From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: New Story:Never Forget 1/? Date: 22 May 1995 23:27:42 -0400 well, here i go, offering my humble attempt at fanfic. let me know if it is so awful that i should bury my head in the sand and never come back out... uh, these people are not mine (i'm not that smart) but i take poetic license and make them think what i want them to think because stories work out better that way. please don't sue, i'm trying to save up to go back to college and it just wouldn't be very nice of you mr.carter... ************************************** Never Forget Part One Jessica Zyvarek Taylor She hadn't even been aware that she'd fallen asleep until she felt herself being shaken awake. She felt someone's hands on her shoulders and instinct told her to fight. She was scared. Whoever it was, he was bigger and stronger than her. She tried desperately to fight both her assailant and the waves of panic that rolled over her. She knew that she was losing the battle with whoever it was and she gave into the panic. Tears started to stream down her face and she felt the scream escape her lips. She stopped trying to fight the man and tried instead to curl up around herself, to protect herself from whatever was about to happen to her. Suddenly she realized she was being allowed to pull her knees into her chest. Then she felt the arms of the man wrap around her. She relaxed momentarily into the strong arms that supported her. Through the tears, she mumbled,"Daddy?" She knew whenever she had a nightmare, he had always been there. *But it's not him. He's dead.* The thought hit her like a bullet. She could feel the terror rising up again. Then she heard his voice, so warm and loving and gentle that she started to cry harder. "Fox?" "It's ok, Scully. I'm not going to hurt you. It's alright. I'm here." He began to run his fingers along her back and shoulders. She shuddered and pressed herself against his chest.And he held her. He'd woken up alone from enough nightmares to know that she just needed to be held. He was worried. He knew she hadn't been sleeping recently, but he'd been reluctant to ask. He didn't want to scare her off. She'd open up if and when she needed to. For now, he was willing to just hold her and let her snuggle against him for as long as she needed to. *Or,* he figured,*until she realizes what she's doing.* As if she could read his mind, she pulled away from him."I'm sorry. I - I-"She didn't know what to say. He touched his finger to her lips and shushed her. Then he pulled her back towards him. At first she resisted, but he refused to let go of her. Eventually, she relaxed against him. "Want to talk about it?"He was genuinely concerned about her and he wanted to help her work through what was bothering her. She shook her head and tried to pull away again. This time he let her go."I'm fine, really. It's just- stress. That's all. I'm fine."She got up and walked away from the couch where she'd fallen asleep. She began to straighten up the files that she'd been reading before she'd fallen asleep. "Look, it's late and I think we're both tired. Why don't we call it a night and start over in the morning?" He could tell that she was really bothered by something, but he didn't know if it was because of the cases they'd been working on lately or the nightmares. He toyed with the idea that it was because he'd held her. Maybe she was afraid of what that implied.There was always that fine line between them. Maybe she thought that he'd crossed it. But now was not the time to go into it. He knew that she was probably more upset than she let on, but she wanted him to leave. So he'd leave. "Look, if you need anything, give me a call, OK?" Mulder knew she'd never call him. Not unless her life was in danger, but he felt like he had to say something. He wanted her to know that she didn't need to hide her fears from him. "It's just been a long day. I'm fine. Now get out, before I call the police." She joked, trying to reassure him. It seemed to work. He cracked a smile and retorted,"But Scully, we *are* the police." And so, he left. He didn't want to pry. She wouldn't let him pry. The next day at work, everything was normal. Neither of them mentioned what had happened the night before and each assumed the other had dropped it. But neither of them could think of anything else. Scully was mad at herself. She hadn't wanted him to know that she was having nightmares. She knew that the nightmares were probably just memories resurfacing, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to remember. By letting Mulder know, she would just be starting trouble. He'd want her to be hypnotized to see what else she could remember. And she just wanted to forget. She wanted to forget the horrible felling of helplessness she'd had when Barry broke into her apartment. She wanted to forget the frustration of not being able to remember where'd she'd been or what had happened. She'd done such a good job of hiding her fears from Mulder, except for that once... She couldn't let him know. He was already too protective of her. He'd probably feel guilty over this. *Forget it* She scolded herself. *He's got his own problems. He doesn't need yours too.* Therefore she sat at her desk in her corner of their office and buried her head in paperwork. By doing so, she could avoid talking to him, and resist the urge to run to his arms and cry her eyes out. It had felt so good when he'd held her... *NONONONONONO!* She could not think like that about him. He was her *partner*. A few times, she could feel his eyes on her, but when she looked up, he was no longer looking at her. He was quite an actor. By the looks of him, it seemed like he had thought nothing more about what had happened. In truth, however, it had scared him. He wanted to help. He wanted to protect her. But he couldn't. She wasn't his to protect and even if she was his, she wouldn't let him protect her. She was too tough and independent for that.Mulder watched her come into work and bury her head in paperwork. *How convenient,* he thought. They had a simple agreement. She would do all of the paperwork, except for his field reports, so long as he did not interrupt her while she was working. As long as she was working, he couldn't say anything, except to offer her coffee. Sighing, she quietly closed the file in front of her. *Whoops.*He knew she was mad. But what else could he do? He wanted to talk to her, not stare at her all day. "What is your problem, Mulder? You've offered me four cups of coffee in the last half hour."She hadn't meant to sound that annoyed. "I, uh,"*Geez, this is tough*"Well, I thought you might be thirsty?"He said it as more of a question than an answer. He was lying. She knew he was lying. He knew she knew he was lying. The question was, would she call him on it. "Mulder..."Her voice was little more than a growl. "I didn't think you'd like it if I sat here all day and stared at you." Nothing like the truth... "Well, I know I'm usually a little more logical than you, but don't you think the obvious solution to that problem would be for you to Stop. Staring. At. Me.?" "I can't help it, I like to watch." He was trying to lighten up the mood. All he managed to do was to get her to storm out of the room. "Scully..." It was too late, she was gone. *Maybe a little air will help.* Scully decided that she'd just take a little walk and then go back. She had over-reacted. He was just being Mulder. *Maybe that's why everybody calls him Spooky.* As soon as she thought it, she was sorry. She wasn't mad at him. She was mad at herself. She was mad at Barry, Cancerman, Tooms, anyone who had ever made her feel helpless. Hell, she was even mad at her father. She eventually realized that she actually was angry at Mulder. But not for anyhting he had ever done. Just because he always seemed to get her into situations where she could not take care of herself. Because he always made her question herself, her abilities, her beliefs. Sometimes, it was a welcome way for her to learn more about herself and science. But, sometimes, it just confused her. And there was no one she could talk to about it. She had a few friends, but she hadn't really kept up with her closest friends in quite a while. She spent most of her time with Mulder. He was closer to her than anyone ever had been, but she still there were things she couldn't discuss with him. And the fact that his chivalrous, over-protective behavior was starting to drive her crazy was one of them. After walking around for a half hour, she had to go back to face him. Her aversion to having to go back in the office rose with every step so that by the time she got to the door, she surely would have rather died than go in. Scully made a little pact with herself*You go in there and get some work. Tell him you're fine.Then get the hell out and go home.* She stood in front of the door, trying to prepare herself for the questions, or at least the stare she would get hit with when she opened the door. Suddenly, the door opened and Mulder walked out so quickly that he almost rammed into her. *shitshitshit.how do you explaiin to him that you couldn't even open the door and look at him?* "Where are you going?" Maybe her just thought that she had impecable timing. "I'm going through the door, not standing in front of it and waiting for it to go somewhere for me." He was glad to see that she was alright because it simply was not 'Scully style' to vanish for a half hour, even when she was mad. She usually told him where she was going. She usually was more *mature* than he was. Instead of answering, she just glared at his tie, which was as close to his face as she could get. Besides, it was easier to be mad at his tie. His ties were usually more offensive than him not to mention that they were considerably less attractive than him as well. "Well, Skinner wanted to see me. I think he's got a new case for us, but if you don't want to be involved, I'm sure I can handle it." "Are you implying that I cannot do my job?" She did her best to keep her tone indignant, rather than just plain pissed, a more accurate representation of her feelings. "I'd really hate to be late for this meeting. I assume we can continue this fight later, or maybe we can just find something even more ridiculous to argue over." With that, he slid past her and stomped down the hall. "You're being so childish, Mulder." She realized that her statement made her the childish one but it didn't matter. She threw her purse at her desk and slammed the door behind her. *Dana Scully, why are you even mad aat him? What the hell did he do?*Truly stumped, she put her head down on her desk and started to cry. ********************************************************* =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Never Forget Part 2 Date: 24 May 1995 02:46:29 -0400 ************************************ Part Two After a good fifteen minutes of getting reemed out by Assistant Director Skinner, Mulder got the file that he'd been called up there for in the first place and left. Skinner could not simply give him the file, nor could he wait until *after* Mulder had done something wrong to yell at him. Skinner had to yell at him before he got a chance to do anything wrong. It was supposed to deter Mulder from breaking regulations, but Mulder just figured that if he was going to get yelled at, he might as well break some rules. Mulder was so used to getting yelled at that he was not phased by it, but getting yelled at for something he didn't do was a completely different story. Eventually, Mulder was allowed to leave skinner's office (supposedly having learned his lesson) to return to his office and begin investigating his next case. He had practically forgotten he had even been fighting with Scully. Until he walked in the door. She was sitting at her desk, perfectly composed, typing endlessly on her computer. He waited. Scully kept typing. He leaned against the door frame, and waited some more. Scully kept typing. Mulder eventually gave up and sat down to look over the case file. He could not tell whether she was so mad at him that she couldn't look at him or if she had completely forgotten about the whole thing. <<>> <<>> He cursed himself for thinking of her as an enemy. He heard her utter a frustrated sigh and then start mumbling to herself. Then, without warning, the mouse went flying across the room, right out the door. Mulder was staring unabashedly at her. Even the case in front of him couldn't stop him from staring. He thought that perhaps, since she was so upset at her computer, he would be safe. Calmly, she turned to look at him. He quickly looked down at the closed file in front of him. <<>> "What are you staring at?" <<> he thought<<>> It was actually more of a prayer than a thought. "I, uh, well, you've, I guess your computer wasn't working right?"He mistook the look on her face as one of pure hatred. Scully looked at the floor. She looked at her desk. She looked at the cord from her mouse sticking out from between the boxes in the hallway. She would not look at him. She would not cry in front of him. She couldn't. If she cried, he'd want to know what was wrong. And she honestly did not know. It had something to do with him, but he'd take that the wrong way and think she hated him. And she didn't. But she was tired of being stared at. She could not think when she was being stared at. Her mind drifted back to when she was in the fourth grade, reading the report she'd written on Delaware. She had been in Delaware. And she'd written the report herself. With no help from her parents or her brothers. She'd been so proud of it. And then the teacher interrupted her to ask her a question- what the state bird was. It was a simple question, one she'd known the answer to, but she had not been expecting a question. The teacher had not asked any other students quiestions on their reports. The teacher stared at her. She couldn't think of the answer. So the teacher repeated the question. She bit her lip to keep from crying. She didn't want to cry in front of all the students. She didn't know them that well yet and she didn't want to look like a crybaby. The teacher asked her if she was listening. The only thing she could think to say was that the capital of Delaware was Dover. That was the next line in the report that she had been about to read. That was the only thing she could remember. The teacher had no asked her what the capital was, she'd asked her what state bird was. Finally, the tears started to streak down her face and she stood there, like a deer caught in headlights. And the teacher stared. The teacher finally told her to sit down. After three tries, she finally realized she was being told to sit down. But she couldn't shake the feeling of thirty-five pairs of eyes staring at her. And right at this very moment, she felt Fox Mulder's eyes boring holes in her face. And, yet again, she couldn't think. She heard him say something about her computer. Her mind was frozen in the fourth grade. At least this time, she remembered the answer. "Damn Blue Hen Chickens."With that, she took her purse and walked out of the room, leaving an open-mouthed Mulder staring after her. By the time she got home, she was feeling better. Not a lot, but enough that she could at least smile at the fact that she'd probably truly confused Mulder for the first time in the whole time she'd known him. <<>> She was actually wondering what he'd said to her in the first place to try and figure out how inappropriate her response was. She changed and made herself a cup of tea, while she pondered what she'd have for dinner. The doorbell rang. <<>> She was already smiling by the time she got to the door, half prepared for the crack that was inevitably going to come out of his mouth. But when she opened the door, there was no one there. She looked around and, seeing no one, shut the door. She was actually disappointed that he hadn't been there. <<>> She opened the door again, just because she was sure she'd heard the doorbell. Standing on her porch, just about to ring the bell was Mulder. "What did you do that for?" She was annoyed. That was bizarre. Even for Mulder. "Huh? I just got here." She knew that he most likely was not lying. There was no reason to. "Nevermind. I assume there is a point to your coming here?" He promptly produced a bag from behind his back. "I brought dinner. You wanted chicken, right?" Any semblance of the annoyance or anger that she had been feeling were gone. <<>> "Well, that's not what I had in mind, but it's here, it's free and it's cooked." She stepped back and let him in the room. "I asked them, but they wouldn't dye it blue. I tried. " How he managed to say it with a straight face was beyond her, it impressed her. She smiled and felt incredibly guilty for the weird way she'd been acting. He was just Mulder. She was the one who was acting weird. Throughout dinner, he kept wanting to ask her if she was ok. he seemed to be fine, but he seemed to be losing his edge on reading her moods. He knew that the minute he asked her how she was feeling, then she would clam up and go back off into the distant world she seemed to be co-inhabiting. He refused to stare at her. He had learned that afternoon that staring at her was not going to get him anywhere. "Scully, I give up. What do Blue Chickens have to do with your computer? Screen savers finally getting to you?" "Nothing. They have absolutely nothing to do with my computer." She paused, trying to decide if he really wanted to hear the story. He obviously did. "I was reading a report in front of the class in the fourth grade and my teacher asked me what the state bird was. I knew the answer, but I wasn't expecting a question, so I blanked out and stood there like an idiot. She just stared at me and I was so embarrassed that I couldn't remember anything. I don't think I would have known my name if she'd asked me right then. So when you were staring at me, it just started to remind me of Mrs. Lyons..." "But this time you remembered the answer." "No,actually I didn't. I'm running about 21 years back. You asked me something about my computer. I think..." "So maybe in 21 years, you'll tell me what's bothering you?" Whoops. He shouldn't have said anything. She was uncomfortable. But yet again, she didn't know the answer. "Maybe in 21 years, you'll forget the question." As she stood up to take the dishes out to the kitchen, the phone rang. "Dana?Where are you?!" The voice on the phone was familiar. It belonged to the man sitting on her couch. She looked back at the couch. He was staring at her. Waiting. "Dana? Is something wrong?" They both spoke at the same time. She slammed down the phone and threw the plate she was holding at the person, thing wich was now standing in front of her. He didn't think twice when the phone rang. But when she didn't say anything, he turned to look at her. The look on her face was enough to terrify him. When he asked what was wrong she threw the plates at him and pulled her gun off the table. "Get the hell out of my house you BASTARD! Get the hell away from me. I won't let you take me this time." ********************************************************* =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Never Forget 3/? Date: 29 May 1995 21:41:20 -0400 here we go, yet again, another installment of this pathetic story. Just tell me if I ought to give up now... later,jessica His eyes focused on the gun. She was way too unstable at this point to have a gun. And he honestly did not trust her to not shoot him in the back if and when he turned to leave. So, he did the only thing he felt it was safe to do. He pretended he was going to leave and then dropped to the ground, bringing her with him. She was so terrified that he was able to get the gun away from her with very little trouble. She struggled. She tried to fight, but her arms were pinned to her sides. She frantically tried to remember where her gun had gone, when she noticed that the clone had it. She hated herself for letting him, it, into her house. She was sure that she would die this time. She noticed the phone hanging off the table. She could hear someone shouting into it. She could not hear what he was saying. *MULDER!* She couldn't believe that this was happening again. She had to get to the phone before *it* got to it. She knew Mulder would save her if he knew that she was in trouble. She had to get to the phone... He didn't know what to do. He had to keep the gun away from her and keep hold of her at the same time. He knew she'd hurt him if he let her go. For some reason, that he was completely at a loss for, she was absolutely terrified and she was scared of *him*, for Christ's sake. She was trying to fight, but his size made her attempt look rather pitiful. If she hadn't been terried out of her mind, she would have been able to put up a much stronger fight. He noticed, heard rather, the phone. Someone was screaming into it. He saw he try to reach for it. *What was on the phone that upset her so much* By the time he'd gotten the phone to his ear, he was ready to strangle the person who had scared her. "WHO IS THIS?" He seriously doubted having ever been so angry in his life. Someone was scaring her. Someone was hurting her and he was hell-bent on stopping them. "Where's Dana?Who are you?" The man on the phone sounded rather upset as well. "NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"The thing had gotten to the phone.Now Mulder would never know that she needed help. "What are you doing to my sister? Who are you?"The man on the phone was almost as frantic as Scully, who was still putting up one hell of a fight... "Sister? What? OW!!!!" He recoiled in pain when Scully's teeth tore clear through his hand. He had not been expecting that. It was rather affective. He instinctively put his hand in his mouth to try and stop the pain. Since he was distracted,Scully siezed the opportunity and pushed away from him and grabbing the phone before he had time to react. "Mulder!It's that clone. He's back!" Patrick Scully was completely baffled. First, Dana had forgotten to pick him up at the airport, and now she, and some guy, were screaming into the phone about clowns. Maybe it was just that damned announcement that kept getting read about the delayed flight."Dana?" Much to her surprise, the man on the phone did not sound at all like Mulder. Mulder was sitting on the floor across the room from her, bleeding on her rug. *Bleeding.Blood.Oh, God... It was him. What the hell was wrong with me?It wasn't that clone, it was Mulder, my best friend, my partner. And I bit him.* And she remembered. Patrick. He was at the airport. He wanted to see her. She'd totally forgotten about him. So, she dropped the phone and looked at Mulder, who had since pulled his gun, wincing as he held it, and aimed it at Scully. He had no intentions of hurting her, but at this point, he figured she probably didn't know that.And he needed to protect himself. "Mulder-" She dropped her gaze to the ground."Put the gun down?" "I don't think that's a good idea."He was not about to put the gun down. Not with the way she was acting. "You don't trust me?" She really didn't like looking down the barrel of her partner's gun. It unnerved her. Exactly what she did not need. "No."But even as he said it, he could feel how much it bothered her that *he* was pointing a gun at her, and he began to lower it. The phone started talking again, but this time it was not Patrick Scully. It was the operator."Please deposit twenty-five cents for an additional three mintues." Knowing Patrick, she knew there was no twenty-five cents.Scully slowly picked up the phone, knowing she would not be able to calm both Patrick and Mulder down at the same time. She had to get rid of one of them. At this moment, it was much more convenient to hang up the phone than it was to deal with the gun that Mulder was still holding, aimed at the wall slightly to her left. "Patrick?I've got to go. I'll be there in a half hour or so, ok?" Not waiting for an answer, she huing up on her bewildered brother. *Why the hell did I think that was Mulder anyway?* The impact of the whole scene was just beginning to catch up to her. Her reaction made no sense. She'd never been the type to panic. She took in the sight of Mulder standing in front of her, his shirt half untucked, his hand in his mouth and his gun pointed at some piece of furniture. *At least he's not pointing it at me.* It was the look on his face that really got to her. She couldn't even pin-point what emotion was on it. She could see fear and uncertainty, and worry. She'd never seen him look so worried before. Mulder saw the change in both her face and her stance. She wasn't defensive anymore. She was Scully again. And she was, as best he could figure, trying to understand what had just happened. He was scared that she was about to lose it again, but he was also worried. She'd been talking about the clones... He knew that somehow she'd thought he was the clone and that's what had frightened her so much. *She doesn't trust me.* The thought scared him. He couldn't stand that she didn't trust him. She was the only person he could trust, so it only made sense that she trusted him back. Or so he had always thought. Now he wasn't sure how long it had been since she trusted him. Or if she ever had. So, he dropped her gun. HE knew she wasn't about to hurt him. Scully slowly back away form him. His dropping the gun was a good sign. But now, she knew she had to deal with the fallout of her outburst. It occurred to her that she'd done what she had sworn never to do again. Lose it in front of him. *Damn it. Why can't I just control myself like everyone else.* She dropped her eyes, afraid of the accusation that she should have known wasn't going to be there. She was afraid that he wouldn't be able to respect her, rely on her, trust her. It hurt. She continued backing up, for lack of anything else to do. The last thing she expected was the wall. So when she bumped into it, it really was the last straw. She slowly slid down to the floor, silent tear streaking down her face. *Nononononono. I won't cry. I won't. I can't cry in front of him. Nonononono.* Even as she struggled, the tears continued to fall. He was not expecting her to start crying. He'd been expecting her to try and rationalize the whole thing. But the minute the tears started to flow down her face, he felt his heart drop. He assumed that it was his fault. He was the reason she was in so much pain. And she wanted him to leave. "Dana?" He wasn't expecting an answer. But he couldn't just walk out. At the sound of his voice, she started to cry harder. Was he mad? Disappointed? She couldn't tell. But she was sure that he was done with her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She began rocking herself back and forth, reminiscent of how her father had so long ago, much like Mulder himself had done just the night before. She was so wrapped up in the incredible, inexplicable guilt she was feeling that she didn't even notice when he sat down beside her, or when he took her in his arms and began rocking her to sleep. The first thing she became aware of was the damned telephone ringing. She was used to being woken up by the phone, especially in the middle of the night. The second thing that she noticed was the cramp that shot up her back when she tried to reach for the phone. The third thing was what scared her the most. She was barely able to move her arm at all. The voice startled her. Partly because it was coming from right next to her ear. Mostly because it was *Mulder's* voice. "Are you going to get that?" It was then that she realized she couldn't move her arm because his arms were wrapped quite securely around hers. *OhJesus Christ. No. What the hell happened?* She didn't remember at first all the commotion of earlier that night. It seemed distant and blurry, much like a dream. "Should I get it?" Mulder was not used to being woken up by the phone. Or sleeping on the floor. *Or sleeping underneath of someone who seems to have gain a hundred pounds in the last few hours.* She was in a state of shock. It was simply too much for her to accept at that point, so it was easier to answer the phone. "Hello?" She saw no point in identifying herself because the only person who thought of her as Scully was, thankfully, behind her at this point. "Dana? Is everything alright, honey?" It was her mother., and she was scared out of her wits by the sound of it. "I'm fine, mom. What's the matter?" "I was worried. Patrick was worried." *PATRICK!* How had she forgotten-* Oh, that's how...* "Mom, I'm sorry. I just was, well, Mulder and I were working on a case and I'm sorry. Tell Patrick I'm sorry. Did you get him?" "Yes. Someone had to pick him up. Is Fox ok? You sound a little upset." Mulder decided that it was the perfect opportunity to get out without having to confront Scully with the whole scene. He was too tired to deal with it now and she was distracted. Scully saw Mulder stand up out of the corner of her eye and she knew she should stop him, but she was afraid of what he would say. She needed time to think about what had happened before she tried to rationalize it to Mulder. But that didn't stop her from watching him leave. Just as he was about to close the door, he looked back at her and caught her staring at him. Their eyes locked, filled with mutual concern and emotion. Her mother's insistant voice captured her attention and she drew her eyes away from his. The door closed with a barely perceptable click, except that Scully was listening for it. ********************************************************* =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Never Forget Part Four!!!! Date: 4 Jun 1995 23:40:46 -0400 well, sorry for the delay, but pms and creativity are not friends, so i can only have one of them over at a time... disclaimer is in part one, this story sucks. don't get me wrong, i love hearing otherwise, but i don't believe any of you-trust no one, right? so, i'll quit now and let you make up your own mind... if you missing any parts, just nag me and i'll send them to you. i answer every piece of email i get, no matter how what. ********************************************************* part four The next few days brought with them a break from the normal way of doing things. Scully spent time with here brother, whom she hadn't seen in over a year. She also spent time away from work, using a week of her vacation. FBI agents are always on call, but they are still entitled to vacations. Since she never used her days off, she figured that there was no harm in taking a few. She wanted to visit her family and she needed a break from the routine of work, however non-routine it proved to be. *And a break from Mulder.* Things were changing between them. It was just a subtle difference, but it was there. Twice in the last two days she had woken up in his arms. It bothered her. The thought of waking up in his arms, not actually waking up there... It bothered her because it felt comfortable. Not physically comfortable, but part of her just thought that it was o.k. to be in his arms. It was nice. She felt safe. Protected. She knew he'd do anything to keep her safe. It had been a long time since she'd felt that way. Scully spent most of the week wrapped up in her thoughts. Only her mother noticed that she seemed to have her mind occupied, but she didn't say much about it. Scully was prepared to shrug everything off as work related, but no one asked. And that bothered her. She had always been on the quiet side, but with two brothers and a sister, she could not be silent for days at a time. *Mulder would have noticed.* She pushed the thought away like a poisonous snake. She was trying to spend time away from work. And Mulder was an intrinsic part of work. But he was also her friend. Her best friend. Her only friend, it seemed. The weekdays passed quietly, but the nights were a different story. The first night she stayed with her mother, since Patrick was there and they were planning on having breakfast together. And so, this time it was in her mother's arms that she woke up. "Are you alright, baby?" Her mother's voice calmed her in a way no other ever could. Scully's heart was beating so fast that she thought it would beat right out of her chest and out the door. She didn't know why her mother was there. she often woke up from nightmares as a child, but her mother had never been the one to soothe her. Not even when her mother was the only parent in the house. "I'm fine, Mom. What happened?" She tried to regain her composure. She didn't need her mother worrying about her. Suddenly Patrick's face appeared in the doorway. "Dana? What's wrong?" Dana Scully had never seen her brother look so worried in her life. He didn't worry. He hadn't even shown up when she was in a coma. Now here he was, out of breath, looking *worried.* "I'm fine. What's everybody so upset over?" She was truly perplexed,but she had a sinking feeling that she had probably screamed. She did not scream. Dana Scully did not scream. When she was younger, she would hollar for her father if Patrick or Brian pulled her pigtails, but she had never screamed like Melissa had. She had never been scared enough to scream. "Dana, when most people hear blood-curling screams in the middle of the night, they get worried." Patrick paused to stifle a yawn before he continued. "I didn't know you were so afraid of Foxes." Dana looked at her mother, who understood her scream. Patrick noticed the look and figured he'd been left out of the circle again. So he shrugged and padded off down the hallway. "Mom? What.." Scully couldn't find the words to use. She wasn't even sure of the question, which made finding the words rather difficult. "You were screaming Fox. At the top of your lungs. It didn't sound like you were calling him. It sounded... almost, nevermind, honey, you need to get some rest." "What did it sound like?" When Margaret didn't answer, Dana asked again, this time in a more pleading tone. "Mom, please. I want to know." "Can't you remember? You've always remembered your dreams." Margaret was troubled by knowing more about what was going on in Dana's mind than Dana knew. Dana had been quiet and always partial to her father. She didn't know how to comfort to daughter that had never seemed to want a part of her. Still, she loved her daughter more than anything, especially since Melissa did even want to be a part of their family. "You sounded more like you were terrified of him. You seemed like he was hurting you. Or he was trying. You were trying to fight me. And protect yourself." Margaret watched the play of emotions on Dana's face. She decided that she'd said too much and wished she could take it back. Dana at first could not believe that she had been scared of Mulder. Her mother had simply been mistaken. But then she remembered, rather vaguely, the events of the previous night. When she'd gotten the phone call that had sounded like Mulder. When she'd been absolutely terrified of him. But why would she have had a nightmare? It had been a trying experience, but it had lasted all of fifteen minutes. And when he'd left, she surely hadn't been scared of him. *When did I stop understanding myself? When did I stop being able to handle my emotions? Why am I scared of Mulder?* Even though she'd experienced the terror directed at Mulder, she was still holding out for the thought that maybe her mother had been wrong. Maybe she was just scared and caling for Mulder. But the thought that she'd been screaming for *Fox* bothered her too. She told her mother that everything was fine and that she wanted to get some fresh air. While her mother knew that walking around outside, alone, at night, was probably not a very good idea, she didn't mention it and let Dana go. But the last thing on Dana's mind was the danger of this particular idea. So, there she was walking around an unfamiliar area on the outskirts of Washington D.C. Thinking about where her life was and where she had originally wanted it to go. About five minutes later, she was tired of that topic and decided to try thinking about nothing. That was working much better. She looked at the streets and at the trees and at the road she was on. She wondered around for quite a while before she realized that she was thoroughly lost. She wasn't scared, though. She was in a pretty good section of town and she had a good sense of direction. She knew that if she tried hard enough, she'd find the street her mother lived on. So she kept walking around. Then she started to notice just how dark it was and just how alone she was and she involuntarily started walking a little faster. Suddenly, she was sure that the road ahead of her was darker than it had been and she feel her heart race. Her mind started imagining all the weird creatures that she'd ever read about and she silently cursed herself for her Stephen King phase. She found a street light and stood next to it for a minute, then, realizing how dumb she looked standing next to a street light at 3A.M., she started walking again. *Why do I care how dumb I look?* She knew it was stupid to care how dumb she looked, but for some reason, she did. *Besides, there's no one out here but me.* Still, even though common sense told her she was the only one out there, she was sure she wasn't. *Common sense told me not to come out here alone and I ignored it then too.* She managed to locate a street that she was fairly certain crossed her mother's street at some point. She walked faster, sure that the imaginary pursuer was about to make his move. Maybe it was Pfaster. Tooms. *Nope. Definately not him, he got eaten by the damned escalator.* Maybe Barry. Krychek. Cancerman. She was sure there was someone there. It didn't really matter who. No one would know where she was and no one would ever find her. She began to run. Even as she ran, she felt sure that the man was behind her. So she ran faster, but the longer and harder she ran, the more tired she got and the closer *he* got to her. She hadalmost stopped running when she recognized where she was. She was less than two blocks from her mother's house and she was sure that if she got there, everything would be O.K. She began to sprint. It took just about every ounce of energy she had left to sprint those last two blocks, but she couldn't stop. She ran right up over the lawn and up the front steps. She threw the door open with such force that the doorknob made an indentation in the wall. Then, she threw the door closed and locked it, with so quickly and so paniced that her mother (who had been watching her for the last block) thought whoever she had been running from must have been reaching out to grab her. Scully did not even see her mother as she slumped back against the door, secure, for the moment, in her victory over her imagination. Her mother's voice practically made her jump out of her skin. "Dana?Is someone out there?" Even as she asked, Margaret knew there was no one there. She'd recognized the horrified look on Dana's face from when her brothers had taunted and tormented her into walking through a graveyard alone at night. It was, Margaret was sure, one of the more traumatic occurrances of Dana's 12 year-old life. Looking at her 31 year-old daughter now, Margaret knew that it was still just as hard to defeat the creatures that only exist in your imagination. Margaret remembered that, for some odd reason, the creatures could only chase you home, and then had to go chase someone else. Locking the door simply prevented their entrance, or so the 12-year-old Dana believed. But seeing the relieved look on Dana's face taught her that Dana still believed even if they could get through the locked door, Mom and Dad were still forces to be reckoned with. Dana simply shook her head in answer to the question and looked at the stairs as if they too were out to get her. After having run three miles, they, quite possibly, could be the end of her. As silly as she knew she looked, Scully was glad to see her mom. She could fully accept that there was nothing out there and that there never had been. But she knew if her mother hadn't been there, or if she were to go right back outside, that demon would still be there. She trodded up the stairs and fell into bed, fully clothed, content in the fact that her imagination had worn itself out. ********************************************************* =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Story:Never Forget Part 5 Date: 8 Jun 1995 22:45:03 -0400 Never Forget Part Five She woke up at ten the next morning, the events of the previous night forgoetten by everyone but her. She decided that she would spend the next night at home. She didn't not want another scene like the one at home and she felt inexplicably guilty for not telling Mulder where she was going, just that she would not be taking her cell phone with her and that he would not be able to reach her. Her mother and brother went on with their visit and Scully joined in as best she could. They walked around Washington together, seeing the Smithsonian and the monuments. Things she saw everyday, but never as a tourist. It was nice to be able to relax and not think of why things were happening or what was making them happen. Just letting them happen was enough for her. She was so realxed that she didn't have the nightmares. She got a decent night's sleep and was surprised at how much better she felt. *Maybe a week off is exactly what I need.* Mulder spent Monday sitting in their office pretending to do paperwork. He didn't know why he pretending, there was no one there to nag him about it, but he flet like he had to pretend to be doing something except waiting for the phone to ring. Just taking a week off was not something Dana Scully would do. A week off was a long time for her. Sure, she'd taken an occasional Monday or Friday off to have a long weekend, but who didn't? *Well, who other than me?* Even though she had warned him that she would be completely out of reach for the week, he didn't believe she'd do that. So, he called. He rang her cell phone for two hours straight before he realised that she probably did not have it with her. Then he called her at home. He hung up on her answering machine because he really didn't have a good reason for calling. But, it didn't stop him. He hung up on her answering machine twenty times, not realizing that her machine was one of the older ones that recorded hang-ups. Even so, he still expected to hear something from her by Tuesday. He was so used to hearing from her twelve hours a day that he never realized how lonely he got when she wasn't around. Tuesday at work he didn't even bother taking out papers to pretend to work on. He didn't even turn on his computer. He sat there, with his feet up on his desk staring alternately at the phone, the clock and the growing pile of rubberbands that he was shooting at her chair. By one thirty, he was out of rubber bands. Instead of collecting the ones he'd shot at her empty desk, he just went to the supply office and demanded ten one-pound boxes of rubber bands. The clerk looked at him and shook his head. He'd been prepared for another request for flashlights or a requisition for a car, but ten pounds of rubber bands? He grunted disapprovingly and shoved ten boxes at him. Mulder ended up making three trips to get them all. But if he was using two boxes a day, he figured he'd need them all. On Wednesday, with two pounds of rubberbands surrounding Scully's chair, Mulder became extremely displeased with his apparent inability to cope with Scully's vacation. In retaliation, he decided to stop shooting rubber bands at her chair. She might think he was bored without her. He instead turned to making balls out of the remaining eight boxes. He was thoroughly amused when he discovered that rubber balls actually do bounce. So, he spent the afternoon playing basketball with his new toys which weighed approximately two pounds each. He had plenty of time to think about everything that had happened. His thoughts kept returning to whatever it was that was nagging Scully. But, without her there to ask, it was up to his imagination. By Thursday, she had run off with Cancerman to Mexico to get married. Even he had to laugh when he thought about it. In fact, the more he thought about it, the funnier it became. He'd already named their four kids (even thought they vehemently denied having any) and had set up the affair she was having with Skinner when he completely lost it dissolved into tears of laughter. But then, his thoughts turned on him and he began seeing things in a different light. Suddenly, she had not run off, but had been taken against her will and was being forced to ingest horrible poisons. He was sure that by the time anyone else noticed that anything was wrong, she'd be dead. He finally left his office with a purpose. He was going to find Scully, whether she wanted him to or not. She was not his to protect, but he was going to protect her anyway. He tried her house first, letting himself in with the bkey she'd given him 'for emergencies only.' He poked around long enough to know that she'd been there recently. Then he noticed her answering machine. The message light was flashing away and curiosity got the better of him. The first thirteen calls where hang-ups and he was suddenly very glad that he'd come in. There were two messages from a woman named Maggie and a message from 'Pete.' He'd never heard of Pete, but he made a pact with himself to find out. What he did notice was that there werew no messages from Scully's mother, which meant that Scully was with her, at least part of the time. Mulder got in his car and drove out to do some visiting. Halfway ther, he realized that it was ridiculous, that if anything had happened to her, Margaret would have called, but he couldn't stop himself. He was investigating. It was his job. Margaret was pleased to see him. Scully and Patrick had gone out to see a movie, so Margaret invited him to stay for dinner. She ignored the look of relief that washed over his face when she confirmed that Scully was fine. Margaret knew why he'd come to see her, but she pretended she didn't. She was worried about Dana too. During their dinner, she confided about Monday night. About how she'd woken up screaming, leaving out that she was screaming his name in terror, and then gone out and come running home, terrified of absolutely nothing. She told him how she seemed to be off in another world all week. So he confided why she hadn't picked up Patrick- all of it. She decided that he ought to know the whole story. He was horrified that she'd been afraid of him, but he didn't get a chance to think about it for more than a second when Scully came storming into the room. He'd never seen her so angry before. Never. She had only heard the tail end of their conversation, but she saw the empty plates and knew that they'd been sitting there for two hours discussing her. Fury got the best of her normally even tempered mind and started screaming. She was unsettled enough by her nightmares and she didn't need her mother and Mulder, of all people, talking about her like she was a child. It didn't occur to her that it SHOULD be Mulder, since they were so close. It just didn't seem right. She'd always made an attempt to separate her work and private life, but now here was Mulder invading. She was already mad enough, the last thing she needed was the look on Mulder's face. He looked so confused, like she didn't have a right to be mad. She gave up on her mother and aimed all of her anger at one person. It's always easier to scream at a person who's not trying to defend himelf than it is to scream at your mother who is calmly explaining that she was just talking with one of your friends. Finally, after a few minutes, Mulder's shocked what-did-I-do exppression changed. Unfortunately for Scully, it turned into the look of I-desrve-this-because-I'm-lower-than-the-lowest-person-on-earth of complete and utter guilt. Scully's barage stopped mid-sentence. The whole room wasfilled with an unnatural silence. Mulder wanted to disappear. He wanted to leave at the very least, but Scully was standing directly between him and the door and he was not about to try and walk past her. Patrick had already figured out that this man must be the 'Mulder" character that Margaret and Dana had referred to earlier, so he took the silence as a great opportunity. He walked around Dana, who was still standing there with her mouth open like someone had pressed the pause button and stuck out his hand. "Hi. I'm Patrick Scully. I believe we spoke on the phone the other night." Mulder looked at Patrick as if he had just sung the alphabet song. It seemed to Mulder that Patrick had just uttered the most completely inappropriate words available to mankind at that moment. He was freaked out enough by this that he simply shook hands with Patrick and turned back to Scully. Her response to this was perhaps a little more inappropriate than any other. "So, I guess you're all in it together, huh?" She assumed the silence meant she was right. The noise of the door closing loudly was followed seconds later by tires squealing as she took off down the street. She'd understood Patrick'swords to mean some night on the phone that she was not aware of. SHe didn't know he'd meant when he'd called from the airport at an extremely inconvienent time. Mulder, Margaret and Patrick stared at the door for a few moments, each silently hoping that maybe it would offer some type of explanation. When it didn't, Margaret hugged Mulder, who stood motionless, completely unsure of what to do now that Scully hated him and would surely never speak to him again. Then she asked Mulder if he'd mind coming back to see her when things had calmed down a little. Mulder blindly agreed and nodded at Patrick. "I'd say it was nice meeting you, ..." Patrick half-smiled inaknowledgement. He was sure that this would not be the last of Mulder. He'd never seen his sister quite that upset except for the night of her senoir prom when her father had decided her dress wasn't prper for a lady and made her change while her date was wating. "Watch out, Mulder, those red-heads have tempers..." Nothing like stating the obvious. But it was something, and somehow, everyone felt it was actually appropriate for the first time that evening. Mulder left, still half dazed. His daze had thorough control of his mind which is why he wasn't paying attention to the road. If he had been, he would have noticed Scully's car stopped in the middle of the street. That is, he would have noticed *before* he hit her. ************************************************************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Never Forget 6/? Date: 11 Jun 1995 22:03:28 -0400 here's part six. these characters aren't mine- i just grew up playing with things that weren't mine and i'm not about to change my ways now... let me know what you think, or else the rest of it will not get posted. i'm not trying to twist arms into hearing from people, it's just that i'm not going to bother posting it if i don't think anyone wants to read it. later, jessica (jzyvarek@udel.edu) Never Forget Part Six The impact shook her out of the daze she'd been in. Luckily, she was wearing her seatbelt, so she wasn't hurt too badly. Her neck was sore. She almost looked in the rear view mirror to see just who the asshole was who'd hit her, but she was too mad to even do that. She practically hopped out of the car, words already forming on her lips. "You fucking son of a bitch! Why don't you look at the God-damned road while driving? Too busy tuning the fucking-" She stopped. She knew that car. That car belonged to... "Well, Scully, you really shouldn't have stopped in the middle of the street." He was still mad over the scene in her mother's house, but his car had far more damage than hers. *And she was stopped in the middle of the street.* "For your information, idiot, I was stopped at a stop sign." She didn't mention that she'd been stopped at the stop sign for quite a while. And much to her surprize, he didn't either. "Are you alright?" He wasn't about to get into it with her in the middle of the street. Quite a crowd had gathered around them and they could hear the wail of a siren just a few miles away. Scully was about to answer when the question was repeated by her mother. Apparently, the sound of the crash had carried further than he thought. Instead of answering Mulder, Scully shot him an if-looks-could-kill look and started talking to her mother. "I'm fine. Really. Just go home." "Anyone care to tell me what's going on around here? Who was driving what and has anyone been injured?" The officer didn't look too pleased by the whole thing. He'd seen accidents like this one and it looked like it was about to erupt into either a screaming match or a fist fight. "I'll tell you what's happening, officer." Scully was in no mood for this. "This son of a bitch just rammed me, that's what." Mulder, Patrick and Margaret were now all staring at her. Noone could believe that she was going to go into this with the cops. Her car hadn't been damaged and she wasn't hurt. They had all underestimated exactly how pissed of she was at that moment. "Alrighty, ma'am. If you could just tell me exactly what happened, leaving out those four lettered words, we'll get all of this processed and we can all go home sooner." His shift was over in a half hour and he was not going to be working overtime tonight. "This bastard just hit me while I was stopped at a stop sign. I want him charged with inattentive driving and reckless endangerment." "What? Scully what the hell are you doing?" He slammed his fist into the hood of his car. Mulder was not prepared for this. She was pressing charges against him. He wanted to scream at her. For the first time in his life he felt that he would be perfectly justifed in hitting her. But he didn't. *She's already mad enough.* "Now, sir," the officer cautioned, raising his hands in front of him, "why don't you calm down just a bit. I'll listen to you as soon as I'm done with the lady, here." Mulder was sick of this already and he was not about to be talked down to by some hick with a badge. He pulled out his I.D. "I'm Agent Mulder of the F.B.I. This is my partner, Agent Dana Scully. This really isn't a very big deal and we'll settle this *without* pressing any charges." With that he dismissed the cop and walked over to where Scully had started to pace. "Dana," Yikes, that got a glare he'd never seen before. "Why don't you just calm down a little bit and we'll take care of this. I'll pay for your car." "I don't want *you* paying for my car." She knew there was nothing wrong with the car. She knew she was just over reacting, but she couldn't stop then and look like an idiot. "And don't treat me like some hysterical female." "I'm not treating you like some hysterical female. But for the record, you should stop acting like one." *Whoops.* Mulder was well aware that he had just said the absolute wrong thing. So, Scilly did the most predictable hysterical female thing she could think of. She slapped him. Right across the face. "That was me acting like a hysterical female, you chauvanistic asshole." "Are you done now?" Mulder was not happy. He resisted the urge to slap her back because he was certain that the cop, who was right now working his way over to them again, *was* a chauvanist. A chauvanist who would likely put him in jail for hitting the *lady.* "Alright, what's going on over here folks?" *Jeez, he really didn't feel like writing this one up.* "Everything's just fine, officer. And, yes, I'm quite finished. I'll see you at work tomorrow." With that, Scully calmly walked back to her car and drove away, leaving everyone open-mouthed staring after her. Mulder looked at the huge dent in his car and mentally cursed himself. *I'm never buying a Saturn again.* Margaret walked over to him but she luckily didn't make a fuss. Sh just looked at him, apologizing for her daughter's behavior with her eyes. "I'm fine, Maraget. I think I deserved that." Then he too got in his car and left, leaving Patrick and Margaret to talk to the cop. That night, the nightmares returned to Scully. At first, everything was blurry. She could just make out the shape of a man. He was hitting her. She tried to defend herself, but her hands were handcuffed to her sides. For some reason, she was sure that the handcuffs belonged to Mulder. Her thoughts raced. She hurt. She hurt all over. His fists were pummeling her. He didn't make any noise. It was silent, except for her screams of pain as he pushed and threw her. At some point everything became clear as he lifted her up against the wall before throwing her to the ground. It was- no it wasn't- it couldn't be. She strained to get up so she could see his face again. She didn't want to see him, but she wanted to know for sure. And it was. It was exactly who she had thought sh'ed seen. It was Mulder. And he kept hitting her and she kept crying and then, once he saw that she recognized him, he began to laugh. It was a sick, deranged sound. It was not Mulder's voice. This man, this thing could not be Mulder. He wouldn't hurt her like that. But even as she thought it, she could see him. He was hurting her. He was laughing. The dream got fuzzy. Then it wasn't him. It was the clone. Then suddenly, it was both of them. One would hold her down while the other hit her. She screamed and then thankfully woke up. She heard something, but she couldn't figure out what it was. "Scully!" It was Mulder. Pounding down the door. He'd come over to talk to her. then, when he got there, he decided against it. Then he heard her scream. *What the hell was his problem now? Didn't he know that he was the last person she wanted to see right now?* She couldn't remember her dream, just that it had really scared her. And she could remember the whole rest of the night... "What do you want?" She was dressed in her pajamas and robe. She looked rumpled and frightened. "Are you o.k.? I heard you scream." He knew it had only been a nightmare, but he was still concerned. He was the one who was supposed to have nightmares. She was the one who was supposed to be concerned. "I'm sure that you didn't hear me screaming from your apartment. Why are you here?" How she managed to look business-like, dressed like that was beyond him. "I-"Her look silenced him. She was not about to talk about it. "Fine. I wanted to talk to you about what happened tonight." "I'd like to know why you were in here earlier, and why you erased my messages." *Whoops.* Yet again, he'd completely forgotten something rather damning. "I just wanted to know where you'd been. So, I checked to see if anyone had called who might know where you were." Not exactly a lie. "You mean someone who hadn't hung up a hundred times?" She wasn't really that mad. How could she stay mad at him, with that puupy dog look of his? "It wasn't a hundred times." He smiled. She wasn't mad. She couldn't be, not if she was teasing him. "Then it was you. I thought for a while that you may have given Frohike my number again." She walked away from the door, signaling for him to come in. "Want something to drink? I think I have some root beer in here..." She walked out to the kitchen, leaving a smiling Mulder in the living room. He was sitting on the couch when she returned. "Here. Now, what did you want to talk about." He had not anticipated her cheerfulness. She was almost smiling. "Well, you were about to press charges against me about three hours ago, and you slapped me, and you..." "I got the picture. I'm sorry. I just didn't ecxpect to see you at my mother's. I over reacted. But sometimes, I feel like..." She didn't know what to say. She didn't even know how she felt herself. "You feel like what?" He was genuinely concerned. He didn't even try to hide it. Something was bothering her and whatever it was, it was ruining their friendship. "It bothers me when you check up on me. You act like my father half the time. I'm not a kid. I don't want to be treated like one. Don't you think I can take care of myself?" This was reminding her of a conversation she'd had with her parents before she went away to college. It had become a full blown fight by the end, and of course, they'd won. "I know you can take care of yourself. I'm not trying to act like your father." Mulder looked at his feet. "I just get worried about you sometimes." "You're starting to smother me." She wanted to be honest, to fix whatever was going wrong. She didn't feel threatened by him in the least, but something was beginning to make her very uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. Really. I don't want to smother you. I'll back off." He tried to sound honest. He wouldn't back off, he was way too over protective for that, but he wouldn't tell her that. "Really? You'll back off?" *Please let him be telling the truth.* "Really. I promise." He cursed himself for making promises that he knew he'd break, but he couldn't let her down now. She looked much more relaxed than she had just a few minutes earlier. "You're a really good liar. I almost believe you." She smiled at his belwildered look. She'd gotten him. "So, how's your car?" He smiled ruefully. "Not as good as yours." "Well, that's cause you bought a Saturn. I had a friend who totalled a Saturn by hitting a stop sign." Things were going fine. The vague uneasiness had passed. She felt so comfortable. The way she usually did when she was with him. "You should come shopping with me the next time I buy a new car. That's probably going to be next week, judging from the sounds I heard driving home." He looked at his watch. It was late. He didn't want to leave since things were going right for the first time in a while. Everything was forgotten from earlier. He wasn't as worried about her. She seemed o.k. "It's late, Mulder. Why don't you just sleep on the couch? I'll wake you up early so you can go home and change. Besides, your car might not make it back." He was not about to argue with that logic. "Hey, you know I always figured I'd be the one to make the first move." He ducked just in time to avoid the pillow flying at him. "You turn on the television and I'll hurt you." She smiled as she got him a blanket. She felt so safe when he was around. After she'd gone to bed, the dream returned. This time she didn't scream. And she no longer felt so safe with him there. She cautiously felt her way through the house until she found her gun, lying on the table near the door. She picked it up and stated carrying it back to her room. The floorboard creaked uynderneath of her and she froze. She waited for a clue as to whether he'd woken up or not. When she didn't he anythig, she crept back to her room, where she sat on the floor across from the door. She took the safety off the gun and pointed it at the door. When she fell asleep, the gun was still clasped tightly in her hand, but not quite pointed at the door. Mulder didn't turn on the TV, since he'd promised not to. But he still couldn't sleep. He rarely could sleep more than a few hours anyway. He heard her whimpering. He heard her wake up. Then he heard her tip-toeing through the house. He thought that maybe she was checking to see if he was still there. He could just barely see her in the dark. His heart stopped when he saw he pick up the gun. *What the hell is she doing?* He watched her creep back the hall. He saw he freeze as the floor creaked. *She's scared of me.* It felt like someone had stabbed him. She was scared of him. He knew she was sitting in her room, most likely crying, holding a gun. She'd shoot him if he went near her. He didn't know what she was afraid of, but it hurt. It hurt a lot. ************************************************************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Never Forget 7/? Date: 14 Jun 1995 02:10:54 -0400 hee's yet another attempt to squelch your desires... disclaimer, disclaimer, disclaimer. i'mreally tired now and i've added to BOTH of my stories tonight. next time i do this, will someone PLEASE remind me to only take on one back breaking story at a time? please? pretty please? let me know how awful this is (and i have a feeling it is very awful...) later, jessica (jzyvarek@udel.edu) Part 7 He spent the rest of the night afraid to move on the couch. At 6:30, he heard her alarm clock go off in her room. But he didn't hear her shut it off. She just let it keep ringing. After fifteen minutes, he gave in and went to see what was wrong. He knew that she still had her gun, so he tried to be cautious. He told himself that it was ridiculous to try to sneak into her room. If she was awake, she'd probably shoot him. He had to try, though. He had to know if she was alright. He walked slowly down the hallway, remembering the board that had squeaked the night before. He wouldn't be able to dodge a bullet coming through a door... The door was open a little bit. He turned his head to at least get his bearings. He could see that she wasn't on the bed. Which meant she was probably right across from the door. He pushed the door in a little more. He could now see her left hand, the one she wasn't holding the gun with. He still couldn't see the gun, but he figured if the alarm clock hadn't woken her up, his entering the room wouldn't either. So, he slipped in and shut off the clock. He looked at Scully. She was sitting with her knees pulled into her chest, her right arm thrown across them as a makeshift pillow for her head. The gun, ready to fire, was dangling dangerously from two fingers. He felt so horrible for her. He could see just how much pain she must have been in. She was always so put together. Whatever was wrong, it had pushed her past her limits. And even so, she was still trying to hold on. Trying to make it seem like she could handle everything. *Probably because she doesn't want to bother me with it.* He leaned down in front of her. Her breathing was even so he figured she was still asleep. He slipped the gun out of her hand and put the safety back on. Then he was faced with a choice. He could either slip out and leave her there, or her could wake her up. He wasn't sure if that was a good idea. *She might think I'm trying to hurt her.* He was about to leave when he looked at her. There was no way she could have been even remotely comfortable. Against his better judgment, he carefully picked her up. *This will definitely not be good if she wakes up, whether she's afraid of me or not.* He knew she'd flip out if she woke up and he was carrying her. Good thing it was only a few feet to the bed. He laid her down and then covered her with a blanket. Then he pushed her hair out of her face. He just wanted her to talk to him. She was scared, he knew, but she wouldn't talk to him. She was scared of *him.* That would probably explain why she wasn't talking... He knelt down on the floor next to her bed. He ran his hand over her cheek. *God, please let her be o.k. Let her be happy.* Then he whispered, more to himself than to her, "Talk to me, Dana. Please. I'd do anything if you'd just open up to me. Just not be afraid anymore." He was afraid that he'd woken her up. He hadn't meant for her to hear him. He wasn't ready to tell her that to her face yet. He got up and walked away. Away from her, the apartment, everything. He wasn't just afraid of telling her, he was afraid of telling himself. She heard the alarm ringing, but she was simply too tired to move. She even managed to fall back asleep with it ringing. But when she heard the door creak, she woke back up. She didn't just snap awake. She was really groggy at first. She kept her eyes closed and let whoever had opened the door assess the situation. When he started to move, she knew it was Mulder. She could always tell when he was around. She recognized the way he moved. She heard the alarm go off. Then he was next to her. *Oh, please, don't let him know I'm awake.* She knew he was trying to figure out whether to wake her or not. *Well, just hope he decides to let you sleep cause it'll be hard to explain why you're already awake...* She felt him take something out of her hand. How had she forgotten the gun? *Oh,God, he thinks I'm completely nuts now.* She wanted to cry or scream, but she couldn't she was supposed to be asleep. She heard him start to leave. *Yeah, he's seen quite enough already.* But then he stopped. He came back. He was crouched on the floor beside her. *What is he_* She felt his hand slip under her legs and his other arm go around her back. Then, he carried her over to the bed. *If he notices I'm awake, this is going to be really, really hard to explain.* Then, he was touching her face. It was all she could do not to look at him. *What the hell is he doing?* She heard his voice. It sounded like he was about to cry. After she listened to him, she wanted to cry. She knew how worried he was. She knew he wanted to help her. But she couldn't tell him. She just couldn't. There was no way to explain to this man that she was afraid of him. There really was no reason to be afraid of him. He'd never hurt her. He cared about her. She listened to him leave her room, then her house, and finally she heard a car *his car never sounded that bad before-oh-the accident* start up and take off. Only then did she allow the tears to run down her face. It took her about two hours to pull herself together enough to get ready to go to work. She was dreading walking in and seeing him. How could she face him? How would he act toward her, thinking that she was extremely unstable and armed? It seemed to her to only take a few seconds to reach the office. Maybe it was just that she didn't want to go in. But she had to face him. She wanted things to go back to normal. Why could she trust him at this moment, yet be terrified out of her mind two minutes later? She couldn't remember the dreams but she was sure that they most likely had something to do with it. She got to the door, took a deep breath, and walked in. She wasn't about to get caught standing outside again... He was sitting there, at his desk reading something. She paused for a second. She waited for him to act uncomfortable. He acted so *normal.* She was completely baffled as to how he could shut off his emotions like that. When he didn't look up, she assumed that he was mad, so she walked over to her desk and dropped her briefcase on the floor. *I should have just taken today off. I was supposed to.* She tried to move her chair, but it seemed to be stuck on something. She looked underneath it and was greeted by the biggest pile of rubber bands she had ever seen. *He must have been soooooooo bored...* She almost laughed. He looked up as nonchalantly as possible. He had to keep himself under control. If she ever heard anything like what he said this morning, he'd be finished. He was sure she'd just never speak to him again. "Morning, Scully." She looked up, a little dazed. *Did he just forget what he said?* She couldn't accept how cold he was being. She met his eyes. *He doesn't know I heard him! He didn't want me to hear him. He thought I was asleep.* She felt the blood rushing into her cheeks. Her face had to be the color of her suit by now. It felt like she was on fire. She felt like she'd just been caught reading his diary. *Worse. It's like I wasn't caught reading his diary. He doesn't know I know.* Suddenly, it was like she was learning to talk all over again. "Gg-ggg-Morning, Mulder." She was stuttering. She'd never stuttered before in her life. He raised his eyebrow, a lot like she usually did to him. Why was she blushing. *I'd give a million dollars just to know what's running through her mind right now.* He'd never seen her look that embarrassed before. He'd never heard her stutter, either. It was amusing, so he started to laugh. He was sitting there laughing at the whole situation when one of the rubber band balls hit him in the head. "Oww! What did you do that for?" He rubbed his head and pretended that he'd really been injured. Instead of answering, she dropped a huge pile of rubber bands on his desk. Then she put her hands on her hips and raised her eyebrow at him. *Damn.* He'd completely forgotten about the rubber bands. He seriously doubted that she ever would... As uncomfortable as the whole thing was, she couldn't help but laugh. *He probably didn't want me to know how bored he was without me.* He dropped his head onto the desk. She could have sworn that his cheeks were turning red. "Mulder, you weren't the slightest bit *bored* while I was gone or anything, were you?" She could barely talk through the laughter. He finally started to laugh himself. Even he had to admit that it was pretty funny that the best way to pass the time without her was to shoot rubber bands at her desk. "Who me? I didn't put them there." They were both to busy laughing to notice the man standing at the door. Skinner was not happy. First, his secretary had called out sick so he had to answer every single phone call, which meant he couldn't pretend to be out at lunch all afternoon. Then, he'd run out of rubber bands, and there was no secretary to get him more. So he had to go to the supply room to get them himself. Turns out they were out of them too. The guy there said that some freak had come in on Monday and cleaned them all out. Now, he was standing here at the door of Mulder's office, watching him and Scully collapse into hysterical laughter over the what had to be the world's largest pile of rubber bands in the world. He realized then that Mulder had been the 'freak' who had asked for all the rubber bands. He would have been pissed enough, but the fact that he hadn't even done anything with them... He cleared his throat. The laughter stopped. It was amazing, seconds earlier they had wondered if they'd ever be able to stop laughing. "I went to supply to get more rubber bands and they told me they were all out. I should have known the two of you were behind this." Mulder looked at his hands, clasped in his lap. He didn't trust himself to answer because he knew he'd start laughing. Scully, who had just slightly better control of herself, scooped up a portion of the pile and walked over to Skinner. She looked him in the eye and told him, with a completely straight face, "We're all done with these now. You can have them if you like, Sir." At that, Mulder had to bite his lip to not laugh out loud. Skinner was looking at him. His sides were shaking. The whole thing was just too funny... Skinner cracked a smile. He wasn't even going to ask what they'd needed them for. He took the pile out of Scully's hands. "Have a good day, Agent Scully." Then he walked away. He had to get out of there before he started laughing himself. He was halfway down the hall before he heard both of them start laughing again. By lunch, Scully had actually forgotten what Mulder had said. Things were going so well. He was acting normal. He was talking about some new case. "Mulder, it's three in the afternoon on a Friday. There is no good reason why we have to start a case right now." "I've already been sitting on it for a week Scully." He wanted to start something, he really was getting dangerously bored. Scully walked to the door and picked up her jacket. "Then it should be nice and warm, Mulder. It'll probably get lonely over the weekend." He joined her at the door. "I'll probably get lonely too. Wanna grab dinner later?" She smiled at him. "Only if you're buying." Things were fine. As long as he never ever ever found out she'd heard him. "Aw, Scully, you're going to break me..." He was glad she was feeling well enough to joke around. He knew there was still something wrong. But he was just so thankful that she hadn't heard him this morning... *************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: Never Forget Part Eight!!! Date: 17 Jun 1995 03:28:25 -0400 yet another page... sorry it took so long. these characters ain't mine but i ain't givin 'em back neither. PLEASE send me comments. every single comment i get makes me want to write more. so if you want to see and read more, it only follows that you should want to write to me... besides, i reply to every letter i get and even if you hate this story, you'll have made a new friend on the 'net... unless of course you flame me at which point, i sneak into your house and steal either your little sister who cries your name pitifully or something of equal or lesser value... here goes, let me know what you think... later, jessica Never Forget Part Eight Even though everything seemed to be going well, they both knew that it wasn't. At any point, things could slip over that precarious edge into being not normal. To being very bad in fact. Scully was waiting for something to happen. She was waiting for whatever it was to come back. She kept waiting to be afraid. But she wasn't. She was relaxed. She wanted to revel in it. They were just sitting on the couch watching TV and everything was fine. She kept catching his worried glances. She could feel how uncertain he felt. He was just as uneasy as she was about this whole thing. He just wanted to know what was bothering her. And he desperately wanted her to trust him again. Scully, of course, had the upper hand here. What he'd said this morning left little doubt in her mind that the problem was not with Mulder. It was definitely hers. He wasn't doing anything wrong. *So, he's over-protective and ALWAYS in the wrong place at the wrong time.*She started to feel bad. He didn't know she'd heard him. But she couldn't tell him. She was afraid that he'd just get embarrassed and leave and she'd never see him again. Since they were both wrapped up in their own thoughts, both of them jumped when the phone rang. Feeling rather silly, they looked at each other and smiled. Then, they looked at the phone. Scully did not want to answer it. They remembered all too well what had happened before... Finally, Scully reached for it. It was her mother. She questioned having ever felt more relieved in her life. "I'm fine, Mom." She felt like such a kid. Her mother called her almost every night now. Mulder just sat back and listened to Scully's side of the conversation. He smiled when he heard it turn around to him. *This I gotta hear.* "Yes, Mom, he's fine too. Yes, I'm sure. His car's fine." She took a deep breath and unconsciously tried to get the phone as far away from Mulder as possible. She didn't want him to hear what her mother was saying. "MOTHER!"He started to laugh as he watched Scully's cheeks redden. "I'll be sure to tell him you think so.... He's well aware of that... Because you've told him that to his face yourself... Good NIGHT Mom. .. Stop it... Please.... You're embarrassing me... well because he's right here." She laid the phone down on the couch next to her and dropped her head into her hands. Mulder could hear bits and pieces of Margaret's voice screaming out of the phone. Something about happy and sorry for interrupting and he was certain he caught something about of course they'd be together on the weekends. He felt his own cheeks redden as she yelled (somehow she knew that no one was actually listening to her at that point) something about protection and not wanting any grandkids quite yet. Scully's hands were completely covering her face and her shoulders were shaking. Mulder didn't know whether she was laughing or crying. He picked the phone up, barely able to stop laughing himself. "Night Margaret." He hung the phone back up. It was dead silent for a few seconds before they both started laughing. Mulder had never seen Scully quite so embarrassed before. And she knew that's why he was laughing. He was laughing at her. But she couldn't exactly blame him if she was laughing herself. "You know, Mulder, now I have to call her back and tell her nothing's going on." She tried to look exasperated, but she couldn't keep her face straight. *How does he manage to make me feel like I've got lettuce stuck between my teeth?* She noticed him pick up the phone and move it away from her. What was he doing? "She won't believe you anyway. She heard what she wanted to hear. She'll just think you're lying." He was teasing her just like her brothers had when she was little. Even when she was a teenager. Boys would call her and they'd never let her have the phone. She just ignored his remarks and reached for the phone. He grabbed it first and held it away from her. He was enjoying this too much to stop now. She opened her mouth, most likely to say something about how childish this was. Instead she just held out her hand for the phone. It was not forthcoming. "Mulder, come on. If I don't call her in the next five minutes, she's going to be on the phone to everyone she knows telling them the good news." Why was he doing this? He couldn't help it. She looked so cute when she got all flustered and embarrassed. "Is it really that bad, Scully? Don't you want people to think you have a life?" "Mulder!" She hit him. Not hard, but it was more effective than anything she could have said. He grabbed her hand and lightly ran his thumb over her palm. She was about ready to jump out of her skin. So was he, actually. She had to stop this right now. She pulled her hand back. They looked at each other for a minute and then simultaneously, started to look at other things. Scully silently picked up the phone and called her mother. Mulder pretended to not notice. Mulder had assumed that he'd been dismissed. Just like that. She wasn't interested. And now things were going to be horribly uncomfortable for a long time. He listened as she strained to talk to her mother without him hearing. She picked up the cordless and walked out to the kitchen. When she returned, the phone was gone, replaced by two glasses. Mulder went about the business of becoming engrossed in the preview channel. She simply smiled and shook her head. She didn't know whether or not to be flattered by the fact that he was always watching her. She sat back down and on the couch and held out a glass to him. "This is all I've got left. I really don't want root beer, but I know you like iced tea better, so..." She handed it to him and looked back at the TV. He looked at the iced tea and smiled. *Does she remember that night?* He figured she probably didn't and started to drink. Scully smiled to herself. She was sure he had gotten the reference, but it didn't really matter. They couldn't agree on anything to watch, so they settle for a remote control war, who ever had the remote turned something on and when that person's grasp loosened, then the other person stole the remote and changed channels. After about twenty minutes, neither of them knew what was going on at all. Scully decided she had to talk to him. He'd been worried about her and she'd told him to lay off until she was ready. Now, she knew it was time to talk . She still didn't know what was wrong, but Mulder might be able to help her there, he was a psychologist after all. Mulder watched her slip off into her thoughts. He hoped she was ready to talk. He couldn't help her if he didn't know what was wrong. He couldn't win back her trust if he didn't know how he'd lost it. He didn't want to cramp her. He wanted her to talk when she was ready. He stared at the TV, hoping that it would take his mind off of Scully's problem. Suddenly, he felt her hand cover his. He turned of the TV and looked at her. "I know you've been worried about me. I've been worried about me. I still don't know what's wrong. It's just so many things have happened to me since I met you and not all of them have been all that great..." She looked down. His gaze was too intense. "I guess some of it is just starting to get to me." "That's understandable. But something happened recently. Something that really upset you." He squeezed her hand. *Something that's giving you nightmares and making you afraid of me.* "I don't remember when I started having nightmares. It hasn't been that long, really. But I just started remembering them." *This is so hard to tell him. I can't tell him. I just can't.* He saw her rethink the whole idea. He slid closer to her on the couch and held her hand in both of his. She closed her eyes. Everything was fine right then and that's the way she wanted to leave it. But she couldn't. She wanted to get this over with as quickly as she could. The fastest way through this was just to tell him and that's exactly what she did. In one sentence. "The nightmares that I remember are always the same- it's that night when I was in Maryland and you thought your sister was back and you came to the door but it wasn't you and it was that clone but I didn't know that and I let you -him- whatever, I let it in and when I figured out it wasn't you, I tried to get away from him and he started to hit me and I knew it wasn't you but it looked like you and I-I-I" She started crying so hard that she couldn't even keep talking. She pulled her hand away from him and covered her face.She took a deep breath and started again, "I knew it wasn't you, but in my nightmares it is you and I get so scared and I-" She looked at him, her eyes pleading for him to understand what she was saying. Mulder was shocked. He'd had no idea how badly that had upset her. She'd dropped it so quickly that he never asked her about it. But he knew why it would have gotten to her. He knew why she got so scared and why she didn't trust him. She *did* trust him, she just didn't trust that the person in front of her was him. And he didn't know what to do about it. ****************************************************************** =========================================================================== From: jzyvarek@udel.edu (Jzyvarek) Newsgroups: alt.tv.x-files.creative Subject: NEVER FORGET 9/9 the end!!! Date: 23 Jun 1995 00:54:35 -0400 this is it guys. maybe now someone will feel bad and start writing to me... this is the end of this particular story and i'm not starting my next one until i'm DONE with future. or maybe ever if i don't hear from you people who are actually reading this. disclaimer- not mine/borrowed it/ go ahead and sue. if i go bankrupt, i'll get even more financial aid next year... maybe. maybe not. please let me know what you think of this!please????? enjoy it. you might not hear from me for a while... later, jessica (jzyvarek@udel.edu) Never Forget Part Nine (the end!!!) She looked at the floor. She'd opened herself up to him and now it was up to him. She was afraid that he would be mad. Trust was the most important factor with them. He trusted her with almost everything, and until recently, she'd done the same. She didn't know how he'd react. She didn't know how she'd react if he had just said the same words to her. She understood that she had hurt his feelings. And for that she felt awful. But she couldn't go on being afraid of him. It would destroy their relationship if she didn't trust him. She wanted to trust him. She'd never realized how much she'd come to rely on him. She'd never realized how comfortable she had been around him until she suddenly was afraid. *Why is it that I never appreciate anything until it's gone?* She scolded herself for thinking that. Her trust in Mulder was not gone. She would get it back. Now that she had told him what was going on, he would help her get it back. Neither of them were going to let this continue. She hoped. As much as he understood how she felt, it did nothing to mask the hurt he was feeling. He'd worked so hard to find someone he could trust. And someone who would trust him back. Someone who didn't blame him for his sister's disappearance. He'd earned her trust. Through two heart-wrenching years. To lose it now was a terrible blow. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't know what to say to her. He knew she was waiting to hear something. He had no idea where to begin. He didn't know what to think, let alone what to say. He looked at her. She was staring back at him. She was waiting. Waiting for the response that would make everything alright again. She was waiting for him to make a joke. Anything but the awful, uncomfortable silence that had engulfed the room. "I don't believe it. Fox Mulder at a loss for words." He couldn't believe that she was making a joke out of this. It was possibly the *un* funniest thing he'd ever heard. So he just stared at her. He couldn't think of anything else to do. He would have told her how he felt, but he wasn't entirely sure exactly how he was feeling at that point. *Damn him!* She didn't understand why he was just looking at her. He was sitting there, looking at her like she'd grown a second head. "Mulder. Say something." She hoped that he'd start talking. But he didn't. He stopped looking at her and started looking at the ground. She looked at the floor too. Maybe something really interesting was going on down there. Nothing that she could see. "Anything. Please... Mulder, LOOK AT ME." There, at least he wasn't ignoring her. So he looked at her. He could see the hurt on her face. He could feel it on his own face. "I- I don't know what to say. I mean. I don't know what I mean." How could she not trust him? "I want you to trust me, Dana. I need you to trust me." He reached for her hand. "I'm sorry. It's just- do you trust me? I mean, that it's me now? And not..." She opened her mouth to answer him, but words failed her. She squeezed his hand and nodded. She closed her eyes. She would not cry again. Not here in front of him. "Then I'm not going anywhere." He wasn't about to leave her alone, knowing that she might wake up in the middle of the night and be terrified. Especially if she might wake up and be terrified of him. He didn't like it when she was scared. He cared too much her to let her be afraid. He loved her to much to let her be afraid. Since he still had hold of her hand, he used it to pull her closer to him. Then he put his arms around her. He was not going to let her go through this alone. If she trusted him now, then he wouldn't leave her side. He knew it would last forever. Maybe about three hours before they started driving each other crazy, but it would be worth the effort if she'd start to feel comfortable around him. She let him pull her against him. She was comfortable with that. She knew it was him. She relaxed and rested her head on his chest. They stayed like that for quite a while, lost in their own thoughts, before they finally drifted off to sleep. She didn't had any nightmares that night. And when she woke up, with Mulder's arms still wrapped around her, she knew everything was going to work out. She trusted him. They would get through this. They got through everything. When he woke up, he assumed she was still asleep. He figured that otherwise, she would have moved. It was Dana Scully, after all... He smoothed her hair back from her face, never noticing that she was actually awake. He whispered softly, afraid that he might wake her, into her hair. "Never forget that I love you." Then he kissed her cheek. She smiled when she heard his words. She was going to have to tell him to make sure she was asleep the next time he decided to pour his heart out to her. As much as she wanted to tease him, she didn't. His words were too sincere to be mocked. Instead, she closed her eyes and whispered back to him, "I wasn't planning on it, Fox." ****************************************************************** talk. talk now or i'll never post the rest of what the future holds... please?please? please? later, jessica (jzyvarek@udel.edu) ps-did i say please? into this world i stumble, so many times betrayed, trying to find an honest word to find the truth enslaved...(sarah mclachlan-possession) some of it's magic, some of it's tragic, but i've had a good life anyway (jimmy buffet-he went to paris)