From: LuvNKses@aol.com Date: 9 Mar 1999 23:57:29 -0800 Subject: "Nightmare Born: Time and Distance" 1/5 "Nightmare Born: Time and Distance." (part 7 of Nightmare Born Series) K.McCoy (luvnkses@aol.com) Summary: What happened to Scully after she woke from her coma? Part 7 of "Nightmare Born"... Rated: R for graphic language later... Spoilers: Emily, XC, All Souls, US 5. Keywords: Mulder/Scully/Angst Category: Story Finished: 12-21-98...no joke...totally serious...spooooooooky. revision completed 3/3/99. Archive:Do NOT archive to ATXF. Gossamer, XFCreative are fine, anywhere else is fine too. Authors notes: This is the 7th book in the "Nightmare Born" Series. For continuation purposes, this fic opens with a passages from "Nightmare Born: Soul Unbound."(part 6) I chose to flashback so those who haven't read the series can pick it up from here, and to develop the bonds we have seen, and the bonds we will see in the next (god knows how many) chapters of the "Nightmare Born" series. It will all wrap with "Unfinished Business." which I wrote already. This fic is also a link for the Romance of Margaret Scully by A.D.Skinner, in "Unfinished Business."..(don't do what I think your going to do which is FLIP out...sorry Jerryism) The song is by, Shawn Mullins, "Lullaby". HEY! Scully is only in this "devoid of self worth" mode for the first two chapters...so bear with me eh? ******************************************* Ev-er-y-things gonna be alright, Rock-a-bye, Rock-a-bye Ev-er-y-thing's gonna be alright, Rock-a-bye, Rock-a-bye. ******************************************* ** Previously**(From Nightmare Born: Soul Unbound)** "Please Scully, dammit, I know you can hear me!" Mulder says frustrated. "Scully please...please...just squeeze my hand. I need you Scully....." **************************** "Go to him Mommy. He's waiting. He will Protect you." Emily says almost disappearing within the light. " Just as you protect me, he will always protect you." **************************** "I promise you Scully, I will protect you...always. Please come back to me Scully, please." Mulder says, and lays his head softly upon her hand held within his, and started to gently cry. **************************** "Emily! I want to stay here with you and Papa Ahab! Please, please take me into the light with you!" Scully begs of her daughter, frozen in the place she now stands. "Not now Mommy. Soon. Soon I will come to get you. But not now." Emily says smiling. ***************************** **Also From "Soul Unbound"** "Go get the Doctor. She's waking up." The first Nurse orders the second Nurse, as the second Nurse flee's the room to find the Doctor. "Ms. Scully? Can you speak to me at all?" The nurse asks, not expecting a response by the look of her flickering lids. "Y-y-yessss." Scully manages to say, then slowly opens her eyes to see her Mom and Mulder not two inches from her face. Fuzzy images, but she knew immediately who they were. "Hi honey...Were glad to see you." Margaret sighs. "Hi Scully. Glad to have you back partner." Mulder smiles at her out of sheer relief, but she didn't seem to be looking at anyone in particular. This worried Mulder and Margaret instantly, as they both wait for her to focus on one or the other of them. She didn't. Even if they planted their faces directly in her line of sight, she wouldn't focus on them. "Scully? Can you see me Scully?" Mulder asks concerned. After a few minutes, this smile struggled onto Scully's face and she said simply, "You...ne-need...a-a-a shave. G-go home Mullldderrr.." and kept smiling. Mulder's grin couldn't have spread any wider as she said that. He knew she could hear him the whole time she was unconscious, and she just proved him right. Simply by telling him to go home.>> **Time and Distance** ****************************************************** ** Oh MY GOD!** Mulder had took Scully's advice about a shave, and actually went home to call Skinner and take a shower. As soon as he left, Scully who had been lying there, half asleep, decides she needs to go to the restroom...Badly! She tries to sit up, and can only move her neck and head and fingertips weakly. She tries again, and still nothing. She starts to panic a little, then looks up to her Mother and creaks out, "M-M-Mom. I-I-I ca-n'tt m-m-move." "What?! What do you mean you cant move?" "M-M-MOM!!! G-G-Get the doc-tttor!" **************************************** **Many Moons later** Mom. My sweet, ever hopeful, pensively neurotic Mom. Never a cross word have I heard her speak, nor a cross action has she taken. She is amazing, and as I lay here in this bed wondering if I ever will regain the strength to just sit up again, I envy her for being so strong. She has not left my side for more than 10 minutes in the two weeks since I woke up, and it is sweet but bugging the hell out of me. And Mulder. Dear sweet pitiful Mulder. Just as devoted as Mom. Even more so, if the look in his eyes betray him like I think it does. He is only being strong for me. And in all honesty, I don't want him too. I just want him to leave. I DONT want him to see me this weak and vulnerable. Not Him. Not Mulder. He's always smiling and joking around, when what I want right now is just for the both of them to go away. I really could care less that I am alive. I know what I left behind. I know where I was...even if they say it was the drugs. I know who I held, and who I struggled to find, and who I fought the most vile Evil from the deepest pits of Hell for. My Emily. She has once again been taken from me... I have been told by my Mother and Mulder that I was here the whole time, and I must have dreamed the whole thing. I know better. I feel the bruises on my knees, the blisters on my feet, the anger in my soul. I know it was real. I know I killed that Cigarette Smoking son-of-a-bitch!! Was all for not? This is what I am led to believe. I am still and always will be at the mercy of this chip in my neck. If it can do this to me at it's own whim, what's to say tomorrow I will not be dead? I find it rather disheartening and depressive, and see no reason to get well. I'm comfortable here, in my non-existence. I cannot fathom why a God so supposedly merciful, would let me return to a place I so detest. I have no purpose any longer in this world. I know I am not here for the peace of mind of my Mother, or for the Love of Mulder. There is no peace in this existence, and there is no love in the realm I now occupy. I feel nothing but pain. Physical, mental, all encompassing pain, that right now has swallowed me whole...and I could care less... "Scully? You OK?" Mulder says, reaching over grabbing Scully's hand, snapping her out of her own thoughts. "F-f-fine." she stutters, not fully in control of her vocal cords yet, and not answering much of what Mulder or her Mother ask of her. Mulder is deeply distraught, and really at a loss as to how to move forward. Scully is unresponsive. Throwing out the physical therapists, the speech therapists, the Doctors, and even Mulder himself, with just a harsh glance as she turns her head away. That's how she communicated lately, and Mulder noticed she seems to like it that way. That more than anything worried Mulder. It is unhealthy, and unlike Scully for sure! She has given up the fight, the fight she herself had begun. Scully had fought her way back more than once from death, yet somehow this time was different. She was in a very deep coma, she had flatlined, she had fought bravely, and triumphed over that part of the fight for her life. Yet her enthusiasm for this life was short-lived after she had awoke. She was Paralyzed. The doctors had told Scully she would have to relearn everything. Everything! How to walk, sit, talk, eat, bathe, dress, write, everything must be relearned. Her speech seemed the least affected, although strained and painful at times, she was happy to have a least her voice. Then everything changed. In the space of one night, she had went from hopeful, to harshly bitter. She was shunning her Mother, Mulder, her Doctors, and any semblance of a normal life again. She DID NOT want to get well, and so much as told Mulder so. "Scully? It's lunch time. Do you want me to feed you?" Mulder offers. "G-go awa-y." Scully mumbles and turns her head from him. "Scully, you need to eat something." Mulder begs. "I s-s-said...GO AWA-Y! You g-g-go." she yells as loud as she can, and turns away from him again. Mulder just doesn't know how to react to her, and tries hard not to take it personally. He decides, fine he'll leave, but not for more than 10 minutes. Right then and there Mulder made that promise to himself and to Scully. No more than 10 minutes away. 'Damnit she's not giving up...not now. I love her too much.' he thinks to himself. Yet Scully couldn't have given a shit. As a matter of fact, she doesn't give a shit about anything at all right now. She just doesn't care. Her heart is slowly turning to stone, after being ripped to shreds. She did not want to come back here, especially not to be hopelessly paralyzed. All she can thinks about is that Mulder will never see her as a whole woman again. That more than anything terrifies the hell out of her, and the best thing right now, was for him to go away. She is sure that was the answer. "OK, Scully. I'll be right back." Mulder says and stands to leave. Just as he turns he hears her struggling to speak, but this time, he heard true emotion in her voice. "N-n-nooo. N-noo Mul-d-der." she stammers out, then chokes up with the tears that cascade from her closed lids. "Go. N-n-noo baack." "Scully, I'll leave, but there's no way in hell you can keep me from coming back." Mulder defiantly states. "NO! N-n-nooo Mul-d-der !! G-g-go AWAY!" she screams! "GO N-N-NOW!" then pauses, drawing in a hurtful breath "....p-p-please..." she whispers, trying hard not to fall to pieces. Scully talks quite a bit better when she focuses and uses her energy positively...or not so positively. Especially when she is angry. Well, Mulder thought it very positive she even spoke to him, even if what she said wasn't so positive. He would take a harsh word anytime, if it meant it would keep her talking. It is also so very encouraging that she could slightly yell at him or even raise her voice, considering the rest of the Speech process was coming about slowly. Very slowly seeing how she refused to cooperate, and ordered the Therapists out of her room. And now she is throwing Mulder out. Margaret is the only person left who she hasn't physically demanded leave... "OK Scully. But I'm coming back in about 10 minutes." Mulder says popping out of his daydream. " Until then, I'm sending Skinner in to talk with you." Mulder bluntly says, and turns the knob on the door. "N-N-N-NNOOOO !" Scully yells, and slams her head back on the pillow when Mulder ignores her and leaves the room. Scully is infuriated with him, and is making a promise to herself to choke him to death, if she ever regains her strength. In fact that is the very first thing she wants to do. Kill Mulder. At least it's a goal... She cries heavily, partly because she doesn't understand why this is happening to her, and partly out of shame that she isn't fighting this harder. She just doesn't care. She didn't see the use in getting up everyday, to face maybe this chips self destruction, slipped into another lengthy coma, or called to some Mountain for extermination by the people who implanted the damn chip in the first place. The chip...that damn chip is responsible for this whole mess...Mulder...if it wasn't for him...I wouldn't-- Forget it... What WAS the point... Quit blaming him... After 5 years of emotional torture, Scully just can't take the heartache any longer. She is in a state of emotional shock, not quite knowing what to do with all these feelings stemming from her brush with Motherhood, Mulder, X- Files, and her Cancer. Right now she is blaming herself for being so stupid as to let herself get buried in Mulder's insane quest this far, to the point of mere existence, AND blaming Mulder on top of it. For anything, and everything. She gets pissed if he smiles and touches her at the same time, if he tries to read, talk or just console her. This was happening all day today. All she could think about was feeling almost exactly the same way she did in that small town infested with the Killer TV Signal. Mulder was the one responsible, he was the one they were after. She was just an obstacle, or pawn if you will in his game of cat and mouse with the Government. She was the unwilling victim. 'If you could see me now....' she thought miserably. "Scully?" she heard a soft but firm male voice call out to her. 'Skinner. Great. Why can't everyone leave me alone? Go the fuck away Skinner.' she was thinking to herself. Yet the only thing that came out was, "Le-eave p- p-p--" "Not a chance Agent Scully." her Boss spouts with authority. " Your gonna sit there and listen to every word I have to say." "Lea-vve me a-a-lone." Scully mutters, and closes her eyes to hopefully fall back asleep. 'I like being asleep. It is the only place I can go with no pain. Emily is always there waiting for me in my dreams. Comforting me, and telling me... ".. it will be OK Mommy. Don't worry. Papa Ahab takes good care of me. He loves me Mommy, just as Agent Potatohead loves you. Don't be angry. I'll be back..." then someone always wakes her up. 'A Doctor, a Nurse, my Mom...Mulder. Mulder always claiming I am talking clear as day in my sleep. All of them trying to cheer me up, when all I want to do is sleep.' Scully thinks bitterly, looking over at Skinner who's chewing her out. ' Now he's got Skinner in on it too. Man, he's a piece of work that Mulder. Love or no Love, I can't face him like this day after day. I'm not even whole...' "Scully, you need to eat something." Skinner says snapping her out of self- pity mode, and back into self-defiance mode. She shakes her head slowly No, looking at him as though she's going to cry. "Scully please. We just want you to get better. Don't you want to get better?" he begs of her. 'No.' she thinks, 'No I don't want to.' but only turns her head away from Skinner. "You don't want too...do you?" he says suddenly, and in a great amount of turmoil over her non-answer. Scully's head jerks around, and she throws him a look of pure hatred for reminding her of that fact so bluntly. She's killing herself. It just seemed odd coming from someone else's mouth, and not her own private thoughts. Her eyes well up with tears, and she once again turns away, shunning the outside world. "I can't believe your even thinking about that! Scully?! That's a little self centered don't you think?" he asks of her. Her head swings around again, but this time her look is more of confusion than hatred of him being here. "There's a man, a man who has been tearing himself inside out to be at your side every minute, that you are completely forgetting about here! Not to mention your Mother! Your poor Mother hasn't been to her home in a little over 5 weeks Scully. Did you know she sleeps on the couch in the ICU waiting room, just so she can be here if you need her? IN FACT, that's where she is at this very moment, trying to get some sleep in order to deal with you." he says sternly, and the door to her room opens. "That'll be enough Walter. I won't have anyone making her feel any worse than she already does." Margaret Scully demands and enters the room. She winks at Skinner as she walks past him, and he winks back, unbeknownst to Scully. 'Walter?' Scully thinks absent mindedly, then turns her head toward her Mom. She crosses over to Scully's bed, as the look of hurt and pain subsides for just an instant as her Mother approaches. Margaret walks over to her daughter's side, and kisses her cheek saying softly, "Good-morning Sweetheart." and picks her limp hand up to gently hold. Scully grins faintly at Margaret, then adverts her gaze back down to the stark whiteness of the sheets. Bright White. Just like the Bright Place. ' Maybe if I stare at them long enough...' "I'm getting nowhere. She wont even look at me." Skinner tells Margaret sadly." I'm going to go find Agent Mulder and see what's keeping him." Skinner says, and walks towards the door. A faint yet demanding, "D-d-don-tt B-b-botherrr." came from Scully's bed. Skinner turns around to see Scully's head turned towards the window, and Margaret mouthing the words, 'I just don't know what to do..' to Skinner. He nods, and walks out the door silently closing it behind him. He takes one last peak in the big window and walks down the hall and around a corner, where Mulder has been standing this whole time. There in a small dark hallway, is the tiniest of windows looking into Scully's room, and that's where Mulder stayed if he wasn't beside her. Mulder's eyes are practically glued to that window if he isn't next to her side. He looks over at Skinner who's come around the corner, then continues to stare through the extremely small window. "You really laid into her Sir." he whispers without removing his eyes from her. "Yes, I did." he says, and lowers his head in repulsion of his own actions. "It was the truth, but it's not doing any good." Mulder practically chokes out. "I did just what you told me too Mulder. It did seem to affect her though." "Yeah," Mulder pauses to look over at Skinner, " Especially the part about wanting to live. I don't think she ever heard it in the correct light, till she heard it come from someone else's mouth." he sighs, then moves away from the window with one last glance. "Mulder, she'll pull out of this sooner or late--" "--Will she? WILL SHE SIR?" he yells, then composes himself. "It's tearing me apart to sit here and watch her grow more and more despondent every day. I don't even know what put her into this state...I am at a complete loss at what to do next. If this doesn't work Sir, I don't know what will." "It WILL work Agent Mulder...It has too." Skinner replies. "If it doesn't, God help her. She has it in writing. No extraneous measures to save her life..." he trails off, remembering the day after her abduction by Duane Barry was over. Margaret Scully told him he was like family, and he was welcome when to be there when they turned off the machines. The machines that were making her breathe. The machines that held his love in the palm of their hands. No. He couldn't. Mulder never ever wanted to hear those words come from anybody's mouth again. He remembers going home to his apartment after Melissa slapped some sense into him, and he went to say goodbye. He remembers walking into his apartment and sinking to the floor, because it felt as though his heart had been ripped still beating from his chest. He would never, ever get to tell Scully what she means to him, and he felt guilty for never having said so to her long ago. He was despondent, and actually thought of swallowing the barrel of his own gun that night. Everything he ever worked for had been taken from him, and now his one true love had also been yanked from within his grasp. If Melissa hadn't called him and told him she had woken up, it might have been Scully who would have faced this quest alone. She would have braved it ever so much better than Mulder could. He was sure she didn't share the same feelings, because she didn't remember much of it. But for Mulder it was that night, the night he had to say goodbye... that was the night he fell in love with her. Now, if Scully didn't turn around pretty quick and start to eat, and drink, and move, he most certainly will hear those horrible words ringing threw his soul. "Do you think Margaret will get threw to her?" Skinner asks, breaking him out of his daze. "Margaret?" Mulder smiles. "She told me to call her Margaret. After three weeks of Mrs. Scully, she said she felt friends should call her Margaret. Only Doctors and Lawyers call you by your last name." Skinner explains, and then smiles. "Humph." was Mulder's answer, as he turns back to the small window and continues his vigil. If Mulder wasn't so wrapped up in the present situation, he would have noticed the strange smile on Skinner's face. Skinner thought the world of Margaret Scully, if only for the brave face she kept front and center every minute she was around another soul. "So?" Skinner says. "So what Sir?" "So, do you think Margaret will get threw to her?" Skinner repeats his question. "She has to Sir. She has too...." ********************************************* End of part 7...feedback always welcome..dont worry..it gets cheerier, (is that a word?), as "time" goes by. Part 8: Mulder must fight what he feels for Scully, fight the urge to be by her side, in order to make her fight for herself. From: LuvNKses@aol.com Date: 10 Mar 1999 00:00:36 -0800 Subject: "NB: Time and Distance." 2/5 "Nightmare Born: Time and Distance" (part 8 of Nightmare Born Series. revised 3/3/99.) Kim McCoy luvnkses@aol.com Disclaimer: Chris "Surfenalien" Carter, 1013 productions, and FOX are legal proprietors of the XFiles..No infringement intended. Summary: Mulder makes a harsh decision, in order to make Scully fight for her own life.... Rated :R Spoilers: Emily, XC, All Souls...US5 to be safe. Keywords:Mulder/Scully/Angst/MSR Category: Story Finished:12-21-98 Archive: Do not submit to ATXF, per part one.( Gossamer and XFCreative or anywhere is OK to archive too..:) Authors Notes: I wasnt going to include these fics in the NB series, but a persistant and wonderful phile EllieAch said it fit perfectly, and I needed to write the rest PRONTO! (told you she is persistant). I hope you all enjoy it as much as she did. I Basically wrote it for her....peace ******************************************** **Interventionists** Another long day with Scully. Another plea from Margaret. "Dana honey, will you please let me turn you over?" Margaret begs her daughter. "Whyy M-m-om. Ssssssso y-y-you cccan tell m-m-me how m-m-much I-I hhhave to livve f-f-for?" she struggles out. Scully really does talk alot around her Mom, and usually without giving in. That's why Mulder and Skinner have thier hopes pinned on Margaret getting threw to her. All three had decided the day before, that she was growing weaker and more and more in dispair. It had been two weeks since she has eaten anything of substance, and she wouldn't make it much longer without sustenance. They managed an IV, but her orders were clear. No extra measures, including feeding tubes. So, there she sits, growing weaker and weaker everyday, and doing it willingly to boot. 'This isn't Scully...Fight damn you.' Mulder thinks sadly, watching from the tiny window. His thoughts go back to hours earlier... Mulder, Margaret and Skinner all agreed it was time for a Life intervention on Scullys behalf. Tough Love Intervention...the toughest love she'll ever face, and double for dear Mulder. They decided on a harsh, yet truthful intervention, in Scully's behalf. Whatever she went threw in that Coma left her a shell of her former self, devoid of dignity, or any will power to fight anymore. She is completely exhausted of all resources within herself to fight, so, they are going to give her a reasons to fight. Margaret gets up and goes to the other side of the bed, sitting in the view of her daughter. Scully seeing this, tries to slowly and weakly roll over, but paralysis stops her cold. "No way young lady! You are not ignoring me today. I've had it, and your going to listen and listen up good. Do you hear me?" Margaret demands, and Scully's eyes grow wide with surprise. "You will roll over, and you will eat something today, or I will not leave this room until you agree to do so. Do you here me young lady?" Margaret demands. "P-pull u-upp a ch-ch-ch-chhhh, FUCK! A sssseat M-m-mom." Scully replies and tries to turn away again. Yet again, Margaret stops her. "Oh No Dana Katherine Scully, you look at me right now." Margaret says, holding Scullys chin so she cant turn her head away. " You will not shut me out. You will not shut out the world, and you will not shut out the people who love you the most. You ARE going to roll over, and you ARE going to eat something. Your Father," she pauses, growing sad, then angry for some reason, " Your Father, God rest his soul, wouldn't let you sit here and wallow in self pity, and neither will I SO HELP ME GOD! " Margaret yells, and walks away from Scully's side. Scully turns her head and just stares at her Mother like she's lost her marbles, but also with a sheer look of hurt and dismay. Her Mother had never, ever yelled at her like that, and she is stunned she has brought herself to do that. AND she used her Father against her. She is right. Ahab would never let her just lay there and wait for life to come to an end. He would be ordering her out of bed, and moving around, pronto!! "...participating in life, at this very instant young lady!" she almost hears her Father demand. "Dana." her Mother says from behind her, forcing her to turn her head over slightly and look at her. 'How'd she get there?' Scully thinks, amazed at her Mom. Scully slowly starts to run her head to look at her Mom. It is agonizing to even move, but it looks to Scully as though her Mom meant for her to have to turn. "Dana, look at me." Margaret repeats. And obediently, Scully did. "I won't stand for the misery and self denial any longer, do you hear me? I am leaving, and will be back in one hour. Then you WILL eat something. God help me, you are going to get well." Margaret demands, then kisses her cheek and walks out of the room not waiting for an answer. Scully turns her head to look out her window, as a tear slides down her cheek, and her nose gets all stuffy from fighting back tears in front of her Mom. She is right, but Scully doesn't see anything much worth fighting for. Her Mom, yes. But Bill will take care of her... Scully sure as hell can't. And Mulder...well, he's a big boy, he can take care of himself. Besides, she isn't even a whole person. What man wants that? Scully sighs heavily as another tear cascades down her flushed cheek, ` Why bother Mom...why bother...' *************************************** ** My Turn** Margaret Scully walks out of Scully's room, as the tears she fought bravely against in front of her daughter start to stream down her face. She rounds the corner to find Mulder still looking threw that tiny window, and slams right up against Skinner. "Oh, Margaret, I'm sorry, I didn't see you." Skinner apologizes. "Its' Okay." she mumbles, as her body shivers from holding back the intense feeling of sadness. Skinner looks at her worried as she loses all color then suddenly falls into Skinner's chest crying, and holds on tightly to his jacket. Skinner, lacking in the practice of consoling hysterical women, calmly lets his hand come up to cradle her head, as she cry's heavily, rapidly soaking his shirt. "Shhh, It'll be OK Margaret.I'tll be OK." he whispers in her ear. After a few minutes Skinner quietly says, "The worse is over. I think you got to her." "You-you think so?" she asks hopefully, blowing her nose on the handkerchief Skinner handed her. "Oh yeah, you got to her," Mulder says suddenly from his window. "Come take a look at this." he sighs and steps aside. Skinner looks first, taking a good long look, then steps aside for Margaret to take a peek. Margaret steps up to the window cautiously, and sighs deeply as she stands on her tippy toes to take a peek. She lets out an exasperated breath as she sees her daughter praying in her bed, eyes closed, and filled with a great amount of overflowing tears. "Jesus be praised." Margaret whispers, and lowers her head in prayer with Scully as she steps from the window. "Guess I'm next, " Mulder pauses, sighing heavily, " The last straw huh?" he says to Skinner, then walks apprehensively away. He stops just before he rounds the corner and stares at Margaret who is still praying and Skinner who is standing next to her. "Pray for me Mrs. Scully. Pray she ever will speak to me again when I'm done." he whispers, and rounds the corner. ************************************ **Don't make me do this** Mulder slowly enters Scully's room, purposely making a noise outside the door so she'd know he was coming in. She did realize he was coming in, and was still slowly rolling her head over to avoid whoever it was. Mulder sighs inwardly seeing her do this, and futily prepares to purposely break the heart of the Woman he loves. "Scully?" he says, and waits for a response. None. "Scully, we need to talk." he says again. Again, no response. "Scully, you need to listen to me." he says, hoping she'd turn her head back towards him. she didn't, but she did hear him. 'Listen to what Mulder? How valuable I am? How much I mean to everyone? What about the people I care about? What about what Emily meant to me? And look what I am now. Not valuable, but vegetable.' she thinks, closing her eyes, hoping he'd just leave. "Scully listen to me, please." Mulder says, and she slightly turns her head to look at him, hearing the strain in his voice. "Please, you have to try. Scully, don't...don't make me do this..." he begs, struggling to remain stoic. Scully turns her head to look at him, thinking, 'Mulder you are so pathetic. Do your worse! What's worse than not being able to move?' "Wha-t-ttt do y-y-you wan-t-ttt." she says still looking at him. "Scully please, you have to try. I need you Scully." he says to her as tears well up in his eyes. "N-needddd wha-t-ttt M-M-Mulder? Th-th-this? Y-y-you don-tttt nee-dd th-th- this." she says, nodding to her lifeless body. "I love you no matter what...you have to believe that. Scully, don't turn your heart on us." he begs of her, as he starts to cry openly. "M-M-Mulder, p-p-please..." she whispers. "I love you Scully, why won't you believe that?" he cries, and she has to fight hard agianst the tears begging for release. "Y-y-ou lllove Scully. N-N-Not m-me Mulder. N-not li-kke th-this." she stammers, choking on her words, as she also starts to cry. Mulder reaches for her hand, taking the lifeless form into his own. He holds it gently for a few minutes, staring at her once or twice, then quickly adverted his gaze when his eyes fill with more tears. He holds her hand, caressing it slowly, and then kisses the back of it, leaving streaks down the top of her hand where his tears had crash landed. "Scul-ly," he says breaking up, "please...please baby...fight.." he begs through gut wrenching, jerking sobs. "G-g-go away M-M-Mulder." She stammers through her own tears, trying to be tough, when him leaving actually may do the job of killing her. Mulder is her reason for everything, but she blamed him right now, and really didn't want him seeing her like this anymore. She just wants him to go away. She doesn't want his pity. "O.K. Scully, as you wish. I'll go." Mulder whispers, and her head whips around to face his. It hurt like hell, but she couldn't believe what she was hearing. Mulder wasn't looking at her, he couldn't. He is going to lose it. He sighs, then slowly looks up at her as he wipes the tears from his crimson cheeks. " I'm sorry to have to say this, but I AM leaving." he announces. Scully shakes her head 'No' unconsciously, and she has a look of sheer panic in her eyes. 'OH GOD! I can't do this!' Mulder thinks to himself, when he sees her terrified look. 'I have to do this...damn you...do it for Scully. Do it for Scully. Do it for her you asshole. Go ahead, break her heart. Ohhh Godddd, I cant do this...No, I HAVE to do this.' he berates himself and takes a deep, deep breath. Mulder looks straight in her eyes, and notices he really has got her attention now. It's now or never. "I'm going back to work," he pauses, then says softer, " and I'm not coming back." Scully turns her head even more towards him, as her eyes grow wider in total disbelief. "I can't stand here and watch you die Scully. I won't do that again, not when it's avoidable. Never again Scully. I can't _I wont _watch you die. " He pauses, " Skinner and I will be leaving in the Morning." he says shakily, as the lie he just told her is steadily catching up to him. He is going to collapse any moment from sheer agony...He has to get out of here now.. Mulder, still crying openly, starts to lay her hand down. "I Love you Dana Katherine." she hears him whisper, as he kisses her hand and sets it down gently. But just as he did it, Scully thinks she feels something. She thinks she felt Mulder's hand releasing her own. "I have to go Scully. I'm sorry." Mulder says softly as he stands. "M-M-Mulder wait..." he hears her whisper. She must be buying time. "I'll always love you G-Woman." he says, leaning over and kissing the top of her forehead, but not daring to look her in the eye. She squeezes her eyes shut as he retreats, and the tears start to flow with intensity down her flushed cheeks. Mulder walks further and further out of her life. "MMM-M-MULDER!" she yells. "What is it Scully?" he says monotone, stopping at the door, but not bothering to turn around. He couldn't or she would see the look of utter devastation on his face. "Sssstay." she whispers. "No Scully. I already told you, I won't watch you die." he repeats as calmly as he can. He is just itching to run to her side, kiss her gently, and hold her forever, but he has to keep playing the part. She had to... "N-no, p-p-pleasssse." she stammers, as her voice cracks with true emotion. "I'm sorry Scully. I can't. I can't do this anymore. I can't watch you waste away, not giving a shit about yourself, or anyone else," he pauses," Hell, what your doing to yourself alone tears my heart to pieces!" he cries, and stops to lower his head to the door, and his voice down an octave. The silence between them is thick now, as Scully struggles to control her vocal cords through all the emotion, and Mulder struggles between staying and watching her waste away at her own will, and leaving and killing her for sure. Suddenly he speaks so softly, she can barely hear him. "I can't do this anymore Scully. I love you, but I can't watch you do this to yourself. You wont listen to me, or your Mom, or your Doctors. Your mind is made up, and there's nothing I can do to change it. I've tried...but you wont listen to me." he sighs into the door, starting to cry harder, yet silently, and moves for the doorknob. "M-M-Mulder, do-n-nt, p-pl-" but he cuts her off. "No Scully! " he fumes turning to face her. "You dont...", he trails off, " Don't you dare. I told you how much I loved you. I gave you reasons to keep fighting, but you ignored me. You ignored your Mom. You ignored life! I cannot stand by helplessly and be a part of this any longer." he finishes and wipes the tears off with the back of his hand. He is near exhaustion, and has to leave now, or run to her side till the end of time. He steadies his shaking knees, turns and takes a step back to open the door. "M-M-Mulder! I'M Sor-r-y." she stutters loudly. He pauses with his tear soaked hand on the doorknob, "I'm sorry too." he whispers, and opens the door. "I Love you." he chokes out one last time, then exits the room. "MULDER!" she yells clear as a bell, and then slams the back of her head against the pillow as she starts to cry like she never has before. "I L-LOVE Y-YOU TOO!" he hears her yell, and falls to his knees just around the corner of the hall. Margaret runs over and kneels beside Mulder, rocking and consoling him, as he cries with such intensity he breaks all the bloodvessels in one eye. "OH MY GAWWWWWDDD! Scullly! Oh God Scully...please forgive me..please..." he sobs, as he feels this very instant, that Scully has indeed died...and he killed her. Just now, with his words. He will never ever for the rest of his life forgive himself for this...but something had to be done..If she wont fight for herself..maybe she'll fight for Love. Her Mother's Love, Mulder's Love, her Brothers Love, hell even Skinner's round about way of Love. "Shhhhh, It's OK Fox...It's OK..." Margaret consoles Mulder, as Skinner steps up placing one hand on Margarets shoulder, and the other on Mulder's. "No it's not OK Mrs. Scully...I've surely killed her now." he cries, not so sure he did the right thing all of a sudden. "MUL-DER!" he hears her scream one more time, and quickly covers his ears, cowering into Margaret even further, like a little lost child. "OH my God Scully...what have I done...." he repeats over and over and over and..... ******************************************** **JinX** Skinner had a Nurse give Mulder a sedative, and he stayed beside him pretty much the whole time he was knocked out. Margaret kept his vigil at the window, but not as diligently. She couldn't watch her daughter lay there and cry, and mumble Mulder's name over and over. It was killing her. Scully on the other hand, is in the exact same boat as Mulder, and has realized suddenly that she loves him very, very deeply. She cries out for him, over and over, as Margaret weeps for her daughter from the other side of the glass. Scully, grief stricken and repentant of her self evasion of life, weeps great sorrowfilled tears for what she has given up. Tears of misery and pain and love for that stubborn man, and wonderful Woman she called Mom. She also is given a powerful sedative, which ironically helps her to calm down enough after awile, so Scully was reconsidering what she does has to live for. Too bad someone had to shove it in her face, for her to recognize what she still has. Even paralyzed, she still has the use of her heart, AND her mind. 'Damn You Mulder! I love you too.' she thinks to herself as she drifts off into her slumber. 'Think Scully,' Mulder says to himself as he also dozes off thanks to the pills...'Please, please Scully...think long and hard.' **************************************** end of part 8...only a few dozen more to go... Feedback always welcome to luvnkses@aol.com From: LuvNKses@aol.com Date: 10 Mar 1999 00:02:17 -0800 Subject: "NB: Time and Distance." 3/5 by LuvNKses Rated (R) "Nightmare Born: Time and Distance" Part 9 of NB (revised) Kim McCoy (luvnkses@aol.com) Summary: Mulder must fight the urge to be by Scully's side, in order to make her fight for herself. Yet, it may be her Daughter and Father who help her the most. Rated: R Keywords: Story/Angst/Fantasy Category: Mulder/Scully angst Finished:12-21-98 Authors Note: Much more upbeat, kinda you'll enjoy this I think. I hope. Spoilers: US-5 Beyond the Sea, Emily, XC...as always. Archive: Gossamer is fine, XFCreative is fine. DO NOT Archive to ATXF. thank you CAUTION: What you are about to read is a perfect example of low budget fan fiction. Scenes contained within may have an occasional typos and should not reflect badly upon the essence of the story...or attempt at a story?.....thanX!...grrrr...... **************************************** **God help me** It is late at night and Scully is alone in her room, propped on her left side facing the window. The Nurses come and turn her every two hours, like clockwork, making sure her body isn't getting sores. 'I really hate the way they come in and just push me over,' she thinks to herself. It might help a little bit if Scully would show a bit of enthusiasm or effort when they come. So she decided, next time when they come in she will stop them cold. Well, as cold as Scully could at this moment. She wants to be left facing the window. It seems to call out to her tonight, becon her. She feels very calm and happy just staring out the window at the night sky. She had allot to think about the last few hours. Margaret, Skinner and Mulder had really laid into her this afternoon, and now... 'Now I've lost Mulder.' She thinks inwardly, and sheds a few tears of disbelief. 'He'll come back, I know he will. Or I'll hunt him down.' she muses, then pauses to crack a smile. Yes, a real smile... 'That's right! I made a promise to myself to kill him a couple weeks ago, so instead I'll hunt him down, THEN kill him.' she laughs aloud, then caught herself when she realized she was alone. She let her smile faultier, and then looks out the window again, but this time she saw the night sky in a different light. In fact, she picked a star right in the middle of her window, and made a wish, as she prayed. "Please God...forgive me...please help me. I want my faith back. Please Lord, give me strength to get well." she prays, and then looks back out the window with that faint content smile. Mulder, who was on the other side of that little window still, smiles with her, when he saw her smile. It was refreshing. He just stands there hour after hour, making mental notes of her mood, and if she slept, ate, cried or even hiccuped. He is duly relieved to see her smile. That's the first smile he's seen since she woke from her Coma. Mulder hasn't left for more than 10 minutes at a shot, and that is just to use the facilities. Margaret has even brought him up a sandwich and soda, just so he would eat a little something. She hadn't seen him eat an ounce of food in the last 4 days, and it had her worried. She thought silently to herself, that maybe he was unconsciously starving himself right along with Dana, without really even knowing it. Yet, Margaret wouldn't stand for it. She wasn't going to watch them both starve, and stands there to make sure he eats every single bite. Scully on the other hand, starts to think hard about her self imposed bitterness while Mulder ate, and what that bitterness has really led up too. But still there's the fact she may never walk right again, may never...' use my hands right again...never be able to be a Field Agent or a Doctor....' she thinks. They both were her loves, her life's work...as was Mulder. That more than anything brought back the feelings of hopelessness and despair that flooded her brain with all the irrational thoughts. Although, what all three of them said, _did make sense. And it was by the grace of those three that she realizes she is being stupid. There is nothing she could do about any of what's happened to her, so Dr. Karen Kosseff better get ready for one hell of a session when she's better. 'I'm going to need to vent when I'm better, that's for sure!' she muses to herself, and then stops suddenly to listen to her own words. 'Better...I want to get better...I want to walk, and run, and be at Mulder's side. I want to shop and have coffee with my Mother after church on Sundays. I want too, but--' she cuts herself off, remembering all Mulder, her Mom and even Skinner had said to her. Then her mind is a flash of her Mother's,(God love her), insistence she eat. That may have made all the difference in her attitude tonight. At the time Scully thought maybe her Mom was stalling somehow when she said she was coming back to MAKE her eat. Then Scully KNEW she was stalling when Mulder came in, just a soon as Margaret left. Scully had succeeded in running him off too, and now he wasn't coming back. At that time, that one moment before he said, " and I wont be back.", she was semi-glad. Yet, it broke her heart into a zillion pieces when he said "I love you" over and over. 7 times total. She counted. Also the fact she couldn't yell loud enough or quick enough to stop him when he went to leave, beat her up for awile. Boy if there was anytime she needed her Mom, it was then, and Scully figured what she said was only to buy Mulder some time, and she really wouldn't come back any time soon. 'Just let Dana stew.' she could hear her say. But Margaret had come right back, and sat and held her while she cried and mumbled, "M-M-Mulders...gg-gone M-M-Mom." over and over again into her sweater. Margaret just silently pulled her up, and sat behind her holding her like a little girl who's had a bad dream. "It's OK honey. There's other men. You'll see." Margaret comforts her. "No...M-Mulder...ju-just M-M-Mulder." she mumbles back, and shook her head back and forth. "Guess your just going to have to get better, then go punch his lights out for leaving you, huh?" Margaret jokes, and amazingly Dana laughed threw her tears. "Ye-a, p-p-p-p, sla-p hi-hi-him, har-rd." she jokes back, as Margaret wipes away her tears, and sighs relieved. Margaret is absolutely thrilled to hear her daughter talking about future events. Even if it was a conversation about slugging someone she hopes will be her future Son-in-Law. But Scully doesn't even know he's still in the hospital, and Margaret isn't going to blow it for him. Instead, she just sits there until Dana has calmed down some, then hit her with another obstacle. "OK sweety, what say we eat something?" "N-Not hun-hun-hungry." Scully stutters. "Hungry or not your going to eat, or I will MAKE you eat." Margaret says calmly, smiling, but ever so seriously. "M-Mom..." "Dana, listen up young lady, and listen good. IF_ you don't take a BITE of this Jello RIGHT NOW, I will go this very instant with Fox to make your funeral arrangements." Margaret throws into her face, obviously not kidding. Dana pushed the wrong Mommy button, and Mommy HAS reacted. "Jes-us...O.K. M-M-Mom." she whispers, barely audible. 'Great guilt trip Mom.' she thinks, and chuckles inwardly, opening her mouth for her Mom to feed her. Feed her. God Scully hated the sound of that. Yet she opens her mouth anyway, really, really wide, like in defiance of her Mom and her damn Jello. "Well then, that's more like it!" Margaret smiles, and picks up the Jello to feed her daughter for the first time in four days. Scully ate half a bowl of Jello, and drank a few sips of chicken broth, then refused the rest. That was all she wanted. She told her Mom flat out, no more, and Margaret couldn't have been happier! It was a start, and Scully wouldn't admit it now to anyone, but it did feel good to eat a little something. Margaret left that night for her bed in the ICU waiting room, with a new confidence that her daughter was on her way back to a normal life. Looking forward to tomorrow and happy for today. Margaret could see instantly, that she was feeling better. 'Whatever Fox said to her, must have worked.' She thought, as she lay down to sleep that night. Scully too felt a little better, with some sustenance in her stomach, and her Mother's love to comfort her. She just couldn't get her mind off of Mulder, and what he had said. She counted how many times he had said he loved her, each time in a different way. He had told her no less than 7 times that he loved her. 7 times!! 7 times in less than 2 minutes. That really made her think hard, for she too loves him. She stares out into the celestial whirlpool outside her window that night, into time and distance, as she reflected upon the days events. Strange indeed, and now she is wise to Mulder frame of mind. MAKE her WANT to get well...and she hated him for it. She sighs heavily and looks at the star she wished upon earlier, noticing something rather odd. She wasn't sure if she should be alarmed or encouraged by this event, but she is absolutely sure it was happening. She is lying on her side, the moon shining softly on her face, gazing at the stars in the sky, when suddenly... Cassiopeia is the prominent Constellation in the vast sky, just showing up when it wasn't visible before, and it seems odd to Scully that these stars were taking turns slightly flashing in succession, around the Star in the middle she had wished on earlier. She would watch as the Star furthermost to the left would shine very brightly, then the star next to it, and so on, till the last star in the system had lit up. But the middle Star never faltered it's brilliance, in fact it seemed to Scully it was slowly glowing brighter, everytime the stars cycled thier repetitive shimmers. It has her mesmerized and transfixed, her eyes growing wider as they flash thier brilliance at her one at a time. Then she feels something amazing! The back of her neck itches madly, and it is quickly driving her insane that she can't scratch it! She starts to wriggle her head around, trying to rub the itchy area where that chip lay, when suddenly the inner most star lit up so brightly, she shields her eyes. 'Man that light is bright! What the hell is-- Wait!' she thinks to herself, then looks up at her arm raised in front of her face. "My arm moves!! It moves!! It moves!" she yells aloud, then twists and turns her hand in front of her face. She waves Bye, Hi, makes a peace sign, and laughs!! Scully laughs like she never has before and never will again! She is absolutely the happiest person on Earth at this very moment, and she laughs and laughs this tear wrenching laugh, that only serves to fervor her celebration! She just can't help herself! The laugh overpowered her! It is the laugh of a person so totally overjoyed they are going to burst any minute! So her first instinct is to laugh harder! Then, in complete amazement, she notices not only did her right arm work, but so did her left. So did her back, and stomach muscles and both of her legs!! She springs out of bed, laughing and dancing around in the bright white light, thanking God and the heavens above for giving her back her life! She isn't sore, she isn't hurting, and it felt great to stand on her own two feet again! She spins around and around and around joyfully, and laughs deep from within the soul! The laughter is just barreling out of her uncontrollably, when suddenly she trips over something and falls flat on her bum. She lies there for a second, laughing, and breathless, with her hair completely in her eyes and face. But she doesn't care. It feels good to be mobile! "Mommy? Mommy are you O.K.?" she hears a familiar voice say. " You really should watch where your dancing." Scully hears someone giggle, then touch her on the arm. Scully yelps and throws her hair out of her eyes. "Emily??" Scully says squinting into the bright light. "Yes Mommy," Emily says, and steps out of the brightness as it fades around them. "It's me." "Oh my God..." she gasps, and looks around. She's in the Bright Place again. Why?... Scully turns and smiles heavenly at the little girl. "Emily sweety, Mommy's very glad to see you." Scully says, moving in closer to her. "I'm not very happy to see you Mommy." Emily sighs sadly, and walks a few inches away. "Your not? Why not?" Scully asks following her, a little hurt. "Your not supposed to come here yet. Your not supposed to leave them yet. Your not supposed to leave without finishing Mommy, you know that." "Finishing what honey?" she asks and kneels beside her. Emily wraps her little arms around her Mothers neck. "You haven't finished Mommy. You haven't played the whole game yet." Emily pauses, and takes her little hands and wraps them around Scully's cheeks. Scully closes her eyes trying hard not to cry, when she feels Emily's little hands slowly turning her head. She knows whats coming. She's been through this more than once in this place before. "Mommy? Mommy, look at me." she says, and Scully looks up with tears in her eyes. "Your sending me back again, aren't you?" Scully cries. She hates coming here only to be sent away. "Mommy, why do you insist on losing this game, when you never have given up before?" "I'm tired honey. Mommy's tired. Please, say you've come to take me with you this time?" "No Mommy. You're not done yet, I told you that." "Then why is Mommy here? Why did you come to me again? Why do you do this to me Emily?" "When you accept it, I will stop. Papa Ahab told me you needed help, so here we are." Emily says gesturing to a silloette figure in the background. "D-Daddy?" Scully stutters, as her heart leaps into her throat! 'Could it be him? Is it really my Dad? This is not happening,' she thinks to herself, then hears someone say, "Starbuck." She looks up, then starts to cry heavily. "Daddy is that really you?" "Yes Starbuck," a voice from the light says, and out steps Ahab, dressed for a day off fishing. Scully starts to smile and laugh and cry all at the same time, her heart racing a billion miles to the millisecond, as her Father standing there in his favorite Saturday hat, walks within 10 inches of her face. She felt as though she was going to faint. She felt overjoyed, and amazed, and a little scared all at the same time. Hell, she didn't know how to feel. She has missed her Father so much, and now he was standing right in front of her. She tries to speak, but the years of missing and longing for her Fathers patience, wisdom, guidance and love all came pouring from her eyes, and she felt too emotional to speak...to say the least. Emily, her sweet innocent savior, came to her rescue once again by walking up to her Mother and taking her by the hand, smiling gently up at her. It calmed Scully's nerves immensely to feel her tiny daughter's hand safe within her own, and Emily gives her hand a squeeze. "Told you Papa watches over me Mommy. He loves me ya know." Emily says, squeezing on to Scully's hand again. "I know he loves you sweetheart." Scully whispers to her daughter, feeling that much closer to her for trying to make her feel better. Scully smiles softly at her, then looks up at her Father standing in front of her. "Starbuck." he smiles, and reaches over to hug Scully. "A-A-Ahab?" she stammers, as her body shudders with emotion, the tears just effortlessly pouring out from her eyes. "Dana, " Ahab pauses," You look beautiful sweetheart." "Thank you Daddy." Scully says and lowers her head, wiping away tears and blushing. That's when she notices she had on a light Blue summer dress suddenly, with tiny flowers and poofy sleeves. 'Whattha?' Scully thinks, and Emily and Ahab just smile at her. "Much better Mommy. I like that dress on you." she giggles. Scully just looks at Emily and the dress in amazement. "Starbuck, we need to talk." her Father says seriously, then reaches down and picks Emily up. He takes Dana's hand and walks with her a little ways, as the Bright Place starts to twist and stretch and transform with every step he took! It transforming right before her into this beautiful wooded trail, just glistening with dew, and lush palms, and a small waterfall. Dana, obviously, didn't know what to think, but follows her Father just the same. "Starbuck, what is this nonsense I hear your Mother talking to me about every night?" he asks. "Mom talks to--" but Ahab cuts her off. "--Yes, I listen to your Mother when she needs me. I'm there when she speaks to me Starbuck." he says smiling, and for a moment that comforts Scully. "Papa, you have to go." Emily suddenly whispers in his ear, as she notices the trail was ending... 'Too short..too short..lets walk back the other way....' Scully thinks. "Yes sweetheart, Papa knows... and so do you shortly." he answers Emily and sets her down, then leans over to Scully taking her by both hands. "Starbuck, don't worry your Mother so. She needs you. I have Missy, and she needs you darling. Please forget this nonsense, and start your life over. Your not done yet. You need to stay. Do it for your Dad, huh?" he says and kisses her on the forehead. "OK Daddy..." she agrees almost childlike. He turns and smiles softly at her, as she smiles back and Emily skips off in front of the happily giggling. "She's a beautiful little girl, you did good Starbuck." "I did nothing Daddy. I only knew about her for a few days." "She's you isn't she?" he asks. "Yeah, but--" "Then you did good." Scully smiles at her Father lovingly for saying that, as they continue to walk the rest of the short distance. They finally reach the end of the wonderful trail, and stop at where the Bright place has looped itself. "I have to go sweety." Ahab says kissing her cheek, as Scully starts to cry again, knowing she can't stop them once they step into the light. He turns, smiles at her, and walks away back towards the light from the Bright Place. "Daddy Wait!" Scully yells reaching out for him, but he does not stop. "I love you Starbuck. Fight Starbuck. Fight..." she hears him say and disappears. "Daddy please..." she yells, and the silhouette waves, blows her a kiss and disappears completely. She almost was starting to hate being in the Bright Place lately. It really is disheartening, when it used to be so wonderful to come see Emily here...She was sure the chip was responsible for the change in the Bright Place...or was she the one responsible?? "Mommy. You have to go soon. I won't be coming back for awile. You have to stay there and wait for me. OK?" Emily says pointing down to the floor. "Emily? What on earth--" "Mommy. You need to try. Your not fighting. Your scaring me Mommy. You have to fight." Emily asks, then looks to her Mother with those big blue eyes. "Mommy, if you give up...you can't come here. It wont be your time." she says softly, kissing Scully. "You have to fight. Your place is here someday with me." then walks about 10 feet from her. "Please, Emily..." "Listen to me Mommy. Let him help you. I told you before, he will protect you, just as you have protected me." Emily reminds her, and walks to the edge of the Bright Place. "Emily...I don't belong there..." Scully cries softly. "But you don't belong HERE...yet. We will be together, but only in this Place. Not now Mommy...not now. Wake up and fight. " Emily says, and walks completely within the light. "I love you sweety..." "I love you too Mommy. Now WAKE UP!" Emily yells and Scully bolts awake out of a dream, noticing she is still in her hospital bed facing the window, and that one middle Star is still shining strangely bright. 'That was a dream, right?' she thinks to herself, as she suddenly felt like she was losing herself again. She was once again, immobile. Scully notices the Star starting to fade, dimmer and dimmer, till it was just as bright as the rest of that Constellation. She quickly grasps on to the feeling she felt while it was at it's brightest, and refuses to let the feeling go. It felt good, it felt whole, it felt amazing...It was Emily...It was Ahab...It was also...Life. From death, they had brought her life. Emily once again was her guiding star... Then she watched as the whole Constellation faded dimmer and dimmer, until just the innermost star was still visible. She sighs while watching the rest of the sky shimmer, and softly says, "Thank You." to nobody...no-one....except... "I Love you Mommy. Try hard Mommy, for me..." someone whispers. Scully looks around her room quickly. She could have sworn she heard someone whisper to her. In fact she KNEW someone did... She also knew without question who it was. "I love you too sweetheart. I will." she mumbles without fumbling, and promptly fell deeply back asleep. ************************************** **Action** "She's got the will, now all we have to do is secure the way." Mulder says to Margaret and Skinner who were all gathered around a table drinking coffee. "Explain." Skinner says. "Well, if she's got her will back, all she needs now is a WAY to get better." "The Hospital will see to it she is properly rehabilitated." Skinner replies. "That's not good enough." Mulder sighs. "What?" Skinner asks confused. "I want the best, the very, very best in this country to help her get well. The best Physical Therapists, Nutritionists, Speech and Occupational Therapists, the whole works. She deserves more than just a bunch of Hospital goons with too big of a patient load." "So what are you suggesting?" Margaret asks. "I'm not suggesting anything. I'm already DOING it." "Doing what exactly Mulder?" Skinner says. "I have Frohike and the boys searching right now for the best of the best this country has to offer. They are also searching for anything we may have to "use" to guarantee thier services." Mulder smiles. "Blackmail Mulder?" "Exactly...well not really. More of a chip to bargain with." and he shudders at the mention of the word chip. He regains his train of thought, and continues. " These people don't come cheap, and I'm afraid we won't be able to pay them what they want. So whatever Frohike finds is just a bargaining material, if you will." "You sly devil." Skinner chuckles. Margaret crosses the room and kisses Mulder on the cheek. "I think it's admirable of you Fox to want the very best for Dana. Even if your ways and means are a little on the sneaky side." "Thank you Mrs. Scully." he blushes, then turns and heads for the door." I'm going to go call Frohike. You'll keep and eye on her while I'm gone wont you Mrs. Scully?" "Of course I will Fox." she smiles, as Mulder walks out the door and down the hall to a private room to make his calls. *************************************** end of parts 9....send feedback to luvnkses@aol.com. Evil meanspirited Flames will be read, then hunted down and sent a one way ticket on the Queen Anne. From: LuvNKses@aol.com Date: 10 Mar 1999 00:03:16 -0800 Subject: "NB: Touched by Others" 4/5 by LuvNKses rated (R) "Nightmare Born: Time and Distance" part 10 of NB (revised) Kim McCoy luvnkses@aol.com Disclaimer: Chris Carter/1013/FOX...copyrighted owners, sole proprietors, I just borrow them. Summary: Mulder "secures" Scully's therapy, and she improves enough for him to finally seek her out and ask forgiveness. Emily is also right there beside her in the night, encouraging her silently, along with Agent Potatohead. Spoilers: XC, Emily, All Souls, US-5. Category: Story Keywords: Mulder/Scully/Angst Rated: R Archive: Gossamer, XF Creative are both fine. DO NOT archive to ATXF. Authors Notes:hmmm...hope your enjoying it...the next chapter is cool too MSR, and very Shippy...check em out. Finished:12-21-98 ************************************ **The Best** "Mr. John Foster?" "Yes. May I help you?" the young blonde haired man in his 30's answers. "Sir, my name is Fox Mulder. I'm a special Agent with the FBI" Mulder introduces himself over his cellphone. "F.B.I? What can I help you with?" the man responds. "I'm calling today Sir because I understand you have a number of unpaid parking tickets, a total of 132 to be exact." Mulder explains. "So, are you calling to warn me of an arrest?" John inquires. "Not Exactly. I also understand your one of the best Physical Therapists in the country Sir?" "Yes, I guess. Could you please tell me what all this is about Mr., um, Mulder?" "Did you know you have a bench warrant out for your arrest Sir? One with a very substantial monetary value on it, I might add." "OK, and?" "An arrest wouldn't look to good on your impressive resume Sir." "OK Mr. Mulder, what exactly is it you want?" John says, very impressed by his tenacity. "Sir, I'm willing to get rid of this pesky bench warrant, and erase your tickets from your record, if you agree to a trade of sorts." Mulder says, and high-five's Frohike who was recording the whole conversation. "What do you have in mind Agent Mulder?" ************************************** ** Days later** "Hi M-Mom." Scully says and struggles a smile. "Hi...I'm glad to see you smiling this morning." Margaret says. "M-Mom? I-I-I...(uhum)...I a-am sssor-ry." "Don't be honey, I knew you'd come around." Margaret smiles down at her. "M-Mom? Wh-wh-wheres M-M-Mulder?" Scully asks. Margaret stares at her daughter for a moment, then over towards the corner of the room, then looks slowly back over to where Scully lay. "I'm afraid he left sweety." Margaret just spits out, then takes Scully's hand. " He's hurt Dana, and dismayed that you wouldn't care enough for yourself to fight for your own life. He just couldn't take it Dana. This isn't the first time he's seen you like this." 'Yea, tell ME about it Mom.' she thinks bitterly, then calms down. 'But never again, never again.' " He had to leave, or risk going insane from grief Dana. I am shocked at you sweetheart. He's a wonderful man, you shouldn't have just dismissed him so." Margaret adds. "Mom." she says clear as day, then smiles at her Mother. "I-I d-d-did ittt, I sssaid Mom! Ssssee? I-I-I D-d-id ittt a-a-a-gain!" "Well of course you did Dana, your not 12 years old for heavens sake! Although that IS how you've been acting." Mararget says turning her back, and walking towards the door. "I'll be right back sweety." she says and mysteriously leaves Scully wondering where she's ran off too. Margaret on the other hand runs down the hall and right into Mulder's arms, as he picks her up and twirls her around!! "Did you see that?!" Margaret says excitedly, as Mulder spins her around. "She's coming around!!" He says and spins her again, then hands her off to Skinner. "She's a tough one Margaret!" Skinner yells and spins her back into Mulder's arms. "She's Going to be OK Mrs. Scully, I just feel it now!" Mulder says spinning her around again, much to Margarets delightment, then lowers a hysterically happy Margaret to the floor. "I know Fox! It's a miracle! MY Baby's on her way back!" Margaret says kissing him on the cheek, then turning and kissing Skinner on the cheek too! "OH! Mr.Skinner, I'm sorry. Guess I just got caught up in the moment." she says, lowering her head in embarrassment and turning back to face Mulder. Skinner on the other hand is blushing as a smile grows slowly upon his face. That felt really good. Really, really good as a matter of fact. He is intrigued by her suddenly, and she didn't have a clue what that accidental kiss was going to start. Neither did Skinner for that matter. But he was on the right trail. 'Hmmmm. I'll have to get to know this woman better.' he thinks to himself, then goes back to celebrating with Mulder and Margaret. ******************************************** ** The Cavalry** While the three conspirators were off celebrating, Scully was busy thinking of how to proceed with her plan to Kill Mulder. That was after all her main reason for getting well. Mainly, to kick the shit out of Mulder. She hears voices in the hall screaming and yelling, but doesn't recognize them, and quickly goes back to thinking. She wishes just for a minute, someone else besides Margaret would come to see her. Mulder, for one. But he had his say, and has ditched her once again. The Ultimate ditch. Suddenly a knock came to the door, and didn't wait for answer. A young blonde man sticks his head into the room and says, "Are you Dana Scully?" Scully shakes her head yes. Margaret, Mulder and Skinner scramble for space in front of the tiny window when they hear John's voice. Of course Margaret won, Mulder and Skinner being gentlemen. She was after all Scully's Mother. "I'm John Foster." the man continues, " I'm going to be your Physical Therapist." 'That's not my therapist?' she thinks, then remembers throwing hers out. He must be thier replacement. Scully nods at him, and he walks over to her bed taking her hand in his, and shaking it. "Well, it's nice to meet you Ms. Scully--" "D-D-Dan-na." she spits out. "Oh by all means then. Nice to meet you Dana. Are you ready to start this?" A long, long pause, as Mulder, Margaret and Skinner are all crowded into that little window, waiting on anxious breath for her answer. She slowly shakes her head.....yes. The three Amigos jump for joy silently, then go back to watching threw the window. "OK, trust me completely, and I'll have you walking in no time!" he says enthusiastically to Scully. "P-P-put th-that in wr-writing?" she stammers out grinning. "OH, we have a comedian here. Keep that attitude Dana, and we'll get along just fine." he says as he finishes taking the tools of his trade out of the bag. "Ready?" "R-R-Ready." ************************************ **Moving right along*** "Mom?!" Scully hollers to her Mother. "Yes dear?" Margaret says, looking up from the TV. "Mulder." Scully says. "He's not here Dana. He won't answer his phone." Margaret replies and goes back to watching TV. Scully had been practicing saying one word at a time all week long, after her Physical therapy sessions. Karey, her therapist, said to concentrate on learning to say one word right now, instead of a complex sentence. So that's exactly what she did, and took to it quite well. Especially words with M. M was easy an easy letter for her. Her throat was the only thing that wasn't wholly affected from her Comatose state, with only minor damage to the muscle and just a slight atrophy of the vocal cords. She will be speaking clear sentences in no time Karey told her. Again, Scully asked for that guarantee in writing... "Mom?" "Yes Dana?" "Mulder." "He's not going to come back till you ask him too, or go over there yourself. It's only been a little over a month Dana, let him cool off." "Call, p-p-please?" "I just called him Dana." Her Mom says, trying hard not to grin. She knew Mulder was just behind that window Dana can't see, and was probably laughing at Margaret putting her off, telling her lies. And partly probably wanting to run in the room to be at Scully's side at the same time. "Mom?" "Dana, No. I'm not calling him again." Margaret says snapping at her Daughter, then turning to the window and making a face at Mulder and Skinner who were standing there laughing at Margaret. "Fine." Scully says, and turns her head away from Margaret. She softly starts to cry. Tiny, tender, hurtfilled tears roll effortlessly down her crimson swollen cheeks. That's when the laughter stopped for Mulder, and he had to turn away to fight the urge to run to her and tenderly wipe all the tears away himself. Scully lets a few more tears of regret run down her cheeks, and sniffles a little. Margaret, seeing her distraught, reaches over and wipes the tears from her face, then kisses her daughter softly on the forehead saying, "He'll be back honey, just you wait and see. You can't keep a man away from his true love, or Vise Versa." Scully doesn't say anything for a long time, just sits silently staring straight ahead. Margaret could see those old Scully wheels turning and busied herself with things she didn't really need to be doing. She wanted Dana to really think about all this. "Mom?" Scully says after a few minutes. "Yes sweetheart?" Margaret asks. "Wh-wh-whattts for l-l-lun-ch?" ******************************************* ** Plan B** "Julie Sorvete?" "Yes??" "Are you one Julie Sorvete of 319 Ingot Drive?" the voice on the Phone asks. "Yes. What is this about may I ask?" Julie asks apprehensively. "I'm Special Agent Fox Mulder, from the FBI. I need your help to save a young Womans life." "Um, sure anything to help. But exactly what is it you want me to do?" she says cautiously. "There's a woman I care a great deal about who is in rather bad shape. She needs all the energy she can get to fight this, and I'm told your one of Washington's top Nutritionists?" "Yes Mr. Mulder, I am. Please tell me how I can help you? " ************************************* **R-e-s-p-e-c-t** "N-N-NO! I hel-p. I hel-p you t-turn." Scully says loudly, and the Nurse Assistants stop what they are doing. "You want to help?" says a short redheaded Nurse. "Yes, p-p-ple-assse." Scully struggles out. "Well OK then!" the nurses assistant exclaims, and grabs Scully's right hand. "Try to roll on your back." she says, and Scully tries. Nothing. Just a small muscle spasm in her stomach. "I f-fel-t it!" Scully exclaims. That's the first thing she has felt in almost a week of therapy, below her shoulders. "Yeah, you would have felt it a long time ago, if you weren't so hell bent on giving in. Your not paralyzed for the rest of your life you know. Your just going to have to work on it." the Nurse encourages her, as she tucks pillows against Scully's backside. She hated being propped, but they had to do it to keep her from rolling onto her back, to give it a rest and some air. "OK Dana. We'll see you in a couple hours--" "No." Scully says loudly. "You want to stay propped towards the window again tonight?" "Yes." "You'll have to stay on your back and right side most the day tomorrow then, if your in bed." she explains. 'In bed? Of course I'll be in bed.' Scully thinks harshly then says, "So?" "OK Dana, I'll see you in the morning then." the CNA says, and turns off the light to exit the room. "Night." Scully says, more out of manners, than to say goodnight. She just wanted to stare at the Stars until she fell asleep. And that's exactly what she did. And tonight, like last night and the night before, she will have visitors come sit with her...The ones sent to protect her.... ******************************* **The Will** AS Scully slept, she didn't know that she was being watched. Not just by Mulder who's in the corner of her room, in this world, but in another world all together. She also is being watched over by her protector, her guardian, her Emily. Emily would come and sit next to her Mother, night after night, knowing how important is was that she fight. She's special, the one who will discover it all. She has to live. Then she can be with Emily. Emily jumps on the bed next to her, and lays her hands softly upon Scullys. She looks down at her Mother, well the lady she now knew as her Mother and smiles. Mommy Roberta was right, she was a special lady. Mommy Roberta told her of how Emily's real Mommy, Dana, had almost died having her. The circumstances were severe, and she was meant to die after they were done with her. But by devine intervention it didn't happen that way, and she found Emily anyway. Emily was told she was meant to find her, if only to love her a few days, because Mommy Dana had needed it. Yet, Mommy Roberta also explained to Emily that the way she was brought into the world was wrong, and her real Mother made the right decision to let her go, and be at peace. At first Emily was confused, but as Papa Ahab also explained to her, not everything is meant to be understood. Papa also explained that Mommy was very brave to send her home to God the way she did. That Mommy trusted in Our Father enough to know that even though Emily wasn't completely created by his hand, he would never deny an innocent child. And she was right. God did love Emily, almost as much as Papa Ahab does...in Emily's eyes. Emily sighs and looks down at her mother. "I'm here to help you fight Mommy. I will protect you, just as you have protected me." she sighs, then smiles and looks over at Mulder who has been standing in the dark corner of Scully's room watching her sleep. "With the help of Agent Potatohead." Emily adds, and smiles at Mulder who is still planted firmly within the shadows of the night. ***************************************** end of 10...part 11 coming up shortly. feedback appreciated...seriously...luvnkses@aol.com From: LuvNKses@aol.com Date: 10 Mar 1999 00:06:53 -0800 Subject: "NB: Time and Distance." (sorry theres 6 parts to this not 5) 5/6 *************************************************"Nightmare Born: Time and Distance" part 11 of NB Series. Kim McCoy (luvnkses@aol.com) Disclaimer: Chris Carter, 1013, FOX all own this fine show..no infringement intended. Summary: Scully gets mobile, while Mulder decides it's time to "come back." Spoilers: XC, Emily, All Souls, US5 Category: Story Keywords: Mulder/ Scully/ angst Finished:12-21-98 Rated: R...for colorful phraseology....(ie bad language) Archive: Gossamer, XF Creative has permission to archive anywhere except ATXF. DO NOT Archive there. Authors Notes:..This fic was resurrected by the ever lovable EllieAch...I was going to can it from the Nightmare Born series, but she liked it and insisted...no...she begged me to finish it. so here it is El....:) ************************************************ **Two Months later** **OK, here goes nothing** "Good Dana, just three more." John encourages Scully. "Hurts...John. One Mor-re?" "Three more." he replies. "Slave-dri-v-ver." she rebuffs with a sly smile. "Oh your killing me here with the smile! Come On Dana, three more, then we take a break." "Goody." she says, struggling to squeeze a small ball, and place it in Johns hand. Her motor skills had improved incredibly, but small objects were hard for her still. What use was an Agent that couldn't pull the trigger?. "You can do better than that." John says. "Fuck off J-J-John." she stammers. Scully was also regaining the use of her vocal cords quite nicely, but her choice of phrases weren't exactly....positive. Scully on the other hand was positive. She was positive she hated every minute of this. She was positive she was getting better, and stronger. She was positive Mulder was going to get his ass kicked by her. She was positive she was going to shove that ball right up Johnny Boys ass. But she was also Positive that without Johnny she wouldn't be where she is now. Soon she would be able to go to church with her Mom, eat real food, not just mush, and get her one true love back. Mulder....the jerk. He was the whole reason she was doing this. And she wasn't sure if she waned to kill him or kiss him. "One more--" John says, interrupting her daydream. "--Then you-you'll fuckoff?" Scully teases him. "Yes Dana, as you wish." he smiles at her. Scully struggles with the tiny ball in her hand. The damn thing is so small, she is having a hard time squeezing it. She had already graduated 3 ball sizes in a couple weeks. But this one is a hard obstacle. If she can overcome this, maybe her OT will let her hold her fork, instead of strapping it her hand when they eat. That's her first goal. To feed herself. She hates that part. She concentrates real hard, and sends every energy she has left into her hand to squeeze that tiny little ball, and suddenly, her hand was around it. "Great job Dana!" John yells, and goes to remove the ball from her hand. Just one problem...her hand wouldn't release the damn ball. It was stuck shut, and she had one hell of a cramp in her arm. "AHHHHHHH!" she yells, and John jumps. He knows that is her distress signal. "It wo-won't let go." Dana stammers. She knows this is an involuntary reflex. Her muscles have been doing it off and on for the last two weeks. It's like they want to go faster than she can right now. They have a mind of thier own lately. "OK, OK, Relax," John says rubbing her arm. " Relax Dana, relax it...that's it..." he says as it slowly starts to open. "Good...good...a little more..." As Scully can feel her hand relaxing. "I hate th-that." she mumbles. "I know you do, but at least your muscles are responding. Sometimes I think you focus too much, and make them stiffen." he jokes with her. "Yea, Wond-der Woman." Scully says back, as her hand releases the rest the way, and the ball rolls out. "OK Dana. I'll let the nurse know about the Muscle spasm so she can give you something to make them stop, and I will be fucking off now. OH, but I will see you tomorrow." "No therapy to-m-m-morrow?" she questions him. He didn't come on Tuesdays? "I have a special surprise for you tomorrow." "What? Tell me." "OH no, you have to wait till tomorrow young lady." "Arrghhh." she grumbles. "My lips are sealed." he says, and makes a zip across his lips. "Fine." she says, with a humph, and suddenly felt like she was berating Mulder. Kind of made her smile. "Hey? Um Dana?" John says kind of shocked. "Yeah?" "Look at yourself." he just simply says. Scully looked down at her arms, and they were crossed. AND she was sitting up. "Did I do that?" Scully asks in disbelief and without a stutter, then falls back on the back of the bed again. "From what I saw, yeah, you sat up then put your left arm up on your right. Dana, that's wonderful! Your getting stronger and stronger. You didn't even have to concentrate on that one!" "Go get my Mom." she says excited, reaching for her hospital wheelchair. "I'll be right back." he says and dashes out the door. *********************************************** ** Never** "She's not going to go for it, especially seeing how you guys want me to deliver it to her." Mulder sighs. "Fox, she misses you. It's time." Margaret says, grabbing him just below the elbow. "She probably wont even speak to me Mrs. Scully." "Well I wouldn't either. " Skinner butts in. "Excuse me Sir, but who asked you?" Mulder teases him. "Thanks for the vote of confidence there." "Well, I'm going to see her today. I just can't stand it anymore. Maggie says she seems to be in good spirits." Skinner announces. "Maggie?" Mulder asks Skinner, but they both avoid the question. 'First he starts calling her Margaret, now Maggie...' "She wants to see you Fox. You should be the one to bring her the chair." "She's going to hate that chair, and if I bring it to her, that's just one more reason to hate it." "Good, I hope she does hate it," Margaret says suddenly as Skinner and Mulder both turn and say "What???" simultaneously. "I hope she does hate it. She will hate a machine walking for her. She wants to do it herself. She hates the one she has now, so I hope she hates this one too. It will give her one more reason to try and walk." Mulder looks at her flabbergasted that she speak like that about Scully, then says, "Oh Mrs. Scully, I would have expected that out of me, but coming from you it just sounds maniacal!" Mulder jokes. "Well, maniacal or not, I want my baby to walk. That chair is going to enrage Dana, and she's going to want out of it as fast as possible." Mulder just sits there thinking, dazing off for a moment, then says, "Mrs. Scully? I think you should give her the chair. I have a better idea." **************************************** **No way** "What the f-f-fuck is th-th-this?" Scully says staring at the wheelchair her Mom and John brought her. "Transportation." John says with a smile. "Not for me it-itt's not. I don't wa-wa-want that thing. I wa-wa-want to wa- wa-walk out of here." Scully says repulsed. "OK, cool. Suit yourself. Mind if I take it for a spin?" John asks her. "Knock yourself out." she barks. "Cool!" John says, and hops in the chair. He hits the button, pushes the lever forward, and was off like lightening going round and round the room whooping and a hollering. "Open the door Mrs.Scully!" he yells making a beeline for it, and Margaret enthusiastically did. John goes flying out the door and down the hall yelling "Beepbeep!" to anyone in his way, as Scully struggles watching for him to come back. She sits up slightly, smiling crookedly at her Mom, raising her brow. It did look like fun, and she was sure there was more to this hospital than just these four walls. She hears John yelling "Gang Way!" as he flies back into the room, does a 360 in front of the bed, then slams the chair up next to the right side of the bed laughing and laughing. "HOOOOOO! That was fun." he says grinning at her. "OK p-p-point taken. My turn now?" Scully says, giving in. She did want desperately out of this bed. "Sure thing!" John says jumping out of the chair, winking at Margaret, and going to lift Scully into it. They do thier bend the knees, sit up, swing them over the side routine she had learned so well, and he lifts her into the chair. "Hop on Mom." Scully says, motioning to the pegs on the back. "Oh Dana, I don't know..." "Come on. Could b-be fun." "If you put it that way, let's go." she agrees and hops on two small pegs sticking out the back. "Onward and Up-ward." Scully says, and pushes the controls weakly, setting the chair in motion. *************************************** ** Busted** "CRAP!" Mulder yells and dives into and empty dark room, as Scully comes around the corner. Skinner just composes himself and pretends he's looking for her room. He was going to see her anyway today. "Sir?" he hears her say. "Agent Scully! It's so good to see you." he says smiling down at her, then decides to bend down to talk, make her feel equal. "Sir? What are you d-doing here?" she asks, kind of hurt he had stayed away so long in the first place. "I had to come and see you, I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner. I had this big case, and--" she cuts him off. "Mulder working wi-wi-with you?" she struggles. Skinner looks up at Margaret who shrugs her shoulder's. "Um, he is not working directly under me right now." "What? Is h-h-he OK?" "He's fine. Enough about Mulder, how are YOU doing?" "Like my new wheels? I'm m-mobile." "Very nice. Had it long?" Skinner says playing along. "Just today. First--test--drive." she says confidently, and smiles up at John, who reaches down and squeezes her shoulder. She smiles over at Skinner and says, "Care to g-g-go wi-with? First time out." "I'd be delighted Agent Scully." Skinner says smiling. He gets up and walks behind the chair, grabbing on to Margaret Scully's hand. He gives it a little 'this is great' squeeze, out of excitement. Margaret smiles back at him, pleasantly surprised, and squeezes his hand in reply. Then she did something surprising. She didn't let go of it, just held on and smiled up at Skinner. "Tally-ho." Scully says, and takes off touring the hospital in her new wheels. ***************************************** **Surprise** "Turn left here Dana." John says. Scully turns left, and and then stops at a big window. It's the therapy room. "Why are w-w-we here?" "Your therapy will be in this room from now on. I won't be coming to your room anymore." "Oh...y-y-your leaving?..." she trails off. She really likes John. He respects her, never made her feel like anything less than who she was inside. She really has grew fond of him. "No. It's time to really start working your muscles Dana, and this room has it all. You want to walk, you be here every day at 9:30. Then we'll walk." "You're on." she tells him enthusiastically. That's all she's thought about lately...walking. They step into the room, and she does a little tour, looking at all the things it had in it. She stops at a set of parallel bars, and stares up at them. 'Soon.' she thinks, and then continues her tour. Margaret and Skinner watch in amazement as she smiles, and picks up some of the bigger objects, and throws them at John. John laughs and throws them back at her, as she turns quickly in her chair. John really is amazing, and Scully's attitude since Mulder brought him here has improved 100%. Mulder was grateful. Mulder and Scully both thought he was a wonderful person. Not at all like a Therapist. More like a friend. He is kind, always thoughtful of Scully's feelings, and always using a positive approach with her. She gave in to him from day one, and Mulder couldn't be happier to clear his record for him. But John insisted he keep his part, he'd see her threw this. Completely. Margaret and Skinner notice someone by the door as they watch John and Scully play, and make thier way over as Scully and John continue to peg the other with objects. It was Mulder. "Mulder? She's going to see you." Skinner whispers. "It's time." he whispers back, as Margaret and Skinner look back and forth to one another. "What do you have planned?" Margaret whispers in turn. "You'll see." he winks, and walks into the therapy room. Scully and John are still in the back laughing and having fun talking. Mulder just stands in the middle of the room quietly, patient, waiting for his cue. "When will we s-start these therapy s-sessions?" Scully asks John. "Why not Now." Mulder says loudly, and Scully whips her chair around to see Mulder standing in the middle of the room. Scully is flabbergasted, and can't believe he's standing in this very room. She is speechless and just makes a gurgling noise in his direction. John see's Mulder, nod's at him, and then walks away joining Margaret and Skinner. He obviously knew Mulder was coming, and brought Scully here for a reason. Scully is pissed, embarrassed, and grateful all at once...and is at a total loss for words. Mulder just stands there smiling and waits for her to say something... anything... Finally, she did. Just one word, then choked on the rest. "Mulder...." ************************************** End of part 11..one more in this book. feedback to luvnkses@aol.com greatly appreciated... really...feedback is craved.. its like nourishment, ya know? From: LuvNKses@aol.com Date: 10 Mar 1999 00:08:10 -0800 Subject: "Nightmare Born: Time and Distance." 6/6 by LuvN Kses "Nightmare Born: Time and Distance." part 12 of the Nightmaren Born series.(Revised) Kim McCoy (luvnkses@aol.com) Disclaimer: same as in part 1-11..CC/FOX/1013 own em. No infringement intended Category: Story Keywords: Mulder/Scully/ Romance Rated: R and a half...for Scully's choice phrases... Finished:12-21-98 Archive: Gossamer, ATXF are fine. EMXC Archive is also fine. Summary: Scully's got the will, and the way to get better. Now all she needs, is Mulder. And all Mulder needs, is her forgiveness. ************************ Your still the one I run too, the one that I belong too, your still the one I want for life. Your still the one that I love, the only one I dream of, your still the one I kiss good night. Still the one ~Shania Twain. ************************ ********************************* **Leave me be** "Mulder?...." Scully whispers, choking on her words. "Hi partner." he smiles. Scully stares at him for a minute, the looks on her face changing with every second. Her look turns from happy, to hurt to angry, then to total and complete dismay. She looked as though she was going to cry, then looked as though she may explode. Margaret and Skinner and John had all formed in a little group now and were slowly making thier way out the door. They all felt Dana's energy come blasting off her, and the tension just come pouring out when Mulder entered the room. They wanted no part of that fury. Had thier fill, thanks. Scully really is angry and hurt, and really, really happy to see him all at the same time, which sends her mind into a jumble and her heart into and emotional whirlwind! 'GOD DAMN HIM, for leaving me.' she thinks, as she turns her chair around, so he can't see her cry. ' Damn him for not being here. Damn him for saying he loves me. Damn him for coming back. Damn him for...for...for...Oh just--', "Dammit Mulder!" she yells, the words coming out clear as a bell, and loud enough to hear in the next wing. Margaret, Skinner and John hightail it the rest the way out of the room when she yelled, leaving Mulder to fend for himself. Mulder just lowers his head, and then opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He just shakes his head slightly up and down, like admitting to whatever it was she was mad at him for. He deserved it. He felt responsible for this chip in her neck as much as anyone should, so he felt it justified she be furious with him. But Scully didn't care if it was justified or not. She was really pissed, and he was damn well going to hear about it. "Mulder, wh-why are you here?" she stutters, as nerves take over. GOD she hated him seeing her in this...this...this....THING! Scully swings herself out of his view, and he follows her around, always sticking his face in front of her. He finally leans on the armrests, and says, " To help you get better." Scully looks at him angrily, then pushes the lever forward and rams the chair right into Mulders leg with a look of complete hatred on her face! Then she takes a sharp left and runs right over his toe... "OOOOOOW!" Mulder yelps with pain, as the cut on his shin starts to feel very, very warm, and he knows he's bleeding. Scully on the other hand is smiling as she makes her way to the door of the therapy room, and stops in the doorway long enough to yell clear as day, "Fuck you Mulder!", and exits the therapy room. Mulder lay on the floor, writhing in pain, his shin about to burst. Yet, he jumps up, and hop-steps his way to the door. She isn't getting away that easy. He spies Scully on her way out of the building, and takes off hopping and oooing and owing all the way down the hall. "Damn Scully." he says as he leans on the wall a second, holding on to his shin. He looks around and see's her sitting in a little garden outside the therapy room. He limps over to the glass door, and pushes softly on it, exiting into the little garden area. "I said, Fuck off." Scully yells to Mulder, and he stops dead in his tracks. "Scully, please...can't we just talk." he begs of her. "No w-w-way Mulder. Leave me be." she says, and closes her eyes hoping he would go away. She is mortified that he see her as anything less than Scully, his able bodied partner. Mulder sighs heavily, and sits down on the grass, his shin still throbbing. Scully hears him sit, and gets even angrier. "Mulder, please go aw-awa-away." she stutters, and then moves her chair further away from him. "Scully I'm sorry." he says, never taking his eyes off her for a second. "Go away." she repeats, full of anger. "Never again." he says, and gets up to hop over to her chair. He makes a sign like 'peace. please don't hit me again,' with his hands, then kneels down by the left side of the chair. "Scully please..." "Mulder, no." she says, and turns her head away from him. He hobbles to the other side of the chair in front of her face again. "Scully I want to help you." Again she turns away, but this time with a response as she did so. "Oh now you wa-want to help." "I tried to help you, but you pushed me away." he snaps. Scully just sighs really heavy, knowing full well he was right. She didn't want anyones help back then, or now for that matter. Especially Mulder's help...but she did miss him... Yet she didn't want him to see her like this...damnit! Damn it all... "Go away Mulder." she says again. "Please Scully, I need you." "Need wh-wh-what? N-Need this?" she says gesturing to her legs and the chair with her weak hands. She turns the chair away from him. "Yes I do need that! And that," he says pointing to an outside ashtray, " and this," he says grabbing on to the chair she sat in, " and that over there too," he says pointing at the fountain, "if it means you come with it." he finishes softly, begging her with his stinging eyes. He was trying not to fall apart right here in front of her. "You don't know wh-what your saying." she says sadly. "I do Scully, I do know what I'm saying. Please, please let me help you." he says, his voice trembling. She turns her chair around quickly, almost hitting Mulder in his other shin, and stops and stares at him dead on. She was fuming, you could see she was going threw each and every minute he was gone, and hating him for not being there. Then it instantly turned to sadness, total and complete. She fought back the tears, swallowing and swallowing, trying to keep it together, but it just burst forward, and one after another, after another, after another the tear drops came rolling down her cheeks. "Why d-did you leave?" she whispers. "You wouldn't fight, You didn't want me there..." "I did want you here Mulder--" "-- You told me to leave Scully." "I know..." she trails off, the tears coming even faster now. "I had to leave...for you. For you Scully." "I know that too..." she admits, trailing off as she looks up at him. "But I will never leave you again. I promise you that. I will always be at your side." he says, and contemplates telling her he's been here the whole time. He decides not to, he didn't want her even angrier at him right now. "I'm so sorry Scully... It's just...I couldn't watch you die again. Not again, not ever again. I couldn't live without you then, and I don't want to live without you now." he whispers, and looks deeply into her eyes, apologizing to her prophetically without saying a thing. "Oh Mulder..." she says breaking up a little more. She feels her cheeks have gone really flush, and her eyes are warm with salty tears. "I w-w-was stupid." she stammers, as her nerves get all jittery. "So was I Scully. So very stupid." he says back, still not releasing his gaze. "I'm sorry Scully." he says once again, and takes her hands within his. "I...I am too." she whispers, finally locking eyes with him. When she sees the honesty radiating from his eyes, Scully immediately realizes just how bad he does feel, by the one tiny tear running down his crimson cheek. She can't believe that anyone could make her feel so very much alive and loved as Mulder could. Even right now, confined to this damn machine, in the middle of life changing conversation, Mulder loves her so. He doesn't care. He didn't see the carriage she rode... He only wanted the precious cargo contained within. "Mulder..." she mumbles, not able to say anything she was crying so hard... "I...I love you Scully." he stammers out, " I-I-I don't know what I would do without you..." he breaks off, trying to keep his composure, but not succeeding very well. His memories of her so completely helpless and miserable will haunt him for awile. The last two months of memories alone, were ones of sheer agony. Standing there, watching her day after day in pain. All the time she thinking he had deserted her to fend for herself. But it was the only way, she wouldn't fight... "Scully please, _forgive me_ . I love you." he says again, but this time, she looks up noticing a little something different in his voice. She wasn't sure if it was sincerity, or clarity she heard in his voice, but the sound enraptured her and kept her attention. "Believe me when I tell you this Scully, I love you more than I could ever say in mere words. I can't imagine my life without you now, or ever, " he pauses taking her hands in his. "Please Scully, let me step inside your heart and love you like no-one ever has. Let me in Scully." he says and she just stares at him, and leans in till his forehead rested against hers. " I love you Dana Katherine Scully." he whispers, letting his true emotions show, as well as the love he has always held for her show in his eyes. "I love you _too_." she whispers back finally, eyes still fused within his. "Please, let me help you." "No Mulder." she chokes out, not able to say much more. "Please Scully...For me...please..." he begs, his head still planted on hers, still holding her hands as thier tears splash gently down on them. "No Mulder. I'm not doing this for y-you. Not for Mom either. I need to dd-do this for my-self." "Then by all means Scully, do it for yourself, but please let me help you threw this..." he whispers, and she can hear his voice shudder with each word he spoke. Scully thinks long and hard, fighting with herself obviously by the facial expressions she was making. ' Why do I let him get to me like this...everytime...look at that face...and he loves me...me..me of all people...oh Mulder you fool....' she sighs inwardly. When she finally returns her gaze to his, she studies him long and hard, looking for God knows what in his eyes. Mulder's heart skips a beat, then another, then he feels himself holding his breath. She would look at him softly, then look at him like she was angry, or confused, then softly again. Almost cussing him out with her thoughts. Then her eyes well up with tears, and she smiles a sweet tender smile, as she takes his hand in hers again. He didn't know what she was looking for in his eyes, but she must have found it, because she simply says, " Walk me back to my room Mulder?", still emotional, and stuffed up now to boot. "As you wish." he smiles, quickly composing himself, and stands up with a small "Ouch" to escort Dr. Scully back to her room. ******************************************* ** You Sentimental Jerk** "If it wasn't for Fox hiring you, she may have never gotten out of that bed John. Thank you very much for all you do." 'He did what?' Scully thinks to herself, playing possum in bed. "Ahh, It's my pleasure Mrs. Scully." Dana hears her Mom and John whispering. 'John's in on this too?' she thinks almost sad, then thinks, 'I can't believe Mulder did this.' Both Margaret and John thought she was sleeping, so they continued thier hush- hush conversation. "He cares for her a great deal Mrs. Scully." "I know John, he really does." Margaret sighs, "I practically had to force him to eat, everyday, as he sat and stared threw that little window." Margaret confesses to John. Scully on the other hand has her eyes open, and looks around the room for another window. It wasn't the big window to the right, she would have seen Mulder standing in that window. She looks to the back of the room and there is a little window, just behind a pull curtain, with millions of fingerprints on it... Scully's heart leapt into overdrive, feeling very very much in love with Mulder at this moment. She figured out what her Mom was talking about. He stood in that window watching her this whole time and she didn't even know. She didn't know...how in the hell did he pull that off?..And who else was in on this besides Mom?...Skinner? Karen? Julie? Her Nurse?? The Doctors??...And how could he have just stood there, all the time me wanting him to come back, so I could kick... Suddenly, the reasons why he left came flooding back. He left...to show her what she had... 'OOOOOOOO....Mulder..I could just.....kiss you.' she thinks to herself, and smiles like someone who just found a million dollars. "He has to be Superman to survive on as little sleep as he gets." John whispers. "I believe he thinks he is John." Scully interrupts, and Margaret and John both swing around to see her sitting up in bed, arms crossed. "Honey! I thought you were asleep." Margaret says. "Obviously." she retorts, and smiles quirkily at her Mom and John. "OK you t-two. Spill it. Where has Mulder b-been the last four months?" Margaret looks to John and he looks away from both of them, not wanting to interfere with family business, and Margaret tries to beg off Scully's question. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean Dana." "I'm sure you d-do, and d-don't Dana me Mom." she says back, staring at her Mother with a 'Well?' look on her face. Margaret sighs heavily, then goes and sits down on Scully's bed. She looks at her, then at John, then at Dana again. She looks dead on into her eyes and says, "He's been right here honey, the whole time." "That damn fool..." Scully mutters. "What Dana?" "Nothing Mom. So your telling me he was here the whole time, watching me threw that little window?" Scully says, pointing to the window, and Margarets head jerks up to the where the little window was. Reflex. "Uhuh, guess so." Scully says guessing by her Mother's reaction, he really was there the whole time. "Honey, it's not what you think." "What exactly do you think I think it is Mom?" "Honey, you don't understand the lengths he went too, to make sure you got better. He hired John over there by blackmailing him with parking tickets," Margaret says, and Scullys jaw drops, and John turns around quickly to face her. "I really like you Dana, don't think that. He just offered to clear them up if I helped you. Then I met you." John says smiling, and Scully understood. Margaret nods her agreement, then continues, "And we couldn't have asked for a better PT. He also hired your Nutritionist, your OT, your Doctor, and your Nurses. He made sure you had a special menu of things you liked. He made sure they turned you when they were supposed to." Margaret says taking her hand, sitting at her side on the bed. "He barely ate unless I forced him too. He didn't sleep at all. All he wanted was to be with you. But he couldn't. You forced him to let you think he left, so you would get better. He knew the more he made you mad, the more you would want to get better, just to prove him wrong, or kick his butt. He sat in that little window and watched you for hours on end Dana, praying when you prayed, and crying when you cried." Margaret says, crying a little herself remembering how helpless he looked. "Mom please..." "No you please...Dana, he tore himself up about this. He agonizes each and every single day with you, " she pauses, looking terribly sad for a moment, then looks up at her Daughter. "I remember the day he told you he was leaving, and how you called out for him for awile after he left. Dana, he sat on the floor, crouched in my arms just down the hall from your room, and cried like a little boy as he listened to you call out for him. He just wailed, and said over and over 'I'll never forgive myself.'" "Mom, I didn't know..." "Nor did you care." Margaret adds. "I wa-wasn't myself. I'm sorry Mom." Scully apologizes. "I don't think it's me you should be saying sorry too." Margaret says, and stands up. "I'm going to find Fox. John, it's time for Dana's therapy." and walks to the door. "Mom?" "Yes Dana?" "Thanks Mom." "Your welcome sweetheart." she replies and exits her room. ******************************************* ** Oh No ** "Mrs. Scully you didn't?" "I did." "Well what did you go and do that for? " "She needed to know you wouldn't abandon her like that." "I would have told her I was here eventually." "Well in three weeks, it's the big day. What better time to tell her how you feel than then? Besides, I'm tired of the two of you side stepping the others feelings. Fox, why do you both do this to yourself?" Mulder stood there bewildered. "Mrs. Scully, what are you talking about?" "You love her don't you?" she flat out asks, then doesn't wait for an answer. "Then show her you love her, don't just be there." Skinner who had been standing behind Margaret, raises his eyebrows in anticipation of Mulder's answer. But Mulder didn't answer Margaret... After he retrieves his jaw from the floor, he just smiles at her and walks out the door. "What did you tell him that for?" Skinner says, walking around to face her. "Just a little something for him to think about." Margaret smiles, and Skinner takes her hand. "Buy you some coffee Maggie?" "Coffee sounds good right now. Yes thank you." ********************************************** ** Three weeks later** **OK bars, it's you and me now** "You ready for this?" John says, pushing the chair up to the parallel bars. "Ready as I'm ever g-going to be." Scully says, and John helps her into a standing position. This was the first time Scully was going to attempt to do this alone, with the bars at first, then just for balance if she needed them. She was going to attempt to walk by herself for the first time, and damnit if Mulder wasn't here. "OK Dana, I'm going to let go. Ready?" "Ready." she confirms, and John lets go. She stumbles and starts to go down, as John goes to grab her, then steadies herself saying, "Woah, it's OK. I g-got it." and stands there steadying herself with the bars. "OK, one foot at a time, shuffle, like I taught you." "OK, here g-goes." she says and looks down at her feet. Just as she's about to take a step she hears Mulder yell out, "Wait! I'm here!" and runs into the room, over to the other side of the parallel bars. "Just in Time Mr. Mulder." John greets him. "Yea, hi John," he says absent mindedly as he notices, Scully's standing on her own. "Scully?..." he smiles, then smiles even bigger. She blushes, and lowers her head, then looks back up at him saying, "I almost fell." and blushes . "Well are we going to do this, or are you going to just stand there all day?" John interrupts, teasing her. She was standing! "Let's d-do it." Scully sighs, and focuses her energy on taking the all important first step by herself. She shuffles the right foot forward, slides her right hand up, shuffles the left foot, slides the left hand, shuffle, slide, shuffle, slide...and she hadn't even moved a foot. She puts more energy into it, standing up straighter, putting more weight on her legs than arms. Shuffle, slide, shuffle, slide, shuffle, slide, step.... Scully looks up to Mulder, and quickly looks back down at her feet. Slide of the hand down the bar, her left foot takes a baby step. Slide, step, she lets go with her left hand, shuffle, slide, shuffle, step, step, step, she lets go with her right hand, and stood there frozen a second. She looks at Mulder who makes a 'you can do it' face at her, and she concentrates really hard on moving her feet. She is now standing without anyone or anything balancing herself, and she wanted so bad to take that very first step. She looks straight ahead, and puts all her energy into a step and then...shuffle, then the right, step. Then shuffle, then step, then step, step, step.... She was smiling and laughing a crying all at the same time, as Mulder starts to wave one of his arms toward him, encouraging her. " Come On Scully, you can do it!" he says, and she laughs as she starts to really walk. Not just shuffle, but walk. Baby steps. Scully was almost to Mulder when he pulled his other hand out from behind his back, and there was one single red Rose in it. She stops in her tracks, and grins like an idiot at him, as he takes the Rose and puts it in his mouth, between his teeth. Scully grins at him, then starts to take baby after baby step towards him, as he leans into the middle of the bars just slightly, the Rose still between his teeth. Scully is just about to where he was leaning into, and stumbles, but catches herself. Mulder nods at her achievement, then raises his brows up and down at her. He need not to say a thing. "Is that so?" she says. He takes the Rose from his mouth and says, "Yes, that is so." and places the Rose back between his teeth. Scully just smiles and continues on her quest. She struggles on the last few steps, growing tired, John right by her side, but never stopped or even gave in a little. Two more steps...One more step...and she stops face to face with a grinning Mulder. She leans in and kisses him, taking the Rose from his mouth as she did, then raising her brow. Just the one. Mulder picks her up off her feet yelling "You did it!" and then starts to walk with her out of the therapy room. "Mulder, my chair." she says. "Forget the chair, we have to celebrate. We won't be needing that chair anymore. Your ready to go home." he says carrying her down the hall. All the nurses stare as they pass by, now knowing Dana very well. They all just smile seeing something so romantic in a place so filled with dred, then went back to work tending to the sick. "Home? My H-h-home?" she stutter's getting excited. "Yes Scully, Home." he says, and she almost strangles him with her hug. ********************************** **Distance** "Well here you are, home sweet home." Mulder says opening the door wide for Scully to go in. She was on some funky crutches, the Doctors worried she was still to weak. But she had refused to leave the hospital on anything but her own power, so she stayed two extra weeks to hone up her walking skills. She throws down the crutches and plops down on her couch with a mighty WHEW! Mulder just grins and goes to sit next to her. "Glad to be home?" he asks, plopping down beside her. "You bet. I didn't think I would ever see this place again." she says leaning up and swiping dust off the table. "Sorry, I haven't had time to clean up yet." "I didn't expect you too," she pauses and then looks over to him, "I guess there's allot of things I didn't expect you to do...But you did." she smiles. Mulder smiles back, thinking, 'Only because I don't know what I'd do without you.' Then he reaches over wrapping his arm around her, giving her shoulder a little squeeze. "Mulder?" "Yeah Scully?" "I don't know what I would do without you either." she whispers. Mulder looks over to her baffled she would say that at that exact moment without reason, then leans over and kisses her on the cheek. "I'll go make dinner." he says, and heads off into the kitchen. Scully sits back on the couch, and takes her dainty gold cross into the palm of her hand, and presses it tightly in her clinched fist. "Thank you." she says aloud to the heavens, then closes her eyes slowly falling asleep in her own house...finally. ***************************************************** ***Protected*** Mulder had talked Scully into letting him stay on the couch for a few days till she got the hang of moving around better. She agreed guiltily, already feeling he had done enough, but he was adamant that he stay and help. Of course Scully couldn't win so she finally agreed to him staying. Her Mom wanted to do it, but came down with some horrible flu, so Mulder immediately offered up his services...of course. Mulder insisted he sleep on the couch, and Scully agreed falling soundly asleep in her bed, alone. The only things stirring in her apartment, were the dustbunnies under the bed, the faucet dripping in the bathroom, and the little girl standing by Mulder's side. "You did good Agent potatohead." Emily says, and lays a hand on Mulders face. Mulder startles awake, looking around the room, and holding onto his face which felt like it is almost on fire. Feeling something was amiss, he went to check on Scully, but found her fast asleep as the moonlight shone brilliantly off her crimson hair. He shrugs to himself, still holding on to his cheek, then walks back over and lays back down on the couch to go back to sleep. 'Weird. Hmmmph.' he thinks to himself as he lays back down. Emily had giggled to herself watching the Potatohead look around the room for her, and then followed him to Mommy's door, sneaking inside as he closed it shut. She stood there for a few minutes just watching her Mother sleep soundly. She is so happy Mommy is herself again. She is also happy she chose to fight, and that she can now be with Emily again someday. She knew Mommy was happy now. Maybe she wouldn't have to come back anytime soon. That sure would make Papa Ahab happy, and Emily too. She hates to see her Mommy sad, and Papa Ahab just wants Mommy to feel whole. Emily sighs and reaches up and running her celestial hand down the side of Scully's cheek, then walks over to the window whispering, "I love you Mommy. You did good, " and disappears slowly into the Bright light that has appeared threw the window. "I love you too Emily." Scully mumbles in her sleep, now holding on to her radiating cheek, then drifts back into dreamland happy and ready to face the world. With a little help from up above, her Emily, and of course...from Mulder. ************************************************** (end)...OK bad ending..but I hate them and I never can end something without it being Hokey...peace all...:) Feedback...any is greatly appreciated..(luvnkses@aol.com) "NB:Touched by Others" part 13-17 of Nightmare Born, coming right up!