Title: 'Nothing old about you'
Author: Suzan Nouwens 
Date: 18-04-2005
Spoilers: Rush 
Rate: PG-13 
Comments: I couldn't sleep so I wrote this...but I'm not 
really with it today so please be gentle :p

x-x-x

Nothing old about you:


We're standing in front of Tony's hospital room and a 
moment ago Mulder told me that maybe we are just too 
old. 
 
I grimace at his words. 

This whole case is starting to make me feel down and I 
just can't take it anymore. With very passing minute I 
feel older and older. It's not that I mind the ageing 
process on itself. It's just that it reminds me of the fact 
that my life is passing by and that there are other things 
I'd like to do before it's too late. 

"What's wrong Scully?" 

"What? Oh...nothing."

"What's with the sad look then?" 

"Nothing...I was just...thinking."

I avoid his eyes, knowing I would betray myself and my 
feelings, if I do. I don't feel like talking about this. Just 
then, I see Cassidy coming around the corner. Great. 
Though she saved me from Mulder's pressing stare I 
can't say I'm really happy about that. A strong feeling of 
deja vu comes over me when she and Mulder lock eyes. 
She gives him a small sly grin and some part of me 
wishes I could smack it of her face. 

When Mulder looks back at me I'm already gone. I'm not 
feeling like hanging around here.

"Hey Scully wait!" But I don't. But I might as well could 
have...with his long strides he's next to me in no time. 
He grabs my arm and brings me to a halt.

"Scully, did I do something wrong?"

"No Mulder, come'on, I just want to go." I say as I try to 
struggle my arm out of his firm grip. He won't let me 
though. 

"Mulder." I say with a stern, questioning look. What does 
he want?

"You don't think you're old, do you?" He says, catching 
me off guard by hitting the right spot immediately.

 "What are you talking about Mulder? Now let me go." 
He's starting to piss me off. I don't want to talk to him 
about this. I don't want him to now this is affecting me so 
strongly. Damn him for being able to read me so well. 

"You're not old Scully."

"I'm older than Cassidy." I mutter before I realize it. Oh 
god. I hope Mulder didn't hear it. I pray to god that it 
didn't sound as cynical and accusing as it did in my own 
ears. 
 
It must have, since my honest revelation clearly caught 
Mulder off guard; leaving him with his mouth agape and 
at a loss with words. Damn. His grip on my arm loses and 
I take the change to walk away again.

For a moment we walk in silence. Both thinking about 
what I just really said. 
 
"Well, you're older than them, but you are still relatively 
young." He says...clearly avoiding Cassidy's name; 
avoiding something even he doesn't want to talk about. 

"Relatively young means old Mulder." I try to joke, but I 
fail miserably.

This is ridiculous. 

We wait as everybody gets out of the elevator. Of course 
there is no one else who needs to go down. Typical. 
Agitated I push on the button and the door slide close. 
For a moment it seems as if our conversation is over, but 
I could have known Mulder wouldn't just leave it at that.

"There's nothing old about you." 
 
I ignore him. Why is he pressing this? He's seriously 
pissing me off now.

He takes a step closer and almost pins me between 
himself and the wall; making sure I'm not getting away.

"Scully, there's nothing old about you," I'm startled at 
the intensity and immensity in his voice "you're strong, 
healthy, intelligent..." he's silent for a moment; 
contemplating something..."you have everything a young 
person has; you're fit, athletic...attractive."

Hearing his words make a shiver run through my body 
and I feel a warm, deep burning in my stomach. I look 
away. I can't deal with this. I don't know what to say or 
do. What to think. What is he really trying to say? 
 
I'm saved by the elevator doors sliding open. Quickly I 
skip out of the elevator and hurriedly walk to the car. 

"Scully wait...I want to talk about this." 
 
"Well, I don't." I say irritated,  and I keep on walking to 
the car, clearly indicating he shouldn't push this any 
longer. 
 
For the second time he stops me by grabbing me by the 
arm. I've had it.

"Mulder I said I don't want to talk about it!"

"Why not?"

"Mulder I can't see why you are making such a big deal 
out of this! Everything has already been said. God this is 
so ridiculous!" 
 
"What? What is ridiculous Scully?!!"

We're yelling at each other now. I can't believe that we 
got into this situation, but I don't care anymore.

"Geez  Mulder, what do you think?!!" 

"What Scully? Is it weird to tell you that you're 
intelligent...is it so ridiculous that I think your incredibly 
attractive?!!" 
 
I think my heart just stopped beating and I feel my knees 
start to wobble. Somehow I manage to say the things that 
I wanted to say without even faltering.

"Everything Mulder! I don't 'need' you to tell me this, 
for like a thousand times! I'm not that insecure Mulder. I 
don't need that conformation from you!!" But we both 
know that I'm lying.

"Then why do you think that I'd would like someone like 
Cassidy better than you Scully?!!"

"Mulder, what are you talking about? It has nothing to do 
with Cassidy!!" 
 
"Damn Scully, you know well enough it's about that!!"

Our eyes are blazing, our breathing heavy. I can't 
remember ever having been more mad at Mulder. The 
worst thing is that we both know he's right. 

"What exactly are you trying to say Mulder?!" I'm 
challenging him; laying this game in his hands. Daring 
him to cross that line that we always so desperately try to 
ignore. I'm so angry, but more than that I'm scared. I'm 
scared about what he's going to say. For a moment it 
seems if he want to back out but then I see his eyes turn 
soft as he really looks at me. His grip on my arm lessens 
and he brings up one hand to cup my face. The tender 
look in his eyes make my eyes start to water. I'm so 
confused. I'm so angry at him, yet I'm so tired of all of 
this and I wish I could just pull him close.

"You 'know' what I'm trying to say Scully."

I cast my eyes in defeat. He's right.

He pulls a strand of hair behind my ear and I'm 
overwhelmed by this simple gesture; his touch so soft, so 
careful.

"Scully I'm not interested in anyone but you." 

A shaky breath escapes my dry lips...these past 10 
minutes have been like an emotional rollercoaster from 
hell. 

Mulder snakes his hand around my waist and slowly pulls 
me close; firmly pressing me against his chest. With his 
other hand he traces the outline of my jaw, softly 
caressing it, stroking my cheek with his thumb. 

"I just couldn't believe that you had any reasons to doubt 
that...sometimes I think that you just don't realize what 
you mean to me Scully."

"Mulder, I..."

His thumb softly glides over my lips I can't take it 
anymore. Slowly I lean in and his lips meet mine half 
way. Our kiss is slow and sensual...a bit tentative at first. 
I taste the salt of my own tears . I can't help it. I was so 
angry an frustrated. He pulls away, asking me if I'm 
okay. 

"Yeah, I ...Mulder, I think I know...it's just that, 
sometimes I'm afraid." I barely hear my own voice. 

"Yes, I think I know how that feels." He says with a grin.

Our lips meet again and this time our kiss is more hungry 
and needy. It grows more and more passionate as all our 
frustrated emotions come out. With his hand, tangled in 
my hair, he's tugging on my head, deepening his kiss. Oh 
god. It feels so good. But we can't...

"We should do this somewhere else."

"You're right. Come on, let's go home". 
 
As we slowly walk to the car I suddenly realize that there 
is nothing else I'd rather want than to get really, really 
old...

...but only if I get to do that with Mulder.