From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Thu, 8 Jun 2000 22:48:54 -0500
Subject: My Everything by Ante Up
Source: direct

Reply To: the_antes_up@spacemail.com



Title: My Everything
Author: Ante Up
Rating: PG13 for language
Keywords: MSR

Spoilers: Everything through Requiem, specifically
One Breath, Talitha Cumi, Sixth Extinction, and
all things.  

Summary:  This is how I think it all happened.  

Feedback: Welcomed at the_antes_up@spacemail.com

Archive: Sure fine whatever, just drop a line 
telling me.

Disclaimer: I really could care less about who owns
these characters as long they experience.  Besides, 
I don't see any money entering my pocket, do you?

Author notes: POV is Scully's till the epilogue which
is Mulder's.  Time span is six months after Mulder's
disappearance. More notes are at the end to clarify my
theory if you need it.


------
I could hardly remember the first letter, and until 
recently, only letter I had received from Dr. Amina
Ngebe after we had parted.  Ngebe had written to me,
telling me what had happened on the Ivory Coast
after I left.


*
Dr. Scully,
 
I hope you have been able to help your partner and
I hope he has recovered from his illness. I cannot
explain what has happened here except that when I
returned to the beach with military assistance the
ship was gone.  

Dr. Barnes was found on the beach murdered by
someone using the machete.  There is also a
significant amount of blood in the tent we were
using; it does not match Barnes' but
does match a second blood type that was found on
the machete along with Barnes'.  Given his approximate
time of death, the police are convinced we were not 
involved but it leaves no real answers as to what 
happened on the beach. 

Again, I hope you have been able to help your friend, 
perhaps that will give meaning to all this death and 
evil.  

Sincerely, 
Amina Ngebe
*


I had received the letter the day after I found 
Mulder at the DOD laboratory and needless to say, 
I hadn't given the letter
much thought, instead concentrating on my partner.  

I had driven Mulder and myself to the Vineyard to 
stay at his father's old house to recover.  The time 
had been refreshing - we talked like we really hadn't 
before.  It was one of the first steps to the intimacy 
we had achieved within a year's time.  In fact, the 
year had been filled with steps of purification of
ourselves... freeing what we could of our past from 
the weight upon our shoulders.  It was a watershed 
process, inhibited by new, and some old, demons in the 
year.  By the time we had consummated our relationship, 
closure on the past had been achieved - finality
clanging the door shut for the last time on Daniel 
Waterston.  

We could mourn the past now but not regret it - just 
look to change the future.  

And have we ever changed it.  Scully mused to 
herself, as she watched Mulder, now her husband, 
deeply engrossed in reading the instructions on 
assembling the new crib.  

We had finally joined the hordes of normal middle 
to upper class domesticated suburbanites who roamed 
the IKEA displays looking for the perfect decor.  

"Hey beautiful... are you just going to stand there 
or are you going to give your old man a hand?"  He 
asked with a smirk, interrupting my reverie.

I glanced back at him, bending over the pieces of 
the wooden crib.  He was affording me a lovely view 
of his ass.  

"Nah... I think you are doin' just fine handsome... 
plus I have a great view," I replied, matching his 
smirk.

He chuckled as he wiggled his fine ass around.  
"What's up, Scully?"

"Not much, I picked up the mail and nothing much...
just bills, and a letter from Dr. Amina Ngebe."  

"Who?"  he asked as he sorted out the screws 
and nails.

"Amina was the biology professor I worked with 
when I was in Africa."

"Ohhh..."

"I haven't heard from her for over a year.  I 
wonder why she's written me."

"Well you could open the letter and see."

I raised an eyebrow, trying to glare and trying
to suppress the smile that arose at the ease of 
our banter.  Things had gotten so easy since he 
returned and it filled me with bliss. 

"I was planning on it, as a matter of fact, but 
I just thought I'd sit in here with you for 
awhile... plus, I brought you some iced tea."  I 
held the glass out to him after taking a sip.  

"Thanks," he said, grabbing it with one hand and 
pulling me to his side with his other as he took 
a huge gulp.  

"Don't thank me, thank my mother, she's the one 
cooking and doing everything around here," I 
said with a roll of my eyes.  "You'd think this 
is her first grandchild." 

I can't really blame her.  I am a Daddy's girl 
but this pregnancy is one thing she can teach me
about and I can idolize her for and she is going 
all out.  From day one she has helped and I have 
been loving it, surprisingly enough.

At first, I needed her so much.  The night 
Mulder left for Oregon the Gunmen took me to the 
hospital and scared out of their wits.  Before I 
went to sleep, they called her and then left. I 
just lay on my bed, curled on my side, imagining
Mulder blanketing me as he had many nights 
previous.  

Waiting for her, I fell asleep.  

A shiver brought me to consciousness, and though 
the moon was hardly a sliver it cast shadows in 
the dark.  As I came to awareness I saw him, 
standing at my side.  His eyes locked on mine.  

"Mulder?" 

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Are you back from Oregon already?"

"No."

"Even in my sleep-addled brain I knew that 
didn't make sense. "What are you talking about?"

"Scully, I need you to know and believe that I'm 
okay.  We have the strength of each other.  You 
believe in me now and I need you to believe in me 
forever.  Look in your mind, your heart and your 
soul for me always.  I promise you, I will be back
as soon as I can."

"Mulder?" my voice was panicked, what in the hell 
was going on.

"Shhhh..."

"No.  I want to know what you are talking about." 
I looked around for a light switch but couldn't 
find it.  When I looked up again he was gone.

I sat up in bed with a startled gasp. 

"Dana?"

It had been a dream...

"Mom?"

or a vision or something.

My mind was suddenly alert but was totally numb. 

"He's gone."

"Yes, sweetheart."  Her breath hitched on a 
sob as she said it.  She grabbed my hand, covering 
it with both of her own, bringing it to her lips 
she kissed them gently and then whispered against 
them... "Sleep, baby."

The morning sun woke me. I freed my hands from 
my mother's and crawled out of bed, careful not 
to disturb because she was still sleeping, her 
head resting on the bed.  After I went to the 
bathroom I picked up my charts. 

The doctor had told me the news while the gunmen 
had been out calling my mother, but now was the 
first chance I'd had to evaluate the tests for 
myself.  I kept a running list of any additional 
tests I wanted run.  

I climbed back into bed and my mother awoke.  She 
stood and stretched.  Walking to the window, she 
gazed outside.

"Morning mom."

"Good morning Dana." She replied continuing to 
look out the window. 

The silence grew uncomfortable.

"Well at least Mulder wasn't the one who called 
you with the bad news this time."  I realized I 
was resorting to Mulder's technique of humor when 
in perilous waters and a tear slipped down my cheek.

"Dana, what's going on?"

"You mean you don't know?"

"Of course not. the doctors said you could 
explain better than they."

"That's sort of true."

"What do you mean, what is the matter?"

"Mom, I'm pregnant, about a month along."

Maggie couldn't help the smile as she 
continued gazing somberly out the window.  
"That's bad news?"

"Well, if you don't mind that I am unmarried 
and the father is... gone, then of course not."

"Just not expected news."  She turned on her
heels to face me. 

"Yeah.  I mean, you know as well as I, 
I never thought since the abductions and my 
cancer that we'd be able to have kids, at least 
not conventionally."

"I assume by we you mean you and Fox."

"Mulder."

"Oh come on, he gave me permission long ago 
to call him Fox. Don't change the subject."

"Whatever."

"Look Dana, when you told me you guys were 
involved finally it surprised me because it 
hadn't happened long before.  Don't get me 
wrong, I don't hold any romanticized notions 
about you two but I had been thinking for so 
long that you, as usual, were avoiding telling 
me the tough stuff."

"It isn't a tough topic."

"I know that but I thought you thought I was 
old-fashioned or something.  But then you told 
me and I was happy you were happy and that you 
felt comfortable enough to talk to me.  Just like
now.  I am happy for you and for me."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I just want you to know that I am here, and 
I will be here. You are my daughter and I never 
thought I'd get to share this with you and it
broke my heart.  Everything that has happened
to you for the worse has broken my heart."  

"Even Mulder?"

"Mulder is good, he is the best thing that ever 
happened to you."

"Bill would laugh if he heard that."

"Well your brother can be a real ass 
sometimes," she said with a smile.

"Charlie would love him though," I say wistfully.

"Yeah, he would.  Your father would have too."  

I couldn't answer that, my throat and chest 
suddenly tight, missing my father. 


"Melissa loved him too," my mother added.  

That surprises me.  "Really?  I always got 
the impression she couldn't tolerate his
`bad karma' and negative energy."

"It was a hard time."

"It always is," I say with a voice roughened 
by my tears.

My mother pauses, then continues, "Not 
always, I know when this baby was conceived 
it was not an unhappy time."  

"No it wasn't, it was one of the best times 
in my life."

"And there will be happy times in the future, 
even if Mulder is never found."

I nod my head in agreement though tears of 
fear course down my cheeks.  

"He will come back Dana.  Even when I didn't, 
he had faith and belief that you would return 
and you did."

I remember my dream.

"I do have faith and I believe in him, I know 
he wants to return.  I just don't want him to 
miss this.  We wanted it so much.  These past 
few weeks we'd been talking more and more about 
how much more in life we had yet to explore...
things that weren't X-file related or a bureau 
matter. We wanted a real future together."

"I know sweetie.  I know the feeling," she says 
as she sits and takes me in her arms.  "You 
sound like your father talking about retiring 
from the Navy," she says with a small smile.

For several minutes we remain as such, my mother 
rocking me as she has ever since I was born.  
My tears slow.  With one last breath of resolve 
I release her, ready to move on.  

"He'll be back... he has so much to do," I say 
trying to convince us both.  

"Yeah, he has so much doting to do sweetie, he 
won't miss it."


And doting he does and has done since he 
returned, and with surprising enthusiasm.  I 
mean, I know this is something we wanted but 
I never pictured him getting all into baby clothes,
diapers, and mushed peas.  But then again, I 
never pictured myself in maternity clothes either. 
I refuse to near gaudy floral prints and plaids.  
I dropped plaids more than a few years ago.

Mulder had begun consolidating his estate when 
we got married. Answers had been found and 
accepted. We were together, again. The paranormal, 
while always enchanting had been given its due and 
now it was time we lived a little.  He refused 
to say that we would live normally, however. 

His estate, meanwhile, was valued at something 
like 3.1 million dollars.  When I was a junior 
in college, I had learned to invest from an Econ 
major I went out with.  One of my grandmother's 
had died and left Bill, Missy, Charlie and I each
a fair share.  I invested well, making a killing 
in tech stocks in the 90s while we were out 
chasing the latest monster.  Since I made some 
good choices I lived comfortably.  But when 
Mulder approached me about his estate, it 
knocked me flat on my ass. He himself was 
astonished at the fortune accumulated by his 
parents.  


After selling the family houses on Martha's 
Vineyard and at Quonochontaug, and most of the 
artwork, jewelry and other belongings we invested 
in diversified mutual funds and stocks.

We also bought several hundred acres along 
the coast of Olympic peninsula in Washington 
State.  We built a home there and bought a 
townhouse in Georgetown.  We also bought 
new cars, a Volvo wagon for me and a Land Cruiser 
for my ever-adventuresome husband.  

Never in a million years would I have 
pictured something so close to normalcy.  Of 
course the ghost of some early 19th century 
shoemaker occupies the attic of our house in 
Georgetown and Mulder is sure Sasquatch lives on 
our property in Washington.  

Even the thought of his abominable snowman 
brings a smile to my face and an arch to my 
eyebrow now.  

He notices this and asks, "What are you 
thinking about?"

"The future."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah, that and a big furry abominable 
snowman trampling all over Washington."

"Maybe he can baby-sit for us, you know, in 
the future," he says as he walks over to me,
abandoning his hammer and the crib.

"Yeah, uh-huh, sure..."

He smiles and sneaks a kiss on my cheek.  

"What were you thinking about the future?" he 
asks as his hand cups my cheek and his thumb 
smoothes over my skin.  

"I don't know, just thinking about how much 
can happen, but mostly only the good stuff."

"Good stuff is what's in store for us in the 
future... and only good stuff. I promise."

"I know you do."  I lean into his hand and 
then move to kiss his palm tenderly.

I move to kiss his lips and then kiss up his 
jaw, leaning against him, pressing my body against 
his, my stomach bumpering us a bit.

His hands moved over my body and I giggle a bit 
when he sweeps over the sensitive and ticklish 
area of my lower abdomen.  

He grins. 

I grab his hands and hold them against my 
stomach playfully.  I lean as close as possible 
to his ear and whisper seductively, "You know 
what I see in your immediate future?"

"Ooooh, let me guess, a bed?" He says wickedly 
as I nibble his ear lobe.

"Well, sort-of."

"Sort-of?" he asks curiously.

He kisses the sensitive spot under my ear and 
my brain kinda fuzzes over, reduced to juvenile 
adjectives and fast on the way to monosyllabic 
words.

I push away and muster my keen sense enough to 
get out, "Yeah, sort-of.   I see a future full of 
one IKEA baby crib."  

Then I add, "Upon completion of crib in question, 
we'll see about that bed."

"Yes, ma'am." He says eagerly.

With that he heads back to the crib.  Looking back 
at me he says, "Why don't you take a load off?" 

I sit in the rocking chair we brought down from 
his mother's house and just rest, watching him 
and finishing his cup of iced tea.  

When Mulder had disappeared I scoured the earth 
for him, not really expecting to find him, 
though I prayed and wished and hoped madly for 
it.  I grieved for losing him, and for him missing 
the first months of my pregnancy.  I loved and I 
hated him for leaving me with a baby.  I hated 
him period for leaving me but I knew shit 
happens, especially to us.  

So it didn't surprise me that when he turned 
up, it was entirely unexpected. 

Nearly three months after he'd disappeared, 
I got a call at the office.  At 2:28 pm on 
August 7, 2000 one Nurse Johnson from Georgetown 
University Medical Center told me the best news 
ever.  At first I had been put off by her irate 
tone until I heard her say, "Yes, Ms. Scully, we 
have a man named Fox Mulder here in my care and 
he is being a pain in the ass. He wouldn't shut 
up until I found you."  I could hear him in the 
background giving her directives and yelling for 
me. I think she wrote us all off as insane when 
I broke down half-sobbing and half-laughing at 
his antics.  

She interrupted with a terse, "Get here within 
twenty minutes or we are going to sedate him 
to keep him calm."

Instantly I called my mother and had her cancel 
her engagements so she could come to my aid if 
I needed her.  I called Skinner to advise him of 
the situation but told him I'd call him when I 
wanted him to come.  

I wanted Mulder but I wanted him to myself... 
at least for a little while.

Despite his apparent alertness, I was uncertain 
as to what to expect - so many abductees had 
been taken and returned in so many different 
states of mind and body and who knows what 
condition he was in.  

Just my luck a truck carrying twenty tons of 
roofing tiles overturned on I-66, which backed 
up traffic all over.  I was lucky to get there 
in an hour.  

I went flying in to GUMC like a bat out of 
hell looking for him.  Nurse Johnson found me 
yelling at any and everyone trying to figure 
out where Mr. Fox Mulder was.  She gave me a look 
that would have frozen hell over.  That shut 
me up, almost no one pulls off a look like that 
as well as I do.  

"Look I'm not trying to be difficult I just
want to find him, it is very important."

"Ms. Scully, you have to calm down, it isn't 
good for you or your baby." Gesturing to 
my stomach.

"Dr. Scully and what in the hell do you know 
about what is good for my baby.  Seeing his 
father is good for my baby and for me, now 
where is he."

"I'll show you the way.  We sedated him over 
an hour ago, he is still sleeping it off," 
she said as we walked towards his room.

"Why did you feel it was necessary to sedate 
him, is there something wrong with him?"

"No there is nothing physically wrong with 
him... he was just out of control."  

"What are his vitals?"

"His vitals are fine... he just couldn't 
contact you, he thought something had 
happened to you."

He couldn't understand where I was... Oh, Mulder.  

"I had a doctor's appointment, I must 
have just missed his call." I say trying 
to muster my control.

"He tried calling you at the office, at 
home and your cell phone. He couldn't reach 
you anywhere and he would not calm down 
while I tried to reach you.  Even after I
found you he wouldn't believe me.  We had 
to do it or he would have hurt himself." 
She had stopped being angry with me as she 
sensed my growing anxiety.  

I couldn't believe I'd been so careless to 
have left no known avenue of contact.  I'd 
turned off my answering machine at my apartment 
because I'd been staying at his apartment.  I
rarely turned on my bureau cell phone anymore 
since he wasn't there to call me and I hardly 
needed it since I wasn't in the field much 
nearly as much anymore.  I looked down at 
my hands and they were trembling.  

"I'm sorry I was yelling before."

"It's okay, you couldn't have known."

"We haven't ever had much luck with hospitals."

"It's okay sweetie."

Leave it to Mulder to not be calm enough to call 
his own number or Skinner's.  But all thoughts 
flew from my head when Nurse Johnson opened the 
door and I saw his face.  It was peaceful in the 
numbing sleep of sedatives.  Some of my favorite 
times were watching him sleep, before and after 
we got involved intimately.  

I approached his bed tentatively.  He was here 
and it so surrealistic. 

Nurse Johnson whispered to me, "There is 
absolutely nothing wrong with him, the 
sedatives will wear off in an hour or so."

He was okay.  I let the breath I'd been 
holding out.  

I cautiously pull up a chair and sit down, 
worried if I moved too much that the dream 
would end.  

I reached up, my fingers still trembling and 
fingered the cross, still around his neck where 
I'd put it so long ago.  

As tears ran down my face Taking each of his 
hands, I leaned forward and I kissed his 
fingers, counting each one as though he were a 
new baby and I was proving that he was complete. 
 
I took his left hand in mine and rested my head 
near his chest, smiling through my tears, awaiting 
his awakening.

Not surprisingly, I fell asleep. Four months of 
pregnancy and three months of worrying about 
Mulder left me weary.  I couldn't have imagined 
a better way to wake though.  

His right hand had reached across his body to 
stroke my hair.  His left arm was immobilized, 
being used as a pillow by my head but his 
fingers rubbed against mine.  

I looked up to meet his eyes, which were filled 
with tender love, reverence and light.  

"Scully."

I eased my head off the bed and the smile I fell 
asleep with returns instaneously.  I feel like a 
grinning fool but I can't help but be ecstatic.  
I feel like I'll never be able to stop smiling, 
which says a lot since I'm not terribly demonstrative.

"Hey."  I know it isn't much but anymore and I 
think I'll start sobbing if I say more and I don't 
want to scare him.  

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to see 
that smile."

And that sends the tears rolling down my face, 
despite all my willpower.  He sits up and his hand 
comes to my cheek to smooth away the tears. 

"I was holding this for you."  He reaches up to 
his neck to take the cross off.  He moves to put 
it around my neck.  I take advantage of the 
opportunity and capture his mouth, kissing him for 
the first time in forever.

Nurse Johnson interrupts to ask me if I think he 
needs any more sedatives.  I pull back from our 
kiss but still keeping him close I say, "No but I 
could use some water, please?"  

She replies, "Sure, sweetie," throwing a motherly 
glance at me before glaring at Mulder.  

"Wow, I thought I was the only one who could charm 
the female nurses."

"Well..." I am a little unsure as to how to go about 
telling him I'm pregnant.  

He doesn't pick up on my distress and continues, 
"How are the Yankees doing?"

"Leading the AL East, they're playing Seattle this 
afternoon, right now actually.  Did you expect any 
different?"

"Well, no, but I thought I'd be humble enough to 
ask instead of assume --  

I stop his words with another kiss.  "God it is 
good to hear your voice and see you and touch you...
you even smell good."

He chuckles, "Yeah well Nurse Battleaxe out there 
insisted I shower.  I guess I smelled pretty 
offensive along with being a little crazed."

I decide to take the plunge.

"Mulder I have something for you, sort of."

"Superstars of the Superbowls?" he asks with a 
gleam in his eye.

"No, better..."

"The NBA playoffs, please tell -"

I put my fingers to his lips to shut him up.

"This is better than the playoffs..." Suddenly a 
frog gets stuck in my throat and tears threaten 
to fall again.

"Look Scully whatever it is just tell me, you 
are scaring me here."

He squeezes my hand and smiles in encouragement 
I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  

"We're pregnant, I mean, I'm pregnant... I mean 
we are going to have a baby, a boy." I sputter 
out, my tongue tied for only the ninth time in my 
entire life.

Of all the ways I dreamed I'd tell Mulder this was 
not in any of my scenarios.  

"A boy?" Opening my eyes I lock onto his and they 
are filled with such joy and awe it sets my tears 
off, yet again.  

"Scully what's the matter?"

"Nothing, everything is right finally."

He pulls me out of the chair, onto his bed and 
then into his lap.  

His eyes widen in amazement when he realizes how 
much my body has changed... and I'm not even halfway 
through the pregnancy. 

My tears continue as he sweeps his hands over 
my body, worshipping our baby and me.  I'm struck 
by the intimacy of his touch.  The warmth and love 
suffused in his touch makes my chest ache. 

How did I live without this?

His eyes tell me he is thinking the same thing. 

"Scully I wish you'd stop crying... this is so good, 
so right.  No more tears, huh?"

"I can't help it, I'm just one big ball of hormonal 
imbalance.  You'll get used to it."

He pulls my head down to his shoulder.  We shift so 
we are lying together, him spooning behind me, like 
I'd dreamed of every night since he left.  

As I continue to weep silently, I hear him whisper 
in my ear, "I knew there was a reason to live."

The door opens and I hear a huff of indignation.

"Now what did you do Mr. Mulder?"

"I got my girl knocked up," he says with a smirk.

I hit him on the shoulder and look up at her, my 
face red.  

"For goodness sakes," she says with a roll of 
her eyes.  

"Dr. Scully, I brought you some water.  Let me know 
if you need a hand with this big oaf."

I prop myself up on my elbow and take a sip of the 
water.  "Thanks, please call me Dana.  You can call 
him Fox."

"Ouch, Scully, you really know how to hit a guy 
when he's down."

"Well Dana you can call me Amelia. Is there anyone 
else you need me to call?"

"Yeah, actually, that would be great.  My mother and 
our boss know he is here but can you call them and 
tell them they can come now?"

"Sure."

I give Amelia the numbers and she leaves. 

"Hey Scully?" I settle back down beside him and he 
pulls me close, wrapping his arms around my stomach.

"Yeah?" I cover his arms with mine. 

"Marry me."

"Okay." I answer without hesitation.

"Wow."

"Did you expect me to say no?" I twist my head so 
I can see him.  

"No I just love you so much."

"I love you too Mulder."

"I guess it was wow because 24 hours ago I was 
miles away from DC, I had no idea I was a father, 
or even if you were okay.  Now I'm getting married 
to the only person I could ever imagine spending 
day after day with for the rest of my life and we 
are having a baby.  It is just like, wow."

"Wow," I see his point.

He kisses my cheek and suddenly I'm exhausted, 
my eyes flutter shut and I hear him say, "I love 
you Scully."  My grip on him tightens as my 
breathing slows and I drift off to sleep... my 
dreams trouble-free now that he is here. 



"Dana do you guys need anything else?"

My mother, who had been doing the laundry, 
walks into the nursery.

"No, mom.  I think we are okay for now."

"How's the crib coming along?"

Mulder groans and Mom laughs, "That well?"

She gave my forehead a kiss and said, "Don't 
forget dinner tonight with Bill and Charlie."

"Of course not, we'll be there at six."

"See you then."

"Bye Mom."

"Goodbye Fox."

"Bye Maggie-Mom."

Maggie-Mom is Mulder's name for my mother...I 
don't ask questions.  

My brother Bill has finally shut up about Mulder.  
But I don't think it was my arguing with him and 
finally slapping him that did the trick.  

I know Bill was just being a protective older 
brother but he didn't get that it hurt me when 
he criticized Mulder.  It hurt Mulder to think 
that someone important in my life felt that he 
was so bad for me and by extension, because 
Mulder hurt, I hurt. 

I think when Mulder explained our plans for our 
future to Bill that allayed Bill's fears a great 
deal. 

Mulder and I are retiring.  Effective as soon as I 
can't work anymore.  I am just over seven months 
pregnant now and hope I can work through the 
eighth month.  The X-files just didn't hold the 
interest it once did, plus we wanted to protect 
our miracle baby and getting out was our attempt 
at disentangling our lives from any conspiracy that 
might threaten the fragile happiness we have been 
building.  

The X-files had been assigned another agent, Leslie 
Peters, while Mulder was gone.  Leslie had been there 
to help me find Mulder.  He was a big fan of Mulder's 
and he was willing to learn.  When Mulder returned we 
kept Leslie and hired on two new agents, Julia McHale 
and Parker Brighton.  Both were very bright and 
intelligent but a little uneasy at first, who could 
blame them. We are sticking around for awhile now to 
help out the new crew.

When Mulder returned three months ago, he still did not 
know exactly how he came to be in GUMC and I didn't 
care at first. All I wanted to know was whether he 
had been hurt and he hadn't.  My fears had been 
relieved when he told me exactly what went on during 
his captivity and that was what mattered.  But when he 
started telling me what had happened, the information 
was enough to astound anyone.

"Scully it was amazing.  They didn't do any testing 
on me... in fact it wasn't the colonizing aliens who 
took us but instead the rebel aliens.  They wanted 
to teach us so we could fight the colonizing aliens.  
Their knowledge was so incredible and beautiful."

The whole idea was amazing to me.  First of all that 
they hadn't hurt him and secondly that they instead 
had given him, and in turn everyone, the knowledge 
to survive.  

Mulder, Leslie and I worked tirelessly at transcribing 
every bit of information that Mulder could remember.  
Given his photographic memory that accounted for 
a lot - from the ship's ability to cloak itself to 
advanced genetics research.  

One of the conclusions we made was that the reason 
no one saw the ship in Africa before I arrived was it 
had cloaked itself to rebuild itself, like it had in 
Oregon.  Why it appeared finally we don't know, maybe 
to conserve energy or maybe that is just what God 
intended.  

One evening, about a month after he returned, we 
were working alone.  I looked up from the computer 
monitor and his eyes were filled with regret.

"Mulder, what's the matter?"

"I feel so guilty going on and on about the beautiful 
things happening there when I missed the most 
beautiful thing happening ever, you and our baby."

"I feel guilty too.  I couldn't be there with you.  
I couldn't see these beautiful things with you.  But 
now we are together and we get to share all of these 
beautiful things together."

"The thing is, I only want you."

It was then that we discussed really quitting for the 
first time.  It was time for us to move on, time for 
us to live and time for us to win.  In that way the 
ever present "them" would lose. 

We made arrangements with Skinner and hired on Julia 
and Parker.  We have been training them as best we can.  
A lot of that has been just telling stories of all the 
cases we've done, the past eight years of our existence. 
It has made for a lot of laughs and for some tears. 

It is hard for Mulder and me to share this chapter 
of our life with them because it was situation we 
were so personally and so privately involved in.  
It was truly us against the world. At first I 
feared Leslie, Julia and Parker would just laugh at 
the things that were important to us... the things 
that had affected us the most.  But they haven't 
and my trust in them is increasing. Their integrity 
is very important to them.  But I suppose only time 
will tell.

We'd agreed to remain available to them after we 
left... no one else had our experience and we couldn't 
deny them that, especially in this dangerous profession.  
In the end, it seemed it would give everyone what 
they desired most, even my brother Bill.  

When Bill derisively asked Mulder how he'd support 
his family, I have to say I was more than a little 
pleased when Mulder explained that the sum and total 
of our fortune was over three million dollars.  I'd 
never seen Bill so flabbergasted.  I think Charlie 
choked on his salmon.  It sure as hell made Mulder 
proud that he could provide for his family better 
than Bill ever could, financially speaking anyway.  
I knew Mulder still had doubts about all the other 
areas of parenthood, but I knew that just as Bill 
was a wonderful father and I knew Mulder would be too.  




"So Scully, the suspense is killing me."

The sound of Mulder's voice startled me.

"Huh?"

"You have had that letter from Dr. Ngebe with you 
for awhile now... aren't you going to open it."

"I guess I got distracted somewhere along the line."

"Yeah, I remember you saying something about a 
great view... Oh and what was that about a bed?"

"Mulder?"

"Yes?" he asked coyly. 

"How's that crib coming along."

"Almost finished master."

I have to admit the crib looks really great now but 
not as great as his ass.

"Scully?"

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you read me the letter."

"Alright, already." I say as I tear the envelope open 
and remove the letter. 

I begin reading aloud.


*
Dear Dr. Scully,

It has been a little over a year since I last 
corresponded with you.  I was glad to hear your partner 
had recovered.

Things have happened here but I'm not quite sure how 
to explain the situation to you.  I put off writing to 
you while I searched for answers.  None have been 
forthcoming but I feel you may have been affected by 
this too and so it is my duty to inform you of these 
events...
*


My voice wavers on these last words and immediately 
my mind goes into overdrive trying to imagine what 
horrible things could be affecting me or our baby.  
At some point, Mulder, sensing my fear had quit 
working on the crib and come over to sit next to me 
on the floor.  His face rests against my knee as his 
hand finds my free hand and clutches at it.  

I continue reading.


*
For 4 years I have been battling breast cancer.  
Before I'd left for the Ivory Coast the doctors decided 
they had basically no options left.  I went on with my 
life as best I could, determined to live it as normally 
as possible.  


A short while after I returned to the University, I 
went in for an appointment with my oncologist.  What 
he found was startling; the cancer had disappeared 
completely. I could not understand why, I still can't 
except to say that before I went to the coast and saw 
that ship I was dying of breast cancer that had 
metastasized and now I'm fine.  

Other men who worked on the ship, those who were 
frightened by the bad signs, have had similar 
situations arise.  The only thing I can conclude is 
that the ship had a healing power.

What did not make sense is why I still had cuts and 
bruises.  Why did the ship not heal those or why hadn't 
it healed Dr. Barnes' heat stroke.  All I can guess is 
it heals the deepest wounds first.   Perhaps a thorough 
autopsy of Dr. Barnes would have revealed heart disease 
or cancer that was healed.  We'll never know.  

I am sure all of the sounds absolutely crazy to you.  
It sounds crazy to me but it has happened and as people 
say... seeing is believing.  

I hope you are well, please let me know if you have 
had any experiences that were similar to mine.  If you 
would like documentation of my case or the other men's 
cases, let me know.  

Sincerely, 
Dr. Amina Ngebe
*


As I trail off, neither of us can move.  


I am shocked, frozen in disbelief or in suspension of 
belief or something.  I don't know how to react.  It is 
an answer we have been seeking since the day I found out 
I was pregnant.  As much as I wanted answers, I had come 
to accept this baby as a miracle.   

"Oh god." It is the only thing I can choke out.

"Do you think we should send her a baby announcement?" 
he says with his typical dry humor. 

I laugh more out of a desperate need to have normalcy 
than actual amusement.  

My mind is trying to get around everything she has said.  

"Does it make sense Scully?" Mulder asks.  

"When I worked with her she seemed genuinely interested 
in the truth and I trust her but without more 
documentation I can't really form my own opinion. 
The only thing I could think is maybe somehow a chip 
was implanted in her neck, but that wouldn't explain 
the other men's healing"

Of course it's really totally simple... well, as simple
as our lives get.

I start to laugh almost hysterically; he moves his hand
up and down my calf trying to soothe me.  

"I get cancer, I get healed by a chip. I am infertile 
so I get cured by a UFO. Just perfect... this is just 
fitting."

Mulder can't say anything, my anguish overwhelming him. 

"I am so fucking confused."  I want to scream and laugh 
and hit and hug someone, all at the same time.  I don't
know why this bothers me so much.  I have answers, 
sort-of, for the first time.

"I don't remember the rebels telling me anything like
this but we have this ability to heal before, like 
Jeremiah Smith." I can tell he is trying just as
hard to assemble all the information possible.

Tears stream down my face as Mulder pulls me down 
onto his lap.  I absently think that this can't 
be comfortable for him since I weigh a ton more 
than normal.  

My anger overwhelms me and Mulder has made himself 
a target.  I pummel his chest with half-hearted rage 
as my tears grow into sobs.  

"Why couldn't this just be a miracle?"

His hand snags my chin and pulls it up so his eyes can 
lock on mine. 

"No matter what... this is all a miracle.  Every day we 
have is a day we survived against unbelievable odds 
and we are together and we made this baby.  It took so 
many steps to get here but we are here.  That is a 
miracle.  One little detour or misstep and we wouldn't 
have made it this far.  It is a miracle, never believe 
otherwise."  

His voice cracks at the end of his declaration and he 
pulls me into a tight embrace...

My sobs quiet and I whisper, "I believe, Mulder. I believe."


Epilogue:
Yesterday, January 20, 2001 at 8:01 pm my son was born.  
We named him Aidan Caleb Asher Mulder.  Aidan is Celtic 
for fire, Caleb is Hebrew for faithful and Asher is 
Hebrew for blessed.  

Scully has always amazed me and will always amaze 
me but yesterday her unwavering strength, determination, 
passion and love left me simply speechless.   

Aidan is my miracle. 
Scully is my everything.


---^---
The end


Notes:  
So my theory is that the ship healed Scully.  Why I 
think this works is that to start with I think the 
baby was conceived naturally though unexpectedly.  
Scully was way too smiley at the end for her to believe 
it could be like an alien baby or some strangers. 

I also think it is Mulder's, mainly because if I was 
her boyfriend and father-to-be and knew she was 
spooning with Mulder like that, I'd be a little 
irritated. I don't think Scully is that kind of woman.  

I also don't think CSM had the opportunity or ability to 
restore her fertility in En Ami, so while he may have 
copped a feel I don't think that's the answer.  Plus I'm 
sure Scully would've had herself checked out and sanitized 
after her little encounter with him.   

So it makes sense to me that if it has as much power as 
Scully believes, it could have restored her life-giving 
ability.  Scully of course wouldn't have any idea about 
its healing power though because the official site says 
the fish coming back to life was a hallucination, but 
that his driver coming back to life was real... but 
no-one except Barnes and the driver know about that.  
The only thing that doesn't make sense is why the guy got 
burned and not healed. I guess it is all a matter of a 
sign from God, and he had to be sacrified,  even though 
the smoking man says there is no God.  

Anyways, I welcome comments at the_antes_up@spacemail.com