From: godluvsyou_01@yahoo.com (His Beloved) Date: Sat, 20 Dec 2008 22:11:41 -0800 (PST) Subject: New Beginnings Source: direct Title: New Beginnings Author: His Beloved Classification: MRS Romance Rating: PG-13 Spoiler: Orison and a bit of Millennium Summery: Orison Post Episode Disclaimer: I own nothing. The X-files belongs to Fox, 1013, and Chris Carter. 11:00 PM Saturday Night There are times in life that shake you to your very core.... And this just happened to be one of those moments. Riding in the passenger seat Scully stared blankly out the window watching... just watching as life flew and passed right by her. Every part of her longed.... Longed to have the life she had not chosen, or at least one less lonely. How many times had she been this close to deaths door, and yet her life remained the same. Suddenly a gentle touch brought her back to reality. Mulder began to tenderly stroke her small hand in his. He searched her eyes asking to be let in.... pleading with her to know it was ok to speak the words he longed to. But she was not yet ready.... Her walls were still strong and showing no sign of budging any time soon. Scully tightly grasped his hand, but turned her gaze back to the display of life flying by her. Mulder knew what would happen if he pushed her too quickly, before she was ready. He knew that she would retreat making it near impossible for him to reach her at all. So he allowed the silence to stretch out over a few more blocks. Finally breaking it Mulder squeezed her hand hoping, even urging, her to look into his eyes. He needed her to see what lay before her if she would only let it in. "I was just wondering Scully if you needed anything before we get to my place? I know you are going to argue with me and insist you are alright, but it would just make ME feel better if you stayed a few days!" The strong independence within her wanted to persist, wanted to keep him at arms length. Losing control was not an option she often let cross her mind, believing it was a luxury she could not afford. "Mulder I...." Her words trailed off as she found herself powerlessly being drawn into his gaze. His eyes held hers with a firm gentleness and yet contained a love she had never dared to let herself see or allow in, but over every passing day it became more difficult and almost at times utterly impossible to suppress the desperate desires of her neglected heart. Scully quickly made herself look away knowing it would take very little effort on his part to crash through the walls she had spent so long building. So, for now she couldn't allow herself to fall headlong into the depths of his being. "No Mulder.... I don't need anything for now. I am fine. I just would like to get some rest." Mulder shook his head in response to her brief statement, but as hard as it was he allowed her the space and silence she needed for the time being. So for the moment he permitted his own thoughts to carry him away. Yet again he felt he had failed her, yet again he allowed this 'work' to make another painful brand upon her heart. He longed so to hold her, to take her pain away, to protect and shelter her. How could he have been so blind and careless? Donnie Pfaster had sickly fixated upon her. Why did he assume she was safe when he knew Pfaster was still out there? Through out the case he could not shake this feeling of dread that haunted him. He had been unable to shake it. And from the moment he had dropped Scully off at home he sensed that something was not right. As she left the car he had this feeling that it was wrong.... But he pushed it aside declaring himself paranoid. He somehow felt that by being overprotective he would be demonstrating disrespect to her. Why had he not gone with his instincts.... Why did he decide in that moment to forgo paranoia.... For heaven knows he was known for it? Upon finally reaching the apartment they rode the elevator yet again in silence. Now she was really beginning to scare him! Mulder carried her small overnight bag in one hand and with the other he allowed it to rest upon the small of her back. He was instantly surprised when instead of stepping farther away she leaned slightly into his frame. Looking down at the floor something bright suddenly caught the corner of his eye. Scully's shirt was becoming bright red and the spot upon her torso continued to grow before his eyes. Panic spiked through his body and almost choked his voice away! "Scully..... Scully you are bleeding!" Blankly she looked down seemingly unphased by the scarlet red that was growing rapidly upon her stomach. Before they had left her apartment Scully had insisted to the Paramedics that she was indeed fine and had only received minor bruises. Mulder would have pressed her further to be seen but he could see the wild look in her eyes, she needed to get out, get away. Quickly he led her into his apartment and let the bag drop where it may. He touched her shirt.... Deathly afraid of what he would see on the other side of it. Mulder began to lift up her shirt but suddenly stopped. He looked into her eyes asking permission, seeking if it was ok to continue. Scully closed her eyes and looked down in acknowledgement to his urgent plea. Slowly Mulder, with shaking hands, lifted her now soaked shirt. His eyes quickly took in the sight before him. There were little cuts, abrasions, and Lord even some pieces of glass still all over her stomach. He noticed more damage but the shirt kept him from seeing the extent of it. Hesitantly he began to unbutton her shirt making sure to give her plenty of time to stop him, but she didn't. She only continued to stare blankly at his chest. Finally he could see that her strong fa?ade was beginning to waver, and he prayed she would willingly lay down the fortress around her heart. He prayed she would permit him in, in order to put back and hold together the fractured pieces of her heart. Mulder gently moved her shirt to the side and the degree of the damage grieved his heart beyond words. There were small abrasions all over her torso, and even though her arms, shoulders, and back were still hidden by the shirt she wore he could see large bruises extending beyond his line of sight that surely covered most of her precious body. Mulder stood staring in shock for what seemed like hours before Scully finally felt compelled to break the silence that hung heavily within the room. "Mulder, they are only flesh wounds. I am going to be..." But before she could continue her statement, he knew was an outright lie, Mulder softly placed his fingers tentatively upon her lips in order to silence her. Scully stared up at him not knowing what to say or do. Finally, taking her hand firmly in his Mulder led her to the bathroom realizing the blood had begun to stream down to her pants. Upon entering the bathroom he had her sit on the edge of the bathtub. Scully in reply simply stared down at the floor, but her small form begun to tremble. Looking down at her Mulder knew that the walls were not far from completely falling to the ground, and he breathed a sigh of relief for that at least. Scully's eyes closed not knowing when or even how it happened but Mulder had found a way to break through the barrier and now.... Now she lay bare before him. A part of her felt this odd sense of relief, but what surprised her more was that she felt completely safe. Mulder was safe. Even though she allowed her mind and heart to dwell on these thoughts and emotions for the time being there was still an ever present fear that loomed overhead. It seemed that whenever they made it to this forbidden place, as rare as it was, that fear would always hover persistently over them both. Then there were the questions.... The seemingly never ending questions that plagued them both so! But for the moment Scully allowed herself to get lost in haze of those questions and fears. Deep down she wondered if they would ever make their way through the endless thick fog in order to reach each other. What would happen if she let herself love this man? How could she have allowed herself to even let it get this far? What did it say about her as an individual that she did allow herself to get here? And yet with all the questions and fears, that haunted her so, all it took was one look, one touch from him and they all faded and melted into the precious beauty of the moment. Mulder reached over Scully in order to turn on the tap and fill the tub with warm water. Finally snapping out of her own world Scully noticed Mulder had a tweezer, disinfectant, bandages, and a large clean shirt from his closet laying upon the self. Looking down Mulder noticed Scully's confused gaze transfixed upon the shirt he had brought in. Mulder tried to lighten his tone hoping he could maybe bring a soft smile to her downdraught face. "Hey I know it's not your style and it certainly won't do anything for your figure but.... I just thought it would be more comfortable for you. It will give you more room and won't rub up against those cuts as much." It wasn't so much his joke that brought a faint smile to her eyes, but the fact that he stopped to think of such things.... For her! Mulder felt slightly successful seeing he indeed brought out a small hint of a smile, but he only wished it would have graced her beautiful face as well! As good as the change in mood was it lasted but a fleeting moment. Scully's eyes returned to the seemingly fascinating spot upon the floor by her feet. Instead of sitting by her Mulder made the choice to kneel before her so that his frame was partially between her legs, close to her.... But not too close. Mulder was at eye level with her, which was his main intention for his chosen position. Questioningly he spoke with great compassion.... "Scully, may I, or would you rather have some privacy to do this yourself? I could also take you into the hospital to have a doctor take care of this?" The grief and sadness he saw within her, that she no longer tried to mask, was almost more than he could bear! She stared into his eyes reassuring him first with her heart before her words, which she knew instinctive he needed. "It's alright Mulder. I don't want to leave....I would just like to get some rest Mulder..... And, I don't want to be alone right now...." Feeling assured by the genuineness, not only contained within her words, but in her willing acceptance of him within her heart that made him feel honored to be trusted in such a way. Respectfully he waited a moment to give her time to stop him or allow him to continue. He stared into her eyes in order to communicate not only his respect of her but his genuine desire to ease her pain. Finally nodding his head, at the reassurance he saw within her, he began to inch closer. Softly he touched her hands being intentional to ease his way into her heart rather than trampling in recklessly. He placed his hands delicately upon her shoulder blades and then proceeded to slowly glide them beneath her shirt. Hesitating for a brief second, in order to look deeply into her face once again, he slid her shirt completely off letting it fall to the floor. Scully sat before him in her bra.... Yet she did not feel bare or uncomfortable, for she knew he respected and honored her greatly. No.... she did not feel anything but peace and contentment radiating from the depths of her being as she sat before the man who was taking great pains to love her in any way he knew how. Taking in the sight he saw before him, the horrid extent of the damage done, Mulder could think of only one thing to utter.... "Scully".... With just the sound of her name passing through his lips spoke volumes more to her than any mere words ever could. Scully sighed heavily, and with that the remaining walls and protective barriers collapsed to the ground before her feet; and the precious man who had fought his way through them to her was right there before her. Mulder examined the wounds a bit closer, which had finally seemed to have stopped bleeding. There were a few shards of glass still left within the abrasions, which were as a result of Scully crawling desperately upon a floor covered with glass and debris in order to fight for her life! Mulder gingerly began to pull out shards of glass one at a time, a few of which were somewhat large, but throughout the whole process Scully did not even flinch. After removing the final piece he drew his hand up to gingerly cup her face within his hands. Looking deeply at him now she saw an unrestrictive love so earth moving and unfathomable that so many times seemed beyond her reach and yet again it lay freely right there before her. Mulder began to speak in a near whisper.... "Am I hurting you Scully?" She could hear that each word was dripping with overwhelming emotion seeing the desperate war raging within him. She saw guilt, anger, frustration, compassion, that he hurt for her, but above all he allowed love to linger very clearly within his eyes, which were her direct window into his heart. Scully tilted her head into his touch, into his hands, and slowly brushed her hand up the extent of his arm where it came to rest upon his hands that were still tenderly framing her face. Scully intentionally locked her eyes upon his and spoke with whatever strength lay left within her. "No Mulder, you are not hurting me. Your touch has never hurt me. Mulder.... You have never hurt me!" Mulder's arms dropped slowly to her lap. He bowed his head, shutting his eyes tightly, as Scully gently stroked his face and brushed the strands of hair away from his eyes. She knew this man before her and yet there was so much still left to see and discover. Scully knew his troubled heart and mind desperately needed to hear the words she had spoken. For she knew, as much as she hated to acknowledge it, that she desperately needed him just as much as he needed her. Sitting helplessly in her arms, Mulder knew in that moment he simply did not have any words to offer her. So instead he took her hand in his and briefly placed it upon his lips, allowing it to linger there for a time. Mulder tightly squeezed her hand, sat up straight, and called up the strength he needed for her. He leaned over the other side of Scully in order to dip the wash cloth into the warm water. Bringing it up he squeezed the excess water and hesitated before bringing it to rest upon her battered skin. He knew they were crossing a boundary, a line that had recently begun to move ever so slightly as their relationship took on new and beautiful dimensions. In a way it scared him to death, but he knew that it scared her just as much for he could see it in the many hesitant questioning looks that crossed her face. Yet in the deepest parts of himself all of this felt so right! Tenderly he began to run the warm steaming rag over the sporadic wounds traced over her stomach. He was thankful that the blood had finally stopped flowing. Gingerly he washed away the blood that by now had begun to harden upon her skin. His touch was gentle, even tentative, but his eyes were careful and focused. Rinsing the cloth in the water he brought the warmth of the rag to her forearm. Scully's eyes automatically closed and a releasing sigh, that emerged from deep within her subconscious, passed through her lips. Mulder soothingly trailed the cloth up her arm all the way to her shoulder blade. He dipped the rag in the water once again to ensure that it held it's warmth, and then proceeded to repeat the process on her other arm. Tentatively Mulder pushed that boundary line a step further as he inched closer to her body. He placed his left hand upon the side of her stomach and with his right he glided the cloth from her shoulder allowing it to slowly cascade down her back, which allowed him to have both of his arms wrapped around her. Mulder's face was close to her ear, and without thinking Scully instinctively inched closer yet to the inviting warmth of his arms. She allowed her cheek to rest ever so lightly upon his. She hungrily breathed in his comforting sent and the warmth it brought deep within her was like healing balm. Mulder allowed the cloth to slip from his hand and let it fall into the water causing a faint splashing noise to echo throughout the walls of the small bathroom. Mulder gently glided his arms around her frame in order to close whatever gap remained between them. Scully willingly collapsed into his open embrace and buried her face within the hollow of his neck. Without warning hot tears began to brim to the surface. They seemed to come up in waves. Scully soon found herself heaving with uncontrollable sobs that came from the depths of her being. The deep anguish came from more than just the horrifying events of the day but from years of pain, loss, suffering, loneliness, and suppressed emotions and desires that had finally taken its wearying toll upon her. Mulder responded by ever tightening his grip upon her and tucking her snugly close to his body. He ached to be closer yet to her, to hold her more near. He ached to somehow remove or carry himself the anguish that threatened the precious heart that he had come to love so.... And as he sat there he acknowledged that yes... it was in fact love! Very rarely did he give a definition to the deep well of emotions that he felt for her. He lovingly stroked her hair with his left hand, and with his other he rubbed her back making soothing circles upon the small of her back. When the heaving emotions began to subside, her body became almost limp in his arms and her breath became calm and even. He moved his lips to her ear and gently caressed her jaw line with the tip of his nose, taking in for himself the sweet smell of her skin. Scully's eyes were still tightly closed, but the stream of tears had finally slowed to a trickle. Mulder whispered ever so lightly in her ear bringing a sudden chill racing up the extent of her spine. "Scully.... I should have stayed with you....I should have gotten there sooner.... I should have known.... I..." But before he could finish one touch of her finger tips silenced his urgent pleas. She spoke with what was left of her voice. Her sky blue eyes were still glistening with fresh tears, and yet there was a determination and a renewed strength within her that she needed him to see. Scully pulled slightly away and cradled his face within her hands, gently rubbing her thumbs along the stubble of his cheek... and then briefly glided them across his lips just as she had done once before. She looked deeply into his eyes to ensure that her words would be received and accepted not just with his mind but his heart as well. She now longed more than ever for him to truly see her! "Mulder.... You came, and I am alright. Mulder look at me.... I am alright and I am here. It's over! If you wouldn't have come when you did far worse would have happened. And without you Mulder I could not have made it through this night alone! Do you hear me Mulder.... I needed you, and you are here.... you have always been here when I needed you, even if I stubbornly tried to push you away." A bit of surprise and doubt hovered in his eyes, and yet for the time being her reassuring vulnerable words, from the heart, seemed to suffice. Mulder shook his head and leaned in to rest his forehead upon hers, all the while keeping his hands anchored to her sides. For a time they just sat like this, listening contently to each others breathing coming rhythmically.... In and out.... In and out. "Lord Scully, how many times have I come this close to losing you completely? Why are you still here with me? Why don't you get as far away from me as you can?" He spoke with a desperate earnestness till finally he himself could no longer suppress the swell of emotions that quickly overtook him. Two loan tears broke free from his eyes and landed upon the soft skin of her neck. Instinctively she removed her forehead from his.... She needed to see him.... She drew his face to hers placing a faint kiss upon his cheek and gazed breathless at him for a brief moment before pulling him back into her arms. They sat clinging to one another for sometime. Neither one of them willing to sever this healing connection that flowed freely between them. Their breathing soon became almost in sync. Finally, Mulder pulled away ever so slightly, allowing his lips to trace tender kisses along her cheek. Her face became bathed in the gentle mist of his breath. Scully waited for him to stop or place a faint kiss upon her forehead or cheek as he usually did.... But he didn't. Mulder continued to inch closer to her lips till their noses were barely touching. The nearness of his mouth to hers caused her breath to catch in her throat. Time seemed to utterly stand still and all she could feel was his touch, all she could hear was his breath that stroked across her face in waves, and all she could see.... Was him! She looked longingly down at his lips, not allowing herself to look into his eyes again afraid of how much she was allowing herself to reveal. Mulder tentatively lingered ever so closely to her lips in a way he never had before.... Waiting for her to pull away.... He waited for his professional rational Scully to suddenly appear once again. But she didn't move an inch, she didn't speak, she didn't even flinch. It was almost as if she was content being this near to him. Warning bells screamed in his head, but the overpowering well of emotions and desire compelled him to continue forward. So he did.... Slowly he inched closer to her lips that ever so slightly began to part in utter anticipation of finally joining with him in a deeper more intimate manner. His lips gently yet passionately brushed against the extent of her lips causing her to tightly squeeze her eyes shut in pleasure as she exhaled into his open mouth. There was no mistaking it this time they both longed for this more than anything. Slowly Mulder began to press his lips in around hers and gently lingered there for a moment... absorbing ever sweet second.... Before finally allowing himself to press his lips more firmly to her own causing them in that second to merge further into one. This was it.... What they had suppressed and longed for for too many years. It was a kiss not unlike the one they had shared on New Years, except this one was mutual and full of passion and more emotion than either of them had the capacity to contain. But this kiss was unmistakably longer. Gently he massaged her lips with his, pulling away to move his head to a different angle and recapture her lips. Scully suddenly moved her hands from his face and allowed them to slowly travel through his hair. Her fingers tenderly combed through it causing him to draw her closer yet to him. Every part of Mulder longed with ever fiber of his being to deepen the kiss, he desired to feel her soft tongue upon his and explore the interior of her mouth. He ached to make her more apart of himself. But his brain's warnings were finally unable to be ignored by him even through the mist of passion that hugged them closely together. The voices gently spoke in unison "Slow." Ever so slightly he pulled his lips from hers. Scully's face was still tilted up and her eyes remained tightly closed which in a way he was grateful for. For now there was no questioning or probing gazes pleading with him to speak the truth she longed to hear.... But even though he felt relief in no way was he afraid anymore of letting her see what lay within him, he just struggled with how to put words to it or if it was the right time to do so. Instead of looking up at him Scully, with eyes still closed, drew her body back into his arms, and nuzzled her face tenderly into the hollow of his neck once again. Mulder held her close, almost rocking her in his arms. Soon her breathing became even and rhythmic, and instinctively he knew that absolute exhaustion had finally settled in. It was all too much to take in at once. Reluctantly Mulder pulled away. Scully's eyes remained closed for the time being, and now as he gazed down at her she somehow appeared different to him. But for the life of him he could not put a finger on how to explain this different appearance that beamed and radiated from her. Yet even though there was a look about her that he could not put words to, there was also another side of her that lay before him. It was almost as if she mirrored a completely trusting and helpless child. Slowly he reached over her to pick up the large bandage and ointment. Mulder gingerly began to apply the suave to her wounds, and when he was satisfied they were properly covered and cleaned he applied the bandage gently to her torso. As Mulder worked Scully's head was mildly turned down, her eyes were tightly shut, and her frame was slightly hunched over seemingly as a result of the absence of his body there to support her. Slowly Mulder proceeded to help her slip into his large white shirt, purposely drawing his arms around her once again for support. The warm cotton fabric was a welcoming relief upon her battered skin. Without seeking her permission Mulder gently scooped her small frame into his arms. She did not protest as he carried her into the bedroom, but instead she limply leaned her head against his chest. Mulder was slightly taken aback by how light she truly was in his arms. Before laying her on the bed he sat her on the corner of the mattress. He removed her shoes, and socks.... And with little hesitation yet full of respect Mulder undid the buttons of her pants and slowly pulled them free from her frame. Through the whole process Scully sat motionless, staring intently at the floor. Without any urging she inched her way up the bed and into the cocoon of blankets Mulder now held open for her to slide into. Tenderly he laid the blankets over her making sure she was snugly tucked in. Instantly she became hidden in the heap of blankets that rested upon her petite form. Mulder allowed himself to linger over her for a moment longer, until he was content that she was completely taken care of and most importantly...that she was safe! He slowly and quietly began to turn and head towards the living room for yet another night on his by now very worn couch, but suddenly a faint small voice stopped him dead in his tracks. "Mulder...." And with that said it was all he needed to hear. It was not what she said but the way in which she spoke his name that told him she needed him to stay. It was urgent and pleading at its depth but laced on the outskirts with hesitation and insecurity at this newfound demonstration of vulnerability. And vulnerability was not something that rose or surfaced in either of them often. Without a single word spoken he removed his clothing, and slipped on a pair of sweat pants, deciding to forgo the tee shirt all together. Carefully he sat upon the bed and slid his body underneath the comforter. For a moment he just laid there absolutely motionless. In this new situation he began to become very uncertain as to what he should do. They had never actually shared a bed together. Questions began to cloud his already tired and fractured mind. Should he reach out to her? Or should he respect her space and stay far over on his side of the bed? What did she want? What if he made the wrong decision? Mulder lay there stiff as a bored as question on top of question swirled through his mind in torrents. Before he could even process all the options, or decide upon a correct course of action, Scully reached out her hand from beyond the mound of blankets hiding her form and tentatively let it come to rest upon his forearm. For a moment he sat still in absolute surprised shock. She had reached out to him. She had taken the next step for them. Snapping out of his daze Mulder delicately reached for her in the inky blackness that engulfed them. Slowly and with no protest she responded by easing her body up next to his and gently nuzzling her head upon his chest. For a moment he could feel there was a brief hesitation between them as both of their bodies remained somewhat ridged. But Mulder quickly allowed what he felt about the situation to overtake his relational mind. In that moment he made the choice to quell his gnawing fears. With one arm he pulled her more tightly to himself and with the other he tenderly stroked her hair allowing his chin to rest upon the crown of her head. Sensing his bold declaration to her she herself began to quickly relax in his arms. For several minutes multitudes of thoughts and emotions bombarded down upon Scully's fragile state and screamed to be heard all at once. Yet before she allowed them to utterly consume her she made a bold decision and said "No!" And in that moment she found herself victorious they had been silenced and faded into her subconscious for the time being. For now she just allowed herself to bask in the freedom she felt within. And before she knew it the utter peace and serenity of the moment drew her into darkness, sleep completely overtaking her. Mulder soothed and comforted her in any and all ways he knew how until he felt her body became absolutely relaxed in his arms. Her breathing became even with the heavy beautiful sounds of slumber. Apart of Mulder was afraid to allow himself to sleep. He longed to take in every precious minute and detail of this profound moment in time! He feared that he would awake and realize it was nothing more than a sweet dream. He feared it would all come crashing down when the sun brought a new day to them. He longed to stay in this moment, to keep her like this with him forever. Almost eight years of beautiful and treasured memories flooded his mind and heart with peace and warmth, and soon enough they too carried him away into a deep sleep. 7:00 Am Sunday Morning Mulder awoke, and as he stretched he felt oddly good, even content. Very rarely did he sleep, let alone sleep soundly. Why was last night different from any other? Snapping his eyes open Mulder's eyes scan the sight before him. Scully's sleeping form lay beside him. There is was..... the reason why every part of him felt renewed and alive. Scully no longer clung to his body, but she remained close enough to feel his warmth and the gentle fanning of his breath upon her face. Mulder allowed himself to linger for a time, taking in every magnificent feature of this woman lying before him. He found himself coming utterly undone by how beautiful she was when she allowed herself to become completely unguarded. Mulder knew in that moment that this was Scully at her most vulnerable and yet how many times had he seen her sleep and never recognized it? But at the same token how many times had he permitted himself to entertain such thoughts? How often did he allow himself to linger before her as waves of fresh emotions stole his heart away? Instinctively he reached over and gently tucked a piece of auburn hair behind her ear, which alone caused Scully to breathe a content sigh. Before losing himself completely Mulder gingerly pushed himself from the bed to ensure he did not wake his sleeping angel. Walking into the bathroom he knew that as soon as she awoke everything would snap back to normal.... But in that moment a thought struck him..... Would it? Would things remain the same? Could things remain the same? The answer seemed so clear and yet brimming with unknowns and implications. 'No.... things would not remain the same.' They had reached a precipice, a new depth, and neither of them could deny any longer where destiny seemed to be leading them. 11:00Am Sunday Morning Scully woke feeling as if her body was literally falling apart. Every muscle and joint screamed in protest as she began to stir. She quickly adjusted and began to search for Mulder's familiar form, but for the time being he remained out of her line of sight. As she was scanning the room for Mulder her eyes ran passed the clock.... And then sharply returned.... 11Am! When was the last time she had slept so late, and so deep for that matter? Instantly she hoped that Mulder did not mind or feel he had to put his day on hold on her account. Scully slowly pushed herself from the bed as every inch of her body ached for relief from the searing pain. Gritting her teeth she propped herself upon the floor and tightly held to the edge of the mattress for support. A shower hopefully would be a welcoming relief from the pain. She lazily padded her way through Mulder's apartment, and even attempted to call out his name once. The horse smallness of her own voice surprised her at first. After rummaging through the whole place and hearing only the sounds of her own breath, her soft footsteps upon the bare floor, and the general sounds of an empty apartment, she realized she was indeed alone. A sharp twinge of sadness crept over her, and she quickly rebuked herself for such an emotion. It was just that after last night's events she longed to feel his arms around her again, but above all else she needed his eyes to tell her everything was ok. On the other hand she was relieved, grateful that Mulder did not feel he had to hover over her every moment. This time would also give her an opportunity to shower, process the events of the last few days, and get her thoughts back in order. A sudden updraft brought her thoughts back down to earth. Scully looked down, and an embarrassed flush flooded through her. Scully stood in the middle of Mulder's apartment clad in nothing but her underwear and Mulder's large white shirt. Suddenly the reality of the previous night began to become strikingly clear. She had slept beside Mulder. Not only did she lie beside him, but she permitted herself to reach out to him. She even went as far as allowing Mulder to hold her half naked body against his own. She had desperately clung to him as if he was her last lifeline. Had this thought not crossed her mind last night before she permitted herself to even utter his name? Staring down at her bare bruised legs and thighs she reeled at the thought of how much she had exposed to him. What did he think of it all? Would their relationship be the same? Would he look at her the same for that matter? Would their professional work relationship be affected? Suddenly her rational mind protested to be heard through the mess of thoughts and questions. 'Dana, get yourself into the bathroom. The last thing you need is Mulder walking in and seeing you standing half naked in his living room gawking at yourself!' That thought alone quickly propelled her into Mulder's room. Pulling her extra cloths from the overnight bag she headed into the bathroom for a shower. But the minute she turned on the tap flashes of the previous night flicked to life before her eyes. She was sitting on the edge of the tub in nothing but a bra and pants looking utterly like a helpless wounded child. Mulder gingerly washed her body and tended to her wounds, wounds that were not only physical. He held her close as she fell completely to pieces within his arms. But suddenly one memory alone stole her breath completely away. Mulder had kissed her.... She had kissed him back! Their lips had touched and in no way could it be rationalized as an accident or one shared between friends. This one was dripping with passion and desire! Even though it was simple and strikingly similar to one they shared on New Year's, this kiss was plainly different. The kiss was met mutually and they allowed it to linger on longer than any two friends would have. And even though it was not a devouring match between mouths and tongues, it was full of passion, longing, and.... Dare she acknowledge it.... Maybe even Love. It was an honest glimpse to the both of them of what could be. Signing deeply Scully finally turned on the shower and stepped in. She tilted her head back allowing the steaming water to cascade down her neck and back. As the hot water did its magic relieving the physical pain, Scully could not help but wonder. She wondered if Mulder would mention the kiss, whether they would discuss it, or if they would go on as usual never talking about their intimate encounter, as they had frequently grown accustomed to doing. And if they did speak of it what was she hoping to hear from him? And even for that matter what would she say? For it was made remarkably clear, as she pressed deeper into his kiss, that she herself greatly desired it! A light tapping brought her mind back to the present. Mulder's voice squeaked with uncertainty at the bold move of entering the bathroom. "Scully.... Are you alright?" Taken off guard for a moment Scully quickly recovered and prayed her voice did not give her away. "Yeah Mulder.... I am fine." Her voice sounded surprisingly strong and yet very clearly laced with warmth. "Good.... Well Scully what I was mainly going to ask was what you wanted to eat. I was going to call for take out, but wanted to check with you first. Would that be ok?" Out of impulse she was going to say yes but then was stopped by a sudden different desire that became clear. "Actually Mulder do you think we could go out? I could use the fresh air and to be honest it would be nice to get out of the apartment for a while!" Mulder chuckled aloud.... "What Scully, have you seen enough of bachelor living for the time being?" Scully relaxed a bit under the trickling water, allowing herself to forget for a moment that the only thing between her naked body and him was a curtain. But in a way that had been the analogy of their relationship over the last few years. Both of them hid their heart, their vulnerability, through thin but strong towering walls. Scully did her best to suppress a giggle.... "Mulder I think that I have become quite cultured on the topic and have seen enough to last me a lifetime." Mulder laughed feeling slightly more comfortable.... "Yeah, lunch out sounds good. You do know you are buying though? See you when you get out." Mulder left before Scully could reply to his quip about buying lunch, and as the door closed with a faint thud Scully allowed a smile to spread cross her face. The bathroom became eerily quiet leaving Scully back to her thoughts and Mulder to his. Lunch was satisfying but for the most part the two of them sat in silence. At first there was a strange awkwardness, for they both knew they were no longer just partners sitting across from each other grabbing a bite to eat. They were two people that at this point didn't know how, or simply were afraid of knowing, how to define really what their relationship was. There was some small talk, but soon the conversation went to what they both knew and were comfortable with, work. Through the course of their lunch Scully began to rationalize with Mulder that she was in fact alright and would be fine going home for the night. To Mulder's credit though he protested and held out far longer than he normally did, but eventually came to accept that his strong independent Scully had reemerged and would not budge. Reluctantly Mulder drove Scully back to her apartment after they had finished their lunch. Nothing was said the entire way there. Upon reaching her place he questioned whether, in the state she was in, if he should even ask to come up to her apartment. Before she could exit the car Mulder boldly reached over and placed his hands lightly upon her wrist. "Scully, Is it ok if I come up for a bit?" Scully felt that her old self was beginning to return and that part of her wanted to express to him that she didn't need him. She wanted to reassure him that she was in fact fine so she could leave with a bit of her dignity in tact. But her heart screamed to be heard, for the truth was that deep down she wanted even needed him to stay with her. She knew that she was in fact far from fine. Scully began to turn her head in order to give him her usual look and answer they were both accustomed to, but the pleading look in his eyes stopped her cold. His eyes securely held hers, and Scully knew in that moment that he saw her. The realization of this fact hit her full force as he looked deeply into her vary heart. She could no longer hide behind her strong character she had spent years creating and perfecting. She knew in that moment that things would never be the same again. Something big had definitely changed and as much as the both of them tried to go back to the normal routine, to what they knew, or tried to prance around the facts, the truth could no longer be silenced or hidden. Scully stared utterly hypnotized as she looked deeply into his emerald green eyes. His heart pleaded with her, screaming her name. He needed her just as much as she did him. For a few moments they just sat and intently gazed at one another as their hearts whispered and began to accept beautiful truths. Neither of them knew how to put to words what was and had occurred between them. Finally breaking his gaze and the thick silence Mulder spoke. "Scully I know you want to reassure me that you are alright, but I just really need to know that you are actually ok, because I don't think you are! I simply cannot justify driving away leaving you right now. It doesn't feel right. And if you need space Scully I will make sure to stay out of your way, I just can't walk away right now." Blinking at him a few times Scully sighed and reached over to squeeze his hand in hers. As she fought for composure, for the words in which to speak, she looked down at their hands that were beautifully intertwined. They fit so perfectly in so many ways. After a few moments of silence Scully finally struggled to find her voice. "Alright Mulder.... And no Mulder I don't need space I am sorry if I made you feel I didn't want to be with you. I just don't want you to feel like you have to protect me, or that this was somehow your fault!" Relief flooded over his face. He nodded his head, smiled warmly at her, and turned to exit the car. Mulder grabbed her bag as well as the spare overnight bag he kept for himself in the trunk. Scully purposely walked slowly trying to prepare herself for the destruction that she would see when she stepped through the door of her apartment. And there was no doubt in her mind that the sights would bring haunting memories along with them. Upon reaching her door she nervously fumbled with her keys, and in the process somehow managed to drop them onto the ground. With quick reflex Mulder set both bags down and touched her back. Upon picking the keys up off the floor Mulder reached out to take them from her. Scully stood there feeling slightly foolish, just a few moments ago she had exclaimed to him that she was in fact fine and now she was demonstrating irrational fears she despised. Mulder had no trouble finding the right key. The door opened and the familiar aroma of home fanned across her sober face. Mulder stepped aside in order to allow her to enter first while he retrieved their bags. Scully walked in and stopped dead in her tracks not even a foot into her apartment. Confusion and shock raced though her not because the sight before her was a nightmare.... No it was quite the contrary. Her apartment was spotlessly clean, as if the event of terror had never occurred at all. It looked like home. Scully shook her head.... "Mulder?" He walked past her with a satisfied look upon his face and set their bags down. He stepped closer as his eyes smiled warmly at her. "Scully, I got up early this morning in order to come here. I cleaned everything up. I didn't want you to come home to.... To.... Well you know." A small grin spread over his lips.... "I was actually pretty impressed with myself I don't think I have made anything look this clean before." In that moment Scully didn't know if she should laugh, cry, or just hug him. So she opted for all three. She walked eagerly into his open embrace and Mulder wrapped his arms tightly around her. Through her now steady stream of tears, that seemed to come from nowhere, she could no longer mask the emotions that were now very evident in her voice. "Mulder I.... I don't know what to say. Thank you!" Mulder squeezed Scully tightly to himself and leaned down in order to speak into her ear. "Hey, really it's no problem. I only charge fifty bucks an hour, and it took about three, but I might be willing to give you a discount." This caused them both to laugh. Finally breaking their embrace Scully reached down to capture his hand in hers. "No, really Mulder.... Thank you...." She looked up into his eyes in order to drive home her next statement. "....For Everything!" Mulder looked down at her, nodding his head, as an awkward grin spread over his face. They both stared at each other for a moment unsure of really what to do or say. The silence threatened to shatter what remained of their sanity. Scully released his hand and walked into the kitchen trying to shift the mood back to a comfortable place or at least a somewhat familiar one. Newness and change seemed to be key parts in defining what their relationship was the last year. All of which were welcomed, but at times it just became too much at once. "Can I get you anything? I could make coffee and I have a few bottles of wine." Mulder looked over at her with his usual mischievous expression and wiggled his eye brows at her. "Scully.... Are you trying to get me drunk? You do know there are more subtle ways of coming onto me." Scully turned facing her back to him, refusing to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging his little quip or even allowing him to see the small grin that came across her face. As she fumbled with a coffee filter a sigh or relief eased the heavy weight that lay upon her shoulders.... Something familiar. "Coffee it is then." Mulder walked into the living room and plopped down heavily on the couch. The atmosphere quickly shifted and became more relaxed. For the time being some of the tension seemed to have lifted. Mulder turned on the TV and began to flip through the channels. Without removing his gaze from the TV Mulder yelled to Scully from the living room. "Man Scully, you have all the good channels. I should come over here more often.... Nothing like free cable!" Walking back into her bedroom she shot back.... "In that case I better call right away tomorrow and get it canceled." Soon she reemerged carrying a book in her hands. Mulder had settled on a football game, Cowboys vs. Giants, that was in the 2nd quarter. Sitting down beside him she wondered if he knew that she actually enjoyed watching football. She had spent much of her childhood with her father and brother, whom she adored. So needless to say for most of her life she had been quite the tomboy. Mulder peered over at her, and his face became pitiful, and his puppy dog eyes pleaded with her.... "I suppose you would rather watch something else like Steel Magnolias or Lifetime?" This time Scully could not suppress the hardy laugh that burst forth from her. She had almost forgotten how good it was to laugh like this. When she was finally able to talk she turned toward him on the couch. "Actually Mulder I rather enjoy watching this!" Mulder tilted his head and a confused expression filled his face. "Dana Scully.... Like football.... Since when?" Scully looked over at him with raised eyebrows. "Mulder there are many things you don't know about me, one being that I was a tomboy for most of my childhood. Melissa on the other hand was the girly one. She would be inside playing dress up and barbies, while I would be outside with Bill and his friends catching frogs and riding bike. I spent many a precious night with my father and Bill watching football, basketball, baseball, and racing. More than anything else I just enjoyed being with them." Mulder did not try to hide the surprise that came over his face. "Well.... Well.... Well.... Dana Scully the sports enthusiast. Looks like I might be over here more often than I thought! What about baseball? The night I tried to teach you how to play you didn't appear to be too thrilled, and if I remember right you stated and I quote.... 'I have found more necessary things to do with my time than slap a piece of horse hide with a stick.'" Grinning at the fact that Mulder remembered word for word what she had said over several years ago stopped her from replying right away. The images of that night brought such warmth to her heart. "Mulder if I remember right it was late on a Sunday night and you sent me a message telling me you had a birthday present for me, even though it was not by birthday, which ended up being you teaching me how to play baseball. So forgive me for not being too thrilled. Besides baseball has never been one of my favorite sports to watch and to be honest I actually prefer football. Like I said before.... I will always keep you guessing Mulder!" Mulder smiled warmly at her and turned his gaze back to the game and simply said.... "Yes Scully.... Yes you do!" Scully began to fiddle through the pages of her book till she found the spot she had left off on. It was only five in the afternoon. She stared at the page having no desire to actually read it. As she sat there she tried to think of a time when they had done this, just hung out for no particular reason in a manner that had nothing to do with work. But as she rummaged through her memories she came up blank. They had never done anything like this before, and yet sitting there beside Mulder, who was reclined comfortably on the couch with his stocking feet up on the coffee table, it felt oddly surreal. She wondered if this was what it was like to have a family, a significant other, to share your everyday life with. Mulder suddenly stood causing her to snap quickly back to the present. She heard clanking coming from the kitchen and Mulder soon emerged back into the living room with two steaming mugs of coffee. Scully smiled her thanks up at Mulder as she accepted the mug. The warmth it brought the second it touched her palms was so inviting. Scully brought the cup to her face allowing herself to breathe in the hot aroma before enjoying the first sip. Mulder sat down beside her but this time he sat considerably closer to her. They both sat there for a moment in silence, staring at the Tv, and savoring their coffee. In that moment Scully made a choice that her better judgment would have never allowed her to do, she inched closer to Mulder all the while keeping her eyes upon the mug of coffee she had set upon the table. Surprise flushed over Mulder, but Scully refused to look him in the eye. As she closed the gap between them he lifted his arm so that she could easily slide into his arms. Scully brought her legs up onto the couch and relaxed into his frame. Mulders surprise quickly faded as he pulled her tighter to himself. Scully leaned into his arms and rested her head upon his shoulder. Neither of them said a word, and in many ways nothing really needed to be said in that moment. The fact that they were sitting in this intimate of a position spoke it all. Little by little they were taking small careful steps. They sat in silence watching the game and sipping on their coffee. Contentment filled the air all around and a sudden peace about where this might be leading them fell upon them. Finally about an hour into the game Scully nodded off. Mulder was taken aback by the fact that she was so relaxed and unguarded. How many times in their relationship had he seen her this way? He took in every aspect of her being feeling blessed and honored that she was so freely revealing herself to him. Little by little she was allowing him into the different and new places of her heart. Mulder took in every detail of the breath taking beauty of her face. No matter how many times he gazed upon her he was always struck utterly speechless! It was almost as if the more she revealed her heart to him the more beautiful she became. As he looked upon her he couldn't help but just shake his head not really believing that they were actually in this place. To be honest Mulder wasn't really sure what this new place was and neither of them had yet acknowledged anything with their lips, but they both knew they had entered this new plain together. Things had changed, things were truly changing. The thought of this brought along with it many fears and implications that he knew Scully herself shared with him. So many unknowns loomed ahead of them, and as much as he wanted to move forward into this new territory there was a part of him that wanted to remain where it was safe, in what they knew. Did they have the strength to face these unknowns, to withstand them all together? One of the largest questions that chipped away at his new found desire to finally take the first steps toward change, was what would end up happening to their partnership, to the work they had fought so hard for? If they publically revealed their relationship he knew full well that they would be split up, and the thought of not having her by his side made his heart ache and brought a slight twinge of panic within him. How many times had she saved him, and watched his back? How many times had she kept him anchored with her science and contradictions? He knew that she had made him a better man, and gave the X-Files more credibility than he could have ever done on his own. Had they finally come this far only to lose it all in order to pursue an intimate relationship? More than anything else, the fear that gnawed and ate away at him, was the thought of somehow losing her. He couldn't help but ask himself if it was really worth all the dramatic implications and unknowns? Even though so many fears clouded his mind his heart could be heard clearly.... 'Yes it was worth it all.... She was worth it all.' In that moment a thought so profound struck him, he could not fathom spending one more day without her, waking up one more morning alone. With his free hand Mulder drug his own hand over his hair, leaving it a tousled mess, and vigorously rubbed his hand over his face and eyes hoping to somehow silence the seemingly unending string of questions. What he wouldn't give for this to be simple. Mulder gazed at his sleeping Scully and tenderly traced his fingers along her radiant face. He couldn't help himself, he needed to touch her. Scully flinched slightly in his arms and her eyes fluttered open. "Hey sleeping beauty.... I think you drooled all over my arm." A boyish grin came over his face. Scully slowly moved from his arms and groggily rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Sorry Mulder.... How long was I out?" She looked up at him sleep still clinging heavily upon her face. "At least a few hours. It is almost 10pm." Scully stretched and shifted trying to find a comfortable position. "I am sorry I fell asleep Mulder. I can't seem to keep my eyes open, and for some reason I am just so exhausted." Mulder turned to face her on the couch. "Scully, don't worry about it. It's completely understandable with everything you have been through the last few days." Scully lowered her face and simply shook her head silently acknowledging the full meaning of his statement. Looking down at her hands suddenly everything came into focus and nothing could stop the floodgates from pouring forth. Tears began to well up in her eyes but soon they were so full that they spilled out in streams down her stricken face. Mulder instinctively drew closer to her, moved her body in the right position, and tilted her face to look up at him. "What is it Scully?" Shaking her head Scully looked away from Mulder's penetrating gaze. If she wanted to somewhat hold things together she could not look at him right now. Starring down at his strong hands she fought to find the right words to describe the overflow of thoughts and emotions that raged through her. "I still don't know why I shot him Mulder. I believe God to be forgiving, but what compelled me to pull the trigger? I have prayed and asked myself that question over and over again. Mulder.... I feel as if my life is crashing in on me and I am powerless to stop it. I don't know even what I want or who I am anymore. I am just so tired Mulder.... So lost." Finally the anguish completely overtook her, sweeping away her voice and sending her body heaving with sobs that came from a deep well of rotted emotions. Mulder held her close to himself and rocked her soothingly in his arms. He stroked her hair and back and only allowed himself to utter one simple phrase for the time being.... "It's Ok!" Mulder lost track of time but he knew that Scully had been weeping for at least an hour, and yet he knew there was so much more that needed to be released from the deep well within her. When he was sure that the worst of her tears had finally subsided, he slowly pulled away. Scully reluctantly let go of her desperate grip around his body. He tilted her tear stained face and fought to suppress the deep emotions that were threatening to render him helpless and weak as well. Right now he needed to be a man, he needed to be strong for this woman before him. Longingly he cupped her face within his hands and as his eyes gently held hers he was unable to contain or hide how deeply he ached for her, how deeply he loved her. Scully's eyes looked up at him almost pleading, begging for hope, for guidance, for reassurance, for love, for anything. Tears continued to glide down her porcelain face. "Scully.... God knows that Donnie gave you no choice and I don't believe it is His will or His desire for you to punish yourself any longer! Scully, you have not lost your faith. I know that is what you are afraid of! If anything I have seen your faith strengthened by the many challenges and trials that have come your way. If anything else I have seen your faith affirmed over the time I have known you, and I have to admit that there is apart of me that has found more hope in the faith you have demonstrated to me. Hope that somehow, somewhere, there is someone who is greater than us, and truly has a purpose for our being." Mulder pulled her face closer to his own in an attempt to somehow help her to see the beautiful reflection of herself through his eyes. He ached for her to see the desperate promptings of his heart. "Scully....Do you know? How can you not see? How can you not see yourself as I do?! You are the most pure beautiful person, who has more integrity and strength than anyone I have ever met. You Scully.... Have saved me more times than I can count! You have kept me anchored with your science and patience. You brought more than I can express into my life! You Scully.... Have made me a better man, helped me to become the man I am today! You have kept me sane, kept me alive inside! I feel so unworthy to have you by my side. I cannot fathom why you have made the choice to stay beside me, to stand firm in support of me, or our work! Scully look at me.... I too have struggled with feeling utterly lost, feeling as if you are at the mercy of the blowing and shifting wind. I have struggled with all the things I have seen taken away from you, from me. I have struggled to find hope in our search. But Scully, I have to believe somehow that all of this has not been in vain. I have to believe that someday all of this will fall into place, will make sense. Scully.... I would do anything to give back to you all that you have lost! You deserve so much more than this.... I just pray that someday we will come to see and realize that we have actually gained more in the end than we have lost! Don't you see Scully as hard as life gets at times, and as much as we don't always understand it, you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You are not lost! You, we, are finding our way together! And Scully.... It is my hope that the God you have faith in will bless you for your willingness to make a difference in this world no matter how small it may be." The words from Mulder's heart seemed to flow out like water as he spoke the many things that had built up in his heart and mind for so long. The biggest part of him longed to allow it all too finally emerge, but there would be a time and a place for each part to come out, and for now this was it. Scully looked up at Mulder, desperately searching his eyes. She opened her mouth several times to speak but each time only breath passed through lips. In that moment Mulder knew somehow she had truly seen and truly heard the depth in his words. He knew it was exactly what her heavy weary heart needed to hear and see. Mulder continued to gaze down at her, gently stroking her face with his thumbs, and for a long while they just stared at one another. And yet somehow they were content with not uttering one word because everything that needed to be said was seen in their eyes. Finally Scully shut her eyes, and exhaled as if a large weight had been lifted from her chest. She reached up and placed her hand behind his neck and laid the other upon his chest. Slowly she leaned in and rested her forehead upon his. For quite some time they just listened, listened to the sound of their breathing. Blessed hope held them intimately together in a way very few people ever experience. Hesitantly Mulder pulled away and yet continued to trace and memorize the beautiful features of her face with his hands. One more lone tear fell from Scully's beaming eyes. For a moment Mulder watched it slowly travel down the length of her face, but before it could leave her cheek he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss over the moist tear. Scully pressed herself closer to him as he rested his cheek upon her own. And yet again they found themselves at an impasse. Did they act upon the passion and desire that flooded them both and longed to spill forth? For a time Mulder allowed himself to listen to his mind and heart and shut out the fears and doubts. Finally a set decision passed through him. Pulling slightly away, only enough to ensure she could see into his eyes, Mulder ran his hand down the length of her jaw. Before he acted upon his decision he needed to see that she in fact had come to the same conclusion. After her eyes longingly reaffirmed him, he stared down at her, needing her to know this time was different, needing her to know he was in fact declaring to her apart of what was to come. Slowly he leaned in and pulled his eyes from her longing gaze to the source of what he so desperately desired to touch, her lips. Scully began to slightly open her mouth, and for a minute she did not breathe. Before he allowed himself to press his lips upon hers, he gently caressed his mouth against hers. He breathed in the breath that left her mouth and entered his. And finally when the time was right Mulder began to close his mouth and captures hers in his own. He pressed his mouth slowly into hers and soon found himself capturing her up in his arms, pressing her deeper into his being. Scully passionately responded by drawing her arms up around his neck and allowing herself to press further into his kiss. As they both grasped onto one another Mulder fought to hear the wisdom within. The passion and longing of his heart screamed to be let loose. He longed to deepen the kiss and for the first time he felt the full force of Scully's own desires. Gently he caressed her lips firmly with his own and then slowly began to open his mouth, Scully did the same with no further prompting. Ever so slightly, with a slight twinge of hesitation, Mulder allowed his tongue to trace over her lips. He did not want to be greedy or demanding, he wanted to love her in a way she deserved, with every move he made he made sure it was laced with a slow gentleness, respect, honor, and carefulness. With ever passing moment, with every touch, Scully knew that he desired more than anything for her to feel precious and treasured. Scully responded by running her hands through his hair and pressing herself deeper yet into his kiss. There was no doubt that they both desired to let loose all that they had suppressed for so long, but wisdoms voice could be heard clearly now through his being.... "Slow!" With every once of strength and willpower he had Mulder gently removed his tongue from her mouth, not allowing himself to explore it further for the time being. Slowly he pulled his lips from hers, but instinctively could not resist allowing his lips to capture hers one more time. As he pulled away Scully breathed his name into his mouth causing a shiver to race down the length of his spine. "Mulder!" For a time Scully kept her eyes closed. They both knew that neither of them wished that kiss to end as soon as it did, and yet they both knew it was wise to take things slow. When her eyes finally opened what he saw within her was more than he could have ever fathomed. Her eyes were brimming with a love so extravagant so incomprehensible that it took him a minute to process what he was seeing. Slowly Scully pulled her eyes from his, and tilted her head down. Instinctively she reached and began to caress and grasp his hand with her own. Leaning slightly towards her Mulder hovered ever so close to her ear. "Scully.... You need to get some rest!" In an instant Scully's hands drew up to hold him near, and her grip almost felt desperate. "You are not going to leave are you? I.... umm.... Please stay.... I need you to stay!" Mulder, knowing how hard it must have been for her to express such a thing, pulled away to look into her clear blue eyes. "Of course I will stay..... I wouldn't dream of leaving you tonight!" Shaking her head, Scully's eyes closed, and with the reassurance of his words the panic dissipated as quickly as it came. Slowly Mulder rose from the couch, he went through the apartment locking up and flipping lights off till their figures were completely enveloped in darkness. Scully's shaky voice emerged from the blackness.... "Mulder?!" Within seconds he had found his way back to the couch and quickly reassured her with his comforting touch. "I'm here Scully! I am not going anywhere. Your safe!" Without seeking her permission once again Mulder reached beneath her and scoped Scully up in his arms, which caused her to relax trustingly into his frame. Upon entering her room he performed the same ritual he had done the night before. He gently removed her clothing all but her bra and panties, and pulled the comforter down in order for her to climb under. Without a word Scully's hand groped through the darkness, desperately needing to feel his safe warmth. Instinctively Mulder leaned over and caressed her face soothingly. "Scully.... I am right here I just need a minute so I can get into something a little more comfortable." Mulder quickly shed everything but his boxers and tee shirt. Gingerly he slid beneath the covers. There was still a slight hesitation within him, this was all so new. Upon feeling Mulder's frame shift on the bed without hesitation she closed whatever gap lay between them. Scully nuzzled her head upon his chest and grasped him tightly in her arms. Mulder could feel the desperation, the need, within her touch so he slowly began to caress her hair, her face, and her back with his hands. He softly whispered words of reassurance and comfort into her ear. And before long her body began to relax and her breathing became heavy with sleep. Before allowing himself to succumb to the rest every part of his being needed he gave his heart and mind the opportunity to process and connect the many truths that had been revealed to him over the last few days, over the last few years. Silent serenity clung heavily in the air all around cradling their frames as one and cultivating the love that had begun to flourish between them. Mulder's eyes caught a glint of light shining off of the cross Scully wore at the base of her neck the moonlight causing it to give off a penetrating glow. Reaching down he reverently held the cold metal cross in his hand. Was there in fact hope? Did every human life have a purpose on this cold unforgiving planet? In that moment Mulder felt for the first time in his life that he may be witnessing the very hand of God. As he looked down upon the precious woman that lay in his arms.... This woman that had become such a precious gift. She had brought so much life, love, and healing into him the minute she walked through the doors of his heart. Maybe.... Just maybe the God of the universe knew what his heart and being needed to continue on this journey called life, what he needed to somehow make a difference in any way he could. But he knew one thing for certain man was never meant to travel upon this journey alone. In that moment a peace and warmth so unreal and otherworldly cloaked and softly fell upon him. Hope.... Yes there was hope! And hope is what he knew both he and Scully had been running toward since the day God intertwined their paths. Along their journey towards hope many unbelievable truths of life and love became more clear and real as their hearts slowly began to merge into one. It was a miracle of life that his heart finally realized could never have happened by chance nor fate. Was all the pain and loss worth it all? As another wave of hope and warmth brushed through him his heart breathed with healing relief.... Yes it was worth is all! For in truth what he had attained through the sorrow and storms of life gave him more than anything he had ever lost. Emotion quickly over took him and unrestrained tears began to flow. He squeezed Scully gently to himself and tenderly kissed the crown of her head. Yes.... He would continue to run and lead this precious woman towards hope trusting that the closer he came the more the truth would become clearer. And with this beautiful revelation hope drew him deeply into a peaceful renewing sleep.