From: "Julie Cantrell" Date: Tue, 27 Oct 1998 20:31:59 -0500 Subject: A Mother's Wisdom Title: A Mother's Wisdom Author: Julie Cantrell Rating: G Category: V Spoilers: "Beyond the Sea", "Paper Clip", "One Breath", and "Redux II" Keywords: none Summary: A look through the eyes of a mother. Feedback: Shamelessly pleading! I welcome all feedback. I want to know if I should attempt this again. :-) Send it to curls@zoomnet.net Archive: Anywhere. Just ask and keep all the information attached. :-) Disclaimer: All characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Twentieth Century Fox Television. No infringement is intended. Visit http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dungeon/3881/ to see the image that goes along with this story (click on fanfic button). A Mother's Wisdom Every mother dreads the day when someone will take her place in the heart of her daughter. Although I know my daughter has always loved me, I've never been the one to fill that special void in her heart. First, that person was her father. No one could be to Dana what her father was to her. I'm ashamed to admit that there was a time when I was envious of the special bond they shared. Whenever Dana had a problem, she always took it to her father first. Her beloved 'Ahab'. Of course, Bill would reassure her and calm any fears she had. "Starbuck," he'd say, "You've got to be strong and keep that chin up. Show 'em what a Scully is made of." Dana took that message very seriously. I don't think Bill realized that while he helped raise our daughter to be a strong, independent person, he also hurt her by teaching her to hide her emotions. Maybe we should've named her Bill Junior instead of her brother. That's what she was essentially, a much smaller version of her father. Bill could never convey his emotions properly either. Bill was so proud of his little Starbuck when she was accepted to medical school. I was, too. So many opportunities were in line for our Dana. Then came the FBI. Bill struggled with her decision. He couldn't understand how she could give up a perfectly good career as a doctor and go into something as dangerous as law enforcement. Truth was, he was afraid that something would happen to his little girl. I was afraid, too, but I restrained myself from saying too much. It wasn't my decision to make. It was Dana's. I tried to make Bill understand that. He still didn't like it. He did tell me once that although he was against the idea, Dana impressed him with her courage. He never told her. Sometimes, he suppressed pride, too. After Bill died, I thought that Dana would be lost without her father filling the void. I was not surprised that Dana went back to work immediately. That was another way to push down the grief. It was a way to keep from losing herself. Then, I had a revelation. It wasn't the work that kept her from losing herself. It was with whom she worked: her partner, Fox Mulder. It was surprising to know that Dana had allowed herself to become connected with someone as deeply as she was with her father. She rarely spoke of Fox. She always wanted to keep her professional life away from the family. When she did speak of him, though, there was a spark in her eyes that told a much deeper story. Fox is a caring man. That doesn't mean that I adored him. On the contrary, there were times when I despised him. Because of him, my daughter had been placed in danger on a regular basis. I never said anything to Dana about this because I respect her. She respects him. We were all good at keeping our feelings to ourselves. All except Melissa. Melissa had been so different from Dana. They were opposites in every way. It's hard to believe they were sisters. When Melissa was killed, I went through one of the darkest times in my existence. I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me and Fox Mulder was the one who had tugged the hardest. I felt that he had put Dana in this situation and Melissa was paying the price. He even kept Dana from her sister's bedside. Fortunately, I had my faith in God. Dana had her faith in Fox. I know Fox cares for Dana. His eyes are even more telling than my daughter's. He was so considerate and guilt-stricken during the time she was missing. I felt sorry for him and his grief. I knew that my baby meant the world to him. When death came knocking on Dana's door a second time, I felt that he had once again stole everything in my life. Not only had I lost one daughter, but another was following closely behind her. Even more frightening, Dana's faith in God was teetering on the edge. I was scared that it was the result of chasing after un-Godly things for too long. I was scared it was the result of chasing after him. But Dana hadn't lost her faith. She had just strayed off course a bit. She told me she forgot to bring her compass like a good sailor. I smiled at that. I was afraid that she had forgotten her father as well as her faith. After her cancer went into remission, I had a dream. In it, I saw Dana and Fox. It wasn't the vision of them together that struck me, but the feeling it conveyed. There was a feeling of something 'right'. Almost as if it were meant to be. The next morning I pondered my dream and what it could mean. I decided that I shouldn't worry about filling that void in my daughter's heart. It wasn't mine to fill. I have my own place in her heart. That other place belonged to Fox Mulder since the beginning of time. The End! Author's notes: This was an idea I got after reading posts about how much Maggie Scully loves Mulder. I thought about it and figured that there must be some resentment there, but Maggie has too much respect for her daughter to mention it. I know it's really short, but I wasn't ready to elaborate on some of the ideas too much. If at a later time I feel that I should go into more detail about Maggie's faith or her feelings towards Mulder, I will revise it. Last shameless plea for feedback!!! E-MAIL ME!!! I need feedback so I can know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong!!! :-) Big ThanX to the group at XF Views and Phenomena. You help keep the ideas flowing! :-) http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dungeon/3881/