From: YRLD43A@prodigy.com ( PATTY   HAYES)
Date: Sun, 13 Sep 1998 16:14:14, -0500
Subject: Never Stopped Loving You 1/3


Thanks to everyone who has responded to my stories, it is appreciated 
and very encouraging.  You can e-mail me at  YRLD43A@PRODIGY.COM  .  
I hope you enjoy this.

Title - Never Stopped Loving You
Author - Patty Hayes
E-Mail address - yrld43a@prodigy.com
Rating - NC17- for light sex 
Category - SR
Spoilers - None
Keywords - Mulder/other, wedding ring story
Summary - Story about Mulder's marriage and why it could never work. 


Thanks to Carol for her tireless encouragement, editing, contibutions 
and help.

Disclaimer:  The characters and situations of the television program 
"The X-Files" are the creations and property of Chris Carter,  Fox 
Broadcasting, and Ten Thirteen Productions, and have been used 
without permission.  No copyright infringements are intended.  This 
work is not to be forwarded or distributed to any newsgroup, FTP, or 
WWW site without the permission of the author.   

Do Not post to atxc.

*********************************
NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU 1/3
By Patty Hayes
yrld43a@prodigy.com
September 13, 1998
*********************************


Present

     "Oh, Amanda, don't make me go.  It'll be more than two dozen 
first graders.  And what are they going to see at the federal 
building that will keep them interested?"  Mari sighed and sat back 
in her chair.
     "Three dozen.  Come on, Mari, it'll be fun.  You know you want 
to."
     Marissa had other reasons to not want to go.  She'd been 
divorced for almost ten years and not once had she seen him since.  
And now she was fixing to walk into the middle of his lair, his 
domain.  And she was scared.

     "Mulder, you have any distant relatives in DC?"  Scully asked as 
she came into his office.
     "Not that I know of, why?"  He didn't look up, but continued 
filling out a report.
     "Well, I was just up at reception and heard someone mention a 
tour coming in around noon.  Thirty two six and seven year olds from 
Walker Elementary.  I heard the name it was registered under and I 
thought they wanted us to guide it, but I was mistaken.  The 
teacher's name is Mulder."  She sat down and crossed her legs.
     Mulder looked up, his mouth hung open, his eyes staring off into 
space.
     "You know him?"
     He didn't look at her at first, his eyes were fixed on a point 
of empty space somewhere in the distance, as he slowly nodded.  Then 
his gazed moved over to her eyes.  "Are we doing anything for lunch?
"
     "We can if you want to get out of here."
     "No, I think I want to stay."  Mulder leaned back in his chair 
and his mind began the journey back.

Ten odd Years Prior

     "Fox!  Fox!  Help me!"   Where was she?  He heard the tiny voice,
 but couldn't see her, couldn't find her.  He was a little boy, 
running but going nowhere in the total blackness of his dream.  When 
he woke, it was with a scream and a jolt.  Sitting straight up, his 
breathing was rapid and shallow, sweat poured from his brow.
     "Fox?  Are you all right?"  Mari sat up quickly and gently 
stroked his back with a light,
soothing touch.
     Fox looked around at her, but couldn't speak.  He nodded and 
swung his legs over the side of the bed, turning his back to her.  He 
released a heavy sigh and ran a hand through his hair.  After a 
moment, he got up and padded in his bare feet to the bathroom.
     Marissa laid back down, her hand resting on her forehead.  
Another nightmare.  He wouldn't talk about them, he wouldn't see 
anyone for them.  And it scared the hell out of her.  The things he 
called out in his sleep, she didn't know how much more she could take.
  These dreams were recent.  The most horrifying things came from his 
work.  From his profiling.  He would sit up nights going over cases, 
trying to figure out where they would strike next.  He took them so 
personally, like he was responsible for every death.  She took notice 
when he returned and adjusted herself to her side, throwing back the 
covers for him to lay down.
     Fox got in and lay on his side facing away from Mari.  He didn't 
want her to see him like this.  He didn't understand what was 
happening.  Why was he hearing Samantha's voice again?  He'd laid it 
to rest a long time ago.  Actually, none of them had actually laid it 
to rest, but they had accepted it.  They came to believe that she was 
dead and they'd never see her again.  Now, it was coming to life 
again.  Fox couldn't help but think that she was alive and calling 
out to him.  He felt Mari's arm drape over his waist to his chest and 
reached for it, placing his hand over hers.  She'd been so good to 
him.  Putting up with so much.  He didn't know what he'd do without 
her support.  He'd have lost his mind a long time ago.
     Marissa dozed off, knowing that a deep sleep wouldn't be 
possible again for the night.  She also knew that Fox wouldn't go 
back to sleep at all.
     Fox waited till she fell asleep again, then eased out from under 
her arm.  He wouldn't be able to sleep any more.  He put on a robe 
and a pair of socks, the hardwood floors were cold this time of year. 
 Then he sat down at his desk in the den and turned on the small desk 
lamp.  He opened his private journal and made notes.  The words he 
remembered from the dream, any scenery associated with it.  It had 
become a ritual following the dreams.  He flipped back through the 
pages and found similar entries.  Mari had suggested a particular 
doctor, one who specialized in dreams - but Fox wasn't ready.  He was 
a psychologist, he should know what he needed and when.
     He put away his journal and pulled out the folder on the latest 
case.  Fox went over every entry, looking for something that was 
missing.  They had to have overlooked something.  This killer stayed 
one step ahead of them.  Just when Fox thought he had him pegged, 
he'd change his MO.  Fox knew that they had four days before another 
body turned up.  He had to find him, he couldn't let another one die.


     Mari found him with his head on his desk.  The current case 
folder was open.  She sighed before waking him.  This job was killing 
him and she'd be damned if she'd let that happen.  He needed a 
vacation.  He needed to get away from this.  "Fox?"  She whispered, 
gently touching his shoulders.
     Fox awoke with a jerk, his arms flailing backwards, causing 
Marissa to lose her balance and tumble to the floor.  "Oh God, I'm 
sorry.  Are you okay?"
     Mari let him help her up.  "I'm okay."  She smiled and laughed a 
little, but rubbed her upper arm where he'd made contact.  "You pack 
quite a punch for so early in the morning."
     Fox wrapped his arms around her.  "I'm sorry, honey."  He 
whispered, holding her close.  "I guess I just got spooked."  He 
flinched at the word.  It was just recently that he'd heard about his 
new 'nickname' in the bureau.  His fellow agents were amazed at how 
Fox could access the minds of serial killers.  Tell them exactly 
where to find them and when.  Some were jealous, others just plain 
scared, so they lashed out by teasing him, calling him 'Spooky'.
     "It's okay."  She breathed in the moment, feeling so good in his 
arms.  It had been a long while since he'd been so close and she 
relished the feeling.  "Were you dreaming again?"
     "No."  He wouldn't elaborate.
     He never did.  It was one of the most frustrating things about 
him.  He wouldn't let her in.  He wouldn't open up to her.  "What 
time did you get up?"
     Fox slowly let her go and went back to his desk.  "I don't know, 
it hasn't been long."  He lied.
     "You want some breakfast?"
     "No."  He looked at the clock on the wall.  "Shit!  I'm late and 
I'm going to miss my run."  It was a ritual with him.  His morning 
run, Fox ran till he couldn't move.  It seemed to purge the demons 
that plagued him.  "I'm going to take a quick shower then I've got to 
go in."  He closed the folder and slipped it into his briefcase.  He 
didn't lock his drawer, he didn't need to.  He trusted Marissa, she'd 
never invaded his privacy.
     "Did you file for time off yet?"
     "No, not yet."  He walked away from her, heading down the hall 
to the bedroom.
     Mari followed.  "You promised, Fox.  You need a break, it's been 
a long time."
     "I know how long it's been, Mari, you don't need to keep 
reminding me."
     "Don't yell at me, Fox.  I'm only trying to look out for you.  
You're killing yourself with this job."
     "Mari, we've had this conversation before.  This is my job!  
It's what I do."
     "You're a psychologist, Fox.  You could have a private practice, 
you don't need this shit!"  She was yelling by now, her arms folded 
across her chest.
     Fox didn't answer, instead, he went into the bathroom, slamming 
the door in her face.
     Mari heard the shower turn on a minute later and sighed.  
Walking away, she shook her head.  She was shaking with anger and 
fear and nerves.  He was killing himself and taking her with him.  
That's what she believed now.
     Fox stood under the pounding water.  He hated himself.  All he 
ever did was hurt her.  And now he'd physically hurt her.  But that 
wasn't it.  He felt he was losing her.  She'd always stood beside him,
 she was always there for him.  And now he could feel her slipping 
away and there was nothing he could do about it.  No matter what he 
felt, it seemed he was shutting her out.
     The tragedy was that he could do something if he put his mind to 
it.  If he left the FBI, like she wanted him to.  If he'd open a 
private practice.  But he could never be satisfied with that.  She 
never understood the need he felt for his work.  Truth was, he didn't 
understand it himself.  But whatever it was, it was driving him 
forward.  Forward to an uncertain knowledge, an understanding, a 
truth.
     Fox dressed and gathered his briefcase, grabbed his keys off the 
dresser and put on his overcoat.  "Mari?"  She came to the doorway of 
the kitchen and the hall, her arms still crossed in front of her.  
Her short dark curly hair bounced wildly when she moved..  She wore a 
soft blue floral robe, satin, that hung to the floor.  He never tired 
of looking at her.  She was a small woman with curves in all the 
right places, some more prominent than others.  Marissa had a tiny 
waist, slim hips but a larger bust than she'd have liked.  It wasn't 
enormous, she was no Dolly Parton, but she was always self conscious 
about them.  When men looked at her, they had trouble finding her 
eyes.  But Fox had no complaints.  
     "What time will you be home?"  Her voice was soft and weak.  Not 
angry.  She could never stay angry with him.
     He walked over to her and touched her cheek with his fingertips, 
looking down into her eyes.  She had the softest brown eyes he'd ever 
seen.  It was one of the first things he'd noticed about her.  "I 
don't know.  I'll call you this afternoon, okay?"  He lightly brushed 
her dark hair away from her face, then cupped her face as she nodded, 
leaning into his hand.  "I love you, Marissa."  He whispered, kissing 
her softly.
     It was almost the only time he used her proper name.  Either 
making love to her or arguing with her.  Any other time it was the 
shorter version, Mari.  And it took forever, it seemed, for him to 
get used to her calling him Fox.  He hated it, but she refused to 
call him Mulder.  So he allowed her the one indulgence.  She watched 
him walk out, his coat flapping around his legs as the draft from the 
open door caught it.  He didn't look back.

     She'd met him at the library.  Marissa taught elementary school 
and was gathering research for a couple of classes.  She tried hard 
to make the classes entertaining, to keep kids interested.  It was so 
hard with kids today.  He'd been doing research for the profile on 
the Monty Propps case.  Fox had swept her off her feet.  He was with 
the FBI, which was impressive in itself.  But he was also highly 
intelligent, witty, fun.  She was in love before she realized she'd 
fallen.  The clincher was when he came to her classroom to propose.  
Getting down on one knee in front of two dozen giggling second 
graders.  It was the most endearing thing she'd ever seen.  How could 
she say no?
     The first year was like any newlywed's first year.  They were so 
enamored with each other that not much could break the spell.  But by 
the end of the second year, Fox was changing.  Marissa figured maybe 
she was changing too.  Everyone changed as they got older.  But his 
work was increasingly stressful.  He wouldn't come home for days on 
end.  There was no question as to where he was, she trusted him.  
There were no other women, it was his work that was the meddling 
mistress.  And it came between them a lot.
     The dreams started a couple of years into the marriage.  Marissa 
thought they may have started sooner and he'd just kept them well 
hidden.  But for months, she was awakened to his nightly sweats, 
mumbling, the terrors that haunted him.  Then he'd awaken and would 
be off on a man hunt, knowing exactly where to find his killer.  
Sometimes he was too late and it was during those times that Marissa 
learned how dark and mysterious Fox could be.
     For the most of it, she stayed by him, never said anything, but 
was always there.  She never asked for explanations, she never 
invaded his privacy.  Marissa always thought that when he was ready, 
he'd come to her.  Only he never did.  They did discuss some of the 
nightmares lately but only because she couldn't stand it anymore.  
She remembered the first time.  It was their first real argument.

     "What was it about?"  Mari sat up in bed, placing a hand on his 
back as he turned away from her.
     He shook his head.  "Just a dream."
     "Fox, you were screaming and thrashing about, I'd say it was 
more than just a dream."
     "It was nothing, Mari.  Leave it alone."
     She'd had all she could stand.  "It wasn't nothing, Fox.  And 
this isn't the first time.  Damn it!  Talk to me."
     "What the hell do you want me to say?"  He turned on her, 
standing over her, yelling.  "There's nothing to tell, it's just a 
fucking dream!"  The frustrations over the nightmare had been just as 
pointed to him.  
     Tears came to her eyes as he started to shake.  Then he broke 
down and dropped to his knees, resting his head on the edge of the 
bed.  She rushed over to him, covering him with her arms, crying as 
he cried.  They'd remained on the floor for what seemed like hours.  
When he finally calmed, they held each other till he was ready to 
talk.
     "I've been dreaming about Samantha.  We never knew what happened 
to her.  But I was there.  It was my fault, I couldn't protect her.  
Someone came in and took her."
     "How does it happen in your dream, Fox?  Do you see what 
happened to her?"
     He shook his head slowly.  "No.  No, I hear her calling for help.
  Constantly calling to me.  I can't stand it anymore."
     "Maybe you're remembering, Fox.  I have a friend that's talked 
about regression hypnosis."
     Fox moved away from her and stood, dropping his hand to help her 
up.  "We've talked about this, Mari, I don't know if I'm ready for 
that."
     "Fox, maybe it's the profiling.  You see so many horrible crimes,
 maybe somewhere in your subconscious you're relating these crimes to 
Samantha."  Mari sat next to him on the side of the bed, covering his 
hand with hers.
     "I know.  I'm a psychologist, I know all the theories, all the 
possibilities, Mari."  He was getting aggravated.
     That was when Mari would back off.  She'd squeeze his hand but 
nothing more would be said.  Maybe he thought she was trying to get 
him to leave his work again, she didn't know.  All she knew was that 
he didn't want her suggestions.

     Now the same nightmare was back.  Marissa thought about it as 
she dressed.  She thought of little else these days.  When he was 
home, he was always working on cases, and when he did sleep, it was 
filled with terror.  It had changed him terribly.  They never talked 
anymore, it was as if he withdrew from her.

     Marissa came home and set her papers on the desk.  She had to 
grade them later for tomorrow's class.  For now, she had to fix 
dinner.  With luck Fox would be home in a couple of hours.  She'd put 
a roast in the crock pot that morning and the aroma wafted through 
the house.  She could've put the vegetables in with it, but she 
preferred them fresh as Fox did.  So she set about peeling the 
potatoes and washing and chopping the carrots.  After they were in 
the pan, she went in to change clothes.  As she passed the telephone, 
she noticed the message light blinking on the machine and pressed the 
button.
     "Mari, it's me.  I don't think I'll be home till late, if at all.
  We've got a good lead and I need to follow it up.  I'll try to call,
 but don't wait for me.  I'm sorry, Marissa.  I'll make it up to you, 
I promise.  I love you.  I'll ... I'll talk to you later."
     Mari sighed and slapped at the button.  His work would always 
come first.  It angered her at first.  In the past, she'd get over it,
 but now, she'd had enough.

     He came home two days later, with his hat in his hand, so to 
speak.  Marissa was in bed and she felt him slip in next to her.  She 
reached out and touched his shoulder.
     It startled him and he turned toward her.  "Hi, I didn't mean to 
wake you.  It's late."
     "Where have you been?"
     "I told you, honey, following a clue.  We almost had him tonight.
"
     "Are you all right?"
     "Yeah, I'm okay."  He lay on his back, his arm resting on his 
forehead.
     Marissa turned away, laying on her side.  For two days, she'd 
been in a panic, worrying about him.  Wondering if he was alive or 
dead.  It had been this way for a year and this was the final straw.  
Silent tears ran down her face.  Tears from relief that he was safe 
and home, tears from anger, tears from unsettled nerves.
     Fox looked over at his wife, her body turned away, and he saw 
her trembling.  When he placed his hand on her back, he felt the sobs 
and it was his turn to comfort her.  He cuddled up behind her, 
holding her around her waist.  "I'm sorry, Marissa.  I know you were 
worried."
     She fought to get out of his grip as she got out of bed.  "Let 
go of me!"  Suddenly her voice was angry.  "I can't take this anymore.
"  Tears ran, her body shook and she shouted.  "You don't care how 
this affects me, Fox."  She started, hesitating to catch her breath.
     "Mari ... "
     "I sit here night after night not knowing where you are, if 
you're alive or dead."  She wiped at her face, gesturing with her 
hands.  "You can't keep doing this.  I've seen what it does to you, 
Fox and I won't watch it anymore.  It's tearing me up inside.  I love 
you so much and ... "  Mari put her hand to her mouth to quiet a sob. 
 "you treat me this way."  Her voice became a higher pitch as she 
cried a heart wrenching sob.
     Fox scrambled to get up, to hold her.  "Mari, I'm sorry, we can 
talk about this."
     "Don't touch me!"  She slapped at his arms and moved away.  
"It's been a month since we've made love.  You don't come near me 
anymore.  I need you, Fox and you're not there."
     "You know what my work entails, Mari, you knew that when you 
married me."
     "You never told me you'd be gone for days on end!"
     "I've been gone before and it never bothered you then!"
     "Well, it bothers me now!"  Her anger was taking over.  "It's 
all the time now, Fox."
     "What do you want me to do, Mari?  These people depend on me.  
Kids are being killed, they depend on me to save them.  What will 
happen if I'm not there to do that?"
     "It's not your responsibility, Fox.  You are not the only agent 
in the bureau.  It's not your fault!"
     "I don't want to argue with you, Mari.  I'm tired, I haven't 
slept in two days.  Please, come to bed."
     She folded her arms, shutting down, and ran a hand through her 
hair.  As usual, he didn't want to talk about it.  Maybe he thought 
it would just go away.  "I don't want to argue either.  But promise 
me that you'll make time to talk to me.  I'm serious, Fox.  We need 
to talk."  Mari wiped away her tears and glanced at him.
     "I promise.  We'll talk soon."  He climbed back into bed and 
held back the covers for her.
     Mari sat and swung her legs under the sheets, laying back 
against the pillows.  Fox tossed the soft cotton sheet over her and 
sort of tucked her in.  She sighed heavily and brought the sheet 
around her shoulders.  Fox leaned over her, trying to catch her eye.  
Then his look tried to say what he was feeling.  They were so sad, 
screaming to be understood and forgiven.  Why couldn't she just do 
that?  He leaned down and kissed her, then buried his face in her 
neck.  
     "I love you, Mari."  He whispered, then snuggled up against her.

     She felt she was drowning.  "I love you, too."  She whispered 
and Mari meant it, but she wasn't so sure she could stay.  It wasn't 
what married life was supposed to be.

End of Part 1 of 3


*********************************
NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU 2/3
By Patty Hayes
yrld43a@prodigy.com
September 13, 1998
*********************************

     Marissa came home earlier than normal.  She was in no condition 
to teach that afternoon.  It never failed to shock any of them when 
they lost a student.  This was a child she'd worked with a lot.  Even 
though her normal class consisted of eight year olds, she also acted 
on occassion as a student counselor.  Her education was in psychology 
as well as teaching.  This student was an older child.  A boy, eleven 
years old, going into 6th grade.  He'd been held back once and his 
grades weren't the best.  She'd tutored him, counseled him, 
celebrated with him as progress was being made.  No one was prepared 
when he took his own life.  She'd heard of it happening in other 
places, other schools.  But not here.  Not her student.  What could 
she have done to stop it?  Why didn't she see the signs?  Where was 
all her training?
     Stunned and depressed, Mari laid in bed, curled up with the 
pillow.  It was midnight before she undressed and slipped under the 
covers.  Where was Fox?  It's not that she asked herself that because 
she needed him.  She didn't need anyone.  But she did need him.  She 
needed someone to tell her it wasn't her fault.  That sometimes, you 
just can't get through.  But he wasn't here.
     Two days later, Mari came into the kitchen in a modest black 
suit.  It was close to noon and the funeral was that afternoon.
     "Where are you going?"  Fox sipped his coffee and turned the 
page of his newspaper.
     "I have a funeral, remember?  I told you the night before last, 
when you came home late."  It had been well after midnight when he 
came in.  She told him the boy had died and tried to talk to him, but 
he fell asleep while she talked.
     Fox nodded and put the paper down.  "Do you have to go?  I 
thought we could do something today.  Maybe take a drive to the coast.
"
     "Do I have to go?"  Suddenly Mari was angry.  All her pain and 
anger over the child's death was about to be released.
     Fox looked up, feeling that he'd said the wrong thing.
     Tears filled her eyes as she stared at him.  "I tried to talk to 
you the other night, Fox.  To tell you about this, but you were too 
tired to stay awake.  You know, I'm here when ever you need something,
 but the minute I may need you, where are you?  You don't even know 
what this means to me."
     He went over to her and knelt in front of her, looking up into 
her eyes.  "What happened?"
     A tear fell down her cheek and she brought up a hand to wipe it 
away.  It took a while before she spoke.  "He was just a boy, Fox.  
He had his whole life ahead of him.  Why didn't I see it coming?"
     "Mari, you can't read their minds."
     "You don't understand!"  Mari pushed by him and stood up, 
walking across the room.  Her heels clicked on the tile floor.  "He 
came to me, he was asking for help and I didn't see it.  I didn't 
understand."  She tore off a paper towel and blew her nose then 
dabbed her eyes.  "I'm a joke.  I shouldn't be there.  I have no 
business counseling kids."
     The phone rang before anyone could go further.  Fox stood still 
for a minute, then stepped into the hall and answered the phone.  
Marissa only heard his side of the conversation.  "Yeah.  No, that's 
not the file I asked for.  Well, I had other plans, but they've been 
changed so I guess I can.  Right.  I'll be there shortly."
     Marissa closed her eyes as the tears came forward again.  Deep 
down she hoped that Fox would go with her.  She needed the support, 
she needed the shoulder.  But his job came first.  And she hated him 
for it.  She passed him as he came back to the doorway.  Right now, 
she just wanted to get away from him.
     "Mari?"  He called after her.
     Mari grabbed her purse from the dresser and tossed in a few 
kleenex.  Then she picked up her keys and headed out.  "I don't want 
to be late for the funeral."  She actually had more than an hour.  
     Fox grabbed her arm before she made it to the door.  "Do you 
want me to go with you?"
     Yes.  Do you really need to ask?  Yes, hell yes!  "Didn't I just 
hear you say you'd be somewhere shortly?"
     He let go her arm and shrugged.  "It's just a case we're working 
on."
     "Well, that's more important."  She walked to the door and 
opened it.  "Isn't it."  Mari looked at him briefly, then left.
     Fox watched the door close and closed his eyes with it.  Damnit, 
Mari!  She always did this to him.  Why didn't she tell him about it 
last night?  Oh yeah, he didn't get home till after she was already 
in bed.  Shit!  There was no way he could win.  Fox dressed and 
headed for the office.

     "Marissa, may I see you out here a minute?"  Amanda worked in 
the office in the school.  She and Marissa were good friends, they'd 
gone to school together and she was maid of honor at Marissa's 
wedding.  So when she poked her head in Marissa's classroom, she knew 
something was up.
     "What's wrong?"  Marissa asked as she closed the door.
     "Someone just called for you.  Fox is at Georgetown.  They said 
he was all right, but they have to call a family member.  I'll take 
over your class."
     Marissa felt her face go beet red, then wash completely pale.  
She nodded and thanked her, then got her purse and left.  All the way 
to the hospital she prayed he was all right.  If he wasn't she swore 
she'd kill him herself.  A short time later, she burst through the 
doors of the hospital, searching for the admission desk.
     "Mrs. Mulder?"
     She turned, she'd been pacing the floor of the waiting room, 
thinking the worst of everything.  "Yes?"  Mari almost ran to him.  
"What's happened?"
     "He's doing nicely, the bullet went straight through without 
hitting any major arteries."
     Bullet?!  Major arteries?!  Marissa picked up the main words, 
hearing only the ones that mattered.  "Can I see him?"
     "He's resting now, but you can sit with him.  I want to keep him 
here tonight and if his blood pressure's good tomorrow, he can go 
home then.  He was pretty lucky."  The doctor held her elbow, guiding 
her to his room.
     Marissa entered, not knowing what to expect.  He didn't look all 
that bad.  He was pale, his shoulder wrapped up.  But he looked whole.
  She'd expected a broken man, but he was okay.  She released a 
breath and nodded as she told herself he was all right.  It had been 
a few weeks since their argument and now it seemed all so 
inconsequential.  On the surface.  But underneath, this is what was 
most horrifying to her.  To wait for the day that someone would tell 
her he was dead.  She pulled a chair to the side of the bed and sat 
down.  Her hand moved to the bandage and she fingered the white 
strips, barely touching them.  Then she placed her hands on his 
forearm and rested her head on them.  Tears finally fell.

     Fox opened his eyes and saw Marissa asleep in the chair.  It was 
dark in the room, but a small bit of light shone from the crack in 
the doorway.  Without moving he tried to look around, but couldn't 
see much.  Then he tried to move and his shoulder screamed at him for 
it.  A moan escaped him in an involuntary reaction.  
     Marissa awoke immediately.  "Fox?  Don't move, it's okay.  
You're okay."
     "I know, it's just a little scratch.  It's okay."
     "Do you want something for the pain?  Do you hurt?"
     "No, I'm okay."   He studied her.  Knowing what kind of state 
she may be in.  "I'm really okay, Mari."
     She nodded, swallowing hard.  "I know.  I know."  There was so 
much more she wanted to say, but this wasn't the place or the time.  
But she couldn't stay there and not say something.  "I think I'll go 
and let you get some rest.  Do you want something from home?"  She 
stood next to him.
     He reached for her hand, squeezing it as he searched her eyes.  
"I'm okay, Marissa, it's just scratch, really."
     She nodded and looked down, hesitating.  Then she looked up and 
tried to smile.  "I can't do this here."  Her voice was a whisper and 
shaky at best. 
     "Please, let's talk.  I'm awake, I'm lucid."  A wry grin formed, 
but he still got no response from her, so he turned serious.  "I need 
you, Marissa.  Please."
     She sighed heavily and pulled away, turning away from him.  "Fox 
... I love you too much to watch you die."
     "I'm not dying, Mari.  This was bound to happen sooner or later, 
it's part of the job."
     "Fox, there are hundreds of agents that don't get shot.  It's 
not part of the job."
     "I can't promise you that it'll never happen, Mari.  But you 
promised to love me anyway.  I know what you're feeling ... "
     "No, you don't, Fox.  You don't know what I'm feeling.  You'll 
never know because I don't work in a place that could kill me at any 
moment."
     "No, you don't.  But I can feel you slipping away, Mari.  I've 
felt it for months now.  And it's just as bad because I'm still 
losing you and I can't stop it."  His voice was hard and desperate.
     She turned to look into his eyes.  Mari didn't know that he'd 
even realized it.
     "I just didn't know what to do about it."  He said, softly.
     "Try fighting.  Am I worth fighting for?"
     "God, yes."
     Marissa looked down at their hands, his fingers tightly around 
hers. "They'll probably let you go home tomorrow."
     "I hope so."
     "Did you at least get him?"
     "Yes."
     "Good."  She nodded and sat back down in the chair.  "Close your 
eyes, get some rest, Fox.  I'll be here when you wake up."
     He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, then laid 
his head back, closing his eyes.  He held onto her fingers until he 
fell asleep, then her hand slid away.

     "Where do you think you're going?"  Mari stood with her hands on 
her hips.  She'd taken a few days off to stay home and take care of 
Fox.  "You've only been home for two days, Fox."
     "I just want to go in and do a little paper work.  I'm up to 
that.  Diana called and she's got a case she wants me to look at."  
He had a satchel in his hand.
     "You're going into work?"  Mari couldn't believe he was doing 
this.  "Fox?  I thought we ... I mean, what about ... "  She was 
dumbfounded.
     "What about what?  Honey, I feel fine, just a little sore."
     Suddenly the anger burst forth.  "Two days ago, lying in a 
hospital bed, you said you were losing me and there wasn't anything 
you could do about it.  It seems to me that you don't want to do 
anything about it!  I thought we could use this time to talk, Fox.  
To get some of our problems solved.  You never had any intention of 
asking for time off, did you!"  She shouted accusingly.  "And who the 
hell is Diana?"
     Fox stopped in his tracks.  Her attitude of late had such 
drastic swings, he never knew what to expect.  "Marissa."  He came 
toward her, but she backed off.  "I'm sorry.  I know we need to talk. 
 Come on, let's sit down and talk."  He sat on the sofa and waited 
for her.
     Mari was hurt and angry, why did it seem that she was only one 
who thought this marriage was important.  She sat next to him.  "Fox, 
I took this time off so we could spend some time together.  What I 
said in the hospital, I meant.  I can't stand this anymore.  You're 
gone all the time.  Am I being selfish?"
     "No.  You're not being selfish."  He spoke softly, gently 
stroking her back as she leaned forward.
     "And who is Diana?"  she asked again.
     "She's an agent I've been assigned to work with.  We've been 
working on paranormal cases."
     "How long?"  This was news to her.
     "I don't know, a few months I guess.  She's got a damned good 
insight, Mari.  I can't help but feel that by following this road, 
it'll bring me closer to what happened to Samantha."  Fox leaned 
forward so he could look Marissa in the eye.  "I'm close, Mari."  His 
tone lowered and his eyes watered.  "I can feel it.   I can't explain 
it, I don't know what it is, but something's there and I have to find 
it."
     "Are you still having nightmares?"  He hadn't had any that she 
could tell.
     "A couple.  I think I want to see that doctor you told me about. 
 I have to know what it means.  I've been afraid."  He spoke as if he 
hadn't even convinced himself until now.  "I've been afraid to find 
out."
     "Why?  What are you afraid of?"
     Fox shook his head, his brow furrowed, his eyes took on the look 
of a lost soul.
     "Are you afraid that you did something to her, Fox?"  Mari 
refused to believe he could've ever done anything to his sister.
     "I ... "  He shook his head and looked away.  "Maybe.  I don't 
know.  But I have to find out."  Fox leaned back and sighed.  "Diana 
has dealt a lot with regression hypnosis.  She said it might really 
help me remember."
     "You've discussed this with her?"  Mari's face turned a bit red. 
 She'd never been jealous, but he'd never had a female partner and 
he'd never discussed his private life with anyone.  
     "Well, the topic came up from a couple of cases.  I don't talk 
to her about our life, Mari."  Fox knew what she was thinking.  
"Anyway, they're allowing us to pursue the paranormal cases.  We 
start next week working with a few patients in the psych ward at 
Midwest.  She thinks that a couple of them might have extraordinary 
talents."
     "And I've been asking you for a long time to see this doctor and 
now that 'Diana' thinks it a good idea, you've decided to go?"  She 
was more than a bit perturbed.
     "It's not because Diana thinks it's a good idea, it's because 
it's time, Mari."
     Mari sighed.  How did we get off topic here?   "You said I was 
worth fighting for, Fox.  If that's still true, then you're going to 
have make a few concessions.  I want a normal life, Fox.  I want kids 
someday.  I want you home in the evenings.  I want to go dancing or 
to a movie on Saturday nights, lay in bed with you on Sunday mornings 
reading the paper.  Maybe it sounds routine to you, but I've been 
living practically alone for the past year.  Every night I went to 
bed not knowing when or if you'd come home.  I won't do that anymore, 
Fox.  I can't.  You're going to have to change that."
     "I can do that."
     "Don't say it so quickly!  Are you sure?  Have you thought about 
it with this new assignment."
     "Honey, this new assignment won't take as much of my time.  I 
won't be out chasing criminals as often.  And I won't be getting shot 
at."  A smile broke out on his face, his brow raising.
     Mari chuckled.  "Well, I guess that's something to hope for."
     Fox pulled her down against him, instantly wincing at the pain 
in his shoulder.  He held her close, resting her head against his 
good shoulder.  They sat that way for a few minutes, silently.  Then 
he whispered.  "I'm not ready for kids, Mari.  I don't think I can 
handle that right now." 
     "Well, let's take one step at a time.  It's something we can 
still talk about later, isn't it?  I mean, you aren't dismissing the 
idea all together, are you?"
     "No, not at all.  I mean, we talked about kids when we first got 
married.  We both agreed to wait till we were sure we were ready.  
I'm just not ready yet."  He kissed her forehead as she looked up at 
him.
     "I can wait, Fox.  But I eventually want children."
     Fox nodded, searching her eyes.  "I do to, Marissa."  He 
whispered and sighed, tilting  his head down to rest atop hers.
     Mari didn't look at him but wanted to keep talking.  "Fox?  Tell 
me what you want out of our life together.  Is this what you wanted 
when we first got married?"
     "I'm not sure I had an idea of what I wanted our life to be like.
  All I knew is that I loved you so much it hurt.  I wanted to be 
with you all the time.  I woke up thinking about you and went to bed 
thinking about you.  Your eyes, your smile."  Fox touched her chin 
and tilted her head up.  "I wanted to make love to you all the time." 
 He leaned down and kissed her.
     "What else?"  Mari asked, not willing to let him off the hook so 
quickly.  "What did you expect married life to be like?  I mean, did 
you have this 50's image where you'd come home to a wife in an apron 
handing you your martini or what?"
     Fox smiled at the image.  "No, I don't think that was my first 
thought."  He ran a hand over his hair.  "You know what my childhood 
was like, Mari.  My Dad left shortly after Samantha's disappearance.  
Mom was in a world all her own.  I guess I envied the other kids, who 
had normal lives.  Normal parents.  I wanted someone I could grow old 
with.  Someone who would love me and take care of me, someone I could 
take care of and love.  And yeah, maybe I did picture having a wife I 
could come home to every night.  Have dinner with, talk with, make 
love with."  He smiled at her again.
     "You seem to be of a one track mind all of a sudden."
     "It's not all of a sudden."  He kissed her again.
     Marissa pulled away from him and stood up.  She took a couple of 
steps away and crossed her arms.  "Fox?  Why haven't you wanted to 
make love in the last few weeks?"
     He studied her for a moment.  He didn't really know why.  He'd 
had a lot on his mind with the last case and his new assignment and 
all.  But he did love her and he wanted nothing more than to make her 
happy.  "I don't know, Marissa."  He answered softly, holding out his 
hand to her.  She reached for him and he pulled her down to his lap.  
"But it had nothing to do with you.  It was all me.  I love you."  
His eyes moved over her body, following his fingers as he stroked her 
and his voice became low and soft.  "I love being with you, touching 
you, kissing you.  I love watching you rise and fall to those touches.
  You make me feel things that no one else could ever make me feel."  
He took her hand and placed it in his lap.  "This is what you do to 
me."
     Mari kept eye contact as she shifted herself to straddle his lap,
 her knees on the sofa.  She leaned down and kissed him, hard and 
passionate, being careful not to put any pressure on his shoulder.  
God, he felt so good.  She felt him grow harder against her.  It had 
been too long and she needed him terribly.  "Your shoulder."
     "It's fine."  He pulled her face down, kissing her hard, his 
tongue sweeping her mouth as his hands ran up her thighs, just inside 
the legs of her shorts.  Then he started to fumble with the buttons 
on her blouse.  Finally he yanked it open, sending buttons flying 
across the room.  Fox reached for her breast, squeezing her through 
the satin panels of her bra.
     Marissa took off her blouse, then reached around and opened her 
bra, slipping it off her shoulders.  Her head fell back as Fox pulled 
her forward and began suckling her nipples.  Their hips slowly began 
to gyrate against each other until something had to go.  Mari stood 
only long enough to take off her shorts and panties as Fox slipped 
out of his jeans.  Then she straddled him again, slowly settling over 
him, sinking down until he filled her completely.  She closed her 
eyes and leaned forward, resting her forehead against his, both still 
for a moment.  Then she rose and began to rock her hips, moving back 
and forth, up and down.  
     Fox held her hips, moving with her, guiding her, watching her 
face.  He leaned in and placed tiny kisses over her breasts, sucking 
and nipping on them, taking them into his mouth until Marissa was 
moaning loudly, moving faster and faster.  When she came, it was with 
a cry and tiny jerks.  Her muscles clenched around him, holding him 
tightly, forcing his climax.  He wrapped his good arm around her, 
pulling her forward, burying his face in her neck.
     Marissa was breathing hard, holding on to the back of the couch, 
doing her best not to lean against his shoulder.  "Are you okay?  Did 
I hurt you?"
     Fox chuckled.  "No, baby, you didn't hurt me.   And I'm 
wonderful."  A big smile was on his face.  "This is wonderful."  He 
caught her mouth with his.  He sighed when she pulled away.  "I love 
you, Marissa.  I really do."
     She held his head in her hands, stroking his cheeks with her 
thumbs.  "I hope so.  Because you mean everything to me, Fox.  I love 
you."    Marissa moved away from him and laid back on the sofa, 
draping her legs across his lap.
     Fox looked at her, stretched out, naked, her chest rising and 
falling with her breath, one arm lying across her stomach, the other 
resting above her head.  She was so beautiful, he couldn't understand 
how he ended up so lucky.  His life had been anything but lucky.  The 
past couple of years with Marissa had been the best of his life.  But 
he felt a change was coming and he couldn't shake the feeling.   He 
didn't want to lose her, but he didn't want her hurt either and what 
was coming would destroy her.  He could feel it.
     "What are you thinking, Fox?"  Marissa brought one foot up and 
gently slipped her toes inside his open shirt, rubbing them against 
his chest.
     Fox smiled and ran his hand down her leg to her thigh.  "I'm 
just thinking how lucky I am."
     Mari blushed and sat up.  She kissed him, softly, and stared 
into his eyes.  She was the one who felt lucky and it embarrassed her 
when he spoke that way.  She quickly gathered her clothes and moved 
to stand.  "I'm going to get cleaned up and dressed.  You coming?"
     "Yeah, I'll be there in a minute."  Fox answered, staring at her 
as she walked away.
     When Mari came out of the bathroom a little while later, Fox was 
lacing up his shoes.  "What do you want for lunch, Fox?"  She tucked 
in her blouse and buttoned her shorts.  It was a bright sunny day, a 
little cool outside, but nice inside.
     "I just had dessert, I'm not real hungry."  He wore a wry grin.
     "Well, I'm starved."  She was always hungry after sex.  It was 
like a drug, stimulating all her urges.  "I'm going to reheat the 
leftovers from last night."
     "I'll get something later.  You want me to bring something home 
tonight?"
     "What do you mean?  Fox, you aren't going to work."  The sudden 
realization of what he was saying hit her like a bolt of lightning.
     "Mari, I told you I'm fine.  I just want to see what this case 
is about."
     "Then she can bring it here!"  Her patience was growing thin.
     "I don't want to argue, Mari."
     "Then don't go."
     "I have to.  It's my job."
     Mari's heart fell.  She'd never been more disappointed.  "What 
was this about Fox?  Did you fuck me just so you'd feel better about 
leaving me?  Give her what she wants to shut her up!  Is that it?!  
How dare you?!"  She yelled, tears threatened to spill over, her arms 
crossed in front of her as she paced.
     Fox stood with his mouth open, he couldn't understand why she 
was so upset.  "Mari, how can you say that?"  He turned toward her.  
"I love you, I'd never use sex to get what I want.  That doesn't have 
anything to do with this!"
     "Just go!  You want to leave so god damned bad, just go!"  She 
pointed to the door, then marched into the bathroom, slamming the 
door behind her.
     "Marissa?"  He knocked on the door.  "Let's don't do this, 
please."  Fox sighed, resting his head on the door.  "What's the big 
deal?  I'm just going for a couple of hours.  Please, Marissa?  Open 
the door?"
     He'd never understand.  Was it all men or just him?  How could 
he think that everything is all right?  After their conversation 
about wanting him home?  Maybe she was being unfair.  Marissa looked 
at herself in the mirror.  Her brow was furrowed, her lips pursed.  
She looked ugly.  What was this doing to her?  Releasing a heavy sigh,
 she slowly opened the door.  Fox was standing there, looking down at 
her.  His eyes full of questions.  Mari pushed past him, going into 
the kitchen.  "Look, I'm sorry I got upset.  Go ahead and go."  She 
heard herself say the words, but her tone was unconvincing.  When he 
didn't respond, she stopped and turned to face him.  He was leaning 
against the door frame, his hands in his jean pockets.  Mari looked 
down and shrugged, her hands gestured then fell to her sides.  "I'm 
sorry, okay?  I just thought ... "
     "Thought what?"
     "Never mind."
     "Thought what, Marissa?"  His tone was soft, but firm.
     "I though I meant more to you than your work."  She answered 
with a harsh tone.  "But I was wrong."  Mari looked up at him.
     Fox hesitated.  "I'm not even going to dignify that with a 
response."  He shuffled from one foot to another.  "I can't believe 
this.  Think what you want, I'm done arguing.  I'm going into the 
office.  I'll be home later."  He turned and grabbed his keys off the 
hall vanity and left.
     Marissa stared after him, knowing this was the beginning of the 
end.  They did love each other, but that wasn't enough.  They wanted 
different things in life.  They were heading in two different 
directions.

End of Part 2 of 3


*********************************
NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU 3/3
By Patty Hayes
yrld43a@prodigy.com
September 13, 1998
*********************************

     Fox walked in a few hours later.  Marissa was sitting at the 
dinner table, eating.  She'd cooked a full meal and had a place set 
for him.  "Smells good."
     "Well, I knew you'd be hungry.  Why don't you sit down and eat 
before it gets cold.?"  She poured him a glass of wine and refilled 
her glass.
     "How much of that have you had?"  He nodded toward the bottle.
     "Not enough."
     He sat down and fixed a plate, then took a bite.  It was good 
and he was hungry, he didn't get lunch as he'd said he would.  
     "How was the case?  Something worth pursuing?"
     "Yeah, I think so."  Fox went on to tell her about it.  The 
meaning of exploring the psychic talents that existed.  What the 
possibility could bring.
     Marissa listened with an open mind.  She could see what it meant 
to him, how excited it made him.  A part of her was still upset with 
him, but once she'd learned his priorities, then she could deal with 
it and make choices of her own.
     Fox continued throughout dinner and while they did the dishes.  
He did notice she was being quiet, but she wasn't arguing and she 
really did seem interested.  When they'd finished, he followed her 
into the bedroom.  "I filed for a vacation."
     Marissa turned to look at him.  "Really?"
     "Yeah, they'll get back to me on when, but I asked for a week as 
soon as possible."  He walked over to her and put his arms around her.

     She looked up at him, her eyes wide.  "Thank you."
     He nodded and kissed her forehead.  "You mean more to me than 
anything."
     Mari hugged him, pressing her cheek against his chest.  She 
heard the words, and no matter how badly she wanted it, she knew deep 
down that it wasn't true.  And it wasn't that he was lying, he just 
didn't realize what the future would bring.

     Two months later, Marissa walked in to a dark house.  She'd 
stayed late at the school grading papers and working with the other 
teachers on a special project for the holidays.  Christmas was coming 
up soon and the students were putting on a play.  Somehow, Marissa 
got herself volunteered to help with it.  She frowned as she turned 
on a light.  Fox should've been home by now.  He was supposed to cook 
tonight.  No blinking light on the answering machine, which means he 
didn't call.
     Mari waited another half hour before she decided to try his cell 
number.  It rang three times before a woman answered.  Mari hesitated,
 then asked for Fox.
     "He stepped out for a few minutes, who's calling?"
     Mari felt a blush wash over her.  "This is his wife, who's this?
"
     "Oh, Mari, this is Agent Fowley, Fox should be back in a minute. 
 He went down to get us something from the vending machine.  We've 
been tied up today."  
     Her voice was a little too deep for Mari.  Already, she didn't 
like this woman.  And she didn't like that she called her by her 
first name and she didn't like that she called him by his first name. 
 No one called him Fox but her.  No one.  "Please have him call me."  
She hung up the phone before the woman had a chance to respond.  Mari 
knew it was incredibly rude, but at the moment, she didn't care.
     A few hours later, Mari was pacing.  She'd received no phone 
call.  Nothing to say he'd be late.  At midnight, she went ahead and 
crawled under the covers, but sleep didn't come quickly.  All sorts 
of images passed through her mind.  Him, lying dead in ditch 
somewhere, in a hospital with surgeons leaning over him, trying to 
keep him alive.  And the worst, lying in someone else's arms.  Mari 
had never been jealous before, not really.  But with the way things 
had been going lately, it wouldn't surprise her, after all, she was 
slowly pushing him away.  
     Just as she started to doze off, she heard the front door.  
Sitting up, she flipped on the light and waited.  She heard him 
rustling around the kitchen and decided to talk to him there.  
Slipping on her robe, she walked through to the kitchen.  "Why didn't 
you call?"
     Fox looked up from behind the refrigerator door.  "I did, I left 
word with your office."
     "I didn't get the message.  Did you get mine?"
     "I heard you called, Diana said she told you we had to work late.
"
     "Well, she didn't tell me and I asked her to have you call me.  
That was hours ago."
     Fox grabbed the deli meat and closed the door.  The bread was 
already on the table and he sat down to make himself a sandwich.  
     "Did you hear me?"  Mari grabbed the back of the chair across 
from him.
     "I heard you, Mari."  A frown appeared.  "I don't know how it 
got screwed up, she must have misunderstood you."
     "I thought you weren't going to work late anymore.  You've been 
late four out of the last six nights."
     "You've been a bit late yourself, you know."
     "That's not the point, Fox.  You said that this new assignment 
would be easier.  You'd be home more."
     "And I am.  I haven't had to go out of town, have I?"  His voice 
raised as he became frustrated.
     She threw up her hands.  "You know what?  I'm tired of this shit.
  I was right the first time."  Mari turned and walked away.
     Fox sighed and set the sandwich on the table.  He ran his hand 
over his hair and down his face.  Then he went to find her.
     Marissa pulled a suitcase from the closet and had it opened on 
the bed.  She was packing with things from the dresser when he walked 
in.
     "Mari, don't be ridiculous, put that away."
     She wasn't hysterical or weepy, she was angry and totally calm.  
"Ridiculous?  That's what you think I am?"
     "I didn't say that.  Where are you going to go?"
     "Tonight, I'll go to a hotel.  I'll figure the rest out tomorrow.
"
     Fox walked over and began to take the clothes out of the 
suitcase.  "You're not leaving, Marissa."
     She grabbed the clothes from his arms.  "You can't stop me."  
Mari turned away from him.  "We talk and talk and never really say 
anything, Fox.  Two months ago, you put in for a vacation.  You 
canceled it, didn't you?"  She waited for an answer, but he didn't 
give one.  "See?  I begged you for time, Fox.  I shouldn't have had 
to.  You should care enough to want it too."  She went to the closet 
and pulled out a couple of dresses, carefully folding them to put in 
the case.
     He stood still, watching her.  Not knowing what to say to make 
her stay.  She was right, she shouldn't have to beg.  He should want 
to be with her.  His obsession with his work was way past normal and 
he knew it.  Fox was beginning to think this was the best thing.  But 
he didn't want her to leave.  The thought of being alone for the rest 
of his life scared the hell out of him.  "You don't have to leave, 
Mari.  I don't want you to."
     "We've been over this before.  I can't compete with your work.  
And I can't stand by and watch it kill you."  She saw the confusion 
in his eyes.  "I know your nightmares are back and they aren't always 
about Samantha and you won't let me help you.  You won't even talk to 
me about them.  We're not a team, Fox.  You want me to be the quiet 
little wife to cook and clean for you and leave everything else alone 
and I can't do that.  You won't talk to me, but you'll spill your 
guts to a new partner.  I'm sorry, I'm not that strong."
     "I'm not sleeping with her."
     "I didn't say you were."
     "That's what you're afraid of, isn't it?"
     Marissa chortled and shook her head.  "You don't get it, do you? 
 It's not Diana that I'm upset over, it's your work."  She was loud 
and stern, but then she softened as she sighed.  "And I know that 
will never change."  She sat down next the suitcase and put her head 
in her hands, exhausted from the intensity.
     Neither said anything for a long moment.  Then Fox sighed.  "You 
don't have to leave.  I'll leave."  He felt defeated.  She was right, 
it would never change.  He could never give her what she really 
wanted.  "I'll call you in a couple of days to make arrangements to 
get my things."  Fox turned toward the door and picked up his coat.  
He looked back at Marissa, his eyes full of sadness.  He wanted to 
tell her that he was sorry, that he loved her, that he'd give 
anything if he could make her happy.  But he couldn't say anything.  
It had all been said before.
     Marissa sat on the edge of the bed, her shoulders slumped in 
despair.  The front door slammed closed and with it, her life, as 
she'd known it, was coming to an end.  A tear fell and she felt anger.
  Why?  Why couldn't he fight?  Why couldn't he love her enough to 
want to fight?  Was she asking so much?  She just wanted to be a part 
of his life.  She didn't want to control him, she didn't want to run 
his life.  She just wanted to be a part of it and he'd been so 
isolated for so long, he didn't know how to let anyone in.

     "Don't worry, Mari, it'll be fine.  We'll get what we want and 
be out of here in no time."
     "Look, Jeff, I don't want anything.  I just want him to sell the 
house, we'll split the equity and that's it.  That's all."  Mari had 
hired Jeff Oakley as her attorney.  She didn't know him that well, 
but he was a friend of a friend of Amanda and his rate was reasonable.
  It seemed like a good idea.   He patted her back and they entered 
the Law offices of Merv White.  Fox's attorney.  Jeff wanted it to be 
on his territory, but Mari insisted that this was easier for Fox as 
it was close to the Federal building.
     They were escorted into a conference room and seated to wait.  
Mari caught her reflection in the window pane and straightened her 
shoulders, then her skirt and ran her fingers through her hair.  It 
was important to her that she look good today.  She was nervous about 
seeing him.  He'd come to the house while she was at school for his 
things.  He said it was easier that way.  Fox had been rather decent, 
but cold and it hurt her that he let go so easily.  A moment later, 
Merv came in with Fox.  The attorneys shook hands, greeted each other 
and sat across the table.
     "Hi, Mari."  Fox spoke softly, his eyes met hers only for a 
moment.  He didn't realize the sudden pain would hit so hard.
     "Hello, Fox."  She stared, trying to catch his gaze, but he 
wouldn't give in.
     "Okay, this should be simple.  In this state, the law pretty 
much goes to an equal split."  Merv started as he flipped through 
several pages.  
     "Well, that would be normal, if it weren't for extenuating 
circumstances."  Jeff smiled wryly and sat back.
     Marissa looked over at him, a confused look in her eyes.  Just 
as she started to lean over to speak to him, Merv interrupted.
     "What extenuating circumstances?"  
     "There is the question of damages for spousal abuse."
     "What?!"  Fox sat up, his voice raised.  He looked from Jeff to 
Mari.
     Mari leaned over to Jeff.  "What are you doing?  This is not 
what I wanted."
     Everyone spoke at once.  "What the hell are you talking about?"  
Fox wanted to know.
     Merv interjected.  "Jeff, we had this resolved, what are you 
trying to pull?"
     "There is an instance of abuse.  He hit her, knocking her to the 
floor."
     "Jeff!"  Mari grabbed his arm.
     "I'm not listening to this."  Fox stood up, knocking his chair 
backwards.  He glared at Mari.  "How can you say that?  Do you hate 
me that much?"
     "No, Fox, wait."
     "Keep him away from my client!"  Jeff pointed to Fox.
     "Mulder, let's go, we're out of here."  Merv stood as well, 
shoving his agreements back into his folder.
      It all happened so fast, Mari didn't know what hit her.  She'd 
mentioned the instance in passing, while talking about his behavior 
dealing with the dreams, she had no idea that Jeff would try to use 
it against him.  "Wait!"  She shouted over everyone.  Everyone halted 
and turned to her.  She was shaking visibly.  "Wait."  Mari grabbed 
the table to keep from falling.  She looked to Jeff.  "I'll deal with 
this myself."
     "Mari, will you let me handle this?"  He leaned in.
     "No!  No, God, no."  She looked up to Fox.  "I'm sorry, I didn't 
want this."
     "It's too late, the damage is done."  His voice was full of 
bitterness.
     Her voice shook as much as her hands.  She turned to his lawyer. 
 "What does he want?"
     "Sell the house, split the equity.  He wants you to have 
everything else.  He does want some of the pictures."  Merv pulled 
out the document.
     "I'll sign it."
     "Mari, wait, let's talk."  Jeff touched her arm.
     "Jeff!"  Then she turned to Merv.  "Can you have someone escort 
him out?"  She sat down slowly, not trusting herself to stand any 
longer, as Jeff left the room.  
     Fox picked up his chair and sat down.  He was angry, but not at 
the situation that had just occurred.  He was angry at the world.  
Angry at himself for not making a better go of it.  He was concerned 
for Marissa.  She was pale and it was obvious how nervous she was.  
He saw the tears in her eyes as she read over the paper and wanted to 
leave.  He couldn't bear to see her like this, it broke his heart.
     Mari read over the agreement and signed it, pushing it over to 
Merv.  Merv passed it to Fox and he hesitated.  This was it.  The end.
  The end of their marriage, their life together.  Is this what he 
really wanted?  His eyes shifted and he chewed on his lower lip.
     "Mulder?"  Merv spoke softly.
     "Merv, can we have a minute, please?"  He pushed the paper back 
a little and laid down the pen.
     Mari closed her eyes.  No, Fox, please.  Just sign it and leave. 
 She didn't want a moment alone with him, she'd never make it.  She 
was trying to be strong and it wasn't working.
     When Merv stepped out, Fox got up and went to the window.  It 
was a high rise building and they were on the 20th floor.  The view 
was almost all clouds.  "You ever notice how things seem so 
insignificant up here amongst the clouds?"
     "I'm sorry, Fox.  That wasn't ... I didn't want that.  I didn't 
want anything from you."
     Fox shook his head.  "I know.  I know.  Is this what we want, 
Mari?"
     Mari looked up into his eyes.  "What do you mean?"
     "This is it."  He spread his hands, then swallowed and walked a 
little closer.  "I never stopped loving you."
     "Fox."  The tears fell harder.  "Please, don't do this."  He's 
picking now to fight?  She wiped at her face.  "Don't you see ... "  
She turned away from him and tried to take a deep breath.  "I never 
stopped loving you either.  But it got too hard, Fox.  It just got 
too hard."
     Fox sat against the table next to her, looking down at her.  
When she looked up, he ran his hand over her face, stroking her cheek,
 searching her eyes.  He slowly nodded as his eyes filled as well.  
Then he got up and walked to the other side of the table.  He signed 
the document and dropped the pen on the table.  Fox sniffled and 
wiped his face before going to the door.  "I want to come by and pick 
out a couple of our pictures, if that's okay."  Mari nodded her 
agreement then Fox put his hand on the doorknob.  Without looking 
back, he spoke softly.  "If you ever need anything ... you know how 
to find me."  He heard a small sob, but didn't look back as he walked 
out the door.

Present

     "Form a line right here.  Jimmy?  Get back in line, I'm not 
telling you again."  Mari was struggling to keep the kids together.  
Amanda was at one end, she was at the other.  And to top it off, she 
kept looking over her shoulder.  It had been ten years and she was 
getting close to 40 years old and here she was acting like a teenager.
  Finally the children was quiet, the guide started talking and they 
all followed.  They were taken throughout the building and the 
children asked questions and pointed to pictures and things, but all 
in all, were very good.  The little girls giggled and the little boys 
kept teasing the little girls.  Mari was kept so busy that she'd 
almost forgot where she was.  But just as they were about to leave, 
she saw him across the lobby.
     Fox made it upstairs just in time to see them carted off on the 
tour.  He'd missed her.  But he knew how long the tours were so he 
waited.  As foolish as it seemed, he had to see her.  And when she 
came into view, he was glad he waited.  She'd hardly changed at all.  
But she was more beautiful than he'd remembered.  When their eyes met,
 he felt the urge to run away.  All the memories came rushing forward 
along with the old feelings.  He smiled and nodded as he walked 
toward her.
     Marissa held her breath and her stomach was doing flip flops as 
he came closer.  She smiled as he did and quickly turned to Amanda.  
"Can you handle things for just a minute?"  
     Amanda looked around and spotted the reason for the sudden 
request.  She smiled widely and nodded.  "Go ahead, I can handle them 
for a few minutes."
     Marissa walked over and they hugged, Fox kissed her cheek.  
"Hey!  I didn't know you would be here today."
     "Well, I'm in between cases."  He took her arm and led her to a 
bench near the front window.  "How've you been, Marissa?"
     She stared into his eyes for a long minute before she answered.  
"Good.  I'm okay.  Really.  How about you?"
     "I'm great."  He nodded and smiled.  "You look good.  I mean 
really good."
     "Thanks, so do you."  Mari smiled.  And he did.  He looked 
healthy, whole, damned good.
     His fingers grazed her name tag.  "You kept the name.  Didn't 
you remarry?"
     She looked down at the tag that said 'Mrs. Mulder.'   "No, I 
didn't.  I ... there was just never anyone who ... well."  It was 
becoming awkward.  "What about you?  Did you remarry?"
     "No."  He smiled widely.  "No one could measure up."
     "Yeah, right.  I know you, Fox Mulder.  You've probably been too 
busy."  She teased, but then softened and carefully asked the crucial 
question.  "Have you made any progress?  Have you found out anything 
about Samantha?"
     He looked away and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his 
knees.  A moment later, he turned back to look at her.  "I've learned 
a few things, not everything."  Then he sat up.  "But it's a long 
story.  A long boring story."
     "I've wondered over the years.  It's been a long time, hasn't it.
"
     "Yeah, it has.  I've missed you, Mari.  I've missed talking with 
you."
     "Fox,"  she chuckled, "you never talked with me when we were 
together."  Then she shook her head.  "I didn't mean it like that.  I 
just meant ... "
     "I know what you meant, it's okay.  We had some good times 
though, didn't we?"
     "We had some great times, Fox.  I wouldn't trade them for the 
world."
     Several minutes of silence passed before they spoke again.  
"You'd think that after ten years, we'd have something to say to each 
other."
     Mari smiled.  "Well, it's not exactly the best place and we do 
have a whole group of giggly kids staring at us."
     Fox looked at the kids and smiled.  "I can remember another time 
we had a group of giggly kids staring at us."
     "I remember."  Mari looked away, running her hand through her 
hair, pushing it away from her face.  She wore it in about the same 
style.  Maybe a couple of grey strands here and there.
     He turned and looked into her eyes.  Then he reached over and 
moved a strand of hair that had fallen back down, brushing his 
fingertips over her face as he did so.  "I'd like to maybe get with 
you and talk.  Revisit old times.  You think we can do that?"
     Mari swallowed hard and searched his eyes, feeling a shiver run 
through her body.  His look hadn't changed.  He was still so lost, so 
sad.  All of a sudden the old feelings arose and she wanted to hold 
him, to comfort him.  And just as suddenly, she knew she couldn't see 
him again.  Because nothing had changed for him and she couldn't help 
him any more now than she was able to before.  Before she knew what 
was happening, her eyes filled and she swallowed again, fighting to 
maintain control.  Her voice, though was softer.  "I don't think it 
would be a good idea."  She stood up.  "It was really good seeing you 
again, Fox."  Mari smiled and looked up at him as he stood next to 
her.  She leaned up and kissed his cheek, lingering for a moment, and 
when she backed off, she whispered, "I'm sorry."
     Fox held her arm and smiled as he nodded.  "It's okay.  We loved 
each other once, didn't we?"  His brow furrowed slightly as he looked 
deeply into her eyes.
     "I never stopped."  Mari whispered, then touched his face and 
smiled.  Then she turned and walked back to Amanda and the children.  
They left out the front door and loaded the kids into the bus.  She 
never looked back.
     Fox stood by the window, his hand in his pocket as he watched 
her step onto the bus.  As it drove away, he felt a hand slide up his 
arm and turned to see Scully smile up at him.
     "You okay, Mulder?"
     He turned away from the window and nodded.  "Yeah, I'm fine.  
Let's go get some lunch."  He pressed his hand against the small of 
her back as they walked away.

The End