From: "TCS 1121" <tcs1121@hotmail.com>
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2001 17:10:07 -0000
Subject: xfc: "Musings of a Dead Man"
Source: xfc

Title:  Musings of a Dead Man
Author:  TCS1121
Email :  TCS1121@hotmail.com
Classification:  V
Keywords:  Mulder POV
Spoilers: up to "Three Words"
Archive:  sure
Disclaimer:  1013, not I, own these characters
Author's Note: Old fanfic writer, new poster
Summary:  Why Mulder didn't die.


I have always doubted the existence of a soul, the existence of God,
and that unconditional love is possible.  My life seemed to be a
testament to this, so after a time I came to believe that none of
these things mattered.  My soul, God, or love. 

But now I have proof.  "Hard evidence", as my partner would say, to
the existence of all three.  I know now that I cannot live without
them.  I also know that I can't die without them.  And, believe me, I
tried. 

In my coffin, while in an endless sleep, my soul did try to escape. 
Ahead, I saw a light I couldn't enter and behind me, a life I couldn't
reach.  My whole being, my whole soul, ached to enter the light and
end this dark sleep. 

Or so I thought. 

You see, during this journey we call life, our souls bond with other
souls along the way.  We embrace, fly together for a time, then move
on.  It's the joining and the journey, which take us higher and higher
until the light lets us in.  My soul has bonded with others, and has
always been able to fly.  Except that I'd only been flying on half a
tank.  My partner, it turns out, is not just another soul bonded to
mine.  She is my soul.  Or at least other half of mine.  You may ask,
"How can half a soul live?"  I can only answer with another question,
"How can half a soul die?" 

But I know the answer to that question.  "It can't." 

The light couldn't take me because I wasn't whole.  My soul must be
complete for me to enter.  I'm complete only when I'm with her.  End
of discussion.  And when we die, we'll have to do it together. 

Because it won't work any other way. 

I press my lips to her eyelids and watch in amazement as her
unconditional love surrounds me.  God smiles and my soul is whole once
again. 

   END

  Thanks to Destiny's Hand who shares my heart.