From: Zeza3@aol.com
Date: Wed, 14 Jun 2000 05:20:46 EDT
Subject: Not After This
Source: direct

Title -  Not After This: genesis
Author - zeza
Rating - NC-17
Classification - angst/msr
Spoilers - many 
Keywords - none
Summary - Mulder is on the brink of death.  What happens?
Author's Note: u want more?  send me feed back.  zeza3@aol.com

Not After This


Washington DC
Saturday, January 17, 1998
10:48 PM

    The last thing Mulder could remember was pain, and a haze of black that 
had drowned out the shouts and the lights behind his eyes.  He felt safe 
tucked in warmth and softness, a delicate hand holding his.  Scully's scent 
filled the air as he breathed in; he knew it was her hand he was holding.  
Surprised to find he could still move, Mulder turned his head in Scully's 
direction.  Opening his eyes, he found she was looking at him, her face 
twisted into a half smile with the light glinting off the moisture in her 
eyes.
    "Mulder."
    " 'Lo Scully."  At his words Scully's face twisted again; Mulder knew she 
was holding back tears.
    "Mulder . . ." She turned her head away, sniffling several times as tears 
spilled from her eyes.  For a moment she peered into a haze of agony, then 
she looked away from it.
    Mulder watched, in silence, while Scully stared at him.  Her cheeks were 
wet, eyes bleary, and her nose red.  It seemed she had been fighting her 
tears for hours, sitting by this bedside.  Awkwardly, with one of her hands, 
she wiped the tears from her face; her hand lingered, covering her mouth as 
she stared at him in desolation.  Faint sounds emerged from her lips, but all 
were incoherent noises of pain, sadness and loss.  Wishing to ease her 
suffering, he reached for her, pulling her into an embrace.  In Mulder's arms 
she could not help but cry, the emotion breaking from her body in hoarse 
weeping.  
    "It's all right Scully."  He combed his fingers through her hair and 
quickly followed them with his lips.  "It's all right.  It's all right."
    "Mul-" Her voice broke.  "Mulder, don't leave me.  Don't do that, please. 
 Never do that."  The fierce strength that Mulder knew his partner possessed 
could not be found in her embrace or her tears, or her voice.  Agent Scully, 
MD was gone, replaced by a small, vulnerable woman.
    "I promise Scully.  From now on you can take the lead and I'll cover your 
back.  You can be the gentleman."  A weak laugh broke from Scully's chest and 
she drew back to gaze into his eyes.  He searched her face for a clue to the 
lingering hurt he saw, and received none.  Her eyes burned into his, driving 
a promise from his body.  "I swear Dana.  I swear."  She started at his words 
and then turned away again; any soft sobs she made went unheard.
    "Mulder, you're dying."  The words, it appeared they hurt her.  Her eyes 
found his; she wasn't joking; she was telling the truth.  
    "No, I-" He shook his head angrily.  It wasn't possible, he knew it 
wasn't. 
    "Please, Mulder listen.  In the warehouse, you were attacked.  The dealer 
threw you into a generator . . . a giant electric circuit.  Your heart 
functions were disrupted.  You died."  Her face contorted and she found 
herself crushed in Mulder's arms and half speaking, half weeping her words 
into the hospital gown.  "Your heart is failing slowly.  There's nothing they 
can do.  You only have ten to thirteen hours before it stops forever."  As 
the tears poured out once more, her sobs were joined by Mulder's.  Eventually 
his tears faded. He nudged Scully to get her attention.
    "Let's go."  He said in a dogged but determined voice.  "If they can't do 
anything for me I want to go home."  There was a brief pause before he spoke 
again.  "I want you to take me home Scully."
    "Mulder . . ."She wasn't sure what to say.
    "Please Dana,"  After her first name he stopped.  She looked at him; he 
was pleading.  "don't let me die here."
    She nodded; ten hours was going to have to be enough time to share 
everything they had kept secret.  It wouldn't be nearly long enough; there 
was no time to waste.  She handed him a bundle of his clothing, waited for 
him to change, and took him home.
After what seemed like seconds and an eternity later, they arrived at his 
apartment.  Scully took his hand as they ascended the steps to his floor; she 
felt as though they were climbing to heaven, where she would see off half her 
soul.
    "Scully, are we climbing to heaven?"  Mulder asked, his tone sweet and 
vulnerable, his thoughts and echo of hers.  "Scully," He turned to face her 
at the stairwell door, his eyes innocent and pleading.  "come with me Scully. 
 I don't want to leave without you.  I can't be without you."  Silent tears 
were streaming down his face, tears of a man who knew he could never get what 
he was asking for.
    "Mulder, I will always be with you.  I will always love you.  Promise to 
remember that."  If Scully had not been beyond thought, she would have 
realized how odd it was that, though he was dying, she was comforting him.
    "Oh, Scully- Dana I swear.  I have never forgotten anything you said.  I 
will never forget.  Any words that fall from your beautiful lips will remain 
locked in my mind forever."  Fervently he whispered the truth and stepped 
closer.  While he spoke, one of his hands cupped Scully's cheek and gently, 
he caressed her half-open mouth.  Her tongue slipped from between the lips he 
had spoken of and wrapped itself around his thumb, drawing it into her mouth. 
 She closed her eyes and sucked noiselessly for a few seconds.  
She felt incredibly erotic, just barley touching him, but enough for him to 
know she wanted him.  The blood rushed through her body loudly, enhancing her 
senses.  His thumb was soft, the nail rounded and smooth; the taste was 
something she could identify only as him.  Even with her eyes closed Scully 
could feel Mulder's gaze fastened on her.  Slowly she released the digit and 
his hand trembled against her face.
    "Scully!"  He exclaimed, but was unable to keep from caressing her face 
again.  The touch of her mouth, her tongue, was electric.  His heart pounded 
rapidly in response.  He looked at her, almost unwilling to comprehend her 
actions.  Slowly he found her eyes, they told him, so simply, that she wanted 
him.  With a moment's hesitation he stepped out of the stairwell, quickly 
pulling her to his apartment and inside.
    "Mulder" Scully whispered, looking into his eyes.  "I love you.  I need 
you now." 
    His breath left his body in a cross between a gasp and a moan. Fumbling 
with his words Mulder looked away; it was all becoming too intense.  He 
wanted her so badly.  She was elegant, beautiful, intelligent, open minded, 
and now he knew she wanted him.  The news traveled like lightning through his 
body and struck in a flash of arousal that made him long for her fingers to 
touch and tease him, for her lips, for her body.
    "Did my overpowering good looks finally get the better of you?"  He joked 
hoarsely, trying to lower the intensity.  His typical dryness didn't quite 
make it to his voice.
    "No."  She replied, readily accepting his uneasiness.  "Since the day we 
met I started looking for an eligible man who was smarter, funnier and better 
looking than you are.  I haven't found one, five years later.  You'll have to 
do."  She failed to be flippant as well, and looked up at him, her eyes 
telling him that, truly, she had been waiting for him, dreaming and wanting 
only him.  Her silent message eased his fears and fueled his arousal.
    "Dana, I've wanted you for so long.  I want you now."  He gasped, before 
continuing.  "Dana, I love you.  I wasn't alive until I fell in love with you 
and I never loved any woman before you."  As he spoke his hands slipped 
slowly down her neck, pausing to push her jacket onto the floor before 
continuing to caress her arms.
    "Mulder."  Scully's voice caught in her throat at the sensuality of his 
simple touch.  His fingers wrapped tightly around hers and she pressed her 
body to his, moaning when she discovered he was hard with desire.  
    She let out a slow breath as tilted his head to her ear and nibbled 
softly.  He murmured I love you Scully repeatedly, as though if he stopped 
his heart would cease. Mulder's fingers were hot on her skin as he unbuttoned 
her blouse.  She looked up into his eyes and saw emotions of an intensity 
that made her heart tremble, overcome with euphoria.  He continued staring 
back at her; his eyes spoke of his love, his lust, and his need, all for her 
and only her.  She returned the gaze with equal depth of emotion.  
Joining their hands, Mulder caressed her waist and slid their hands up her 
stomach.  Their sudden intimacy amazed him and he enjoyed the feel of her 
body and the intensity of her response to his touch.  Moments later Scully 
found herself cupping her breasts, Mulder's fingers still entwined with hers. 
 Surprising Mulder, she whimpered and tore her fingers from his.
    "I want you to touch me Mulder; I know my own hands."  Her words were 
little more than a coherent gasp, her body trembling with arousal.  "Please 
Mulder."
    His answering smile was both hungry and gentle as he acquiesced to her 
wishes.  Lean, strong fingers probed and teased her breasts.  She groaned his 
name and pulled him closer.  Seeking to prolong their desire, this brief 
moment of bliss, Mulder moved unhurriedly.  He slowly stripped her of her 
clothing, memorizing her form with hands, eyes and lips.
    Suddenly the world shifted and he found himself pressed against the wall, 
Scully holding him there.  He looked down into her eyes, dark with rampant 
need.
    "You're making me crazy Mulder."  She nearly growled into his ear, 
working frantically to remove his clothes.  For a moment she let him go, 
stepping back to memorize the shape of muscle and bone, the passion in his 
form and his eyes.  Then, roughly she pulled Mulder to the sofa, climbing 
atop him.
There were no more questions, no doubts, and no words at all.  All that was 
left was their hands and lips tongues and a deep mutual hunger. Their bodies 
moved to the eternal rhythm of passion and their tempo quickened until it 
became urgent.  Soon movement as two separate beings became unbearable and 
they came, together, in a sudden all consuming climax.  As the waves of her 
orgasm faded, Scully emerged to find herself on Mulder's sofa, clutched in 
his arms, both of them crying.  She moved her hands over his chest, to take 
his face in her hands, so she could look into his eyes once more.
"No regrets?"
"No regrets."  She affirmed, settling against his body, her head on his 
shoulder and her arms around him.  As she closed her eyes a peaceful silence 
settled over the two.  Moments later, Mulder spoke unexpectedly.
"I don't want to leave you."  He whispered.  "I'm not ready to let go.  Of 
you.  Or of life." 
The words that slipped from between his lips were exquisite, evoking a 
reaction of loss and of joy within Dana's breast.  She was not sure what to 
say in response to a direct confession of love and the inevitable.  What 
could she say?  At this very moment he was dying, his body dissipating and 
falling through her fingers like grains of sand.  She forced herself to open 
her soul, to share with him as he shared with her.  It hurt to open herself 
because she knew the only result would be pain.
"Mulder, I'm not ready for you to go either.  It's heartbreaking to think it 
took your- your-" She broke off, unable to say the word, eyes filling once 
more with liquid torment.  Timidly Mulder reached out and brushed his fingers 
against her cheek in an intimate gesture of reassurance and love.  "-before 
we reached this point.  I don't know how to continue without you."  Doggedly 
she continued, determined.  "But I do know that I will continue; I will carry 
on our work."  Her voice was trembling and hesitant but her words heartfelt.
"Scully . . . Dana, I want to stay.  I want to make this all better somehow.  
I want to fight this injustice.  It's not fair to you, to me, to us."  He 
seemed to be arguing with God.
"Mulder, there is something, something you can do."
"What?"  He gasped; his eyes jerked suddenly back to hers in astonishment, 
searching her quiet gaze for an answer.
"Kiss me again.  This is the last chance we have to be together like this.  
Make love with me, because tomorrow . . .tomorrow the world ends."  The 
gentle fervor in her voice and her tears was more intense than Mulder 
imagined any emotion could be.  His eyes filled in response and he thanked 
the higher power for her love for him before kissing her again.