From angipang@sat.net Sun Feb 09 03:16:53 1997
Title: Never Again
Author: Dawn
Email: angipang@sat.net
SPOILER WARNING/SEASON 4
Rated G
Disclaimer:  These characters are in no way mine.  They belong to Chris
Carter and Fox Broadcasting.  I do not have permission to use them.  No
copywrite infringement is intended.
Summary:  A different ending to Never Again.

"Not everything is about you Mulder.  This is my life."
"Yes, but it's..."
"It's what Mulder?"  He tried to respond, but she didn't let him finish.
 "Your life too?  You know, that's just the problem."  Scully was trying
not to let her emotions get in the way of what she needed to say, but it
was becoming increasingly difficult.  This had been building for weeks.
"Every since I was assigned to your  "X-Files," she held both hands up
and made the motion of quote end quote, "my life has suddenly become
your life."  Mulder was becoming a little unnerved himself and it
angered him for her to think that he had no regard for her life.  For
the way she felt.  It was just the opposite.  He wished that she would
just come on out and say what was really bothering her.
As if on cue, she said, "my so-called life, has been chasing after you,
chasing after everything from ghosts to loch ness monsters.  And
please," she said with a very audible note of sarcasm "let's not forget
UFO's and little green men.  Things," she summed up "that I don't belive
in."  Scully could tell, even though he tried to hide it, that her words
had hurt him.  He was quiet for a while, and finally he spoke.
"I'm not the one who assigned you to MY X-Files." He held up his hands
and made the same gestures she had made.  "I never twisted your arm and
made you chase after me.  You did have a choice."
"That's not fair Mulder, and you know."  However crudely put, there was
some truth to his statement.  But she went along because he was her
partner and she trusted him more than anyone else.  It was as simple as
that.  The look on her face made him wince.
"I know Scully.  I'm sorry."  He's always sorry, Scully thought.  This
struck a chord with her and she replied, "Mulder, I dont want you to be
sorry, I want you to undersand."
"But I dont understand.  I don't understand at all," he said looking up
at her.  Scully, was unaware that she had stood up, and wearily, she sat
back down.  She was so tired.  Tired physically as well as mentally.
For a fleeting moment, she considered telling Mulder everything.  What
Lenard Bettes had said to her, about the nosebleed, about the fear that
welled up inside and threatened to overpower her.  But ut she couldn't,
not yet.  INstead, she said, "helping you with the X-Files isn't the
problem, Mulder.  Sometimes I actually enjoy it."  He raised a comical
eyebrow.  She allowed a small smile to cross her mouth.  "It was enough
to try and find sensible, reasonable answers about whatever we came
across.  And once in a while, I even conceded to your wild theories."
She stopped, usure if she should continue.  Plowing ahead, she said,
"but when I was abducted, I lost faith.  In everything.  I had finally
come across something that I couldn't find a rational, scientific
explanation for, and it scared me.  Then Melissa was killed.  In my
place."  The agents looked at each other for a time, Mulder observing
the pained expression she wore. Scully watching for a reaction.  Then,
out of the blue, it hit him.
"Scully," he asked hesitantly, "Do you blame me for what has happened to
you? To Melissa?  Is that what this is all about?"  It had never occured
to her, at least consciously, to blame him, but his words hit home.  And
for the first time, she admitted to herself that in a way, she did blame
Mulder.  She looked up.  He was staring straight at her, seeing what she
had denied to herself for so long.  The last thing she wanted to do, was
hurt him.  Feeling guilty for having hurt him, was not someting she
could deal with right now.  It was irrational to blame him.  If there
was anyone to blame-and it was- it was the Cigarette Smoking Man.  At
last she said, "Mulder, I don't blame you for any of this."  He could
tell that she was lying to spare his feelings.
"I think you do," he told her, still staring those wizened hazel eyes
into her soul.
"Maybe on some level, some part of me did blame you.  But I know that
nothing that has happend to me is your fault.  Like you said, I make my
own choices."  This seemed to appease him a bit.  She stood up once
again, and gathered her things.  Including the dried rose pedal.  "I'm
going home," she annouced.  "I'm tired and I need some rest."  What she
really wanted to do was go to the hospital, and end the agony, but she
didn't have the nerve yet.  When Agent Scully walked to the door and
looked back, Mulder was watching her.  He seemed sad.  Lost.  She
couldn't help him.  She couldn't even help herself at this point.  "I
hope you work out what's bothering you," he said softly.  "If you need
me, I'me here."  She could only nod.
The End
Please email me and tell me what you think.  Just because this is my
first try, don't go easy on me.  I need to know.

--
"Mr. McGee, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me
when I'm angry"
-"David Baxter-The Incredible Hulk"