************************************************************************** This author's e-mail address has changed to: damienma@netroenterprises.com ************************************************************************** From: Jori Date: Sat, 29 Aug 1998 04:32:55 GMT Subject: NEW: Of Mouse and Men 1/? HUMOR TITLE: Of Mouse and Men 1/? AUTHOR: Jori RATING: This segment: PG-13 for some mild swearing CATEGORY: H SPOILERS: None so far SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully take time off to visit the "funnest" place on earth, and run into some old friends... DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013 and Fox. Everything else belongs to The Wonderful World of Disney. ************************************************************* The Cypress Stump Motor Lodge Kissimmee, Florida February 16, 1999 I opened the door to my hotel room to find him standing there with the biggest grin on his face. Not only that, but he had on shorts, a T-shirt, sandals, sunglasses and a hat. He looked like, well, a tourist. "Scully, the plans have changed. We'll go back to DC later. I've got a surprise for you. But I think you need to change out of that suit. Did you bring any shorts?" "Yes, but not anything nice." "That's ok. I'm sure they'll have something we can buy where we're going," he said, with a wink, "All these Mickey Mouse T-shirts can't possibly materialize out of thin air." "Should I bring my bags?" "Yep. We will just get flight later tonight." I could have already guessed where we were going, even without the T-shirt crack. We were in the tourist capitol of the galaxy; the vacation hot spot of the universe. We had been on an actual case. Mermaid sightings. How was I supposed to know Mulder had never heard of manatees? Now I'm starting to see it for what it really is. Maybe he meant 'Little Mermaid' sightings. I guess we wouldn't be the first FBI agents to do this. Half the subversive population on earth headed to Florida with the FBI following. Ever watch 'America's Most Wanted'? The criminals are always last seen headed towards Florida. Then we follow them and go to Disney World. Maybe there's some secret pact with the outlaws. Head towards the Sunshine State so we can go to Mouse World. Maybe Mulder should check into my theory. I changed into my hot pink shirt and flower patterned shorts and headed out with my bags to find Mulder. "And I thought I looked like a tourist," he said. "Well, Mulder, you do. Especially with those pale legs. What is that? A string hanging from your hem?" I asked pointing down to his pasty legs. "It's the middle of winter, Scully." "Just make sure you use sunscreen." We got on I-4 and started heading towards Disney World, along with everybody else in town, based on the traffic. Mulder was excited. He'd never been to Disney World before. Neither have I, but I went to Disneyland once when I was young. He turned the radio to the AM information station and listened with glee to everything we could see and do today. He was acting as if we were going to rip the lid off the whole conspiracy today; as if Disney was the epicenter of everything we searched for. We drove through the parking gates, handed over our first five bucks to a kid representing the all mighty Michael Eisner, and followed a line of people to a parking spot. We were parked in a row called Pluto 13. How fitting for Mulder to end up on Pluto. He dragged me running towards the small tram that will take us to some place called the Ticket and Transportation Center. The whole ride there, some jerk of a driver kept making cracks about Pluto. We got in a long line for tickets. The first line of many for the day, I was sure. Mulder looked up at the prices, pouting. "Scuh-lee," he whined, "I wanna go to all the parks. They don't let you go to all the parks in one day." "I don't think we have the time. Besides, you'd have to buy the five day park-hopping pass. My God! Look at those prices!" "We may never get back here, Scully, you know, with our schedules and all. Let's just do it! Let's see how much we can do in a day! They don't close until 11 p.m. tonight. Besides, the tickets never expire. Maybe when you and I retire we can come back." He handed over his credit card and lined the Mouse's pockets with over $400. We caught the monorail over to the main park. The Magic Kingdom. Maybe this would be fun. I hadn't gone anywhere fun in a long time. We entered the Magic Kingdom and walked down Mainstreet. Mulder spotted a store called the Emporium and told me to wait for him. He ducked inside. I stood out front watching the window display. Lady and the Tramp. How fitting. Mulder came back out and handed me a bag. I looked inside. It was a matching shirt and shorts set. Nothing tacky like I imagined he would pick out. Kind of a nautical low-key Mickey theme. And a pair of Minnie Mouse ears, complete with polka dot bow, on a plastic headband. "I'm not wearing these," I told him, holding up the ears. He grinned and pulled a Goofy-head hat form out of behind his back. It came complete with big floppy ears and buck-teeth on the brim. Heaven help me get through this day, I thought as he put it on. I went into the bathroom to change into my new outfit. When I came back out he pointed at my head and said, "Ears." "Come on, Mulder." "Scully, lighten up and put the ears on. You're in Disney, for chrisakes." "Uggh!" I said, slipping them on my head. "He smiled and said, "You're cute." Then he took my picture with a little disposable camera he had hidden behind his back. "Later, you die, little man!" We got to the spot in front of the castle, where you have to decide which way to go. "I read in my Disney guidebook that most people go to the right, so to avoid traffic, we should go to the left." "Disney guidebook? Mulder, how long have you been planning this?" He gave me the biggest smile I've ever seen. We headed towards Adventureland. We barely got into that area when he cried "Can I get one!?!" He was pointing towards a pineapple frozen treat stand. "Sure, Mulder. Whatever." He sat in the shade eating his pineapple frozen yogurt. "Having fun, Scully?" he asked. "We haven't seen anything yet, Mulder. Besides, I'm getting hungry." He handed me the rest of his frozen treat. "Thanks." We walked a little ways down. "Oh, damn!" he exclaimed, "The Swiss Family Tree House is closed. So are the Tiki Birds. The one chance I get to come here and everything is closed." "Mulder, it's a big place. I'm sure something is open. Look - the Pirates of the Caribbean." "Cool!" he said as he took off in front of me. "Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me!!" he sang at the top of his lungs. Which wasn't as bad as when he screamed going down that little waterfall. A girlie scream. Then we had to go on it again. We got off the ride and ended up in a gift shop. What a surprise! Disney has gift shops! Mulder traded in his Goofy hat for a three-cornered pirate number. It was going to be a long day. How many different hats could this place have? "Ahoy, me pretty wench! Where shall we get to next!" he said, grabbing my waist. Bluebeard and I headed back out into the open air, to look at our big map. "Let's head to Frontierland." He said, fumbling with the map. "Sounds good to me." We passed an ice cream vendor. "Scully...can I get one!" he cried out, pointing at the Mickey shaped ice cream bar. "Sure, Mulder, whatever you want," I said, beginning to notice a pattern developing. He munched on Mickey's ears and I tried to eat the rock-hard, fat-free strawberry treat he bought me. "Scully, have you noticed that bear is following us?" he asked, pointing back over his shoulder. "You think Winnie the Pooh is following us? Pooh Bear? Mulder, I know you are paranoid, but Pooh Bear?" "Really, Scully, that tubby little cubby hasn't let us out of his sight." "Mulder! Don't be ridiculous." "Well, I'm just telling you I think that bear is following us." "Whatever." I threw out my wrapper and we started walking again. I looked back over my shoulder. Pooh Bear was still there. Could Mulder be right? End of Part 1 TITLE: Of Mouse and Men 2/? ******************************************************** Disney World at the height of tourist season is just ducky. Well, at least Donald Ducky. We stood in line for two hours to ride Splash Mountain. Actually, it was really the first time I enjoyed myself all day. Not the line part, but the ride. That was until I noticed Winnie the Pooh standing there at the rail as we went down the big drop. It had to be a coincidence, right? I pushed the thought out of my mind as we continued to go on a bunch of rides. I was really starting to have fun. We laughed all the way through the Haunted House. Then we were almost thrown out of the Hall of Presidents because Mulder couldn't stop cracking jokes about how if Al Gore ever became president, we'd never know if it was one of those animatronic figures or the real thing. A nice old lady took our picture in the stockades by the Liberty Tree. I imagine Skinner would love a copy this one. Two of his agents in the stockades. One wearing Minnie ears, the other a pirate hat. I could see his face now. We ended up in yet another gift shop. I stepped outside away from the crowds, and Mulder caught up with me. He took my Minnie ears off of my head and put a Confederate soldier hat on me. Then he took off his pirate hat and put a Union soldier hat on himself. "Are you sure I won't get shot for wearing this?" I asked. "Scully, we are in the south. The real question is will I get shot for wearing this?" he said, pointing to his head. "Florida is not the south, Mulder." "Trust me, Scully. North Florida is the south." We headed into Fantasyland and Mulder squealed with delight as he ran towards the line for Dumbo. I sat outside of the line for an hour waiting while he stood in line with the other two year olds. Luckily, he handed me the camera as he ran towards the line. I think that picture of him going around and around on Dumbo with be a great addition in to my Christmas cards. We stood outside the next ride we came to, bickering. "I'm not going on it, Mulder." "Yes, you are." "No, I'm not." "YES, you are." "NO, I am not." "Come on, it will be fun." "That song will be in my head all day, Mulder. I'll go insane." "Then we will go insane together." He dragged me on to the little boat that went through the most horrible ride on earth. I wanted to go on the carousel, but he didn't want to. I made him go anyway. He stood in line behind me singing into my ear, "It's a small world after all, it's a small, small world..." "Mulder, stop!" I cried out as I elbowed him in the gut. Next we went on the Mad Hatter's Tea Party ride. Mulder got the teacup spinning so fast I passed out with dizziness. The last thing I remember seeing was Pooh Bear spinning in the cup next to us. "Scully? Scully? Are you ok?" I opened my eyes to see him standing over me as I sat on the floor of a big teacup. "I'm fine, Mulder. Did you see Winnie the Pooh spinning in the cup next to us?" "No. I was too busy watching you slump over. Your eyes rolled back into your head and everything. Want to go on again?" "No, Mulder, I don't. I'm getting hungry. Let's find something to eat." He pulled me out of the bottom of the teacup and we went on our way. "The best food is at Epcot. Shall we go there?" ""Sure. We can come back later to see Tomorrowland. It looks pretty crowded over there now anyway." "We have to come back to see ExtraTERRORestrial: Alien Encounter," he said. "Haven't we already taken that ride? Remember, the Antarctic?" "But this one is Disney. It should be scarier." We almost made it out of the park when Mulder noticed a confectioner shop on Mainstreet. They had the biggest chocolate-frosted rice crispy treats I had ever seen. "Scully, can I have one?!?" "Sure, Mulder. Whatever. But I still want lunch." We took the monorail over to Epcot, both of us feeling sorry for this young couple who's two year old son kept puking up Mick-a-roni and cheese. "Motion sickness," the mother explained. "He's puked on everything that moves in the Magic Kingdom." It was just as crowded at Epcot s it had been in the Magic Kingdom. We walked back to the World Showcase, trying to find someplace decent to eat. Mulder went up to this big electronic reservation kiosk, while I sat at a park bench watching him. He had been talking to the reservation agent on the screen for a while. It couldn't possibly take this long to find a place for lunch, could it? I noticed Winnie the Pooh getting on a boat out of the corner of my eye. I'd have to mention it to Mulder. He came back smiling. "I couldn't get us in anywhere 'nice' for lunch, but I did make dinner reservations for us in France at 8 p.m." "Ok-" I said, figuring we could grab a snack somewhere. Mulder seemed quite capable of finding snacks. "What time are we leaving tonight, Mulder?" I asked. "Well...that's my other surprise. That's what took me so long." "Mulder, what's going on?" "Scully, I booked us a room here at one of the resorts." "A room? One room? Is this another one of those 'they only had one room' schemes, because if it is-" "No, they had more than one room. It's just that at the Grand Floridian, the only place they had any thing available on this short notice in the middle of season, the rooms cost $699 a night. I thought for that kind of money, we could share a room for the next two nights." "Two nights?" "I figured it was a time for a vacation." "Mulder, I don't know-" "Come on, Scully. After all these years, you should know I'm not going to sprinkle magic pixie dust on you and jump your bones in the middle of the night." "Magic pixie dust? So, that's what it takes-" He let that sink in for a second before doing a double take. "Ok, Mulder. What about our jobs. Remember those?" "All taken care of. Let's go do lunch, Cleetus." I had completely forgotten about the hat. We sat in the American Pavilion eating our $15 cheeseburgers and sipping on our $4 Cokes. He had out the map, trying to figure out what to do next. "Mulder, I need to get more clothes if we are going to stay longer." "Ok. Here's what we will do. We can check into the resort at 4 p.m. We will go to this Downtown Disney place. It's a shopping place, I believe. We will get some clothes, come to dinner. Then maybe...Pleasure Island?" "Pleasure Island?" "It's like a big nightclub. They have New Year's Eve every night. It will be fun." "Ok-" I said, not so sure about going to a place called Pleasure Island with Mulder. "Then tomorrow we can go to MGM and the new animal park and we will have to see the fireworks over Cinderella's castle and-" "Mulder-" I interrupted. "Yes?" he asked, looking up over the map. "I'm glad you're having fun." After lunch, we visited all the countries at World Showcase. In Germany, Mulder and I came out wearing little felt tassel hats. In Morocco, he ended up with a Fez on his head, but I put my foot down. I wasn't so lucky in Mexico. He and I headed out of the park wearing big, straw sombreros. All the while, we were unknowingly trailed by Winnie the Pooh. End Part 2 TITLE: Of Mouse and Men 3/? The Grand Floridian Resort and Spa 4:17 p.m. The Grand Floridian was absolutely gorgeous. Quite a change from the Cypress Stump Motor Lodge. Did Mulder really say $699 a night? He must have been exaggerating. If he wasn't, this room had better come with a fruit basket. While Mulder stood in line to check into our 'one' room, I went into the gift shop located in the lobby. I bought myself a dress to wear that night, and then bought him a casual shirt that he could wear with jeans. I couldn't believe they actually sold real clothes, not just items covered in Mickeys. I stared at the dress I picked out for awhile, waiting for some subliminal Mickey or Minnie pattern to pop out. It didn't. Maybe at night, I would be shocked to find it covered in thousands of little glow-in-the-dark Mickey Mouses I didn't know about. I walked out of the store to catch a glimpse of an orange bear butt ducking into an office. I found Mulder standing in the lobby, telling a bell hop where to take our bags. "Mulder, have you noticed Pooh Bear is everywhere?" "And you called me paranoid!" "No, really. I keep seeing Pooh Bear. Just like you said. I'm really not paranoid." "Right. And I'm the Mad Hatter." "Actually, today, you are," I said, pointing up to his head that was now decked out in a Sorcerer's Apprentice style hat, complete with ears on the side. The room was quite nice, except for the fact that there was only a king-sized bed. But it did I have the fruit basket I was hoping for. I looked at the little card that came with it. "Congratulations and Best Wishes, Mr. And Mrs. Mulder-" I read out loud. "Mulder, is there something I should know about?" "Well, it was the only room I could get...they had a late cancellation." "And?" "It's a Honeymoon Suite." "Ah- I see-" "Hey! We have a mini bar. Cool." I looked down a the little refrigerator he was looking in. "$8 for a bag of M&Ms! Are they crazy!" I said. "No, they're Disney," he answered. We went to Downtown Disney and I had fun shopping for summer clothes in the middle of winter. Since I didn't need much, I also spent some time picking out some souvenirs. And I bought a Mickey Mouse Waffle Iron. I'm not sure why. We went back to our room and got ready to go back to Epcot for dinner. All though buses and boats and monorails run constantly from place to place, it does take a little time to travel, so we left our room early for our first dinner as a 'married couple'. Dinner in France was great, except for the fact that no one warned me that it does get rather chilly around the lakes in the parks in February. I think it was about 45 degrees when we were done eating. Good thing Mulder had his London Fog with him and he was gracious enough to let me wear it. Then right after we finished dinner, the lights went out (and thankfully, my dress didn't glow) and we watched a laser show set to music. The crowd to get out of there was something else. There were lots of parents pushing strollers, and other children were fast asleep with their little heads nestled against mom or dad's shoulders. It made me sad. This place is meant for children. Then I thought of that puking kid from the monorail. Mulder must have read my mind about the children issue because he grabbed my hand in a supportive, Mulder kind of way. I looked up at him. Where did he get that beret he was now wearing? After Epcot, we headed towards Pleasure Island. I still wasn't sure I wanted to go, but I started to enjoy myself once I got there. Especially after this very attractive guy of all about 22 asked me to dance. I had already had a few drinks and was getting adventurous, so I just looked at Mulder. He shrugged and said, "Go for it." I think the guy said his name was Dylan. He was quite cute in a boyish way with brown hair hanging in his hazel-blue eyes. I couldn't hear a word he said, except when he told me my 'boyfriend' hadn't taken his eyes off of us. I looked over to see a pouting Mulder. What did he think I was going to do...run off with 22 year-old Dermot or whatever his name was and leave him stranded in Disney World? I went back to Mulder. "Do you want to dance?" "No." "Party pooper." "You looked like you were having fun. What did he want...a baby sitter?" "Real funny, Mulder. Just because you find it impossible that someone as good looking as Dawson over there could find me attractive, doesn't mean it isn't so." "Just be careful his mother doesn't catch you-" "Ha ha. I have to go to the restroom, Mulder. Don't beat up Dustin while I'm gone." The strangest thing happened in the bathroom. I'm sure it really happened, and that the couple of drinks I had weren't starting to get to my head. I saw Winnie the Pooh feet under one of the stalls. After we celebrated New Year's Eve, Mulder decided he was tired and wanted to head back to the resort. "Unless you want to go back to Fantasyland with Derek or whatever you said his name was." "Mulder, I danced with him once. Get over it. Besides, it's not like I'm married to you or anything." "The card says you are" "Card?" "In the fruit basket." "Well, hell, that makes it official." He fell asleep on my shoulder on the bus back to our resort. Good thing it was his jacket he was drooling all over. Back in our room, I changed into my big nightshirt and shorts. I snuggled up on my side of the bed, desperate for some rest. I heard some rumbling around and noticed Mulder was wearing boxers with little Mickey Mouses all over them. And a gray Mickey T-shirt. He was digging through the mini bar. He emptied half the snacks out, as well as a few of the tiny bottles of booze and a can of Coke and dumped it next to me on the bed. He then flopped down himself. He picked up the TV remote and flicked through the channels. It was amazing how half the channels were either continuous loops of Disney information, or the Disney Channel itself. "I don't think you are going to find the Playboy Channel here, Mulder." He finally stopped on a channel. "Yes, but this Little Mermaid, what's her name? Ariel? She's a hot number. Red hair, nice figure, petite...well, at least until she gets legs." I kept my eyes closed and smiled. My head was still spinning from the drinks I had and from the thoughts of Winnie the Pooh stalking me. I had fun dancing. I just wish Mulder would have loosened up a little and danced with me. He was crunching away on something next to me. "You know, Scully, I'm surprised they haven't figured out how to put mouse ears on everything they sell." He opened a little bottle of rum and poured it into an open can of Coke, then took a big slug of it. "Want some?" he asked. I half sat up and took a small sip. I didn't think getting drunk in the Honeymoon Suite with Mulder was such a good idea. But then again, I was already drunk. I took a bigger sip. "They could put mouse ears on all these bottles. And these M&Ms. They could make little mouse head M&Ms...you know...kind of like three of them stuck together." "Mmmmm-" I said in agreement, starting to drift off, picturing various mouse-eared objects. Some would hurt, especially if they concerned hygiene. "I wonder if Disney sells condoms?" he asked. I didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't say a word. I knew this one room thing wasn't going to work. "You know," he continued, "because mouse-eared condoms...now that would be a sight-" He started laughing then took another drink of rum and Coke. "Yes, Mulder...that would be a sight-" Then I drifted off to sleep. I was stuck in a fuzzy morning dream. I was dancing with some good-looking younger guy. He kept pulling me closer and whispering in my ear. And the last thing I remember was talking about was condoms. I sat up with a start, trying to figure out where I was. "Good morning, my Mouseketeer, did you sleep well?" I looked to where the voice was coming from. Thank God it was only Mulder, not the dancing guy from my dream. "Yes, I did," I said while I stretched my arms. He stood up from the table he was sitting at and handed me a cup of coffee. "Don't tell me the mini bar makes coffee, too?" "No, the coffee maker makes coffee." "What time is it?" "10 a.m." "Why didn't you wake me up! I thought you wanted to get an early start today." "What, and have all the other honeymooners make fun of us for being the first ones out of our room in the morning! Never! I have a reputation to keep, you know." "Sure, Mulder. Let me get dressed and we will get going." Our first stop of the new day was the Magic Kingdom again so Mulder could stop whining about ExtraTERRORestrial: Alien Encounter. We were standing in line when the funniest thing happened. This vaguely familiar figure stepped out of one of the rooms marked Cast Members Only. He lit a cigarette and stood watching the crowd out front. He took about five drags on his cigarette, put it out on the ground, and stepped back into the room. I looked over at Mulder. His eyes met mine, and they were filled with utter surprise. What have we stumbled into this time? End Part 3 TITLE: Of Mouse and Men 4/4 The Magic Kingdom 11:30 a.m. Our first stop of the new day was the Magic Kingdom again so Mulder could stop whining about not getting to ride ExtraTERRORestrial: Alien Encounter. We were standing in line when the funniest thing happened. This vaguely familiar figure stepped out of one of the rooms marked Cast Members Only. He lit a cigarette and stood watching the crowd out front. He took about five drags on his cigarette, put it out on the ground, and stepped back into the room. I looked over at Mulder. His eyes met mine, and they were filled with utter surprise. What have we stumbled into this time? "Scully, tell me I didn't just see what I think I just saw." "Ok. You didn't just see that tall lanky man we know so well come out here, smoke a cigarette and then re- enter a Cast Members Only door." "I didn't think so." "Should we..." "Check it out?" he finished for me. "Yes. I mean, maybe he's just here on vacation and it's not what we think." "His type doesn't take vacations." "Oh, come on...everybody takes vacations." "We don't," he stated. "Well, I've tried in the past, but weird things always happen," I said. "Like this?" "Well, no, not this weird. But that's because I've never vacationed with you before." Mulder and I weaved our way back out of the line and went to the door in question. He knocked on it several times before some kid in a futuristic looking costume opened it. "Can I help you, sir?" he asked. "Did a tall man wearing a gray suit reeking of cigarettes just come in there?" Mulder asked, trying to get a good look over the kid's shoulder. "No, sir. Not that I've seen." "Are you sure?" "Mostly maintenance uses this door, sir. Not too many people in suits come in here." "Thanks," Mulder told the kid as the door clicked shut between them. "Now what, Scully?" "I don't know? MGM?" We took the bus over to MGM silently. How could something evil be going on here at the Happiest Place on Earth? Mulder looked lost in thought. "Scully, I have to get back in that building. We have to get in that building. I thing we are close to something here." "Mulder, forget it. We are imagining things. Seeing things that aren't there." "Well, that's new for you, being the one to admit to seeing things that aren't there." "Let's try to have a nice day, ok? You were right. We need a vacation. We haven't had any downtime in so long. We will just agree that you and I saw a man who looked like the most evil, nefarious man on earth, ok? Everything else here is a fantasy. Why not that one, too?" "Ok." I knew by his tone that the issue hadn't been put to rest. MGM was ok, if you like Hollywood stuff. Mulder was starting to lighten up a lot. We had lunch at the Sci-Fi Caf. How appropriate for Mulder to pick the Sci-Fi caf. We sat next to each other at our little car shaped table eating more $15 cheeseburgers and sipping on chocolate milk shakes. In the front of the restaurant was a large screen that showed old trailers to campy horror flicks. The one showing now was about some big, green gooey thing that emerged out of a swamp. "Mulder, isn't that the suspect in that one case we never closed..." "I think you're right. At least he's out there making a living for himself." Then I turned around and nearly screamed. Sitting five cars back was Winnie the Pooh. Cancer Man. Winnie the Stalking Pooh. What next? By the time I got Mulder to stop watching the crap up on the screen, Pooh was gone. We spent the rest of the day going from park to park, trying to have a good time. I mean, we really tried. It is hard for the two of us to have fun. I enjoy being with him when he's not dragging me into some God-forsaken sewage pipe or something. He's my best friend. Even if he has that ridiculous Donald Duck hat on. It started to rain in the early afternoon. Mulder ran off to fetch us some yellow rain ponchos with Mickey on them. "Here, Scully. This is probably another part of a big Disney cover-up. They probably seed the clouds to make it rain so you have to buy their $20 rail ponchos." We ended up back at the hotel at about 7 p.m. I needed to rest and think. Mulder needed to clean out the mini bar again. He piled up the snacks between us on the bed. No booze this time, I noticed. He handed me a Diet Coke and opened a Coke for himself. Once again he turned on the TV, but this time he left it on the looping information station. "It just can't be," he said sadly, shaking his head. "What can't be?" "Disney World. It's the perfect cover for a government gone bad. Everybody is happy. They treat you like a king. No one would guess it. All the while they are probably abducting tourists and keeping them underground. Then they do their nasty little experiments. Pack them in cryopods. And more and more people keep coming everyday. Not only are they taking every dime you have, they are taking your body as well. All the while, no one suspects what is really going on. And now they have that Animal Kingdom. Probably one big experiment in cloning. And talk about mind control. It's a friggin' small world? They just want us to believe it's a small world. But we know the truth. It is awful, Scully." "Hakuna Matata," was all I could say. We finished up just about every snack in the mini bar. Finally Mulder started bringing out the little bottles of mixers to put in our Cokes. He and I got wonderfully drunk sitting cross-legged on our king-sized bed while discussing the whole 'Mouse' Conspiracy. "Scully, you wanna do summthin fun?" he slurred at me. "Well, that depends, Muddler. Opps. Mulder. What do you consider fun?" I asked back, giggling a little. "I dunna know. Should we..." he stopped, and looked pensive. "What? Should we what?" I asked again as he drew closer to me. His face was about an inch from mine. "Should we find some fireworks?" My mind couldn't figure out if he meant find them here or somewhere out there. I was guessing he meant out there. "Where, Special Agent Flox William Muddler, are we gonna find fireworks?' "This is Disney. Hell, if they have gover-mint cover-ups they gotta have some fireworks, right?" "Ok! Let's go!" I said jumping off the bed. We somehow managed to find the monorail that took us over to the Magic Kingdom. Once we got there, I noticed that Mulder was heading towards Tomorrowland. All the tourists in the park started to head towards the center of park to watch the fireworks, but we kept heading outwards. "Scully, stay here. I've got to go to the bathroom." "You aren't trying to ditch me, are you?." "No, really. I just drank three Cokes and a couple of mixers. I've got to go to the bathroom." "I'm going with you. I don't trust you." "I thought I was the only one you could trust?" "Not this time, G-Man." I stood outside the men's room. Then the strangest thing happened. Ok, maybe not the strangest thing since we got here, but it was pretty strange. Mickey Mouse breezed by me and into the men's room. Well, if Pooh Bear could be in the woman's room at Pleasure Island, why couldn't Mickey be in the Men's room in Tomorrowland., right? I heard Mickey talking in his squeaky high pitched voice. "I suggest you back off, Agent Mulder. You don't need to get involved. I don't want to see you getting hurt You aren't going to find your truths here." I heard a scuffle and I ran into the men's room. Mulder had Mickey pinned up against the wall, with Mickey desperately trying to escape. Mulder ripped Mickey's head off. Ok, well, just his mask. "Krycek! You rat!" "Mouse." "Rat." "I'm a mouse." The two men started swinging at each other. Mulder had the advantage, because his feet weren't in big floppy yellow shoes. He pinned Krycek to the floor. "Tell me what's going on?" "And what are you going to do for me in return. I don't play for free, you know." "If you aren't going to tell me what's going on here, I'm going to tie your rat ass on to It's a Small World and make you suffer through that hell for hours." "Mulder, that's brutality," I said from the doorway. "Ok! Ok! I'll tell you! Don't do that to me! Oh, please, don't!" "I love to hear you beg, Alex." I wonder when else Mulder ever heard Krycek beg? I'd have to ask later. "They are looking for a new place to set up fort. You know, that thing in the Antarctic really made a mess of their plans. Disney seemed like a good cover. No one would ever suspect it. And look at all the fresh people coming in here everyday. Not to mention the money..." "So, it's not done yet?" "It was going so smoothly until you showed up. You and your strange hats," Krycek said, pointing up at Mulder's Figment hat. "So, that is why Pooh Bear has been following me?" I asked. "Pooh Bear? Winnie the Pooh? I don't know anything about that. Must be in your imagination. Now will you let me go, before I have to call my friends in here." I wasn't sure whether he meant Cancer Man, whoever else he worked for or Pluto, Donald, Minnie and Goofy. Mulder let him up and we watched as the rat put on his mouse head and disappear in the crowd. Mulder and I stood watching the fireworks over Cinderella's Castle. "When you Wish Upon a Star" was piped through the whole park and he looked like a little boy as the sparkles reflected in his eyes. "Scully, I think we just saved a little bit of the world once again." "I know, Mulder. So, where are we going on vacation next time." "Oh, I don't know...Dollywood?" He put his arm around me. I looked over past him. Standing not 10 yards away from us was Winnie the Pooh. The End AUTHOR'S NOTES: I was going to make this big and complicated and have the syndicate already established at Disney all over the world. Then Mulder and Scully would stumble in to it, and at the end they would be lying on the pavement as Cinderella's castle took off towards outspace. But my budget got cut, so I had to settle for Krycek in a Mickey suit.