From: USofney Date: 14 Feb 1999 02:00:21 GMT Subject: NEW! No Other Choice 1/1 Disclaimer: I dont own any of this. I dont own anything from the x-files, 1013, and am not associated with them in ANY way, capishe? I just want to borrow them. Im not of legal age yet, and I can guarentee you wont get much if you sue my parents. Keywords: mention of UST, Krycek angst and torture, sorta Krycek/Scully Spoilers: Duane Barry, Deep Throat, Ascension, One Breath, Anasazi, Redux 2 Note: This is my first posting so be kind please. Send comments to Spookyney@aol.com Archive: Anywhere, just get my permission FIRST Summary: Krycek reflects on his love, his denial, and his loss.----rated PG No Other Choice By: Ney If someone would have told me 5 years ago that I would have fallen in love with someone like Dana Scully I would have told them that they were living in a dream world. First of all, I have this list. Its stupid, I know, but Ive had it since I turned 25. Back then I actually had friends...real friends, ones I played pool with. And I was a kick ass player too. One night I won a bet....well, anyways, Im getting off topic. One night while I was out with my bro's I made a list, courtesy of a couple brews. Ive often modified it over the years, but the list has pretty much stayed the same. 1. No brunettes, redheads, or women with black hair 2. No pet names 3. No children. 4. No unrequited love...not a possiblity 5. No one under 5'6" allowed 6. No one with an IQ over 140 allowed 7. No one who has more balls that I do. 8. No men. 9. No one who is with anyone else. 10. MOST IMPORTANTLY: No marriage And so on. There's more to it, but thats just the top ten. For the last 10 years I have managed to stick to the list for the most part. To this day I have never broken rules #3, 8, or 10. As for the others....well, I cant say much for myself there. I'll admit it freely. Im in love with Dana. Not Scully, Dana. Thats because Scully belongs to Mulder and I cant have her like that. I was in denial until just recently. I couldnt beleive I could be in love with someone who I was supposed to hate. I guess Ive always loved her. I shot Mulder's father to get back at him because I hated him so much. I hated him because he had something I didnt. I knew I couldnt kill Mulder so I did the next best thing. Regardless of what the Syndicate thought, it wasnt me who killed Scully's sister. I could never do that to her. I wasnt even in the apartment...so they sent someone else. But I begged someone to warn her to be wary. And someone did, so she lived. I doubt she realizes all that Ive done for her. It was I who convinced the Cigarette Smoking man to give Scully the implant to cure her cancer. It wasnt my fault she got abducted. I wasnt in on it. I didnt even know what they were planning. Even then I thought she would be safe. When I found out where she was I visited her daily. I could have told Mulder anytime where she was...but I didnt want to. Selfish as I was, I wanted her all to myself. And I did for 3 blissful months. She wasnt sickly or confined to a bed, but she didnt remember anything much about herself. Partial amnesia was what they called it. She had no idea of who Mulder was that first day...and so took to me very quickly. I was her "Sweet Alex". Violation of Rule 2. Not that I complained, hell, I even called her "Baby" and "Hon". I was completely smitten. By the 3rd month I was head over heels. I was in heaven, nothing could bring me down. Or so I thought. Stupid as I was, I had just assumed she didnt remember anything. But she did. One night, I was laying in the dark with her beside me (bliss) when suddenly she says, "Alex, who is Mulder?" I was momentarily stunned and didnt answer. She repeated herself, slighly agitated.I did the only thing I could do. Lie. "I dont know, why?" She sighed,"Im not sure. He's almost like...like a memory from a dream. When I first came here everything was so blurry. I remembered a man, tall and dark, but I always just assumed it was you. I never thought about it or pushed the issue more. Until last week. That was when the dreams started." "Dreams?" I asked. I was afraid then; of what she would remember. "Assaults of dreams. Sometimes 10 to a night. They were so vivid and I remembered them all so well. Each night I would dream so much more that I started to wonder if the dreams were real." "They were just dreams," I had said weakly. She shook her head violently. "No Alex, I think they were memories. I couldnt have just made these things up. But the things I dreamed...some of them were so incredible. And Mulder.." she trailed off there. I touched her lightly on her arm but she shrugged my hand off. Her eyes were glazed over and she talked as if in a trance. I cant describe how I had felt right then. Talking like she was out of her body she began to speak like the old Scully I knew. "Mulder...was such a part of me. A part of my being, a part of my strength. He was my everything. Mulder..." Gropping blindly for her small hand, I tried to grab it. She yanked it violently away from me as she continued to remember, her voice raising in anger and volume at each image. "His paranoia...the conspiracy, the government, the FBI, AD Skinner, Duane Barry," her voice cracked,"Deep Throat, X-Files, they split us up...we were partners. Krycek...." I gasped. She knew everything. Her eyes had widened and I felt terrified, for they became raging with fire and anger and betrayal. Jumping off the bed, I backed against the wall as she came charging towards me. "You!!!" she screamed. "Dana please," I had begged. She slapped me hard across the mouth. "You lied to me! I trusted you, but you and your men took me from him!" I remember her being incredibly strong. Her tiny fingers..ones I once though so delicate and graceful, had closed in a death lock around my neck. I was choking and I honestly thought she was gonna kill me. Little tiny 5'3" Dana Scully was going to strangle me to death. I did the only thing I could. I backhanded her and knocked her out. I felt bad about it afterwards...she had a huge red mark on her face, but it was in self defense. She was calm after that, if not groggy. I knew I couldnt keep her there if she remembered Mulder. As long as she remembered him she could never be with me. But, selfish as I was, I kept her there. The men kept her heavily sedated, much to my protests, and did tests on her. I didnt see her for almost a month after the incident. When I did visit her she was half awake. No matter how old I get, I will always remember that day. I took her tiny hand and mine and said,"Dana, its me." He eyes were closed and her speech was slurred, but her voice was perfectly clear in my ears. She asked,"Is that you Mulder?" My heart breaking I said,"No, its Alex." Her chest heaved and sighed. A single tear rolled down her cheek. I felt my resolve shatter completely with her last words before she fell asleep,"Mulder, please, I want Mulder." That afternoon I visited the syndicate and convinced them to return her to Mulder. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but there was no other choice. I didnt have any other options. They erased her memory without my knowing, and gave her back to him. I was left alone and wondering "what the hell happened?" For the past 4 years Ive checked up on her once in a while. She never remembered anything, and Ive grown to appreciate that fact. Now that Ive broken almost all the rules on my list, I want to try to keep my pride in tact. Im left playing the man in the shadows, the bad guy. I bet she hates me, Mulder has poisoned her against me. Not that I would blame him. I got the short end of the stick, the crappy end of the bargain. The loser doesnt realize what he has. Best to my knowledge he hasnt made a move on her, but Ive seen them together. And I know its only a matter of time before the enevitable happens, and I loose her permenently. But thats life. Finish Anyone like? My first one!