From: DnaMulder@aol.com
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 14:12:56 EST
Subject: Submittion of story to Gossamer
Source: direct

Title: Now, after all this time
Author: Tracy Winston
Rating: Not rated
Spoilers: Reference to Pusher, Irresistible, Duane Barry/Ancesion, Small 
Potatoes, Unruhe, Tooms
Keywords: MSR
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me, they belong to Chris 
Carter and those at FOX.


Alexandria, Virginia
10:13 p.m.

God, he just didn't understand.  He had fought 
vampires, fire-bearing people, liver eaters, 
fetishes, and who knows what, but he couldn't get 
this thought out of this head.  "I love Scully."

It was something that he had known for a while.  
In the beginning, once he started trusting her, he 
thought that she was some sort of a replacement 
for Samantha, that she could help him to finally 
deal with the inevitable.  But that wasn't it at 
all.  It had most likely started when Duane Barry 
had taken her.  The thought of never seeing her 
again just horrified him.  He must have done at 
least one thing right to get her back.  Then there 
was a whole slew of people that wanted nothing 
more that to tear his life apart and try to harm 
her again: Donald Pfaster, Robert Modell, and 
Gerry Schnauze.  Oh, and then the cancer.  God, 
that just tore him apart.  Even with their defense 
walls down and they being able to be more 
sensitive with each other, he felt like he was 
dying too.  To see her dying and not being able to 
do a thing about it, he wanted to die, to go up to 
Cancerman and just scream, "Why?!  Why her, and 
not me?!" Her death would have been the end of 
him, or if the agony didn't, then his Bureau  
issued Smith & Wesson would have.  That last night 
that she was in the hospital, when he had gone to 
her room to ask her about taking that deal, he was 
so close.  He was so close to telling her; saying 
those words that he wanted to say for so long.  "I 
love you, Scully."  No, not that.  "I love you, 
*Dana*."  

"Will I ever tell her," he asked himself, "or will 
I wait until she's hurt again?"

But if he let the truth be known, he didn't want 
to wait.  He wanted to tell her as soon as she got 
in the office on Monday.  No, that would be too 
long; it would give his conscience too much time 
to change his mind.  He would tell her now.


Georgetown, Virginia
10:42 p.m.

"Must be something I got from Mulder," Scully said 
to herself as she sat on her couch, flipping 
through the channels due to insomnia.  After going 
through all that cable had to offer three times, 
she decided to look through her small tape 
collection and put in whatever looked best.  
Taking out the tape that her mother had brought 
over the last time she came, she put in one of the 
tapes that her mother had brought over the last 
time she was there.  Not even half way through 
previews, there was a knock at her door.  She 
stopped the tape and muted the TV.  'Hmm, who 
could that be,' she thought to her self 
sarcastically.  It had to be Mulder, but why?  
Another case that she *just*had*to*see* at quarter 
to eleven on a Friday night.  Yeah, right.  Even 
*Mulder* must have a life.  Didn't he?

Just to be sure, she went up to the door and 
looked through the peephole.

Somehow sensing that she was there, Mulder said, 
"It's me Scully, open up."

After opening it, she asked, "Hey Mulder, what's 
wrong?"

He gave her the sad puppy-dog look and asked, 
"Does there have to be something wrong for me to 
want to see my partner?"

She shook her head.  "No, no there doesn't.  It' 
just that usually you only come by this late on a 
Friday night you are either here to go over a case 
or you are Eddie Van Blundht."

He laughed.  "Well, I just thought it was time to 
add one more choice to that list."  He paused to 
let that sink in for a second.  "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, sure."  She stepped aside and let him go 
past her and into her living room.  Instinctively, 
she went into the kitchen and poured them both a 
glass of iced tea.  She couldn't even remember 
having it in her house all ready made, not until 
after the Tooms case.  Since then, she had always 
had it on hand so that if given the chance, she 
could use it to insure the "if there's an iced tea 
in that bag, it could be love" vow from Mulder 
could pull through.

Bringing it over to the couch where Mulder was 
sitting, Scully nodded as he smiled his thanks.  
She then leaned over to the remote and turned off 
the TV.

"So, Mulder, what's up?"

He took another sip of his tea before he answered.  
He wasn't going to drag this out any longer.  "Uh, 
Scully, there's something that I want to talk to 
you about."

Sensing his nervousness, she knew it must be 
important and took his huge hand in her two smaller 
ones.  "Okay.  What is it?"

"I've been having these dreams.  You know, the 
basic ones: Samantha.  But recently, they have 
kind of hit closer to home."

"I don't understand, what could be worse than 
Samantha?"  He looked real deep into her eyes and 
it hit her.  "Oh, Mulder."  She then pulled him 
into a hug.

At this point, he seemed near tears.  "I'm sorry 
Scully, but I just can't take it any more.  I've 
lost you too much in the past seven years, and now 
I can't even keep hold of you in my dreams."  He 
paused for his breath as the tears started to flow 
down his cheeks and onto Scully's shirt.  "It' 
just so.."

Scully cut him off before he could bring any more 
pain to himself.  "Mulder, you don't have to worry 
about me going anywhere."  She leaned back from 
their warm embrace just enough to look into his 
eyes and start stroking his cheek.  "I'm right 
here with you, and I always will be.  I'm not 
going *anywhere*."

With Scully at a loss for words and Mulder at a 
loss of breath, they just start like that for a 
while, looking into each other's eyes.  A second 
later, she reached up and went to kiss his 
forehead, but Mulder's strong hands on her 
shoulders and neck pulled her downward to kiss his 
lips.  A soft first kiss, not even two seconds 
long, ensued before they pulled apart slowly.

Trying to focus on the bliss of what had just 
happened, Scully was taken completely off-guard 
when Mulder pulled her head back to his as he 
leaned onto his back.  Everything went by so fast 
at first, but then was made slow, passionate.  
More that seven years of yearning spent only 
slightly, but oxygen becoming limited, Mulder was 
forced to pull back, but only by a couple of 
inches.  All recollection of what was right or 
wrong was limited to what was oh so very right as 
Scully laid her head on his chest.  Hearing his 
heart beat, she realized that he must have wanted 
this just as much as she had, if not more.

As she turned her head to kiss his chest through 
his thin white tee shirt, she said, "I love you so 
much Mulder."

He smiled from ear to ear as he responded.  "Good, 
then it wouldn't sound inappropriate for me to say 
why I came over here."

"That's why you came over?  You expected that I 
would ravish you?"  Her smile turned a bit 
curious, but no less happy.

"Well, I was going to say that I love you, but I 
was going to wait until you were asleep to kiss 
you."

They laughed, and then the facts settled in.

"You love me?"

"I thought that you would have figured that out by 
now, Dana."

She smiled at the use of her first name.  "Well, I 
thought it from time to time, and certainly hoped 
it, but I never thought that I would hear you say 
it."

"I said it last year!"

"After the triangle incident?"  He nodded.  "No, 
that didn't count; I wasn't sure if you were 
drugged or not.  And anyway, if would have looked 
a bit weird if Skinner or the Gunmen came in a saw 
us making out."

"Not to me."  She laughed, as did he before he 
finished his thought.  

"But you are right, this so much better."  He 
hugged her to his chest as he said so.  "But 
whether I'm drugged or not, I do love you, Dana."

She almost sleepily looked up into his eyes and 
smiled.  "Say that again."

"I love you."

She shook her head.  "No, the whole 
thing."

"I love you, *Dana*."  Her smile grew impossibly 
wider.  "Better?"

"Oh yeah."

He let a sound of contentment, and they laid there 
for a second, completely absorbing this new 
feeling.  But before long, Mulder couldn't take it 
anymore and pulled her the rest of the way up his 
chest for their lips to meet again.

Taking in all that she could of what was soon 
becoming an essential part of her life, Scully 
selfishly moved her lips over his.  After a minute 
that seemed to last forever, that they wanted to 
last forever, she comfortably slid back down the 
few inches to "her place" on his chest.  

Scully then released her own sigh of pleasure and 
contentment.  "Why did we wait this long?"

She felt, sooner than heard, the laughter coming 
from Mulder.  "I'm just trying to figure out how 
we waited this long."

She laughed as well, only considering the sad 
thought for a second before once again savoring in 
the warmth of his arms wrapped around her middle.  
"All I know is that I never want it to end."  At 
that, they just laid there, on that old white and 
blue couch in Scully's apartment, looking into 
each other's eyes with so much love, so much 
desire, and yet so many unanswered questions.

"Mulder," she started, but he cut her off.

"Why don't you start calling me Fox," he said, 
more of a statement than a question.

A curious smile crossing her face, she continued 
with, "Okay, *Fox*."  It sounded foreign on her 
tongue, but she could get used to it really fast.  
"I know this might sound a bit, well, weird, but I 
was thinking that with all that has happened so 
far, and so fast, I think it would be to both of 
our benefits if we didn't, well, you know, 
tonight."

He smiled at her way of putting the "physical act 
of love" into indirect terms.  "Yeah, I 
understand.  We are too pressed to" he gestured 
with his hand between them "tonight."

She giggled at his childlike gesture for such a 
non-child-like thing.  The fact that the giggle 
was thick with sleepy desire made Mulder start to 
question his decisions.

"Daaannaa" he stressed the syllables to show his 
sudden change of heart, "do that again, and I 
could change my mind, really fast."  That got 
another one of those Scully smiles that he 
couldn't get enough of from her, and he felt a 
sudden wave of sadness rush over him.  This wave 
making him realize that he would have to go back 
to his dark and lonely apartment, where there was 
just a cold bed, cold couch, and his videos that 
seemed to hold no interest for him anymore.  And 
there was no Scully, no Dana to be with and to 
hold. 

"But it's so cold outside," she paused for just a 
second, "and you're *so*warm*."  He looked down at 
her, waiting for her to finish.  "And I can't just 
give up such a good pillow and blanket, now can 
I?"

"What are you saying, Dana?  You know I'll do 
anything you want."

"Why don't you stay here tonight?  No, nothing 
will happen," she smiled at his puppy-dog face, 
"but the least we can do for our newfound love is 
to sleep together."
"Oh, Scully, I thought you'd never ask.  I'll take 
your warm bed and body over my cold couch any 
day!"

They both laughed, but that soon ceased when 
Scully lifted herself off of Mulder's warm body, 
stood up next to the couch, and held out her hand 
to drag Mulder on up with her.

"Well, come on, G-man.  Time for bed."

He took her hand and together they pulled him up.  
She giggled again when he had trouble stabling 
himself.

"See what your doing to me," he jokingly 
complained.

"Well, we'll have to remedy that, won't we?"

With that, she pulled him toward her bedroom like 
a child would do his parents on Christmas Day.  
But the thoughts that went though Mulder's mind 
while she did this suggested things far from a 
child/parent relationship.  Since Scully was 
already in her pajamas, all Mulder had to do was 
shed his white tee shirt and his jeans, leaving 
him in his black silk boxers.  When Scully looked 
up from where she had pulled down the blankets, a 
smile played on her lips.  

"Going for the good stuff, I see."

He looked down for a second, and then met her with 
a small smile of his own.  "Just wanted to be 
prepared for whatever was going to happen tonight."  
With that, he sat at the end of her bed and opened 
his arms wide to invite her to join him.  She 
complied, and while they were like that, he 
scooted up higher on her bed and laid them both 
down.  For her to be look him in the eye, her feet 
were about mid-shin to him, but it didn't matter 
to him.  He loved her for all that she was, not 
excluding her height.

Loving this feeling, Scully pulled her body closer 
to his.  They laid there, absorbing the feeling of 
each other, and soon the need for sleep in each 
other's arms washed over them quickly.  The last 
thought that went through Scully's mind was that 
neither her nor Mulder would have trouble sleeping 
ever again.