From: Snowslut Date: Wed, 04 Apr 2001 04:22:12 GMT Subject: New: Musings of the Recently Undeceased (1/1) Source: atxc Title: Musings of the Recently Undeceased Author: Snowslut (snowslut@home.com) Archive: Wherever. Rating: R for language. Category: Vignette Spoilers: DeadAlive Author's notes: At end. Feedback: Better than heroin. Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine. If they were, I wouldn't be driving an 11-year old car. Soundtrack: Beeping and buzzing noises one hears in a hospital room. XXXXXXXX Why is everyone afraid of me? I remember jack shit, but I think that's a good thing. Probably no chance of putting the bastards' faces on a wanted poster anyway. Except for the one... *Why* didn't you let me kill that fucker the first time, Scully. This is one argument that will never be settled. I don't care if I'd still be sitting in jail, it would have been better. Shit. 20/20 hindsight has never done me any good. If he even thinks about laying a hand on you... I'll sit in jail the rest of my life a happy man. What does he want with our baby? Our baby. *Our baby.* Maybe that's why everyone's afraid of me - I managed to impregnate the barren woman. Now I know why you were so reluctant to get up from beside my bed. Although I deserved a good shock after that prank I pulled on you. I feel sick thinking about it now. You should have smacked me upside the head. You would have, but it might have fallen off. Oh Christ, when can I get out of here? I've been dead before, and it wasn't this big a deal... Christ - he and I may have something in common. That's probably why the nurses don't want to touch me. I can usually weasel all kinds of special treatment. The doctors just don't want to admit they fucked up in a big way. Scully explained I wasn't really dead. It used to happen all the time... dead ringers and all that. They should have buried me with my cellphone. No, maybe that wouldn't have been good - there's some old horror story about a wife that gets a fever and seems to die, but she didn't, and she clawed her way out of the grave and showed up at the window one night during a storm. The husband dies of fright when he sees her. Good thing there was no autopsy... Shit. Your face. I can still see your face... will I ever be able to be anything but a cause for suffering for you, Scully? I want to try... If there ever was a second chance, this is it. All I want is for you to be happy. That's why I didn't tell you... that was a mistake, and once I'd made it, it was too hard to go back and correct it... I just didn't believe it at first. I couldn't be dying. I had *escaped*. They couldn't still kill me with that brain shit. Just a quick trip to the specialist to get it all straightened out. They said it was serious and I still didn't believe it. They said I was dying and all I could think of was the day I found out about your cancer... there's no way I could do that to you. Chickenshit cowardice disguised as nobility. So I guess I got it fixed the hard way. Can you ever forgive me? It's no excuse, but if you knew I was sick how would things have been different? Would we have finally done the deed that got you knocked up? That was inevitable. Would you have let me go to Oregon? No way. Would that have been the only way to a cure? That's a tough one... There goes that sorry excuse of a partner they stuck you with again, hovering around... Who the hell does he think he is? Still "investigating", as though he's going to bring anyone to trial. Didn't he learn anything? The only way anyone will ever pay for this is in karma. He better not lay a hand on you either. His little fantasies of replacing me end here. So do Skinner's. Although if I was really gone I don't think I'd mind if he made a move. He'd take care of you. Can I take care of you? Will you let me? I suppose no one will be too happy to see me at work. Fuck 'em. Maybe I should look for another, less dangerous job... Fox W. Mulder. Skills: Profiling criminals, getting tangled with aliens. Reason for leaving previous position: Deceased. You should have told me, dad, that the family profession was such a bitch. Dad... Someday our kid will call me that. And you'll be Mom. Incredible. They say psychologists have the most screwed-up kids... We'll be way overprotective. He/she will run away at fifteen because we never let him/her go outside except to school, with bodyguards. Can I really do this? If there is a God, it's probably the reason S/he let me come back... Goddammit. Five fucking months. Not long in a normal life, but too long to be completely absent from it. How the hell did you do it? It breaks my heart to think of you having to go to work, go to the doctor, go to the funeral... I would have gone nuts. Once again I'm relying on your strength. I swear I'll make it up to you... I think I realize now what a gift a second chance is. XXXXXXXX Author's notes: Fastest fanfic I ever wrote. Here's to a good rest of the season!