From: "Karen Catalia" Date: Wed, 29 Aug 2001 16:00:07 -0700 Subject: The Most Disgusting Shipper Fic Ever by Karen Catalia Source: direct TITLE: The Most Disgusting Shipper Fic Ever (AKA U R My Hole World) AUTHOR: Karen Patricia Catalia: karencatalia@hotmail.com CATEGORY: Crossover/Humor NoRomo satire SPOILERS: no spoilers RATING: R I suppose. There is very goofy erotica in this fic (satirical erotica, of course) See the section titled "Hot Pasonate Sex" to determine your rating of it. ARCHIVE: Sure. I already have it up on my web site at http://www.geocities.com/kpcatalia but I don't have a problem with it being archived elsewhere. KEYWORDS: satire, parody, NoRomo, Shipper DISCLAIMER: I don't get the point of disclaimers. I mean, it's kind of like saying, "Yes, I know I have no right to use these characters and that what I'm doing is illegal, and now I'm going to acknowledge it at the top of my story so that if anyone ever wants to sue me, they'll have proof that I know I'm not supposed to be using the characters." *shrugs* But hey, I'd be very surprised if 1013 had any interest in suing me, so I'll disclaim this. These characters belong to Fox. No one from Fox or 1013 had anything to do with this lurvely fic. :o) SUMMARY: This is a satire of bad MSR fiction in which most of the words are purposely mispelled and the writing is profoundly terrible, but terribly funny. :o) "Moulder" and "Skully" profess their undying love and Mulder explains that Scully is his touchstone. Then, "Skully" has an orgasm, just because he says that. They get married and have "hot pasonate sex" in their lovely house in Mayberry. Classification: Crossover/Humor U R My Hole World AKA The Most Disgusting Shipper Fic Ever! A shippy fic by karen catlia (who just mispelled her name in case you're wondering where all the spelling errors are) I am now going to write... THE MOST DISGUSTING SHIPPER FIC EVER!!!!! or at least, I'm going to try. Skully was so sad bc Moulder was not home yet. She just cries. One day Doget comes in and said "Don't b sad, Skully. Here's a biskit." Skully cried more. "U CANNOT REPLACE MOULDER W\ A BISKIT!!!!" she said. Than he left. Than MOulder comes in. "OMG!" said Skully "U R home!" Than she cries and she runs up and hugs him and he said, "O Skully! I missed u so much. u r my touchstone. i luv u!!!!!" Than Skully has an orgasm, just bc he said that. The next day, they went to the movies, than the restraunt and Moulder looked at sKully and starts 2 cry. He puts his hand on her stomac. "I love 2 b with u, Skully" he said. "We don't have to have sex bc I love you even if we don't." Than Skully said, "No, I want 2, bc I LOVE YOU 22222!!!!!!!!" "O Skully," he said looking at her. "You're my touchstone. U made me hole! u set me free! Even when nobody else was there 4 me u were there. We will b 2gether 4ever!!!!!" Than Skully had another orgasm, but they still did not have sex. The next day Skully came to Moulders house and they watched some movies about monsters from outer spase and Skully said "Gosh they're ugly." And moulder said "but they are speshial N-E-way. u shouldn't say they're ugly." "Sorry" says Skully "moulder what if our baby is ugly" says Skully. "It won't b" said Moulder "bc u r so beatyful." "But what if it looks like you?" asked Scully. [[Agh! Sorry! Cross out that last sentence. My MASHEO hand typed that without consulting me. *Karen slaps her hand.*]] Than Skully starts 2 cry. "O Moulder!!!!" she said. She starts 2 breathe heavy and he started 2 breathe heavly 2. He looked at her bc he loved her sooooo much and he said "skully, I've never loved anyone besides u. i would die w\o u. i don't care what happens. I will quit my job and we can go live in a house w\ a white pick fense. i want 2 take care of this baby and i want 2 take care of u bc u r my hole world!" [[His HOLE world, how touching.]] than they had hot pasonate sex but Skully did not have an orgasm this time. Than they got marred and went 2 live in Maybery and had a baby and a cat and 2 RABID DOGS!!!!!! THE END Hot Pasonate Sex: A Sequel to "U R My Hole World" So they moved 2 Maybery and Skully got pregnat and Moulder said "OMG! It is are baby." and he starts to cry cause he was so happy. Than Skully starts to cry, but when the baby came out it was green and Skully said "OMG! It is an alian. Let's name her Samantha." So moulder said "OK. That is a good name." and than they went home and Skully had another orgasm. [[Wait, wait, this is a Shipper fic. The baby has to be human. Scratch that paragraph out.]] So they moved 2 Maybery and Skully got pregnat and Moulder said "OMG! It is are baby." and he starts to cry bc he was so happy. Than Skully starts to cry and she has an orgasm. The baby stayed in her and they went 2 lamoz and than Skully had 2 twins 1 named Samantha and 1 named Margaret and the fbi calls them and says "the govermint is trying to kill agent Skinner bc he protected u. u should come help him" and Moulder said "I don't care bc I HAVE BABIES NOW!!!!!!!!!!" So the monster eats skinner. Than one day fowley came to there house in Maybery and said "give me your baby! I want to turn it to an alian!" and Moulder said "no way bc I DON'T LIKE U N-E-MORE U B****!!!!" Than he kicks her but and she died and Skully said, "OMG! u r my hero!!!! I love u soooo much!!!!" and they had sex. WARNING: ADULT CONTENT FOLLOWS. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18. So than Moulder came in and he said "Skully u r so beatyful." Than he put his hand in her boob. Than Skully says "Oh thank u I luv u!" Than she has an orgasm. But not yet. Than Moulder kisses her and he said "Skully I luv u. i have never met NE1 I luv as much as u, bc u r so perfect." Than Skully said "Let's have sex" and moulder takes off her shirt and he kisses her and moulder had a 20 feet penis, but it was 2 long so when he puts it in her pussy it comes out her mouth. [[Sorry, sorry, I just couldn't resist. Scratch out that last paragraph out.]] Than Skully said "Let's have sex" and moulder takes off her shirt and he kisses her and than she said "O that is soooo good!!!" and Skully takes off his shirt and his pants and he had a really big penis and Skully said, "OMG!!!! That is soooooo big!" And she was a virgin. [[but she just had sex 2 scenes ago, but that is OK.]] And than he puts it in her and she starts screaming bc his penis is so big and they have sex 4 3 hours. And than they are real tired. So than, when they are done having sex they go 2 sleep and Moulder holds skully and he folded up his penis and put it away so it doesn't poke her bc he is very thoughtful The next day they went to the restraunt again and there little baby girl is crying so skully took out her boob and she milked it and she said "Babies r soooo great. I luv them bc they r speshal." And Skully starts 2 cry. Than Moulder said "I know they r the most preshous thing in the hole world" and he starts 2 cry 2. Than Barney the purple dinsaur comes in and they all have a sing along about how speshal people r and they all smile and hold hands. [[Sorry. Scratch that out. Even Shippers wouldn't go *that* far!]] Than moulder face beamed with pride bc he loves his baby girls sooo much. Than they had sex again and skully was a virgin again and this time moulder penis was even more big and they had sex 4ever and ever! THE END Author's Notes Note: This fic is NOT meant to say that ALL Shippers write like this. Truth be told, the author of this site is a Shipper of the Darkside IntelliFini kind. (Yep, yep, I'm one of the original DIFS.) I realize that most Shippers are intelligent people who can spell, think and appreciate XF stories. But this fic is not for those people! Also and this is an inexcusibly childish note - I'm good at those! :-) Anyway, "hole" is a shortened form of the word "asshole", which is why my 5-year-old brain finds the sentence, "U set me free! U made me hole!" to be such an amusing spelling error. Hopefully you do too. Anyway, have fun! Notable Commentary on this Fic ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Human Bondage responded to this fic with an excellent analysis of the marring. Her response follows: taken from http://www.delphi.com/foxxfiles/messages?msg=53946.20 "U made me hole" day with this fic. Great parody, but I think I'll stay away from commenting in 'rabid shipper speak'. It'll save me from getting a headache like the rest of the Noro's in this thread. :) I lurve the ending where M & S get "marred"...it really gives the "hole" fic a tragic feel when looking back on it in light of the marring. What a poignant comment on the emptiness of the American dream. Poor M&S...if they would've stayed out of each other's pants this whole tragedy could've been avoided. Hey, that's another message. Sex with a fellow FBI agent can only lead to bad things! Maybe this fic is more Noro than you know...could this be the work of the subconscious mind? Hmmm... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I would also like to note that becca came up with the name for this fic in her post at http://www.delphi.com/foxxfiles/messages?msg=53946.64. Her post follows: --------- You know, I wonder if I removed the NoRomo comments and posted this in the fanfic folder, I wonder what kind of feedback I'd get... Maybe I'll try that. Hm, what shall I call it? --------- Oh, my. I think that would be wonderful. Here's the Top 10 List of possible DisgustingShipperFic titles [plus one for good luck]: Suclly has an Organ Lurve behond a pick fense havey breathgin pasonate sex 40 organs & a Muleder A hand on her stomac: suclly has an organ u r my touchstone -- a playlit in 6 orgasns bc u r so beatyful (muldre and sulcy make out) [alt.: make *it*] a belle for Muldero love is no biskit: a shippr farey tail .........and my all-time favorite, u r my hole world Are you game? Oh... sorry.... R u gaim? cheers, inveiglegoth rapscallion of idiocy ----------------------------------------------------------------------- GoScully had some nice praise for it at http://www.delphi.com/foxxfiles/messages?msg=53946.73: OMG! I jest reed yer hole fic threed an laffed my but of!!!! i like teh parts were she has orgisims w/o sex bcus sex is dirty if yer nut marred! then thay did it an she dint hav orgisms. It was nice of u 2let they liv n Maybary maybe molder can git Barney Fifes job? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 17Herrenvolk is the one who inspired the sequel with his/her post at http://www.delphi.com/foxxfiles/messages?msg=53946.98: DONT LESTEN TO WHAT THEYR WRIGHTING ABOUT YOU KARENCATYALINA!!!!! YOURE FIC IS SOOO MUCH GOODER THEN ANYTHIN OUT THER!!!! PLEZZZ KEEP IT COMEING!!!! BUTT DO MAK THE SEX SENSE HOTT AND NASTIE!!!! MAK SURE MOULDR HAS A RELLY BIG THINGY!!!!! MOULDR IS SO HOTTT!!! I HAIT AGENT DOGGAT!!! MOULDER LUVES SKULY!!!!! WE KNOE IT!!!!!! FANFIK WRIGHTERS ARE SO MUCH GOODER THEN CCC!!!! HES A DUMBEASS!!!!!!!!!ASLO MAK SURE THET MOULDR TELLS SKULY THET HE LUVES HERE NOT JEST MOTHE IT LIK IN THE 3 WORDES!!!!!! I LUV YOURE FAN FIK KARINCATALINA!!!! HAIRYNVOLK PLZZZ MAK SURE MOULDR HAS A BIG BIG THINGY!!!!! SO HE CAN GIVE SKULY THE GOODE SEX SHE WANTES FROM MOULDR!!!!!!!!OHH AND SKULLLY SHOULDE BE A VERGEN!!!!! LIKE SHE SAVEID HERSELF FORE MOULDR!!!!!! HARRYNVOLKE ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally, I would like to thank MulderPatter for his/her useful commentary at http://www.delphi.com/foxxfiles/messages?msg=53946.97 I liked you're story, but two things. You spell alot of things wrong and the sex scenes aren't that good. You need to write more realistic.