From: little scully <starbuck92@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 15:20:06 -0800 (PST)
Subject: xfc: "My Everything" by Sandra D. Favela (1/2)
Source: xfc

TITLE: My Everything
AUTHOR: Sandra D. Favela (formerly just known as Sandy
Dee)
EMAIL: starbuck92@yahoo.com
DISTRIBUTION: Xemplary, Spookys. Anywhere else, please
ask me.
SPOILER WARNING: References from seasons 1-4.
RATING: PG-13
CLASSIFICATION: MSR, SA, MA, Character death
SUMMARY: When you lose your best friend and soulmate,
you think your world is going to end.  But when you
keep her memory alive, you realize she'll always be
with you in spirit.
BEGAN/COMPLETED: November, 1999/February, 2000
DISCLAIMER: Mulder, Scully, and the rest of the
X-Files characters don't belong to me, and all of my
money is heading towards college right now, so please
don't sue.

Author's notes and dedication at the end of story.


Dana Scully's Residence
Saturday, October 25, 1997
10:13 P.M.

With one final tug, Fox Mulder finished taping the
last box.  He surveyed all the boxes strewn across
Dana Scully's living room floor, relieved that the
task was at last complete. He stood, his eyes
searching the room to make sure he hadn't missed
anything.  Most of her furniture had been moved out
yesterday, but Mulder had offered to clear out
Scully's personal belongings.  It was the least he
could do, or so he had told Mrs. Scully.  Deep in his
heart, he knew the only reason he had volunteered to
pack up Scully's things was because he was having a
hard time letting go of her.  It was difficult to
believe that his partner, his best friend...his
life...was gone.

One week ago, Dana Scully had succumbed to the cancer
that had been plaguing her for many months.  With a
heavy heart, Mulder sat in the middle of the room with
the framed photograph Scully had left him of
themselves, his memories of her flooding his
consciousness.

He remembered shaking her hand the first day they met,
marveling at how intelligent, confident and innocent
she was.
	
He recalled the stresses they underwent during the
case at Icy Cape, Alaska, terrified at the possibility
of either one of them being infected by the
prehistoric worm, all the while trying to gain one
another's trust.
	
It was impossible to disregard Scully's quiet
admission to being afraid to believe after the Luther
Lee Boggs case and the death of her father, whom she
respected and loved with all her heart till her last
day.
	
He held dear the memory of the unauthorized stakeout
during the Tooms case, where for one gratifying
moment, she had brought down her barriers to allow him
a glimpse of the real Dana, who she kept so guarded
away from the public eye.
	
He could never forget her courage and loyalty rescuing
him in Arecibo, when she had risked her life for him
yet again, only strengthening the fact that she would
always be there for him.

Mulder took a shaky breath as he ran his forefinger
down Scully's face in the photo, and then reached up
to grip the golden cross that hung from the thin chain
around his neck.  He remembered returning the same
little cross to her when she had been returned from
wherever they had taken her.  Anger at the people who
took her, fear for her life, guilt from not being able
to save her in time...all of these feelings had taken
hold of Mulder during the three months she had been
gone, ripping him apart.  He had been greatly relieved
when he had seen her awake, telling her mother not to
call him "Fox."  That one event had changed so much
between them.  And what had followed only strengthened
their partnership and their friendship.
	
The Donnie Pfaster case, discovering the chip in her
neck, the death of her sister...  All of these events
had taken their toll on his partner, temporarily
weakening her resolve, yet at the same time making her
stronger than ever.  She had put herself on the line
for him countless times, even going to jail to keep
him safe.  All the while, Mulder could not hear her
silently crying out for his attention, her need for
someone to understand her, until she left for
Philadelphia and met Ed Jerse.  Mulder had been
simultaneously confused and furious with her until
they had discovered the horrible truth: she had
cancer.  The memory of walking into Holy Cross
Memorial Hospital with his "stolen" bouquet of flowers
and finding out that she was dying from the
experiments that had been performed on her two years
earlier would haunt him forever.

From that moment on, he had secretly vowed to be there
for her, no matter what happened.

Doing the best to make her smile.

Taking care of her.

Loving her...


Friday, October 17, 1997
6:35 P.M.

Things had become very tough these past few weeks as
Scully's health steadily began to decline.  She had
been forced to resign her position as a special agent.
 Mulder had been with her in Assistant Director
Skinner's office when she handed in her letter three
weeks ago.  Both men knew that losing Scully was an
unfortunate loss for the Bureau.  After the meeting,
Skinner had taken Mulder aside and asked him to take
some time off to be with Scully.  It was a rare
occurrence that the assistant director received no
argument from his agent.

She slept most of the time now.  Mulder slowly sat at
the edge of the couch, his eyes fixed on the gentle
rise and fall of her chest.  He reached out to gently
caress one soft, pale cheek, and then he pulled her
blanket around her more securely.

Mulder was amazed that Scully had actually let him
take care of her. He would order in food, keep the
apartment tidy, and make sure Scully had everything
she needed.  He knew she prided herself on being a
very independent woman, but as the days went by she
had a hard time getting things done on her own.  The
cancer had made it utterly difficult for her to do
some of the simplest activities, and she had to rely
on others more than she ever had. 

The two had wound up spending almost every second of
the day together.  It had been an odd combination of
heaven and hell for Mulder and Scully.  For the
countless nosebleeds and fevers Scully had been
subjected to, Mulder had finally been able to break
through to her.  They had grown even closer than
before, comforting one another in this dire time of
need.  Without having any restraints, they finally
brought some barriers down.  Mulder had been touched
by Scully's newfound openness with him as she shared
stories of her youth and her thoughts, and he returned
the gesture by doing the same.

However, the previous night had not gone well for
them.  The pair had returned to Scully's apartment
after a scheduled chemotherapy session that had left
Scully feeling nauseous and fatigued.  She had spent
most of the night in the bathroom with Mulder as she
fought the effects of the treatment, and the two had
finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the
morning.  She had been asleep most of the day,
exhausted from being sick all night and suffering the
effects of a mild fever.

Sighing softly, he squeezed her hand and walked to the
kitchen.  Mulder grimaced at the foul stench coming
from the oven, and realization dawned on him.  He
swore under his breath as he quickly grabbed an oven
mitt to take the now-smoldering chocolate chip cookies
out of the oven.  He fanned at them furiously before
tossing them in the trash.  He knew he should have run
to the bakery instead.

From the living room, he heard her voice called out,
"Mulder, are you destroying my kitchen?"

Walking back out into the living room, he smiled at
Scully, who was rubbing the sleep from her eyes.  He
plopped down on the floor beside the couch, face
smeared with cookie dough.  "I wanted to surprise you,
but I guess cookies aren't on the menu tonight,
Scully."

Scully chuckled softly.  "Mulder, you should have told
me you wanted cookies.  I have some stashed away in
the pantry."  He gave her a look that clearly read,
'And you chose to tell me this now?'  She simply
smiled at him and wiped the cookie dough off his face
tenderly.  Mulder smiled in return and took her hand,
kissing her knuckles gently.  "Don't worry about the
cookies, Mulder.  I'm not too hungry anyway," she said
quietly.

He could not help but give her a worried look as he
carefully placed an open palm against her forehead and
her cheeks.  "You're still running that fever," he
murmured, and she nodded in reply.  "Is there anything
you need?"  Her only reply was to hold out her open
arms to him.  Mulder delicately climbed up on the
couch next to her and enfolded her in his embrace.

Scully wrapped he arms around his warm body and lay
her head against his chest, closing her eyes at the
sound of his heartbeat.  Mulder gently rested his own
head against hers, feeling a familiar heartache arise
deep within his soul.

Scully had become his world at some point during their
four-year partnership, and he could not bear the
thought of being without her.  He never questioned the
thought that she would always be at his side,
challenging his theories while at the same time giving
him support.  But he knew if Scully did not pull
through the cancer, her faith reassured her that she
would be going to a better place where she would be
eternally safe, and no harm could ever be brought upon
her again by any shadowy men.

He reached down and took Scully's hand in his own,
caressing her little fingers and running his other
hand through her soft, auburn locks.  He squeezed her
hand gently.  Her beautiful, graceful hands had guided
him many times over the years, always intent on
pushing him in the right direction.  It was amazing
how much strength this woman had, he thought to
himself.  She had carried both of their burdens dozens
of times throughout their partnership, never
faltering.  What was even more amazing was the unique
bond they had formed through their friendship.  It had
held them together through both good times and bad,
and Mulder tried to reassure himself that their bond
would be strong enough to get them through Scully's
ailment.

Mulder had lost so much in his life that he was
astounded when anything good ever came along.  Scully
had been one of those few good things.  He held on to
her a little more securely, wincing at how thin she
had become.  He could feel her small bones protruding
through the thin cotton of the t-shirt she was
wearing.  He swore that when she was better, he would
treat her to junk food daily.  Right now, he was
frightened by the thought that she might break if he
hugged her too tightly.

Mulder closed his eyes.  Something had broken four
years ago.  Dana Scully had come into his
single-minded, one-way-view of a world and shown him
that his way was not always the only way.  She had
introduced him to an entire new perspective on life. 
In the process, she managed to break his heart.  After
Samantha's disappearance, he had shut out everyone in
his life.  He feared growing close to someone, afraid
that he would somehow hurt of fail them, as he had
failed Samantha that night many, many years ago. 
Scully had come to him in a time of his life when he
was lost, recklessly barreling down a path of
self-destruction.  She had helped him create a new
path and a better life, caring for him as no other
had.  He could never thank her enough for that
precious gift.  Scully was the most precious thing in
Mulder's life, and he wondered what he had done to
deserve her companionship.

It was then that he felt someone watching him.  His
eyes met Scully's curious gaze as she softly asked,
"What are you thinking about?  Honestly?"

Mulder grinned slightly at her choice of words.  They
had agreed that secrets and the sentence "I'm fine"
were a thing of the past, and honesty had become an
essential aspect of their pristine openness with each
other.  

Honesty...

He pressed his forehead to hers and whispered, "I was
thinking about you."  She blinked, obviously not
expecting that kind of a response.  He continued, "You
have become my everything, Scully.  I've never been
able to express it to you before, but it's true."

He leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. 
"You're my partner."  He placed a kiss on her
forehead.  "You're my guardian angel."  Another kiss
went to her right cheek.  "You're my best friend." 
Another went to her left cheek.  "You're my soulmate."

She looked at him, tears shining brightly in her
beautiful eyes, and was surprised to see tears
glistening in his eyes as well.  Carefully she reached
up and wiped them away, comforting him.  A knowing
look passed between them, and they held on to each
other a little tighter in response.  Mulder gave her a
gentle smile as he continued.  "You're my life, Dana
Scully."  

Both were looking deeply into each other's eyes,
seeing their own souls reflected back at them through
the other, sharing a look of friendship, trust, and
love.  It was at this moment that Mulder slowly dipped
his head towards Scully.  She closed her eyes as his
descending lips met hers.

They paused in the moment, a little bewildered at what
was occurring, but after a few moments, Mulder slipped
one hand to the back of her neck, caressing her skin
gently as he moved his lips over hers with delicate
ease.  He felt Scully relax into the kiss, pressing
her own mouth against his and sliding her arms around
his neck.  They tenderly explored one another's mouths
for a few minutes, but it felt like years as they
continued to kiss.

Reluctantly, they broke away, softly gasping for air
and looking at each other in amazement.  Small grins
spread across their faces as they leaned towards
another once again, but the moment was cut short when
Scully shut her eyes closed and buried her face in the
spot between Mulder's neck and shoulder.  He barely
heard her whisper, "Mulder, I don't feel well." 

Mulder was off the couch in an instant, rushing with
Scully into the bathroom and just made it in time for
her to reach the toilet.  

After a few minutes, they walked out of the bathroom
together, Mulder's arm wrapped closely around Scully's
shoulders.  She lay back down on the couch as he went
to the kitchen to retrieve her medication and a glass
of water.  He helped her slowly sit up to take her
meds and drink her water.  Afterwards, he set the
glass on the coffee table as she once again retreated
to the warmth of the blankets and pillows on the
couch, closing her eyes.  

Mulder lay down next to her and rubbed slow circles on
her stomach, whispering words of comfort to her,
trying to make her feel better.  He was alarmed to
find her shaking slightly, and he fought back his
panic, telling himself that she was going to be fine.

After a few minutes, the trembling subsided and Scully
squeezed his hand reassuringly.  "Feel a bit better?"
he asked.  When she did not reply, Mulder assumed the
medication had taken its effect, lulling her to sleep.
 He bent close to her and placed a lingering kiss on
her forehead, breathing in her sweet scent.  He slowly
pulled away from her, but was stopped short by a small
hand that had surreptitiously made its way to the back
of his neck.  He looked down to find Scully gazing at
him sleepily.

"Stay with me," she whispered.  Mulder did not reply. 
Instead, he secured his arms around her as she fell
back into an exhausted sleep.


10:45 P.M.

Mulder progressively came awake when he felt something
soft against his cheek.  He slowly opened his eyes to
find Scully cheek-to-cheek with him, her warm but
weary blue eyes looking at him.  "Hi," Scully greeted
him softly.

"Hey," he responded.  "How are you feeling?"

Snuggling deeper into his embrace, she replied,
"Better."  

He absently stroked her hair, relieved that she was
okay.  "Scully, you should try to eat something.  You
haven't had anything for almost two days now.  Let me
make you some soup."  

She nodded against his chest, and he gently extracted
himself from her, kissing her temple as he got up. 
After a few minutes, he returned with a warm bowl of
chicken noodle soup and some tea.  He watched her
silently as she ate.  As she took a sip of her tea,
Mulder finally spoke.  "Scully, about what happened
between us tonight..."  She looked up at him, and he
gave her a little smile.  "I'm glad it happened."

For a moment, she did not respond as she considered
his words.  Mulder tried not to fidget under her gaze
and found himself averting his eyes away from hers. 
He was completely taken by surprise as he felt her
warm, soft lips on his own.  It was a quick kiss, and
she pulled away almost immediately.  "I wonder why we
waited four years to do that," she whispered.

"Oh, Scully..."  Mulder took her in his arms, his heart
wrenching at her words.  "I know we may not have said
anything about our emotions very much in the past, but
never doubt that I love you.  I always have."  Scully
stared at him, her expression one of astonishment. 
The honesty she saw in his eyes touched her heart, and
he nodded slowly as he noticed she realized he was
being completely truthful.  "I love you."  

She smiled at him, and Mulder took in the sight of
her.  Even with the dark circles beneath her eyes and
her pale skin, she was still the most beautiful woman
he had ever seen.  He gazed at her in pure adoration.

Touched by the way he was looking at her, Scully gave
him a gentle kiss.  "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" he questioned as he caressed her chin with
his thumb, puzzled.

"For loving me as much as you do," she replied. 

He hugged her closer, stroking her hair and whispered,
"I'd go to the ends of the earth for you."  He kissed
her jawline affectionately.  "I'd do anything for
you."

With this, he pressed his lips to hers once again,
tentatively.  She returned the kiss with as much love
as her tired body could muster, running her tongue
experimentally along his lower lip, and was rewarded
when he opened his mouth to allow her access inside. 
Their tongues met, and Mulder and Scully sighed softly
into each other's mouths.  They spent countless
minutes exploring teeth, gums and the roofs of their
mouths, until Mulder playfully began wrestling his
tongue against hers.  Scully broke away laughing,
unable to contain herself.  

Mulder joined in, chuckling happily and delighted to
see Scully so joyful.  He looked into her eyes, which
were bright and full of life, a stark contrast to the
rest of her body, which was gradually falling apart. 
It was true what they said.  The eyes were indeed a
reflection of a person's soul.  

He could always see her true emotions through the ice
blue windows of her eyes.  She would occasionally
allow him a glimpse of the woman named Dana who lay
deep within the hard outer shell that was Scully.  She
truly had the most beautiful soul Mulder had ever
seen.  Mulder noticed her eyeing him curiously,
obviously wondering why he was staring at her, and a
slow, heartfelt smile spread across his face. 

"Scully, you are the most beautiful person in the
world," he whispered to her.  "Even the stars in the
heavens can't compete with your beauty." 

 She bit her lower lip, feeling her eyes tear up and
her heart swell with love for this wonderful man. 
They reached for one another in the same instant,
their lips once more coming together for a sweet,
loving brush.  Together they lay back on the cushions,
content with holding each other close as they drifted
off into a peaceful slumber.


Saturday, October 18, 1997
3:10 A.M.

Mulder awoke in the middle of the night, sitting up on
the couch, momentarily forgetting where he was.  He
looked at his surroundings and sighed in relief as he
recognized Scully's living room.  She had apparently
woken up sometime during the night, and Mulder frowned
slightly as he wondered where she had wandered off to.
 He began searching for her, and after looking
everywhere else in her apartment, he found her seated
at her desk in her bedroom, looking at a picture. 
"Scully?" he called out to her.  She did not reply. 
He strode over to her and peered over her shoulder.
	 
In her hands was a framed photograph of themselves,
taken last summer by Scully's mother after a dinner at
her home.  The two friends had been in a caring,
wonderful mood.  They had been holding one another
close, unaware that Mrs. Scully was about to take a
picture of them, and the tender moment had been caught
on film forever.  Mulder smiled at the memory, but was
curious as to why she just kept staring at it.  
	
He gently placed his hand on Scully's shoulder. 
"Hey...you okay?"

She looked up at him, and Mulder audibly gasped.  Even
in the barely lit room, he could see that her face was
bright red and beaded with sweat.  He knelt by her
side and placed his hand against her cheek and almost
immediately pulled it back.  "Scully, you're burning
up!"

He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the
bathroom.  Scully wrapped her arms around his neck,
her head resting against his shoulder and her forehead
pressed against the cool skin of his neck.  She was
mumbling, and Mulder barely caught some of her words. 

"Mulder... hot... head hurts..." 

Mulder winced.  Her skin was searing hot.  He did not
need a thermometer to determine that Scully's fever
had dangerously skyrocketed over the course of a
couple of hours.

Entering the bathroom, he used one hand to flip on the
light switch and start the cold water running in the
bathtub, all the while still holding Scully in his
other arm.  As the water began filling the tub, he sat
her down on the toilet and searched her medicine
cabinet for some aspirin.  He placed the bottle on the
edge of the sink and proceeded to strip Scully of her
clothes.  He deposited her in the awaiting tub,
shivering as his skin made contact with the cold
water.  Frighteningly enough, Scully did not even seem
fazed by the frigidness of the water, and Mulder's
worry increased.

He gave her the aspirin and forced her to drink some
water to get it down.  Grabbing a washcloth from one
of her cabinets, he soaked it in the water and then
placed it upon her brow, hoping it would aid in
lowering her temperature.  Kneeling by the side of the
tub, he sighed as his adrenaline rush began to
subside.  He looked up at Scully's face.  Her eyes
were closed and her breathing was labored as she
continued mumbling unintelligibly.  Her body was
still...  So very, very still...

"Scully?" he whispered.  She opened her eyes and
turned her head towards him.  He met her eyes, which
were glassy against her flush of her cheeks.  The two
could not find words to express to each other.  They
merely used the silent communication they had
developed over the years to reassure and comfort one
another.

After nearly half an hour, Mulder retrieved a large,
fluffy towel and helped Scully out of the tub,
wrapping her in its warmth.  As soon as she was dry,
he scooped her up in his arms with the towel wrapped
around her body, and took her into the bedroom where
he laid her down on the soft bedspread.  He searched
her bureau for some fresh nightwear and found a pair
of satin blue pajamas, a pair of underwear, and some
thick socks.  He dressed her carefully,
surreptitiously checking to see if she was still
feverish.  Her skin was still rather warm, but not as
hot as it had been half an hour ago.  Relieved, he
kissed her forehead and whispered, "I'll be right
back."  He retreated to the bathroom to clean up,
draining the water from the tub and putting her dirty
clothes in the laundry basket.  

He stopped to look at himself in the mirror.  Scully's
face wasn't the only one that had changed in the past
few months.  Mulder rubbed his weary eyes, feeling
exhaustion creeping in.  Sleep was usually something
he didn't do often, and since Scully had gotten sick,
he had even less of it than before.  Sighing, he
washed his face and returned to her bedside.

Her eyes, now clearer, tracked him as he made his way
towards her.  Sitting down next to her, he gently took
her feet in his lap and pulled on the socks he had
gotten for her, rubbing her soles absentmindedly. 
Before she could say anything, he quietly asked, "You
want to know what's going on in my head, don't you?" 
Scully did not respond, but he continued nonetheless. 
"I'm so scared to lose you," he admitted.  "I've been
afraid to lose you since our first case together."

Mulder crawled over to the other side of the bed and
pulled her gently into his arms.  Scully listened as
he kept talking, resting her forehead against the side
of his head.  "Deep down, I've always known that you
were something special, and you have come to mean so
much to me."  He smiled slightly.  "I was just always
too damn stubborn to admit it."

She smiled at him as she closed her eyes, and he ran a
forefinger along her cheek, observing the features of
her face and finding himself thinking back to the old
days when they had just met.  "I will never forget the
day you walked into my life," he whispered.  "I
thought you were a spy disguised as an angel, sent
down to the basement to knock some sense into 'Spooky'
Mulder's crazy theories."  Scully chuckled, barely
audible.  "But you were my angel, Scully.  You saved
me.  You turned into the best thing in my life.  And
I'm eternally grateful to you."

He kissed her forehead as she gave him a loving,
sleepy smile.  Reaching down, Mulder took hold of the
blanket that lay folded at the foot of the bed and
spread it over them both.  He held her close,
carefully lifting her up so that her torso and head
rested comfortably on his chest and shoulder.  He
rubbed his hands up and down her back soothingly,
knowing she needed her rest.

"Mulder?" Scully said, her voice muffled against his
neck and her eyes barely open as she fought sleep.

"Hmm?" he responded, still gently rubbing her back.

"You're my best friend."

He felt tears well up in his eyes at her simple
statement.  "You're my best friend, too, Scully."

"Mulder?" she whispered again, fainter than before.

"Yes?"  

"I love you...with all my heart..."  And with this, she
fell into a deep sleep.

Mulder hugged her tightly, feeling as if his heart had
just shattered.  Tears streamed down his cheeks, and
he pressed his lips to her forehead, leaving them
there for several moments and closing his eyes against
the heartache that was washing over him.  He then
whispered, "I love you, too, baby girl..."

Continued in part 2.

"My Everything" by Sandra D. Favela (2/2)

6:55 A.M.
	
Sunlight streamed into the windows of Scully's
apartment, signifying the start of a brand new
beautiful day.  Outside, the birds were chirping and
Washington, D.C. was coming to life, ready to tackle
the day's tasks.  
	
Fox Mulder frowned in his sleep against the sunshine
and wearily opened his eyes, yawning mightily and
wondering why his arms ached.  He looked down to
discover that Scully still lay against him, sleeping
soundly with her head resting against his chest.  He
gave her a small smile, smoothing back her tousled
hair and kissing the top of her head.  "Hey sunshine,
time to get up," he whispered.  

As he gently disentangled himself from her, he frowned
slightly when she did not remark to his routine
morning greeting.  His concern deepened as he felt
something warm and sticky on his neck that he had not
noticed before.  He touched his fingers to the skin of
his neck, and his jaw dropped when they came away red
with blood.  Turning around, he looked at the mirror
to discover that his shirt was stained as well.

Mulder ran back to Scully, his heart pounding with
fear as he turned her over.  The sight horrified him. 
There was blood everywhere.  It had trickled from her
nose and crept downwards, smearing her face and her
pajama top.  Mulder shook her shoulder, trying to wake
her.  "Scully!  Scully, wake up!"  Her eyes remained
closed and panic began settling in as Mulder shook her
a little harder.  "SCULLY!"

No reply.

He leaned in closer to her, his thumb caressing her
cheek and wishing her eyes would open, when he noticed
the pale blue tinge across her flesh beneath the
smears of blood.  Her eyelids, her cheekbones, her
lips...  God, he had been kissing those soft lips less
than twelve hours ago.  With a trembling hand and
tears flowing unknowingly from his anguished hazel
eyes, he took her pulse.

Nothing.

Mulder felt as if someone had just stabbed him in the
heart.  He thought his world was collapsing around him
as he dropped his head to rest on her chest, wrapping
his arms around her lifeless body.  "Scully, wake up. 
Please, I need you.  Please don't do this to me... 
Don't leave me here alone," he told her in between
sobs.  All he could do was hold her close, hoping he
would escape this waking nightmare.
	

Arlington National Cemetery
Tuesday, October 21, 1997
1:53 P.M.

The sound of rifles being fired rang through the air,
startling Mulder out of his daze.  He had no idea how
long he had been staring at the American flag that
blanketed the white and gold coffin that held the body
of his best friend and partner within.  He had blocked
out everything else: the priest, her family, friends,
fellow colleagues from the Bureau...  All were a mere
background to the coffin that lay a few feet away from
him.  Mulder looked up as the mournful wail of the
trumpet playing "Taps" continued on, and the Marines
prepared to fire another round of shots into the air,
honoring Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully with an
eleven gun salute.  

As the echo of the shots faded, he glanced over at
Scully's mother, who was seated between her two sons,
Bill and Charlie.  She had already endured the deaths
of her husband and one daughter, and now she had lost
her only remaining daughter when that deadly tumor
pushed its way through Scully's brilliant mind.

Mulder was in awe of Mrs. Scully's ability to hold
herself together, shedding silent tears as the funeral
of her youngest daughter proceeded.  She watched as
the Marines stepped forward to carefully fold the flag
that rested atop the coffin.  When their task was
complete, one of the soldiers broke away from the
group and marched towards Mrs. Scully, the flag held
firmly in his grasp.  She arose as he stood before
her, but placed her hand on his gloved one before he
could offer it to her.  Mrs. Scully leaned forward to
whisper something that only he could hear.  The young
man looked at her, a bit puzzled, but complied with
her wishes.  He turned and marched straight to Mulder.
	
Confusion settled in amongst the congregation as Fox
Mulder slowly stood up to face the Marine bearing his
partner's flag.  Mulder turned to look at Mrs. Scully,
ready to refuse this precious honor, but the words
never made it past his lips as he saw the look on her
face.  It clearly stated that she wanted no argument
from him.  He quietly accepted the gift, unshed tears
brimming in his eyes as the young man saluted and
marched back to join his companions.  With this, the
priest gave his final blessing for Scully, and the
people stepped forward to say their last good-byes.
	
All the while, Mulder stood rooted in the same spot,
clutching the flag in his hands to his chest.  As more
people moved towards the coffin to lay flowers upon
it, he noticed three familiar faces in the back row. 
He gave a nod of acknowledgement to Byers, Langly, and
Frohike.  All of them gave a nod back with a look of
sadness written across their faces like Mulder had
never seen before.  He turned away from them as he
felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.  Walter Skinner
stood before him with his shoulders slightly hunched,
bearing a beautiful bouquet of flowers for his lost
agent.  
	
"Agent Mulder," he greeted solemnly.  
	
"Sir," Mulder replied.
	
Taking a deep breath, Skinner continued.  "I know
you've heard this before from just about everyone, but
I want you to know that I am deeply sorry.  I can only
imagine how much Scully meant to you and how her death
is affecting you."  He looked down at his hands,
fingering the wedding ring that he still wore.  "I
lost someone I loved, too."  Mulder nodded
sympathetically.  "I also wanted to tell you that I
want you to take some time.  You've been through hell
and back these past few months with Scully being sick,
and you need to come to terms with what has happened."
 Skinner gently squeezed his young agent's shoulder. 
"Please don't make me order you to do it."
	
"I understand, sir," Mulder responded.  "I'll take a
couple of weeks."  

Skinner nodded in return and turned to leave the
bouquet for Scully.  Mulder caught his arm before he
could go.  "Thank you, sir."  Skinner once again
nodded before he walked away.  

It was then that Mulder noticed Mrs. Scully watching
him from a short distance away.  As soon as she saw
that he was alone, she strode over to where he stood,
placing her hand on his forearm.  He gave her a sad
smile as he took her in his arms, giving her a gentle
hug.  After a moment, they pulled away from each other
to look at one another's faces, full of sorrow.  

"Fox," Mrs. Scully began to say, but Mulder shook his
head, offering her the flag.

"Mrs. Scully...  There's no way I can have this.  You're
her mother, the honor should go to you," he said.

Using gentle hands, she pushed the gift back towards
him, shaking her head.  "This is right, Fox.  You were
Dana's partner and her dearest friend...and deep down
you know that you deserve this honor much more than I
do."  She paused to wipe at her eyes, her grief nearly
overtaking her.  Mulder rested his hand on her
shoulder, offering her support as she struggled to
continue.  She looked up at him and whispered, "You
were the other half of my baby girl's soul."

With those words, the shock and reality of it all
finally began to settle in.  Mulder found himself
gaping at the coffin, his mind completely registering
the fact that his Scully was in there, all alone, and
about to be buried in the ground.  She was truly gone.
 

He felt his head swim at the grim certainty of it all:
Dana Scully was dead.  

Slowly, he stumbled back, falling into his chair, his
legs unable to support him.  All he could think about
was Scully.  

Who was going to make her laugh when she was feeling
down?  

Was she scared wherever she was now?  

And who would look out for her now that they were
apart? 

Mrs. Scully held on to his shoulders, concern sweeping
over her.  "Fox?  Fox, can you hear me?  Are you all
right?"

After a moment or two, Mulder got his bearings and
looked up at her.  "Mrs. Scully...she's...she's gone."

Margaret Scully wrapped her arms around his head
tenderly and held him close.  "Sweetheart, you have to
let her go," she told him quietly.  "I know you loved
her with all your heart, and I'm more than certain she
loved you just as much.  She may be gone, but she'll
always be in your heart, Fox."  When he did not reply,
she continued holding him as a mother would a son,
giving him time to regain control over his emotions.

Several minutes later, Mulder whispered, "I'm okay." 
Upon hearing this, Mrs. Scully released him, looking
into his eyes.  He nodded at her slowly.  "I'm okay,"
he repeated, squeezing her hand to reassure her.  

Mrs. Scully gave him a small smile as she squeezed his
hand in return.  "Fox, I want you to join me for
dinner on Friday evening if you can.  There are some
things that Dana wanted you to have at my home." 
Mulder nodded at her invitation.  "Are you sure you're
okay, sweetheart?" she questioned once more to be
certain.

Mulder smiled slightly as he answered, "I'm fine, Mrs.
Scully."  He was surprised when she leaned forward to
place a tender kiss on his brow, and his heart
constricted as he remembered the various times Scully
had kissed the exact same place.  Before he knew it,
Mrs. Scully had left and he was alone once again.  He
looked up to see that there was no one beside Scully's
coffin.  Most of the people had either gone home or
were conversing in other areas of the cemetery.  He
would finally have a moment alone with her.

Leaning down, Mulder picked up the single red rose
adorned with an ice blue colored ribbon that he had
brought with him and slowly walked over to where the
coffin was.  In his other arm, he held the flag
closely.  He shifted uneasily and swallowed before he
began speaking.

"Scully, I never imagined we would only get four
precious years to spend together.  The time went by
too quickly, and I stand here now unable to believe
that it's over."  He paused for a moment and carefully
placed the rose on her coffin among the numerous
flowers others had left for her.  "I want you to know
that these past four years have been the best of my
life.  You were the best partner anyone could ever
have, being so strong and trustworthy as you were." 
He closed his eyes in anguish, once again hearing her
words to him the night she died.  

'You're my best friend.'  

"Scully," he continued.  "You were the best friend
I've needed all my life, and I feel like I'm the
luckiest man in the world to have had your
friendship...and your love."  

'I love you...with all my heart...'  

He remembered the way it had felt when he kissed her
for the very first time.  He remembered how good it
felt to have her in his arms, loving her as he had
loved no other.  He could not stop the tears from
falling at the memories.  

"Scully, I love you more than anything else in the
world.  I hope you knew that.  You were my everything,
and I will never forget you."  He kissed his
fingertips and gently rested them on the
porcelain-colored casket.  "You'll always be in my
heart.  I miss you already, and I will miss you every
day for the rest of my life.  I love you, Scully."  

He was not sure how long he stayed there, watching as
the coffin was lowered into the earth where she would
finally rest in peace.  When his sense of time finally
caught up with him, he realized that the sun was
setting and he was alone.  No, he thought to himself. 
He'd never be truly alone.  Scully was still with him.
 Not physically, but he knew she would always be there
in spirit. 


Margaret Scully's Residence
Friday, October 24, 1997
6:15 P.M.

Margaret Scully looked upon Mulder as he devoured his
spaghetti.  Mulder hadn't had much of an appetite
since Scully had passed away.  He hadn't done much of
anything, choosing to take things slow as Skinner had
suggested.  Sensing that he was being watched, Mulder
looked up at Mrs. Scully.  He wiped his mouth with his
napkin and gave her a small, apologetic smile.  "That
was the best meal I've had in a long time, Mrs.
Scully.  Thank you."  

She smiled back at him and began clearing the dishes. 
Mulder quickly got up to clear his own plate, eager to
give a helping hand.  Together they stood side by side
in front of the sink.  Mrs. Scully washed the dishes
and Mulder dried them, both resorting to small talk as
they cleaned up.  As the last dish was dried, Mulder
said, "If you don't mind, Mrs. Scully, I would like to
clean out Dana's apartment."  By the look on her face,
he knew she hadn't expected him to make such an offer,
but she nodded in agreement.

After drying her hands, she took hold of Mulder's hand
and led him to the living room where he sat on the
sofa as she searched for something.  She retrieved a
shoebox and handed it to him.  "Dana asked that I give
you this should anything ever happen to her," Mrs.
Scully explained.  "I haven't a clue what's inside.  I
didn't want to invade on what is rightfully yours." 
Mulder smiled appreciatively.  Mrs. Scully then handed
him a small photo album.  "This, however, is something
I made for you recently."  

He took the album in one hand, frowning slightly as he
opened it.  His breath caught in his throat at the
first picture.  Without having to read the small
caption Mrs. Scully had made at the bottom, he knew it
was a picture of Scully.  Even as a little girl, he
was able to recognize her.  He quickly flipped through
the pages and realized all the pictures were of her,
placed in chronological order as she grew older. 
Mulder looked up at the woman standing in front of
him, touched that she would give him such a beautiful
present.  "Mrs. Scully, this is the most wonderful
gift anyone has ever given me.  Thank you."

She smiled warmly at him.  "There is one more thing,
Fox.  I'll be right back."  Mulder watched curiously
as she walked away, wondering what else she could
possibly give him.  He didn't have to wonder long. 
She returned almost instantly, her hands behind her
back and her expression one of saddened love.  Before
he could ask any questions, she leaned down and placed
something around his neck. "Dana wanted you to have
that, too."  

Mulder looked down to see his partner's familiar gold
cross on its chain.  He reached up and wrapped his
fingers around it carefully, tears welling in his eyes
for what must have been the hundredth time that week. 
He looked up at Mrs. Scully, rendered speechless.  She
sat next to him on the couch, taking his hand gently. 
"Fox...  The first time I met you, I immediately saw how
much you loved Dana.  Back then, I don't think you had
admitted it to yourself, but I could tell.  And I know
these past few months have been very difficult."  She
squeezed his hand.  "But I hope you know that Dana
will be with you wherever you go.  She is a part of
you, as much as you were a part of her."

Mulder nodded, biting his lower lip.  "I know, Mrs.
Scully.  I've... I've come to terms with her death.  And
I know that the best thing for me to do right now is
to keep going...keep living my life.  That's what Scully
would have wanted me to do."  He looked up at her.  "I
just wish this ache in my heart would go away.  I
just...  I just miss her so much."  

Mrs. Scully enfolded him in her arms, tears sliding
down her cheeks.  "Oh, Fox, I know.  I know.  I miss
her terribly."  She pulled away from him a little and
took his face in her hands, brushing away at his
tears.  "But, Fox, Dana is watching over you.  You
meant the world to her, and she will watch over you
everyday, keeping you safe and loving you from afar."

He looked at her sadly, knowing that she was trying
her best to make him feel better, but nothing could
ever heal the pain that Scully's death had caused him.
 He whispered softly, "It's not enough."

  
Fox Mulder's Residence
Sunday, October 26, 1997
12:45 A.M.

Mulder wearily entered his apartment and closed the
door quietly behind him.  He walked silently to the
side of his couch and set down the box of Scully's
belongings that he had kept.  The only item he picked
up from inside was the same picture he had found
Scully looking at almost a week ago of the two of
them.  He placed it on the coffee table next to the
glass case that held and protected Scully's folded
flag.  With trembling fingers, he reached out to touch
the glass, caressing it.  Next to it was the unopened
shoebox Mrs. Scully had given him, its contents still
a mystery to Mulder.  Curiosity overtook him.  He sat
on the couch and took the box on to his lap, finally
opening it to find out what lay inside.  

It was like opening a treasure box filled with all the
riches of the world.  

The first thing he pulled out was her FBI badge.  He
felt a brief flash of pain as he remembered the last
time he had held this badge.  Memories of Duane Barry
and Scully's abduction flooded his thoughts, but he
quickly pushed them to the back of his mind.  That was
not the memory he wanted to have when he held the
small, leather wallet.  He wanted to remember how it
stood for justice.  Justice that Scully had very much
wanted to attain for all the wrongful events that had
occurred in both of their lives and in their country. 


Placing the badge aside, he continued sorting through
the contents of the shoebox.  There were her high
school and college class rings, too small for his
large fingers.  He smiled at the hot pink stethoscope
that he assumed she had used during her time in
medical school.  He placed the earpieces in his ears
and held the other end of it to his chest.  It was
amazing that he could still hear his heart beating
despite how much it had broken over the past week.  He
had lost the dearest thing in his world, yet his heart
continued going...only for her.  

Putting the stethoscope down, he reached in and took
out a handful of pictures, most of them taken within
the past five years.  Scully smiled at him from each
one, and he smiled in return, thankful that he could
look at her anytime he wanted.  

He looked up at the framed photo on the coffee table
and picked it up.  He stared down at the two faces
peering back up at him.  One word alone could describe
the emotions written across their features: happiness.
 The photo was taken before Scully became ill, and she
looked extraordinarily healthy.

He turned the picture over and frowned slightly.  The
velvet back was loose.  He carefully slipped it off
the frame, revealing an envelope within.  "Mulder" was
written on the front in beautiful handwriting that he
instantly recognized. 

Being very gentle, he extracted the letter that was
inside and began to read:

Mulder,

If you are reading this, it means I have passed on to
another life and you have been rifling through my
stuff.  There is so much I need to tell you, but I
know I will never be able to convey all the thoughts
in my head into one letter.  I can promise you that I
will try my best to do so.

First of all, I hope you know that I do not blame you
for anything that has happened to me.  I have told you
time and time again that I have made my own choices,
and although I may not be happy with all of the end
results, a lot of good came from my decisions.  I'm
grateful our paths crossed, and we were allowed to
spend four short but wonderful years together.  The
X-Files were extremely challenging to work on, and I
hope you find the strength that I know lies within you
to continue your quest without me.  Samantha needs you
to keep going.  And so do I.

Mulder, I know I may not pull through this night.  My
strength has become very tenuous, and I can feel
myself slowly slipping away.  I'm tired of fighting
this disease.  I've fought and fought, but I have to
face reality...and so do you.

I want you to know the feelings that lay deep within
my heart for a change.  I am not sorry for hiding my
feelings from you in the past.  I know by now you must
understand that this was a part of who I was. 
However, these past few weeks have made me realize
that I could trust you completely...especially with my
emotions.  I know that you would never intentionally
hurt me in any way.  You helped me find my way to a
different kind of life, and I would never be able to
express in words how much I am thankful for what you
showed me.  I have trusted no other as I trust you,
and I will cherish this night forever for it was the
first time I truly bared my soul to anyone. 

I know you do not share my beliefs concerning heaven
and an afterlife, but I can assure you that there are
such things.  And I want you to know that I will be
patiently awaiting the day we are reunited.  We will
once again be side by side, and no one will ever be
able to break us apart.  
			
I love you,

Scully

By the time he had reached the final words of the
letter, he was openly crying.  He felt his heartache
being released.  Somehow Scully had found a way to
write this letter with the intent of mending his heart
and cleansing his broken spirit.  And he was thankful
she had written the words she knew he needed to hear. 
Mulder smiled as he looked at the photograph, feeling
at peace for the first time in days.  He gripped the
small cross in his hand carefully.  If Scully could
patiently wait for the day they would be reunited, he
knew he could, too.  His heart and soul would heal
with time.  He was going to be okay.



AUTHOR'S NOTES & DEDICATION:

 This story started off as a simple project, but it
turned into something that found its way into my
heart.  I've spent three months trying to get it just
right, and I hope you all have enjoyed reading it.  I
was going through some difficult times when I first
began writing "My Everything," and it was quite a
challenge to finish it up when my life got back on
track.  But here it is, all done, and for once I can
say that I am truly proud of something I have written.
 However, I can't take all the credit for myself. 
There were many people that helped this story come
into existence.  First off, thanks to Alicia.  Alicia,
you've put up with me for a while now, and I'm glad
you stuck with me till the very end.  You're one of
the best beta readers there is, and I thank you very,
very much for editing this story.  I must also give
thanks to Lauren Kelly for helping me out with the
information on the FBI procedures.  She is the only
person that got me by with that whole aspect of the
story, and I'm very grateful to her.  And of course
there are two of my best buddies, Lori and Jessica,
who always push me on when I say I can't do something.
 Thanks for all the support, but mostly for making me
see that I shouldn't take anyone else's advice on how
this story should be done since it was up to me to
write from the heart.  

"My Everything" is dedicated to the talented, amazing
Gillian Anderson, who has embarked on a new journey
herself in her career: writing!  I wish her the best
of luck as she enters her directorial debut tomorrow
(on Scully's birthday!).  She has brought to life a
wonderful, brilliant character, and both Gillian and
her alter ego have inspired me to reach for the stars
and aim higher.  She has proven that anything is
possible with a little determination.  I can't thank
her enough for being the great, kind person she is.

February 22, 2000 

Please send any feedback to starbuck92@yahoo.com or
squirrel_ds92@yahoo.com (one and the same).




=====
"What I find fantastic is any notion that there are answers
beyond the realm of science. The answers are there. You just
have to know where to look." ~ Dana Scully

"You were my constant, my touchstone..."
"And you are mine..."
Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, who are truly in love
The Sixth Extinction: Amor Fati