From: Muldana Date: Sat, 15 May 1999 23:08:53 +1000 Subject: NEW: =?iso-8859-1?Q?Mulder=B4s?= weekend without Scully (1/1) TITLE: Mulder's weekend without Scully AUTHOR: Muldana E-Mail address: eva@exeter.swin.de CATEGORY: Humor, MSR but more humor! :-) RATING: PG (R only for very vivid fantasies! ;-)) DISCLAIMER: In my past life I was married with CC. But not in this one, so all characters belong to him. No infringement intended. No spoilers! ARCHIVE: Please send me a quick note, okay? SUMMARY: Sunday afternoon: Scully comes home and guess who's in her bedroom? Mulder....:-) FEEDBACK: Please, please, please, please?!! AUTHOR`S NOTES: I'm insane, I'm an X-phile, I'm a shipper and I'm writing fanfic. Dangerous mixture! *WARNING* :-) Thanks as always to Kim for great beta! Nobody would want to read the original versions of my stories....:-) (And she said this also is MulderTorture, guess she's right! ) This story is for my friend Kim in Canada! :-) I'm sorry for not writing you for such a long time. I hope you enjoy it! **** MULDER`S WEEKEND WITHOUT SCULLY (1/1) by Muldana Scully opens the door of her apartment. It's sunday morning and she had been away from home the whole weekend. Instead of chasing aliens, she had gone to visit her mother. Somehow, it's all the same. Just try to survive. Well, nevertheless, she still prefered her mother. She checks her answering machine. No messages. Then she goes into her bedroom, kicking her shoes off. She opens the door and - she sees him. Mulder. In her bedroom! He's shocked to see her. And Scully herself is really surprised. She studies him from head to his feet and back agian. Then she walks to his side. Finally she stands near by him and orders: "Take off my skirt." He does so without response. "And now, take off my blouse." So he does. "Mulder, also the nylons." He complies. "Now, open my bra and take it off." With shaking hands Mulder does as he was told. "And now Mulder, I want you to tell me why you were wearing =my clothes!" "I thought you wanted to come back in the evening..." "MULDER....!!!" "That's a really long and boring story, Scully. Believe me, you don't wanna hear it." Scully gives him the =look=. Mulder knows that there's no way out for him. That's why he starts: "Well, it all began yesterday morning. My phone started ringing...." **** SATURDAY MORNING Mulders phone rang. He switched off the TV and picked up the phone. Maybe it was Scully. She had gone to visist her mother and she'd been away since thursday afternoon. He had not heard anything from her since then. "Mulder." "Agent Mulder, it's Skinner." "Sir?" Mulder was surprised when he recognized the voice. What did Skinner want from him on a saturday? "What's the matter, Sir?" A stab of fear shot through him. "Has something happened to Scully?" "No, don't worry. Actually, I called because I need your help. This weekend we are planning to roll up a drug dealer ring and Agent Brook broke his leg. And now we need a qualified agent who can deal with this." "Okay, I'll help you. No problem, Sir." Mulder had nothing better to do than feeding his fish and watching TV, why should he not help out? "Well, thank you. But there is one thing....uhm, I don't know how I should explain it to you." He hesitated. "You have to work undercover." "Yeah?" Mulder asked with an alarmed voice. Would he play a doctor, or business man or - oh no, please not something serious and boring! "In a transvestite club." "WHAT??" Mulder gasped. "You have to work undercover in a transvestite club." Skinner repeated. His voice sounds a little bit amused. "But.....I don't even have a dress!" Oops, that was the last thing Mulder wanted to say aloud. Skinner coughed but Mulder assumed that he was just trying not to laugh on the phone. "I think that's no problem, I'm sure that Agent Scully would give you some of her clothes." "Scully? But Sir, she's more than a little bit smaller than me, I can't wear her clothes! Besides, she`s not in town." "Listen, Agent Mulder. You have to be dressed up in two hours, there's no time to organize for you some clothes unless you wanna go shopping in women's clothing shops =now=." "But Sir...."Skinner interrupted him again. "In two hours you have to be in the `Pink Bud`, Oxford Avenue, dressed up. Then you will be contacted from one of our other agents in the men's room where you are going to get all important details. He's wearing a `Kiss me now`button. " "`Kiss me now`? Sir, I don't think that...." "Don't use too much make-up." And with these words Skinner finished his call. Mulder stood speechless, staring at the phone in his hands. Skinner could really be direct, Mulder never had a chance to do something against it. Shit, he should have been content with his TV programm. At least his wish was fulfilled: He was not going undercover as someone serious and boring! **** TWO HOURS LATER, "PINK BUD", OXFORD AVENUE, WASHINGTON D.C...... Well, there he was. Fox William Mulder was standing in Scullys skirt and her nylons and even her blouse, ready to enter the `Pink Bud`. He wasn't really ready to enter it, but there was no way out for him. He had tried to call Skinner several times, but he wasn't answering his phone. Well, someday his boss would pay for this, he would pay A LOT for this! Though Mulder always thought that one day he would end like this. What were his parents thinking when they name him Fox? But now: Showtime! Mulder walked through the door and stepped into the transvestite club. And there were a lot of men....women....men.....whatever! He`d never thought that on a Saturday so many people would go to a transvestite club! Not that he`d really ever thought about it..... The room was filled with lots of people. Red and blue lamps and some candles enlightened the room. Mulder didn't feel comfortable in Scully`s clothes, they were all too small, her long skirt was just a bit too mini for him. And the clothes were way too tight! He carefully touched his long blond wig and scanned the room for the men's room sign. Finally he spotted it on the other side of the room. He passes the dancing crowd on his way to his goal. Suddenly he felt someone slap his ass. "C'mon, Sweetie, dance with me!" Oh no......NO!!! "Sorry, not interested." "Bitch. But I'll forgive you because you are sooo handsome, darling!" Mulder escaped from his or her embrace and nearly started running to the toilet which really was impossible because of his high black heels. He was wrong, the conspiracy was not about aliens at all but making women's life more difficult! This bra was terrible! He pushed down the tissues functioning as breasts. Finally he reached the toilet. He`d never thought he would ever reach it. This small room seemed miles too long for him! But there he realized a new problem..... Which stand did he have to go into now?? Men or Women? Hmm, are ANYWHERE in this club really female human beings who have been female since birth? Mulder doubted that fact. And blonde wig, red lipstick and long red finger nails or not, he's still a man! At least he hopes so.... Then he opened the door to the men's toilet and stepped into the room. This is the men's toilet? Mirrors all along the walls, plastic flowers, red toilets with black stripes and hearts? Don't forget to mention the condom automat covered with sex-hotlines cards and pictures of Dustin Hofmann as Tootsie! He had believed in strange lifeforms since the very beginning but he would never have thought of to find the strangest of them in a transvestite club toilet! Well, as long as you live you will realize that everything is possible between heaven and earth. Not only in heaven, but also on earth! The door swung open and a `strangie`, as Mulder had started calling them now, entered the room. And he was wearing a `Kiss me now` button! Thank God, now he would have a normal conversation. "Hmm, I like your button." Mulder said to the other agent, just to be sure that it really is his contact person. "Yeah?" The `strangie` looked at it. "You know, it has some important information for you." "I know." Mulder answered. "Would you mind giving this information to me? You know, I don't wanna stand around here all the time just waiting for it. My shoes are killing me!" "Oh, sweetheart, you know what I like!" Sweetheart? Sweetheart??? But Mulder realized too late the danger he was in and within a second he was embraced by this man in the black wig and the red dress and he was kissing him! But - lucky Mulder! - he was a trained FBI agent and he figured a way to get out of the mess fast! "OUCH!!! Damned bitch!!" The other man sweared. "First you are making me hot and then ... you just can't turn me down!!" "Sure as hell I can! I never meant to make you hot, damnit!" "Well, then you should have not been flirting with me that way, way too much! See, I understand, if you're afraid, but I won't hurt you, I can help you to find yourself and to accept the person you are!" "Oh, I know who =I= am. But I thought =you= were another person." "Oh, I see, blind date thang, right? `Kay, have fun. But if he's not the right you can always count on me, darling." And with these words he left Mulder alone again. **** SATURDAY NIGHT It was about eleven p.m. when Skinner dismissed Mulder after they finally had arrested the drug dealer ring. Their mission was successfully completed about half an hour ago. Mulder informed Skinner that the whole undercover thing was =no= good idea and that the next time he would sooner quit the FBI and work as a road laborer before ever working undercover again! Mulder also informed Skinner that the `Kiss me now` button idea was nearly as bad as the first one because every second `strangie` was wearing it!! Then Mulder told Skinner about the pleasure of wearing these clothes and the flirting by nearly every person inside this club! Skinner got the picture and tried obviously very hard not to laugh out loud or to take a camera and make a picture from his now no more spooky but sweetie agent. Or maybe strangie agent? Mulder decided to drive to Scully`s appartment first in order to put her clothes back. She would kill him if she knew that he was wearing her favourite skirt! But it was the only one that was long enough for his long legs. And after that he would go home. When he entered her appartment he went straight into her bedroom. But then he stumbled - damned high heels! - and fell, hitting his head on the little table beside her bed. ***** .....BACK TO SUNDAY MORNING "....well, and then I awakened only a moment before you came home. That's it." Mulder finished his report. "That's it?" Scully repeated unbelieving. "You know, that didn't sound much like a boring story to me, Mulder." Scully reflected on his words and couldn't help herself but grin. "What's that?" "What are you talking about, Mulder?" "I'm talking about =that=! Scully.....you're grinning!" "No, I'm not!" Scully said and turned her head around to hide her big smile. "Special Agent Scully, I'm a trained profiler and I recognize a grin when I see one. And you are obviously grinning!" Mulder smiled. "It's nice to see you grin. Should have started wearing your clothes a long time ago!" Scully laughed."You know, there's only one thing I would like to know." "Yeah, Scully?" "Did you shave your legs?" **** THE NEXT MORNING The next morning Mulder was a little bit late because there has been an accident on his way to the FBI. When he entered his basement office he found two little packages on his table and a message from Scully. "One package is for you, the other one for Ass. Director Skinner. You`ve forgotten his birthday today, haven't you? Would you please give it to him, I have to do an autopsy. Scully." Mulder took the one package with the little `Mulder` note when the phone rang. "Mulder, it's me. I think I've got the wrong card for your package. It's for Director Skinner. Would you please change it?" "Where are you, are you driving?" "Yeah, I'm on my way to do the autopsy in a morgue near Wash~gton. The gr~ pack~ is ~ Skinn~..." "Scully? I can't understand you! Scully?" But Scully wasn't at the phone anymore. So he took the green package and went to Director Skinners office. "Happy Birthday, Sir. This is a little present for you!" "Thank you very much, Agent Mulder." Skinner took his present and opened it. "A toupet??" Skinner took the false hair. "And what's that? A lipstick, nylons, mascara, eye shadow??" Skinner stared at those things. "Would you please explain that to me, Agent?" He asked with a stern voice. **** LATER THAT DAY BASEMENT OFFICE "Mulder, I told you to give him the grey package!!! =Grey=, not green!!" Scully laughed. "Oh damnit, I missed =that= moment!" "Scully, that's not fair. I really had problems to explain it to him!" Scully still was laughing. "By the way, why would you have been giving me all those things?" "Hmm, dunno, maybe for your next visit in the `Pink Bud`?" "Yeah, right, that place is like hell, scratch that, it =is= hell!!" "Mulder, you have to buy me a new blouse. No wonder that everyone was flirting with you, your breasts were Pamela Anderson-like!" Scully grinned. "There, you're doing it again!!!" "What am I doing?" "You're grinning! No need to deny it, I know a grin when I see one, I told you so! You know, you should do that more often." Mulder smiled. "Okay, maybe I'm grinning. Why not?" Scully smiled. "Do you believe in buttons, Scully?" "In buttons??" "Yeah, look at that one I was given in front of the drive-in today." Mulder gave her a button with the words `Smile and the world smiles back`. Scully smiled. "See? It works. I think you do believe in buttons, Scully." Scully nodded. "Yeah, I do. I always did, since I was a child." Then Scully took another button that was in a drawer. She pinned it on her shirt. "Do you believe in buttons, Mulder?" she asked him. Mulder looked at her button and smiled his big `The world is a great place to be`-smile. "Yeah, I have to believe in them!" Then he looked deep in Scully`s eyes and kissed her. Finally the `Kiss me now` button was on the right person! THE END **** Let's make that perfectly clear: I do not have anything against transvestites! Just wanted to put Mulder in a situation he can't handle! All comments to eva@exeter.swin.de