From: Scully4946@aol.com
Date: Sun, 3 Jun 2001 15:56:55 EDT
Subject: Mountain Dew Mayhem

Special Agent Dana Scully was in her carefully decorated and very colorful 
apartment when she felt a sudden surge of boredom. It was then that she 
realized how pathetic of a life she had and how she would never amount to 
anything. She was about to reach for her gun and scare a few neighbors when 
she had an idea to do something completely new and original. Today, Dana 
Scully was going to ditch her everyday routine and would rebel. She was going 
against even her own logic. Scully reached for a bottle of........heaven 
forbid.............dum DA dum........................................
MOUNTAIN DEW!!! As she unscrewed the cap, she felt a tiny bit of panic. 
Should she exploit her body to all of that caffeine? Or should she be a good 
little girl and put it back into the refrigerator? What would the bureau 
think of her? She was still contemplating these important issues when a lucky 
burst of noise rang throughout the apartment. It was her phone, and being 
startled by it, Scully dropped the bottle on her white carpet. 
"That was a close one," Scully thought, relieved. "I almost subjected myself 
to sugar and caffeine! Now maybe I should stop thinking and pick up that 
stupid phone. I really gotta disconnect that thing." The call was from Agent 
Fox Mulder, but she wasn't surprised. I mean, it's not like she knows anyone 
except Mulder, her mom, her brother, and her sister (actually, her sister's 
dead. Scratch that.). Anyway, she picked up the phone.
"Hey babe! What's up in the hood? I'm listening to a how-to-be-hip tape. Did 
it work? Scully ? Hey, Scul....?" But she hung up the phone. Even though she 
was thankful for the interruption, there was no use getting into a long, 
pointless conversation with Mulder. She always called him Mulder because 
there was something about calling people by the names of animals that never 
appealed to her. Like that one time she ran into someone who went by Dr. 
Bambie, but we won't get into that. She still felt like being a rebel, so she 
grabbed a straw and drank the remaining morsels of Mountain Dew from the 
carpet. But, being the smart person that she is, Scully forgot that her 
cleaning lady had used a poisonous cleaning spray on the carpet and had 
infected herself with it. As luck would have it, Fox Mulder burst through the 
door just as Scully passed out. Coincidence, you say? I have two words for 
you: BITE ME! Anyway, heroes like these can do anything. Wondering what he 
was doing there in the first place, he noticed Scully was unconscious (he's 
very observant). once he called the ambulance, he decided that she would be 
okay and went out to buy a pizza.

Vanilla Ice Mercy Hospital
11:21 p.m. (lol)

Dana Scully woke up that evening. She was lying in a familiar room. Just 
then, the doctor came in to tell her that she was lucky that she survived the 
wrath of the cleaning spray and she could go home. So, she gathered her stuff 
and was walking down the stairs when she fell and was knocked 
unconscious....again. She was found by a security guard and returned to ICU. 
She recovered (duh) and had to attend Mountain Dew Anonymous for her sudden 
addiction. Once she recovered, everything was back to normal. Oh wait. I 
forgot to mention that she.......oh forget it. Too tired to think of anything 
somewhat creative.

the end!