From: "Joylynn Wing" Date: Mon, 5 Feb 2001 14:15:21 -0500 Subject: New: No Regrets by Joylynn Wing Source: xff Title: No Regrets. Author: Joylynn Wing E-mail: aljoyw@a-znet.com Completed: January 2001 Category: MSR, a slight bit of angst, and a smidge of Mulder-torture. Rating: G Spoilers: Requiem Summary: "As time and space elude me, fleeting and inconsequential reminders of the fragility of life and of love, I have no regrets." Archive: Xemplary, Gossamer, ATXC and EMXC. Any others just give me an e-mail so that I may visit. Disclaimer: Although no names are mentioned within, the implied characters of Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions, and Twentieth Century Fox Television. They are being used here without permission. No copyright infringement intended. *****Author's Notes: This is the companion piece to "A Lesson Learned." Born of a very real, and very personal tragedy in my own life, this vignette reflects emotions perfect for season eight, from Mulder's POV. He may be out of our sights but he is still very real in our thoughts and in our hearts. This is for CC and the rest of you at 1013. Unconditional love is a precious gift and you guys are slowly destroying that legacy. Please make it right before it is too late.***** Thanks: To Pita and Trace, my ever selfless and untiring betas: you ladies rock my world. Any glimmers of brilliance are due to their combined talents, any mistakes are entirely mine. Feedback: Only if I am worthy. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~Without love, we have nothing -- we are nothing...~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~* No regrets... I have no regrets... As time and space elude me, fleeting and inconsequential reminders of the fragility of life and of love, I have no regrets. My love for you is endless, a vacuous expanse of trust and acceptance. It keeps me grounded, feet firmly planted upon something of substance as I wander throughout this limitless universe, space and time separating our bodies but not our souls. Never our souls... Can you feel me? Can you hear me? Can you sense my presence even though your eyes cannot see me? I can. You, with your unbending logic, have taught me to believe. How ironic... I feel the warmth of your love surrounding my slowly withering body. A blanket in which to surround myself while the pain, relentless and all consuming, travels through my corporeal substance. Pain, so intense that it would bring anyone else to their knees, begging for even a moment's reprieve from the unseen demons that torment their every conscious moment. For me, however, the pain has no such consequence. It exists but only as a bad dream, blown away like autumn leaves by the ebbing tides of my swirling thoughts. My thoughts filled with the memories of you and me. You and me, above all else and of love, Our Love, a shining beacon which drives away the darkness that surrounds me, within and without. Our love, my anchor...my reason for not giving up this most arduous of fights. I remember your smile, as bright as any sunrise, after our lips met for the first time, like the undulating waves, which caress the immovable shore. It filled my heart with such joy, such peace, unlike any that I have ever known. I remember your touch, shy and gentle, and then, as the moment grew, strong and impassioned, as we finally became as one. It had taken so very long for our bodies and minds to acknowledge what our hearts and souls had known all along. I remember your taste, soft and sweet, like peaches on a hot summer day, as you moved underneath me, with me. One heart, one body, one life...moving with the rhythms of the Earth. Proving to me without a single lingering doubt -- we are destined to walk life's journey together. For eternity -- as soul mates... Chasing shadows. That is how I have spent my life. Hiding in the shadows and chasing ghosts. Hiding from the world that passes by, without me...hiding from all those whom have sought to walk along with me. Until you. Until you with that indomitable spirit, you never gave up. You took my hand and never let it go. Even when I tried to push you away: too afraid of you catching glimpse of the sniveling coward that lived within me. You walked along beside me -- even when I tried to run away. That was when I knew it. That was when I knew the truth. Your truth... I could trust you not only with my work, my life's work...but with my body, my mind, my soul, and most importantly, with my heart. But even with that truth understood, I fought it. I fought what I knew to be the inevitable -- you and me, against the rip tides of time. I fought it with all of my strength. You, however, have always been the strong one. You broke through the walls and we finally became as one. There, in the realization of eternity, I saw immortality. However, as with all things in my life, I lost you. You and your strength were ripped away from me, as I floated into the light, the answers that I had been seeking for all of these years just within my reach. No regrets... I have no regrets... As time and space elude me, fleeting and inconsequential reminders of the fragility of life and of love, I have no regrets.