From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org
Date: Fri, 19 Jan 2001 14:39:39 -0600
Subject: My Heart is Low (1/1) by Slightly Bonkers
Source: direct

Reply To: pope_on_a_rope_ie@yahoo.com


TITLE: My Hear is Low
AUTHER: Slightly Bonkers
DISCLAIMER: Nobody anywhere belongs to me..........all CC's 
& Mary Black's   etc
SPOILERS: Nope......well Mulder's, gone Scully's pregnant but whats new?


NOTE: I love this song!  And the words just are perfect!


****************************************************************


She got into the car and when she started the engine the radio came on
automatically.  It was the easy listening station that she had always
had on in the car to ease the tension of driving in rush hour traffic. 

Mulder used to prefer the talk shows and news programmes which she did
listen to occasionally herself but ever since his abduction she found
it hard to concentrate on anything for very long.  Actually it was
probably more the hormones fault but lately she blamed everything on
his not being around. 

The announcer began his voice over in soft tones as the last song
ended, "Next up is a request from an Irish listener in Georgetown and
she wants to dedicate it to her beloved husband who passed away a
while back.  This is 'Only a woman's Heart' by Mary Black."  As the
tune floated from the speakers it seemed vaguely familiar to her. 
Then as the pure voice of the female singer came through, she knew she
had heard it before. 

'My heart is low, my heart is so low, As only a woman's heart can be
As only a woman's, only a woman's Only a woman's heart can know'

Why was it when something bad happens in life everything that you hear
or read can be somehow applied to whats going on?  She wondered this
briefly as the song continued

' The tears that drip from my bewildered eyes, Taste of bitter sweet
romance You're still in my hopes You're still in my mind And even
though I manage on my own'

Ok so this song was particularly descriptive of how she was feeling. 
But where had she heard it before?  As the chorus was sang again she
felt a lump form at the back of her throat as she thought about the
words.  God she was so sick of crying and as she tried to control the
emotion, inching foward in the traffic, the second verse took up where
the first left off

'When restless eyes reveal my troubled soul And memories flood my
weary heart, I mourn for my dreams I mourn for my wasted love And
while I know that I'll survive alone'

The chorus started up again this time with harmonies.  Two large tears
escaped from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.  She missed him so
much and she never felt so alone in her whole life, sitting there in
the middle lane of a crammed free-way.  So utterly alone.  She thought
of all the times she could of been with him but wasn't.  When she
chose to be alone and now she wanted nothing more in the world than to
be wrapped in his strong, warm embrace.  All that love she never got
the chance to express.  Wasted love.  Wasted in that he never knew how
much she needed him with her always.  She felt her throat constricting
again and turned the radio off. Placing her head on her hands on the
steering wheel she tried to get a grip, forcing her breathing to slow
down.  A horn blasting from the car behind brought her back to reality
and she moved foward another couple of inches. 

Then she remembered where she had heard the song before.  It was the
song that her mother used to sing to her when she was a child to calm
her before sleep.  She remembered one day asking her mother what the
song was about and her mother had said that unfortunately one day she
probably would understand.  That day had come. 

************END********************************

If anyone knows that song they will know that it is no way near old
enough to be sung to Scully as a child but I just thought that it
would be nice to let it have some other meaning in her life.