Warner that this
was not public knowledge. 

Warner's face paled. "Oh, God..." His wife had had a miscarriage the first
month into her pregnancy; he had almost lost her when it happened. Now he
was even more worried about his partner. 

"If it's all right with you, sir, I'd like to ride with her to the
hospital." If there were any complications, at least he had some
experience. 

Skinner did not know about Warner's wife, nor did he have the time to
spend at the hospital today. He nodded. "I want to be kept informed of her
condition. Call me as soon as you find out anything," he ordered. 

"I will, sir," Warner agreed. The EMT's arrived and soon he left with
Agent Scully. 

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LATER 
THAT AFTERNOON

Agent Warner knocked gently on the door to Scully's hospital room. He
swung it open and stepped cautiously inside. He wasn't sure if she wanted
to see him, but he had to try talking some sense into her. 

Scully turned her head as he entered the room. She gave him a half-smile
and folded her arms over her chest, grasping the sheet in her fingers. 

Warner sat down in the chair near her bed. "How are you feeling?" he asked
gently. 

"Okay. I still feel pretty weak," she admitted. 

"That's what happens when you stop eating," he scolded with a smile. He
saw that they were feeding her intravenously, as well as monitoring her
heart. He noticed a second monitor that was beeping steadily with the
heartbeat of her baby. 

"I just spoke to Skinner. He sends his regards." 

"No lecture, no words of advice?" she joked. 

"Look, I'm sorry about going to Skinner. If I've offended you--" 

"It's all right, John," she interrupted softly. It was the first time she
had called him by his first name. He was silent for a minute, letting the
use of his name have the effect that was intended. 

"My wife miscarried our first child," he said quietly. A look of shock
crossed Scully's face. He was glad to see that he had her attention.

"The doctors don't know what went wrong. She was healthy, she was doing
everything right. It just happened, there was nothing we could have done
differently to insure its survival. You have the chance that we didn't,
Dana." 

Scully didn't know whether to cry or to scream. "How did you...?" she
stammered. 

"Skinner told me after you passed out. I won't tell anyone if that's what
you want." 

She nodded. "Thank you." 

"Is there anyone you need me to call?" he asked. He could see that she was
scared. There was no need for a lecture--she was a doctor, she already
knew more than he could ever tell her. Now was the time to be a friend, if
she wanted one. 

"No, my mother would just worry." 

He nodded, respecting her decision. "The doctors want to keep you here for
a few days until you get your strength back. I suggest you listen to them;
I don't want to be hearing that you've checked yourself out of here
against their advice." He added this last part with a smile.

He stood and reached into his pocket, pulling out a business card. He
scribbled something on the back and handed it to her. "Here's my home
phone number and my pager. If you need anything, anything at all, please
don't hesitate to call." 

Scully accepted it and their eyes met. For a moment, understanding passed
between them and then Warner was gone. 

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TWO DAYS LATER

Scully was released from the hospital and sent home with strict orders to
maintain a healthy diet and get plenty of rest. Skinner would not let her
return to work for the rest of the week, so Agent Warner picked her up and
drove her to the Bureau to pick up her car. She asked him to drop her in
front of the building; she wanted to take a walk before heading home. 

"Do you want some company?" he asked, mostly out of a strange sense of
duty. 

"No, thanks, I really need to be alone." 

"I understand. Take care of yourself, Dana." 

Scully thanked him and climbed out of the car. "See you in a week." 

Scully watched him drive away, then headed towards the Washington
Monument. It was a walk she had taken frequently in the past seven years.
The last time, Mulder was at her side. They had walked here together many
times during lunch or just to get away fr om the office. As she neared a
familiar spot, she slowed. She was half-expecting to see Mulder sitting on
their bench, waiting for her. But it was empty today, as everything seemed
to be lately.

She approached the bench and sat down on her side. She lay one hand across
her stomach and rested the other on the wood beside her. It was warmer
than she had expected, as if someone had just been sitting in his spot.
Scully looked down at her hand and sm iled, remembering many conversations
they had had right here.  It was here that he had once told her to leave,
and here where she had declared that under no uncertain terms was she
going anywhere. Now she realized that if she had listened to him, Mulder
might still be here, but that this life may not be growing insid e her.
She would take the baby and the time they had had together over anything. 

Scully sat and watched the people passing by for over an hour. Sunlight
glistened on the water from a clear blue sky. A light breeze rustled the
leaves on nearby trees and tousled her hair. She was at peace for the
first time in over a month, until a low rumble in her stomach reminded her
that she had not eaten in weeks. The hospital food had not satisfied her
at all. She slowly made her way back to the Bureau and drove home. 

Once she arrived at her apartment, she set down her keys and saw that the
light on her answering machine was blinking furiously. 'Food first,
messages later,' she told herself. She searched the kitchen and finally
settled on rice and a salad. Everything e lse was either frozen or
spoiled. It was not exactly the best meal, but it was a start. She poured
a tall glass of water and sat down on the couch. She reached behind her
and pressed 'play' on the machine. 

The first message was from her mother. "Hi, Dana. Just calling to see how
you're doing. Please call me back," she pleaded. "I'm worried about you."
The machine timed the call at approximately the same time Scully had
passed out at work. Leave it to her mo ther to sense when something was
wrong. Scully made a mental note to call and reassure her that she was
fine. 

The next few messages were hang-ups and telemarketers. The last one was
from Skinner, dated that morning, reminding her that she was not to come
to work for five days, until the following Monday. He also warned her to
take care of herself--he didn't want to lose both of his best agents. 

Scully reached over and hit 'erase,' deleting all the messages. She turned
on the television while she finished eating, but there was nothing on
except a Knicks game. 

'I bet Mulder is watching,' she thought, then silently berated herself for
being so stupid. The thought struck something else inside her and she
quickly cleaned her dishes. She went into the bedroom and began to pack a
bag. Upon opening her closet, she fo und the box containing all of
Mulder's things shoved into one corner. She had hung his poster up in her
cubicle at work, where she felt it belonged, but she had never had the
time or the desire to go through the box. She pulled it out and set it by
her ba g. She finished packing, adding her journal on the top as the last
item. She loaded the car and headed to Arlington. 

She pulled up in front of Mulder's building and got out of the car, taking
her bag and the box out of her trunk. She was alone in the elevator as she
rode upstairs and made her way down the hall to apartment 42. She looked
through her keys for the one mar ked 'Mulder.' She inserted it into the
lock and waited for the click. She hesitated, then walked inside. 

It was the first time she had been in his apartment since they had watched
Caddyshack and she had fallen asleep on his shoulder again. She was
immediately overwhelmed by his familiar scent, but her eyes remained dry.
She set the box and her bag down and b egan to wander around the
apartment. 

She went into the den and checked on his fish. She knew that Byers had
been by daily to feed them. They were healthy, and she smiled as she
lightly touched the glass. Then she moved into the kitchen, checking his
refrigerator for spoiled food. It was empt y but for a half-empty,
outdated carton of orange juice and a couple of beers. She threw out the
juice and went into the bedroom. 

The smell of his cologne filled the room and instantly her mind filled
with memories. Strange, it was the room in which he spent the least amount
of time. She lightly ran her fingers across the sheets of the bed where
they had made love not so long ago. S he pulled open the closet and ran
her hands over his shirts and suits, still fresh from the dry cleaners.
She pictured him sitting behind his desk at work--sleeves rolled up, tie
loosened, top button unbuttoned--and she sighed as the image was replaced
by
 him standing before her in jeans and a gray tee-shirt, his favorite
casual-wear. She paused then went over to the dresser. She rummaged around
until she found what she was looking for. She stripped off her clothes and
pulled one of his gray tee shirts over her head. 

She slowly made her way back to the living room. She grabbed her journal
from her bag and the blanket that Mulder kept on the couch, and curled up
on the comfortable leather to write. 

Wednesday
   Today I took a walk to our favorite spot. I sat and watched the water
and the people, thinking about you. I could almost feel you there with me,
with us. It was a beautiful day. The sky was so clear--I've never seen
blue like that before. 
   I'm tired, Mulder. Every moment of my days is marked with apparitions
of your soul. Your smell, the sound of your voice, the twinkle in your
eyes when you smile at me...Everywhere I go, you are there. I'm constantly
working, constantly moving, trying t o escape this desire, this yearning
to be near you, to touch you. I know that I can't be with you, so I do
what I have to to survive each day. No one can see how much I miss you,
because I don't let them. But deep within me, I'm shaken by the violence
of existing only for you. This scares me, Mulder, because I don't know how
to let you go. 
   I don't know how to let you go... 

Scully's pen trailed off and she re-read the last line over and over. She
was suddenly overcome with great sadness and began to cry until there were
no more tears to shed. She cried herself to sleep on his couch, wrapped up
in his blanket and in his love. 



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Scully awoke the next morning with a strange feeling of peace. She went to
the store for some food and made herself a large breakfast, her appetite
having mysteriously returned. She spent the next four days at the
apartment, cleaning and organizing his th ings. She though a lot about
Mulder and herself, and the life that was growing inside her. She visited
his landlord and arranged for her to continue paying his rent until he
returned. She did not tell him that Mulder may not ever come back. 

She returned to work on Monday, a new person. She was impeccably dressed,
her hair and make-up perfect. She looked like herself again: the circles
were gone from her eyes, and she walked tall. Both Agent Warner and
Skinner noticed with satisfaction the difference in her appearance and her
work. It looked as if her life was returning. 


THREE MONTHS LATER

Scully stopped by Mulder's apartment on her way home from work on Friday.
She came by once a week to check his mail. His fish had died a month ago,
not from neglect, but simply because it was time. Sometimes she would
spend the day at his apartment, think ing or doing work. She had continued
searching for him, but as the weeks passed, the time she spent on the
search had dwindled to the point where she sometimes went for more than a
week without thinking about it. She had lunch with her mother once a week,
 and they were making plans for the baby. She kept busy, but Mulder was in
her thoughts every day. 

Today, she got his mail and left a check for the rent with the landlord.
She waited for the elevator as she sifted through the pile of junk mail.
She was still looking down when the doors opened onto his floor. She took
a step out and gasped.

"Mulder!" 


End 5/9

Part 6/9 Disclaimers: See parts 1 and 3. 



Comin' down the world turned over And angels fall without you there... 
And I'll go on to lead you home...  And I'll become What you became to me
--Goo Goo Dolls

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
FOXMULDER'S APARTMENT 6:48 P.M. 

Scully ran down the hall to the prone figure lying in front of apartment
42. It was Mulder and he was unconscious. She felt for a pulse and found
his heart to be beating normally, if only a little fast. He was breathing
evenly, his chest rising and fallin g as if he was sleeping in his own
bed. 

Scully touched his cheek. "Mulder! It's me. Open your eyes, Mulder," she
said gently. No response, not even a flutter of his eyelashes. "Mulder,
wake up," she ordered. "Can you hear me, Mulder? Wake up." Nothing.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone, dialing 911.
She gave the dispatcher their location and sat on the floor to wait. She
cradled his head in her lap and talked to him, trying to wake him up. An
ambulance arrived within minutes and soon Scully was riding alongside
Mulder in the back. She held his hand tightly and silently prayed that he
would be all right. He had to be. 

TWO HOURS LATER

Scully had not been allowed to see Mulder right away, not even as his
doctor. She had been pacing the halls outside the ER, waiting for any word
at all. She only went to the lobby to call her mother after receiving a
dirty look from the nurses' station. A s she made her way back to the
Emergency Room, a nurse flagged her down. They had moved Mulder to a
private room. Scully thanked her and practically ran to the elevators.
Another nurse on the third floor gave her a brief summary of Mulder's
condition and pointed her towards his room. Scully paused outside the
door, then slowly pushed it open. 

Mulder lay on the bed in the traditional hospital gown, his head and
shoulders elevated into a half-sitting position. One machine was
monitoring his heart and another his brain activity. Other than their
steady beeping, the room was silent. Scully pulled a chair over and sat
beside the bed. She took his hand in hers and gently squeezed. 

"Mulder, I know you can hear me..." she began. Her eyes began to fill with
tears for the first time in three months. They had been dry since that
night in his apartment. The same hopelessness she had felt then washed
over her and the flood began. 

"Mulder, please wake up!" she begged in a low whisper. She rested her head
on his shoulder and cried silently. 

Half an hour later, she was lightly dozing. The sound of the door opening
caused her to raise her head. Skinner walked into the room and stopped at
the foot of the bed.

"How's he doing?" he asked. 

"It's just like before. His brain is incredibly active, but his body is
not responding in any way." She shook her head and stared at Mulder's
lifeless form. He was still breathing on his own and his heart was beating
normally. She only wished he would ope n his eyes. 

"How did he...?" Skinner inquired. 

"I found him outside his apartment and called 911," she answered without
taking her eyes off of Mulder. She stroked his hand with her thumb. 

Skinner could see that she was not in the mood for visitors. "If you need
anything, you call me," he said, pausing. "Dana, you know I wish I could
have-" 

She turned. "I know." 

Their gazes remained locked for a moment, understanding passing between
them. Skinner nodded, accepting her unspoken forgiveness. He took a last
look at Mulder and left the room. 

Scully sat in the same spot for a few hours, holding his hand and talking
to him. A nurse came by once to see if she needed anything, but Scully
declined. The nurse left with a concerned look. At five months, Scully's
stomach bulged and the nurse was only
 worried for her health. Scully firmly refused any help and sent the nurse
away. 

It was almost one when Scully finally began to lose her composure. She was
tired of waiting, tired of seeing Mulder in this condition. She became
angry. 

"Dammit, Mulder, wake up!" she said firmly. "Mulder, open your eyes...open
your eyes, Mulder!" she demanded. She started to tremble from fatigue and
hunger. "Please, Mulder," she whispered, lowering her head. 

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THE FOLLOWING MORNING 
8:32 A.M. 

A hand on her shoulder awoke Scully early the next morning. She looked up
groggily to see John Warner, a sympathetic look on his face. She smiled
grimly at him, then turned back to Mulder. 

"You need a break from this," he said quietly. "Why don't we take a walk
down to the cafeteria and get something to eat." 

Scully shook her head. "I'm not leaving him. Not this time." 

John knew better than to argue with her when she was like this. But in the
past few months, they had slowly become friends. He knew that he was the
only person besides her mother who could talk some sense into her. 

"Dana, you need to eat. The stress is not good for either of you," he
warned. "He's not going to wake up," he added gently. 

Scully turned and looked at him sharply. 

"Your face is the first thing he'll want to see when he does," he
reassured. "He won't take that chance." 

Scully looked back at Mulder and sighed. She squeezed his hand and
promised to return soon. Then she followed Warner out of the room. They
walked down to the cafeteria in silence. Once they were seated, Scully
picked at her food. 

"You look like hell," he said, a poor attempt at humor. 

She smiled briefly. "I do." It was a half-question, half-statement. She
knew her eyes must be red and puffy from crying, not to mention the dark
circles that must be there as well. Hell was probably an accurate
description. 

"Come on, eat." He knew she had been taking care of herself since her last
trip to the hospital. He wouldn't let her quit now. "You need to keep your
strength up." 

"Okay, Mom," she retorted, stressing the last word. 

"Speaking of which, have you called her yet?" 

Scully nodded. "She told me she would be here sometime this morning." 

"Good." 

An awkward silence fell between them. Scully could tell that Warner wanted
to say something, but held himself back. He studied her face, trying to
decide what to say. 

"You really love him that deeply, don't you," he finally said softly. It
was more of an observation than anything. 

Scully looked away from his gaze. "Mind, body, and soul," she admitted
quietly. "It's kind of funny," she said after a moment, "I was assigned to
him seven years ago to debunk his work." She laughed lightly. "How could
they have known it would turn out th is way." 

Warner waited a minute before asking his next question. "Does he know?" 

Her eyes finally met his and began to moisten again. She shook her head
slightly. "I found out the day he disappeared," she replied, blinking back
tears. She bit her lip and regained her composure. John could see she
wasn't going to eat anymore, so they h eaded back upstairs. 

"Thank you," Scully said as they walked down the hall to Mulder's room. 

"For what?" Warner asked. 

"For everything. You've been a good partner and a good friend. If it
wasn't for you, I may not be standing here today. I owe you a lot."

Warner shook his head. "You don't owe me anything. Just make sure that
baby is born healthy and strong." 

Scully nodded, accepting his terms. He was about to say something else,
but a figure over her shoulder caught his eye. Scully turned and saw her
mother walking towards them. She carried a small bag in her hand. Warner
nodded to her as she approached and l eft mother and daughter alone. 

"I brought you a change of clothes," Margaret Scully said, placing the bag
on the chair outside Mulder's room. 

"Thanks," Scully said. She stood there a moment, grief overcoming her at
the look in her mother's eyes. They embraced, and Scully buried her head
in her mother's shoulder. 

"Oh, Mom, I'm so scared!" 


End 6/9

Part 7/9 Disclaimers: See parts 1 and 3. 

Author's Note: I was just watching Ascension and One Breath again for some
inspiration. I thought that the interaction between Mulder and Mrs. Scully
were so powerful and central to the episodes, that I had to include Mrs.
Scully in the story. I only hope
 you like my interpretation. Enjoy! BTW, thanks for the great beta,
shipper! 


Now you're sleeping peaceful I lie awake and pray That you'll be strong
tomorrow And will see another day...  --Sarah McLachlan

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Maggie Scully held her daughter tightly. "It'll be ok, Dana," she
reassured. "He's strong, he'll come out of this." 

Scully pulled away and they sat down. She wiped her eyes. "I don't know
what's wrong with me. I just can't seem to stop crying," she apologized. 

Her mother smiled and laughed. "You're pregnant, sweetie." 

Scully smiled in return. Maggie reached into her purse and handed Scully a
tissue. She picked up the bag she had brought and handed it to her
daughter. 

"Here, why don't you go change and clean yourself up. I'll sit with him a
while." 

Scully smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Mom." 

Mrs. Scully watched Dana disappear around the corner, then slowly entered
Mulder's room. She sat down in Scully's vacated chair. The first thing she
noticed was Dana's cross around his neck. An old conversation they'd once
had replayed through her mind. 


FIVE YEARS AGO

"I had that dream again last night about Dana being taken away," she says,
a haunted look on her face. "I can't tell you how it scares me." 

Mulder offers her some comfort. "It's probably scarier when you stop
having the dream." She looks up, surprised. "Don't you think?" 

Mrs. Scully lets the thought sink in, then smiles and lightly nods. Mulder
starts to voice another thought, then stops. He remembers something else
that he was supposed to do. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out
Scully's cross.

"I found this," he begins, placing it in Mrs. Scully's hand. "It's
something I never considered about her." 

Margaret looks up. "If she was such a skeptic, why did she wear that?" he
asks, gesturing to the necklace. 

Mrs. Scully swallows, remembering the day she had given it to her
daughter. "I gave it to her for her fifteenth birthday," she explains. She
stares at the necklace, watching the sunlight glisten off of it. Making a
decision, Mrs. Scully reaches over and l ays the cross in Mulder's hand.
He looks up in protest. 

"Don't you want to keep it?" he asks. 

Mrs. Scully closes his fingers tightly around the necklace and squeezes
his hand. "When you find her, you give it to her." 

Mulder nods, and a moment of silent understanding passes between them... 


It didn't surprise Margaret Scully to see the gold chain glistening
against his skin now. She had noticed it was missing when she had last
seen Dana. Maggie had known that when Dana found the cross, she would find
Mulder. 

"Hello Fox," she said quietly. "I know you remember the conversations we
had five years ago when Dana was missing. I'll never forget the look in
your eyes the night she was taken, or the look on your face when we shut
off the life support. I see the same look in her eyes today. Dana won't
admit it to anyone, but I believe that you were the reason she came back
to us. If you hadn't visited her that night, I don't think she would be
here today." She paused, the words she wanted to say taking shape in her m
ind. 

"Now, Bill may not like you, and I may not agree with everything you
believe...and I may be angry for all the pain Dana has endured the past
few years...I know you carry a lot of guilt, Fox, but I want you to know
that I do not blame you for any of it. I will be forever grateful to you
for all the positive things you have done for my daughter. 

"I know you would never do anything to hurt her, but this is killing her,
Fox. She loves you. She needs you, just like you need her. You've got
things to do... responsibilities." She paused for emphasis. "Don't let her
down." 

The door swung open just then and Scully walked in. Her mother looked away
from Mulder and smiled. Scully had changed clothes and washed her face,
giving her back a glimmer of her old shine. Only her eyes betrayed how
tired and hopeless she truly felt. 

"I hope I'm not interrupting...Did you have a nice talk?" she asked,
feeling kind of silly. 

Her mother nodded. "Yes, I think we did," she replied, looking at Mulder. 

Maggie stood so Dana could resume her watch. Scully took his hand in hers
again and squeezed it. "I'm back, Mulder." Then she sighed. 

"I'll be outside for a while if you need me," her mother said, patting her
on the shoulder. She headed for the door. 

"I'm so tired. I'm running out of things to talk about," Scully said
wearily. 

Her mother paused at the door. "Tell him a story," she suggested. She
pushed the door open, then stopped and turned. 

"Just don't tell him the one about the snake," she added with a smile.
"He's already heard it." Then she was gone. 

Scully turned back to Mulder, wondering exactly what her mother was
talking about. She searched her mind for a favorite memory, something that
Mulder could tease her about when he woke up, but none came to mind. She
just began to talk. 

"Once upon a time, there was a girl named Dana. All her life she played it
straight. The daughter of a naval officer, Dana always followed the rules
and showed no emotion. She built a wall around her heart and kept everyone
out, even her own family. In on e of her few acts of rebellion, she chose
the FBI over a promising career in medicine, against the wishes of her
father. She set herself to the sole goal of proving to everyone that she
could make it just as far as any man, and she would let nothing and n o
one stand in her way. 

"Then one day, a new man entered her life. He was brilliant, cocky,
self-absorbed, and incredibly attractive. Little did Dana know that he
would completely change her life for better and for worse. 

"He took her places and showed her things she could only imagine in her
wildest dreams. He argued with her, ordered her around, and ditched her
more times than she could count. He dragged her out on wild goose chases
and asked her to lie to their superior s. He could frustrate her and make
her laugh in the same five minutes. She was teased and whispered about
behind her back because of her unwavering loyalty to this reckless man.
Her family questioned this loyalty time and time again. Anyone else would
hav e left him years before, why couldn't she? 

"There were times when she had wanted to, wanted to run as fast as she
could in the opposite direction." Scully paused. "But somewhere along the
way, amidst all the pain and all the tragedy, she fell in love with him.
Somehow, he had broken through her wa lls and captured her heart. She
never let him know, and she tried not to let him all the way inside." She
suddenly switched to the present. 

"But he knows her too well, even better than she knows herself. His eyes
can penetrate down to the very depths of her soul. Those beautiful,
mesmerizing eyes... All I want is to see those beautiful hazel eyes
smiling back at me," she said softly. "Open yo ur eyes, Mulder. All you
have to do is open your eyes." 

She stared at his face for a moment, searching for any sign that he had
heard her. He remained still. 

Scully sat and talked to Mulder for the rest of the afternoon. John came
back after work and talked her into going down the street for dinner. Her
mother promised to sit with him and to call if there was any change. 

When Scully returned forty minutes later, he was still in the same
condition. His brain activity, however, had decreased, making the doctors
optimistic. They suggested that she go home, but Scully refused. She fell
asleep with her head on his shoulder aga in, her hand on his chest. 

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Sunlightwas streaming through the window when Scully began to stir. She
heard the sound of Mulder's steady breathing and remembered where she was.
She sighed. A familiar voice startled her, and she was suddenly fully
awake. 

"Good morning, sleepyhead." 

Scully slowly raised her head and saw a pair of hazel eyes smiling back at
her. He was awake. 


End 7/9


Part 8/9 Disclaimers: See parts 1 and 3. 

Author's Note: Anyway, YES it's almost done, probably only one or two more
parts. Did I leave a cliffhanger? Guess you'll have to read to find out!
*EG*


In your eyes The light, the heat In your eyes I am complete...  --Peter
Gabriel

sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Scully was too relieved to react right away. She simply gazed back into
Mulder's eyes. 

"It's nice to see you, too," he joked weakly. 

A small smile crept across her face. She was glad to see that he was still
his usual self.

"Scully--" he began. 

"Shh!" she whispered, placing a finger on his lips. "I'm going to get your
doctor. We can talk later. You need to rest." Scully stood and kissed him
softly on the forehead. She waited until his eyes were closed before
leaving the room. 

Scully rushed down to the nurses' station and asked them to page Doctor
Miles. He rounded the corner moments later and entered Mulder's room. As
she followed to return to her partner's side, Scully saw John coming down
the hall. She met him at Mulder's do or. 

"Are you alright, Dana?" he asked. "What's going on?" 

Scully started to tremble. All the stress and emotion she had been keeping
bottled inside began to find its way to the surface. She placed a hand
over her mouth and John could see it shake. He grabbed her shoulders and
helped her sit down. He knelt down i n front of her. 

"Just take a deep breath and exhale slowly," he coached. Scully did as he
said and began to feel better immediately. Her vision cleared and her
heart rate slowed. 

Her mother rushed over just then. "What's going on, what's wrong with
Dana?" she asked Warner. 

He stood and shook his head. "I don't know, she won't tell me." 

Mrs. Scully knelt down in his place and looked up at her daughter. "What's
the matter, honey? Is it Fox? Did something happen?" she asked worriedly. 

Scully finally withdrew her hand from her mouth and placed it on her
chest. She smiled faintly and nodded. 

"He's awake," she managed in a whisper. 

Margaret Scully smiled back in relief and wrapped her arms around her
daughter. Scully squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled deeply. They held each
other for a long moment, both thinking about the past few months and the
grief they had felt over Mulder's dis appearance. Neither needed say
anything; the bond they shared as mother and daughter allowed them to
communicate their feelings better than any words ever could. After a few
minutes, Doctor Miles interrupted them. 

"Miss Scully, he's asking for you." 

Scully stood and nodded. "Is he going to be alright?" 

"He should be. All his vitals are still strong and his brain activity has
almost returned to normal. We'd like to keep him here overnight just to be
sure, but I see no reason why he can't go home as early as tomorrow." 

Scully breathed another sigh of relief. "Thank you," she said. 

Doctor Miles cleared his throat. "However, we still have no explanation
for his condition. Quite frankly, I've never seen anything like the
activity his brain was experiencing. I will release him only on the
condition that he returns for several follow-up
 appointments so that we can run some tests. The information we find could
lead to a breakthrough in current understanding of the human brain." 

Scully nodded. "I'll talk to him about it," she agreed shortly. She would
worry about that later. Right now all she wanted to do was see him again. 

Scully peeked through the window in the door before pushing it open.
Mulder's eyes were closed and he looked like he was napping. Scully sat
down beside him and he smiled. 

"Hey, Scully," he said affectionately. His lashes fluttered open and he
turned his head to gaze at her beautiful face. 

Scully smiled back. "Hey, Mulder." 

She brushed her hand across his forehead and down his cheek. They sat in
silence for a moment, gazes locked, enjoying the simple joy of each
other's presence. Finally, Scully asked the important question that had
been on both of their minds. 

"Mulder, do you remember anything about what happened?" 

Mulder stared back at her, an expression of awe on his face. "I remember
everything. It was incredible, Scully."

He paused a moment, deciding whether or not to continue. 

"You can tell me all about it," she said quietly. 

Mulder nodded. "I will. Someday. Right now I'm just glad to see your face
again." He reached up and laid his hand on her cheek. She covered his hand
with hers and pressed it to her face. She smiled and a strong wave of love
passed over them. 

A soft knock on the door interrupted the tender exchange. John Warner
slowly opened the door and stepped inside. Mulder quickly withdrew his
hand, suddenly on guard. 

"I brought you some juice and a bagel. Your mom said to go ahead and bring
it in." He looked back and forth between Mulder and Scully. "I hope I'm
not interrupting--" 

Scully shook her head and smiled. She gestured at the table behind her.
"You can just leave it over here. There's someone I'd like you to meet."
She turned back to Mulder. 

John set the food on the table, very conscious of Mulder's curious stare
following him across the room. He took a cautious step towards the bed and
stopped beside Scully. 

"Mulder, I'd like you to meet John Warner. John," she paused. 

"This is Fox Mulder." 

John offered his hand to Mulder who stared at it warily. 

"I've been...helping John at the Bureau," she explained. 

"Best darn researcher I've ever met," John complimented lightly. 

Mulder finally accepted his hand and shook it firmly. 

"It's good to finally meet you, Agent Mulder. Dana's told me, well, almost
nothing about you," he finished honestly. His voice cracked a little,
betraying his nervousness. He didn't want to appear insincere or foolish
in front of this man. Warner knew mor e about Mulder than he let on, but
only what he saw in Dana's eyes. The way she spoke, he knew that he had
just met an extraordinary man. He wanted to make a good impression. 

Mulder smiled guardedly, unsure of whether or not to trust this guy. It
was clear that Scully did by the way she reacted when he came into the
room. They were obviously close--they were on a first name basis. Mulder
couldn't help but wonder just how close . 

"Skinner called a few minutes ago," John was saying, interrupting Mulder's
thoughts. "He sends his regards." 

An awkward silence descended upon them. John could tell that Mulder did
not trust him. Warner didn't want to rush him, not after all he had been
through, so the younger agent decided to leave the two partners alone.

"I know you have a lot to talk about...I'm headed back to the Bureau,
Dana. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call." He touched her
shoulder, nodded at Mulder, then left. 

Scully watched him leave and turned back to Mulder. He, too, had watched
Warner leave and Scully could see the jealousy in his eyes. 

"Mulder, stop it," she reprimanded him. "We're friends." 

Mulder looked at her innocently. He opened his mouth to protest, but her
look silenced him. 

"He helped me through a difficult time a few months ago," she explained.
"You should be happy I had someone to look out for me." 

Mulder nodded, but didn't apologize for being suspicious. He was more
interested in what she had just said. 

"Did something happen while I was gone?" he asked worriedly. 

Scully looked down at her hands. She had not even begun to think of a way
to tell him about the baby. Her chair was so low that he had not yet
noticed the obvious bulge of her stomach. She had no idea how he would
react. 

"I've been wondering how to tell you for months..." she said, avoiding his
eyes. She raised her eyebrows and sighed. "I still have no idea how it
happened." 

"You're scaring me, Scully," Mulder said, reaching for her hand. He
swallowed. "Is it...is it the cancer?" he asked quietly. 

Scully finally met his eyes. She saw concern and terror in them, and in
that instant, she felt the full power of his love for her. He would be
destroyed if anything ever happened to her, even if he did feel she
deserved more than what he could give her. S cully knew then that he would
embrace this miracle. But she also knew that he would try to talk her into
leaving him, and that she never would. 

Scully smiled through the tears that were now forming in her eyes. She
laughed nervously and squeezed his hand. "No, no. I'm fine, Mulder. I'm
perfectly healthy," she reassured. He instantly relaxed. "In fact," she
explained, "I'm better than healthy." Sh e took a deep breath. 

"I'm pregnant," she stated firmly. She held her breath, waiting for his
reaction. 

Mulder's expression had changed from one of worry to a blank stare. He was
in shock, her words failing to register in his mind. His eyes darted back
and forth as he tried to reconcile what she had said with what the doctors
had originally told her. 

"I don't...how can...?" he stammered. 

Scully shook her head. "The doctors have no idea. I made them run the test
three times just to be sure. But it's true. I'm going to be a mother," she
finished, her voice faltering. It was still sometimes hard to believe. 

"How long have you known?" Mulder asked quietly. He had already guessed
the answer, but he wanted to be sure.

"I found out the day you disappeared," she replied just as quietly. 

"I'm so sorry, Scully. I shouldn't have gone--" 

"Mulder, it's okay," she interrupted. The last thing she wanted to do was
let him fall into that familiar pit of self-condemnation. "You did what
you had to do."

So did I, she thought, remembering a troubled journal entry from so long
ago. That journal was now packed away in a box where it would stay until
her grandchildren read it long after she was gone. Mulder would never know
how much anguish she had suffered the first month he was missing. 

"So then, it's...I mean, I'm..." He couldn't finish the thought. Nothing
had quite sunk in yet. He needed to hear her say it. 

Scully nodded with a smile. A tear escaped her eye and tracked its way
down her cheek. 

"You're going to be a father," she finished. 


End part 8/9


Part 9/9 Disclaimers: See parts 1 and 3. 

Author's Note: Well, it was sure fun while it lasted, wasn't it? I only
wish I had gotten it done in time for the June challenge, but oh well. I
hope you all enjoyed this story and thanks to everyone who sent me
feedback. And thanks to Lyss and Shipper fo r beta-ing for me. You guys
rock! 


Love's the only house big enough for all the pain in the world --Martina
McBride

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Mulder'seyes searched Scully's, his mind frantically processing what she
had told him. He saw the tears welling in her eyes and a smile tugged at
the corners of his mouth.

They were having a child. 'Scully and I. Me and Scully,' he repeated to
himself. 'Who would have ever thought...'


"Agent Mulder, I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you." 

"Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded. So who did you tick
off to get stuck with this detail, Scully." 

"Actually, I'm looking forward to working with you. I've heard a lot about
you." 

"Oh, really? I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on
me..." 


It was amazing how the strong distrust he had felt seven years ago had
transformed into the overwhelming love he now felt every time he looked at
her. But at the same time, he remembered the strong connection to her he
had felt that first time they met. A fter all that they had seen and
experienced, it did not seem so amazing after all that they would now have
the strongest connection of all. A child was a bond no one could ever
break. 

'But they will try,' Mulder thought. 

His expression suddenly changed. He set his mouth in a firm line and
turned his face away from Scully. Mulder studied the wallpaper design and
tried to find the courage for what he was about to do. 

Scully squeezed his hand; Mulder didn't even blink. She looked quizzically
at him, startled by the sudden change in his demeanor. 

"Mulder-?" 

"You know what this means, don't you?" he interrupted quietly. 

Scully was still staring at him questioningly. Her mind was not connecting
with his at all. 

"You have to leave, Scully," he said firmly, continuing to avoid her eyes. 

"Mulder!" she exclaimed in protest. 

"They'll use it against us, Scully," he stated, finally meeting her gaze.
"Don't you see, it's just one more thing--you've got to get as far away
from me as you can. Somewhere you'll both be safe," he insisted. 

Their conversation was starting to sound familiar. "Mulder, nothing is
going to happen to me or this child. No one has come after us yet." 

"That's just it, Scully. They've just been waiting. They took me away from
you, then returned me, only to take you and our child away from me. It's
the perfect revenge," he explained. 

Scully remained silent, studying his face. His eyes had that familiar look
of determination. How many times were they going to go through this?
Scully stood up and walked around the room a few times. She then returned
to his side, just as determined to fi nally make him see that she was here
to stay. 

"How many times do I have to tell you, Mulder," she said, putting her
hands on her hips, "I'm not going anywhere. I refuse to let you do this to
yourself! This crazy idea you have that everything bad that has happened
in my life is your fault is just that --crazy!" 

"Scully--" 

"We all have choices, Mulder. I've made mine, and now you've given me the
most precious gift I could ever receive. I will not walk away from you,
and I refuse to let my daughter grow up without her father!" 

Mulder opened his mouth, poised to argue, then froze. His mind rewound and
replayed what Scully had just said. 

"It's a girl?" he asked. He wasn't quite sure he had heard her right. 

Scully smiled and nodded. 

"Are you sure?" 

"I had an amnio last week. I wasn't sure I even wanted to know, but--" 

"Is everything okay?" Mulder asked, concerned. 

"She's fine. I'm fine," Scully replied. She squeezed his hand again. She
watched his eyes soften as the news sunk in. She could tell he was
thinking about his sister. 

Mulder swallowed hard as a lump formed in his throat. He was thinking
about Samantha and his father. He knew that giving up his only daughter
had to have been the hardest decision Bill Mulder ever had to make. But
the pressure was too great for him to ris k his own life. How strange
that, as fate would have it, Mulder was now facing the same problem. He
didn't know which was harder to bear, accepting his father's role in
Samantha's disappearance and death, or the thought of losing Scully and
their child fo rever. Mulder swallowed again. His jaw started to tremble
as he fought back tears. Scully pulled his hand from the bed and pressed
it to her stomach. 

"Don't become your father, Mulder," she said quietly, reading his
thoughts. She knew that however much he had loved his father, Mulder had
never forgiven him for what happened to Samantha. "You're better than
that." 

Mulder stared down at his hand on Scully's stomach. He could feel the
faint beating of his daughter's heart. He wanted to believe that what she
was saying was true. Could he finally leave the past behind by having the
courage to do what his father could n ot? He wanted to. He wanted to so
badly. 

Mulder looked back up at Scully. All his doubts were still ruling his
mind. Mulder knew that he loved her. Of that he was certain. When he
looked into her eyes, he saw his past and his future. But what did she see
when she looked at him? Of that he could never be sure. 

Mulder shook his head. "You can do so much better than me," he whispered.
"You deserve so much more than this." 

"I don't want more than this, Mulder," Scully replied. "All I want is
you." She touched his cheek. Mulder closed his eyes. 

"All I want is you," she whispered. 

A tear fell down Mulder's cheek and Scully brushed it away. He grabbed her
hand and kissed the palm, then pressed it against his chest. He gazed into
her eyes and saw her heart clearly for the first time. Scully smiled back
at him. 

"I see you've finally told him," a voice said from the doorway. 

Mulder and Scully both looked up as Margaret entered the room. Neither had
heard her knock. She carried a small basket of flowers. 

"Assistant Director Skinner sent these for both of you," she said, placing
them on the table behind Scully. She took a step towards the bed and stood
next to her daughter. 

"Hello, Fox," she said with a small smile. "It's good to see you're
awake." 

Mulder looked at Scully, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a
sigh. "It's great to be alive," he agreed. 

"Well, I'll leave you two alone," Maggie said. "I'm sure you have much
more to talk about." She kissed Scully on the cheek and nodded at Mulder
before walking out. 

Mulder's voice stopped her at the door. "Mrs. Scully?" 

She turned. "Yes?" 

Mulder's eyes met hers. "I won't let you down," he said simply. 

She smiled. "I know." Then she was gone. 

Mulder turned back to Scully. She was staring at him, a strange expression
on her face. 

"What?" he wondered aloud. 

"I love you," she replied softly. It was the first time she had told him. 

He smiled and squeezed her hand. "I know, Scully. I know." 


THE END